Sometimes my friend is too honest

[Deleted]

Mar 17, 2015 16:53:33 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

Seriously, WTF. What did she think was going to be the end result of this interaction? "Oh, WOW, you're right about all these things! I'll get right on it!"

I think that was the end goal actually.

She belongs to Equinox, of course.  LOL.

[demofea01]

Mar 17, 2015 16:43:31 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Mar 17, 2015 16:39:30 GMT -5 dianecourt said:

Ouch! Does said friend know how great you've been doing with the recent WL? If so, this just seems mean.

Mar 17, 2015 16:40:11 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

That seems incredibly rude. Is she usually rude?

This isn't the same as telling you that your skirt is tucked into the back of your tights. I don't want my friends to point out their perceived flaws in the way I look. DO THEY THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT MY TEETH COULD USE SOME WHITENING?!

She does know about the recent weight loss.  She thought it was a "great start."

She is sort of rude.  Well, blunt.  Like I am.  We are very alike, although my other co-workers swear that my bluntness is delicately laced with humor and a tad more sensitivity.  LOL.

She really does mean well.  She is the one who got promoted here, and, without her, I probably wouldn't have gotten this job.  (I got her old job.)  She wants me to rise up like she has.

So she thinks that you need to lose weight, wear makeup, and dress in just the right manner in order to rise in the company? Major side eye.

[meowmaps]

I flinched just reading that.

Even with the best of intentions, it could have been expressed more tactfully.

[jreeds]

Wow, rude much?

[EmilieMadison]

Oh. NO. 

[thedutchgirl]

I'm not sure there's ever a good way to do this. Which is why I think one shouldn't. If a person gains weight, she knows it! Who gains weight and then says "oh, thanks, I hadn't noticed!" when confronted about it.

Just don't. Don't say anything.

[dianecourt]

Mar 17, 2015 16:53:36 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Mar 17, 2015 16:52:31 GMT -5 8675309 said:

To add to what I already said, I am also side eyeing the shit out of her that in order for you to rank up, it requires a change in appearance and weight loss. F'THAT!

It's not a requirement.  Of course, it's not a requirement.

But appearance does matter.

We are kidding ourselves if we deny that.

Of course appearance matters, but there's never been a hint that you appear slovenly at work. 

Still not cool, friend.

[venice2007]

Wtf! :--(

[cville]

I can think of five different ways to relay the same message without pointed callousness just sitting here gazing out the window. Leaving aside the alleged necessity of getting thin, made up, re-dressed, and glamourized to advance there, there were other ways to say it.

I vote RUDE.

[Deleted]

Mar 17, 2015 16:54:21 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

this is really, really unkind. That's not honesty, that's insult. 

So, according to her, you're fat, you dress badly, your skin is crappy, and you don't wear enough/the right makeup.  I see. And she feels like she can tell you this to 'help' you, so you can 'do better' at your new company.  Because as a lawyer, you must be thin and wear makeup or you'll be marked down on your performance reviews. I see. I thought winning cases was sufficient. 

I would tell her she needs a personality makeover so she can do better at life. What a fucking cunt.  

Oh, SueSue!  (heart)

The reality is being great at your job really isn't enough to become director or VP or whatever else high up in the company.

That's her point.  She knows I kick ass already.  She just wants to make sure I don't get overlooked or written off for not looking the part.

[TrudyCampbell]

Wow. That would really upset me. She was totally out of line.

[wannabe]

Yikes.

I personally think you are fabulous exactly as you are. I wish I could be comfortable with my natural face and not have to wear makeup!

[Deleted]

Mar 17, 2015 16:55:19 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

But for real. Does she think you're unaware that you've gained weight? Is anyone unaware when they've gained weight? Why do people think this is a helpful thing to point out? And you're already doing something about it.

In her defense (LOL that I keep defending her), it was in the context of a complete improved package, if that makes any sense.

She was pleased to hear that I'm seeing a dermatologist on Friday.

[elleblue]

Did you ask for some tips for rising through the ranks or did she just offer them?

[vampsterdam]

Mar 17, 2015 16:55:19 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

But for real. Does she think you're unaware that you've gained weight? Is anyone unaware when they've gained weight? Why do people think this is a helpful thing to point out? And you're already doing something about it.

Well...in college my first semester, I lived in sweat pants and didn't own a mirror...so yeah  lol



It's good to have friends who will tell you the truth, but man, I don't think this was a good way for her to handle it.

[Deleted]

You guys are wonderful.  Thanks.  (heart)

[dianecourt]

I feel like I need gifs of Working Girl and Baby Boom make-overs to overcome my annoyance on your behalf.

[HiC]

Not a friend!!

[sewpinkgal]

Even if she has the best of intentions, her delivery sucked. Big time.

I'm sorry she was so rude and hurtful.

[Deleted]

Mar 17, 2015 16:59:23 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Mar 17, 2015 16:57:42 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Oh, SueSue!  (heart)

The reality is being great at your job really isn't enough to become director or VP or whatever else high up in the company.

That's her point.  She knows I kick ass already.  She just wants to make sure I don't get overlooked or written off for not looking the part.

are you being overlooked? 
Seriously? 

Well, I just started.  So not yet.  LOL.

She truly means well but can be so hurtful sometimes.  Our other friends agree.

She just wants the best for me.  It's hard to understand just from this anecdote.

We are neighbors, and, when I was on maternity leave, she would whip up homemade meals for me a few times a month and bring them to my doorstep.  She really does care.

She just has an odd way of showing it sometimes!

[aliciaflorrick]

Any possibility that she views you as competition and is trying to knock you down a bit?

[knx9211]

I hate her.

[Deleted]

It's times like this when I'm reminded that I need to make sure I'm kind to my friends, too, because I know I can also be very harsh.

[starlily]

The fuck?!?

I can't even formulate a more detailed response to this. There is a difference between being honest and mean.

[Deleted]

Mar 17, 2015 17:02:58 GMT -5 aliciaflorrick said:

Any possibility that she views you as competition and is trying to knock you down a bit?

No way.  She already outranks me.  I'm no competition at all.

I think she views herself as a mentor now.

[Deleted]

Mar 17, 2015 17:03:21 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

Your friend is like my boss. As you know, he’d give me bonuses that he “encouraged” I use on my wardrobe, hair and makeup. It was embarrassing, insulting, even though I knew it came from a good place. And I hate that he’s right - that there are a lot of great lawyers out there and you just have to do what you can to set yourself apart and stand out and make people want you to succeed.

You hit the nail on the head.

But serous WTF to your boss -- you are so fit and attractive.

I don't even know how you could get any better.

[Deleted]

Was her advice unsolicited?

[demofea01]

Well. I hope you at least told her that her delivery of that "advice" was complete bullshit.

[Deleted]

Mar 17, 2015 17:03:58 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

I don't know what kind of company you work for but I know a lot of 'less than perfect physically' people who are heads of very big companies, and others who do VERY well in their fields, including promotions to CEO, CFO, etc. Male and female.

Of course that is true.

But there is no denying that smart, capable, hard-working, well-spoken people who also happen to be attractive and presentable have an edge.

She wants me to have all advantages possible because "she knows I can get there."

And her point (while horribly stated) is well-taken.

She thinks I'm great.  I'm good at my job.  I'm funny.  People like me.  She thinks if I look better, I will be unstoppable.  That is what she honestly thinks.

[Deleted]

Mar 17, 2015 17:04:36 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

But I personally think you're awesome the way you are. You have that IT factor.