Everyone else said it. And while I understand defending her because she's a friend, I can't say I fully understand; there's just nothing to defend here. There's honesty, and then there's "what, I'm just a blunt person, everyone knows that about me, deal with it" which 99% of the time means "I'm going to say whatever I want and the problem is not going to be mine if it hurts your feelings". It's not right or fair or, really, how decent humans should be conducting themselves.
sofamonkey is right. It sounds like you actually believe her. That's what is sad.
From a very practical perspective, what she stated is absolutely true. Anyone who denies it is kidding herself.
It doesn't mean that unattractive people can't succeed. It's simply EASIER for attractive people to succeed.
All things being equal (intelligence, industriousness, charisma, talent, etc.), a better-looking person is more likely to win over an uglier person with those same attributes. That's just how life goes.
But don't mistake my acknowledgment of reality as a lack of confidence in my ability to ascend just as I am right now.
I'm smart enough. I'm good enough. And doggone it, people like me.
I would be SO upset. Crying in the bathroom stall upset.
You are really pretty @misoangry and you have an awesome wardrobe! I really admire how you have so quickly changed your diet after they told you that you are prediabetic. I was prediabetic at my first yearly physical after my daughter was born and I really struggled to change my eating/drinking habits. You have attacked the issue head on.
Thanks. I really appreciate this.
I don't tend to cry about things like this. As many of you may know by this point, I get...angry. LOL.
Fingers crossed I can keep up the good fight against the prediabetes.
@misoangry, I hope the derm helps. I am guessing that your recent diet changes will show up in your skin at some point, too.
Don't judge yourself too harshly. It's clear that you are charismatic, insightful, and smart. I'm sure she is right about you being unstoppable if you want to be, regardless of the number on the scale.
I have a friend like your coworker, so I vote unaware and tactless.
I've known her for years and just accept it as part of her personality. Sometimes the words sting, but I have learned to let it roll off. I hope you're not second guessing yourself because of her foolish comments.
I think miso is amazing. In terms of women I have gotten to know she ranks as being smart and funny and having great taste. If I had the chance to hire her in any area of law, from a traffic ticket to a major lawsuit I would hire her every time, even outside her specialty. Because she would light our opponent up like a fucking boss. She's just awesome.
I think that miso's friend has zero tact or compassion and spoke harshly and uninvited. However, she has some company experience and she has had some advancement. I think she sees miso as being able to make huge advances if miso fits this woman's beauty ideal. Because someone who has everything plus beauty can own the damn world. Now just because this woman thinks her own personal standard of beauty is tops that doesn't mean she is right. I think miso is pretty, has good taste and is comfortable in her skin (which is worth a million). I don't think this woman was wrong that beauty matters unfortunately. We can try to fix it as a culture but we can't deny the current status quo, and considering she has been a colleague and is further in the company I wouldn't stop her from bringing any other unsolicited opinions. It doesn't mean miso has to agree, just as in this case.
ETA: I would also tell her that her delivery sucked and lacked tact and that she should tighten up next time.
Thanks, friend. (heart)
And you get exactly what I'm saying here (and what my friend, unfortunately, said very very very poorly).
She's very beautiful. Light-skinned Latina (like porcelain) with striking blue eyes. Really great thick and lustrous hair. Tall and fit but not stick-thin. Curves in all the right places.
I have a friend like your coworker, so I vote unaware and tactless.
I've known her for years and just accept it as part of her personality. Sometimes the words sting, but I have learned to let it roll off. I hope you're not second guessing yourself because of her foolish comments.
No, not at all. I'm confident and remain so.
I suppose the primary purpose of my posting was to gauge whether I was overly sensitive or my hurt feelings were warranted.
It seems the way I felt after these words was pretty reasonable.
That's a pretty snatchy way to phrase something that could have been a friendly, "Now that you are on XX track, lets go shopping for a new power outfit," or "I'm getting a facial on Saturday, want to come too?"
I think you are handling this very gracefully, and your ability to be calm in the moment of rudeness is incredibly useful. I wouldn't have been able to hide my anger - resting bitch face would have turned int active bitch face.
Post by themoneytree on Mar 17, 2015 23:52:57 GMT -5
This seems like a really uncouth thing to say to someone.
If you were dressing unprofessionally that's one thing, but commenting on your (very normal) weight and makeup is just.... odd.
I've seen what you look like in your photos and there is absolutely nothing about your appearance that would in any way hinder your career. I would be upset and annoyed if I were you. I'm sorry she said that to you.