Post by cinnamoncox0 on Feb 22, 2016 15:17:45 GMT -5
carrotsmakemefat I'm really sorry you're going through this, and that its come to this. I know you've been struggling for awhile and this must be extremely difficult on you. I don't think it's naive to think you can work through a separation. Huge hugs.
Hugs, carrotsmakemefat. I don't think you're naive or unrealistic at all, if both of you are willing, able, and committed to changing your relationship. It sounds like you're making a lot of smart decisions right now.
I don't know of anyone who has lived together while separated. I think that would kind of defeat the purpose. It's hard to heal when you have to deal with the source of your pain daily. For me, it would be extremely difficult to live separately, but together, when your goal is to appreciate each other and improve your relationship. I think it would be too easy to take things too quickly.
I wish you all the best. I hope this time and therapy brings you both healing and happiness.
Post by lizard1131 on Feb 22, 2016 15:29:29 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear this. I def think it is possible. It sounds like he has some serious issues to unpack and I feel for him. I feel for you too because you have been caught in the crosshairs. It's so tough to work on all these issues. I am rambling now, but my heart goes out to both of you.
I'm so sorry, carrots. I absolutely think you can work it out if both parties are committed. I hope he puts in the effort and the two of you can get back to a good place.
Post by hopecounts on Feb 22, 2016 15:56:30 GMT -5
((Carrots)) You are not naive to think some space and time may help. He is going through a tough time and so are you a little space for you each to do what you need to while working on things may be just what is needed to help your relationship.
(((hugs))) I think reconciliation is possible after separating. And the space can help bring clarity to the situation. I do think physical separation is important, and I understand the HCOL concern with a short term lease, but when I lived in your area, I got a 6 month lease for maybe $100 more than the year-long rate. I can PM you the complex - maybe they are still reasonable with the pricing.
Also, when I moved from your area, I still had like 7 months on my lease (move wasn't panned when lease was signed). We were able to get out because we had a pretty desirable studio unit in a nice building...so should things come to it, a year lease doesn't always mean it has to be a year long.
I'm really sorry, carrots. I think time apart will be good to sort out what you both really want. I hope you get to a place where you're happy, whatever that looks like for you.
Post by miniroller on Feb 22, 2016 17:42:03 GMT -5
Aw carrots, absolutely agree in offering my telepathic hugs/ friendly punches on the arm that I promise you're tougher than you think. You'll get through this. I definitely think time apart can be beneficial, especially if you can use that time to evaluate your happiness/ life satisfaction away from one another vs. with one another. It sucks when those resulting viewpoints aren't the same, but no need to cross that threshold yet.
Just do all you can to evaluate Yourself/ figure out what You want, try to mentally combat any "wondering what he's doing" mopey time. Use this time for YOU, & figuring out what makes you happy. Wishing you all the best; you know we're here if you need a pep talk. And again, the reason I gave it to you straight is because I know you're strong enough to hear, handle, and apply this. Despite your thoughtful nature, now is the time to be self-absorbed!