Post by mrs.jacinthe on May 19, 2016 7:43:18 GMT -5
As a fellow IFer, and one who has come to terms with being childless (and rather well, I think), I need to chime in that regardless of your choice, you have to do what is right for you and your family. No one would blame you if you chose to terminate, and no one would judge you if you kept this pregnancy with reservations. And you know what? Screw people that do judge or blame you. Things happen. Sometimes not like we want them to, and we have to make the best of it.
Also, you know what, regardless of your choice, your story here has given me a glimmer of hope that miracles do happen, and even if you decide not to go further, I want you to know that something good has come of this. Many many hugs to you as you think things through.
Just more hugs. I don't have anything to say that you likely haven't thought of already. Just know we're here and we love you and will support any decision you make. If you're both leaning toward termination, but just need extra support, do you have a good IRL friend or family member you could count on to be that support you need?
If you were close, I would help you with these things in a heartbeat. Do you have someone IRL that you could turn to to help with this?
And I think it would be really helpful to talk to a counselor or therapist ASAP. Either alone or together or both. Do you have access to an EAP? Call today if so.
Post by sandyapples on May 19, 2016 12:07:33 GMT -5
((Hugs)) and good luck whatever you decide. Ditto pps who suggested talking to a counsellor if you can. I think talking to a third party who isn't emotionally invested would really help since you and your H are having such a hard time with the decision.
Before I start, I want to acknowledge how ridiculous and borderline offensive I would have found this crap up until it actually happened. I'm really struggling with that too - I feel embarrassed and guilty and like an asshole for not being overjoyed. I do think a lot of my feelings toward this are born from my long struggles with infertility - I got so used to the idea of our story being what it was that this is really throwing me more than I imagined.
But I don't want to do this. I'm so scared. From the time L was born, I've been so content and happy with our family. We never completely ruled out the idea of trying for a second (with eggs from L's donor), but it was a hypothetical, years-away idea and I was becoming really comfortable/pleased with the idea of being one and done. Every time I try to think of the fun aspects of this, I fail. All I can think about is how terrible it's going to be. A part of this might be that I wasn't in the greatest mental space anyway (as I mentioned).
I don't even know if it's worth getting into specifics, because they're all stupid and selfish and things everyone wrestles with to some extent (marriage, finances, relationship with firstborn, body, freedom) and they're no big deal when your family feels incomplete. But our family felt complete to me. I still don't know why they all seem insurmountable.
The ONLY way I can start feeling okay about this is when I think a long time in the future - like a decade. The future I picture then is nice. But fuck, that's a long time.
I don't know what I'm looking for here. Just a sounding board.
Post by moonbunnie on May 19, 2016 16:47:02 GMT -5
I am a long time lurker. I was pregnant with my IVF baby when you had just gotten pregnant with your baby, I remember commenting about beta numbers, and being so excited for you. I got pregnant without any treatment when my ivf baby was 3 months old, unintentionally. A little different situation then yours, and we had wanted a second child, but not that soon. It's ok to feel however you feel, and do whatever is right for your family.
Post by rupertpenny on May 19, 2016 21:15:34 GMT -5
RexManningDay you are right, you can do this! Congrats, you are having a baby!
I would still encourage you to seek therapy. I had a lot of similar feelings when I got pregnant unexpectedly and my mental health was a nightmare during pregnancy. I don't know what I would have done without my therapist.
"You. You and your crazy life. You and your geographic anomaly. You and your drunken lesbianic ways and terrible navigational skills." - ProfArt and her holy baby
You got this, boo. And we got you. And yeno what? L will at least be old enough to entertain the lil nugget.
I imagine having made the decision is a relief, and you have ssssoooo much time to come to grips with the specifics. Still don't forget to take care of yourself, and consider outside/professional help, too. As my mother's famius sweatshirt reads, "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."