I have naturally platinum blonde hair. It's super light now, but nearly white when I was little. My parents were the same way.
DD has light brown hair and I think I'll try to do something to it this summer. I don't even care if it lasts until school. But I'm way relaxed when it comes to personal expression. My kids were a part of DH's half sleeve (helping pick stuff out and excited each time he came home with more added) so a little hair color is tame in comparison.
How is liking their fathers tattoo the same as dying their hair? My husband has full sleeves too. Including the kids names. They think think that the tattoos are cool, but unless you're talking about tattooing your kids I dont see how these things compare.
*I dont know why I keep coming back here. I dont even care that much (and I care about other people's tweens hair not at all)! Lol. But I feel the need to point out your flawed comparisons!!1!
ETA: Also not controlling about their hair as far as haircuts. In fact, my three yr old wants to cut her hair "like a boy" my H doesn't want to because she has such pretty hair, but it makes sense because she worships her big brother. I just need ro make sure she understands that even if she cuts it short she still won't look like her brother (his hair is straight and blonde, hers is brown and wavy and crazy)
I'm saying we encourage self expression through our appearances. We had the kids involved in the process and tell them why we have each tattoo we have. It is us, as adults, expressing ourselves. Clearly my 5 year old can't get a tattoo, so if she wants to express herself by way of coloring her hair, I'll let her. You compared it to a push up bra, so your comparison fails too! That's sexualizing a child. I don't believe pink hair does anything of the sort.
How is liking their fathers tattoo the same as dying their hair? My husband has full sleeves too. Including the kids names. They think think that the tattoos are cool, but unless you're talking about tattooing your kids I dont see how these things compare.
*I dont know why I keep coming back here. I dont even care that much (and I care about other people's tweens hair not at all)! Lol. But I feel the need to point out your flawed comparisons!!1!
ETA: Also not controlling about their hair as far as haircuts. In fact, my three yr old wants to cut her hair "like a boy" my H doesn't want to because she has such pretty hair, but it makes sense because she worships her big brother. I just need ro make sure she understands that even if she cuts it short she still won't look like her brother (his hair is straight and blonde, hers is brown and wavy and crazy)
I'm saying we encourage self expression through our appearances. We had the kids involved in the process and tell them why we have each tattoo we have. It is us, as adults, expressing ourselves. Clearly my 5 year old can't get a tattoo, so if she wants to express herself by way of coloring her hair, I'll let her. You compared it to a push up bra, so your comparison fails too! That's sexualizing a child. I don't believe pink hair does anything of the sort.
Well, I think I said padded bikini top. But my point was not to compare hair dye to bikinis, but rather.i was speaking to the argument that many people made that they would be ok with it since its "not permanent". I was simply pointing out that I wasn't saying no because of permanence, but because it isn't age appropriate to me, just like those other (intentionally extreme)examples.
I also don't understand not getting your kid a trim-their hair must be so ratty and dead. My sil has only had niece's hair trimmed once (she's 5.5) but complains that her hair is such a pain to deal with. It makes no sense to me. Niece has gorgeous curls but the ends are so ragged and tangled. I know-not my kid, not my problem. Lol
Post by mrsukyankee on May 19, 2016 8:56:35 GMT -5
I will say that my parents allowing me self-expression through my hair and clothing (as much as I could get away with while going to private school) was the best thing they could have ever done. I didn't feel a need to rebel in other ways and I felt like my individuality was listened to as a youngster - and so when they said 'no' to certain things, it was much more okay. As a therapist and parenting coach, it's not one of the lines I'd encourage parents to draw, full stop. I can understand wanting kids to wait on things and that's fine, but saying NEVER may not be in your best interest (nor your child's). Individuation is a healthy process.
My daughter is never ever allowed to color her hair.
I'm a natural redhead myself. I was born with bright red hair but it's naturally faded over time to strawberry blonde.
While I'll probably never dye my full head, I get a lot of compliments on my colorful steaks. It's always grown back in perfectly fine. I know everyone's jealous of the redheads, but we get bored with our hair too.
I will say that my parents allowing me self-expression through my hair and clothing (as much as I could get away with while going to private school) was the best thing they could have ever done. I didn't feel a need to rebel in other ways and I felt like my individuality was listened to as a youngster - and so when they said 'no' to certain things, it was much more okay. As a therapist and parenting coach, it's not one of the lines I'd encourage parents to draw, full stop. I can understand wanting kids to wait on things and that's fine, but saying NEVER may not be in your best interest (nor your child's). Individuation is a healthy process.
I don't if this was for me specifically since.i wasn't the only no, but I definitely didn't say never. Or that I am controlling about their hair/clothes/shoes. I just wont let me tween dye their hair. I would be fine with my teenager experimenting with hair color and cuts. Hell, I chopped my hair and dyed it bright red. Looked like Ronald mcdonald. It was not a good look.
One of my best friends growing up had hair like this. Her parents were so weird and protective over it. I don't think they let her do anything but get trims until she was out of the house.
I'm 31 and my mother STILL freaks out any time I cut my hair short or color it anything but a light blonde ("because you're lucky enough to be able to pull off being blonde").
I DON'T EVEN HAVE GOOD HAIR, WHY DOES THIS MATTER TO YOU?!?!??
My mother was brutal about hair. My poor sister would get perms and my mom would say she looked like a lion. My sister loved her hair curly and my mom ranked on it. I cut my hair short and her first reaction was "were you trying to look like a man? oh well it will grow"
I tend to be more lax about hair with my daughter bc my mom was such a bitch about it.
Was that not here? I read it in the new topics fairly recently. I think it was for a 9 or 10 yr olds party or something
There is a girl at my daughters school who had her bday party right around the time I had my daughters. She and several friends were picked up at school in a limo and brought wherever. I think that is ridiculous.
My mother was brutal about hair. My poor sister would get perms and my mom would say she looked like a lion. My sister loved her hair curly and my mom ranked on it. I cut my hair short and her first reaction was "were you trying to look like a man? oh well it will grow" I tend to be more lax about hair with my daughter bc my mom was such a bitch about it.
I will say, she's never been "mean" about any of my hair choices. But every time I've gone another color, she always laments "But why would you do THAT when you look good as a BLONDE?!?!?"
Same thing with whenever I get it cut shorter (the shortest I've ever gone is a chin-length bob, so nothing crazy): "why would you do THAT when you look nice with long hair?"
Hair grows back and I get bored easily, THAT'S why, Mom.
I'd also like to point out that I seriously have, like, 3 strands of hair on my head. No matter how long or blonde my hair is, I still look like I have baby fine hair that you can't do much with. I really don't get why she cares THIS much about it.
I can't remember when I let my daughter start dying her hair but around 12 or 13 I think. She recently experienced what bleaching her hair herself does. It was a mess and I don't know how many times we warned her. I probably would have said no at 9 but I'm not sure. I'm taking her to get her nose pierced for her 15th bday so I'm pretty chill about things.
I also don't understand not getting your kid a trim-their hair must be so ratty and dead. My sil has only had niece's hair trimmed once (she's 5.5) but complains that her hair is such a pain to deal with. It makes no sense to me. Niece has gorgeous curls but the ends are so ragged and tangled. I know-not my kid, not my problem. Lol
We never had my daughter's hair trimmed because the ends were healthy. They actually still were when we got it trimmed the first time at 5.5, but she wanted to get a trim since she'd never had one. My stylist did it, and she had told me previously it was basically up to us when we decided to do it unless it was unhealthy in which case, she'd recommend trimming it. I'd never trimmed it when she was little because as it grew it grew into a long layered style that looked like a hairstyle.
I also never thought I'd wait so long because I have an overreaction to long hair that hasn't been cut. It grosses me out when it grows into that weird thin V. Like I feel my gag reflex activating when I think of that. I have a weird, visceral reaction to it. But her hair never got to that point, lol.
Post by amandakisser on May 19, 2016 9:50:29 GMT -5
My mom was on the extreme end of controlling when it came to my looks. She wouldn't let me paint my nails because it made me look "loose" (WTF??? And she painted her nails EVERY WEEK), I had LONG, thick, unruly hair but I wasn't allowed to cut it more than a trim, so dying it would NEVER be an option. And if she DID approve of a look I chose, I couldn't even go to a salon to do it - she did it (she actually gave me bangs more than once *shudder* She also picked out my clothes for me until I was about 13.
Cue me going behind her back to chop off ALL my hair, using sun-in and then getting my friends to dye it magenta. And to this day, I paint my nails weekly and treat myself to manicures whenever time allows.
I painted my then-18-month-old's toenails for my SIL's wedding, and I paint her fingers now whenever she asks (she's 2.5). If she ever asks for hair color, I will let her, and I let her wear whatever she wants (as long as it's weather-appropriate). Freedom of expression through looks is one of the only ways a child can control their lives, so why not let them do it now?
eclaires, we just let our son (7) cut his hair into a faux-hawk. It looks perfectly normal day-to-day, but with some help from hair gel he's got a "mohawk". We also walked out with a bottle of green gel so that he can color his hawk, too. He loves it.
Post by copperboom on May 19, 2016 10:18:48 GMT -5
Sure. I think it would be a good opportunity to set the example for my daughter that her body belongs to her, and she's the one who gets to make decisions about it. She's 7, so obviously I still have to call a lot of the shots, but this seems like such a simple and harmless way to give her some control.
Sure. I think it would be a good opportunity to set the example for my daughter that her body belongs to her, and she's the one who gets to make decisions about it. She's 7, so obviously I still have to call a lot of the shots, but this seems like such a simple and harmless way to give her some control.
I want to change my answer to this. I like this perspective a lot.
Sure. I think it would be a good opportunity to set the example for my daughter that her body belongs to her, and she's the one who gets to make decisions about it. She's 7, so obviously I still have to call a lot of the shots, but this seems like such a simple and harmless way to give her some control.
I took DD in to get her hair trimmed Saturday and the hair dresser kept asking me how short and square or rounded, did I want it blow dried, did I want it curled or straightened, did I want product in it. I kept deferring to DD and her face lit up every time. It was simple stuff, but her hair, her body, her decisions.