Inpatient mental health experience? Updated.

[tellmesomethingood]

Update: I told DH. His reaction was basically he wants me healthy and he's not good with this stuff, but whatever I need to do needs to happen. Thank you all. I'm still scared, but I'll be making some calls tomorrow. 

I think I need it. I spent an hour last night researching suicide methods. Found one that looked good. Bookmarked it. I changed the bookmark title to something that DH wouldn't even give a second glance to. I ended up calling the suicide hotline and talked to them for another hour. Turns out that if you Google "painless suicide methods", Google will pop up that number for you to call.

I've been working with my doctor for about a year with my depression and OCD. We've been working at it hard for six months and I feel like I'm just getting worse and worse. I just don't care anymore. I can rationalize any reason for not committing suicide. It just makes sense at this point. I just feel like I can't keep feeling this way. I'm worn out. Just 100% worn out. I'm tired. I'm so tired. I don't have much fight left in me. I must have some if I called the hotline.

The guy I spoke to really thought inpatient treatment would be a good idea. I'm terrified. I get choked up at not being with DD and DH and my dogs and my home. For some reason, it doesn't bother me when I think about not being with them if I die, because...I'll be dead, I guess. I'm also scared DH will have divorce papers waiting for me when I get out and that he'll get full custody of DD and I'll never see her again. I don't know why I think that, because DH is not a vengeful person. But I'm scared. I'm terrified.

I'm trying to get myself to a point where inpatient treatment doesn't sound so scary. I'm trying to make myself believe it would be a good thing. I don't DH knows how bad I am in my head. I'm really good at hiding it. He knows I'm depressed, but he's so terrible with this stuff and he tends to just kind of ignore it. I don't really have a support system, other than my best friend.

Inpatient treatment is good, right? It won't mean that DD will be taken from me, right? I'm so scared. I'm more scared of inpatient treatment than I am of dying, especially because I found a method that sounds good and looks simple enough and people say that it's typically successful. But I know deep down I need help. I'm drowning here and I'm drowning fast. I'm rapidly losing the will to even try.

[alzi]

I'm so sorry you are struggling, im glad you reached out! Please get yourself help. My sister did in patient therapy and it was amazing for her.

We are here for you!

[eddy]

hugs to you!

[tellmesomethingood]

Jun 15, 2016 18:08:30 GMT -5 alzi said:

I'm so sorry you are struggling, im glad you reached out! Please get yourself help. My sister did in patient therapy and it was amazing for her.

We are here for you!

How long was she gone? Did you guys get to talk to her often?

[SKP82]

Please go now.

[cereal K]

I don’t have the details, but I know my MIL did inpatient treatment when H was younger - middle school age, I think? I understand it helped immensely. No one took her kids from her, and she’s now happy any healthy and a wonderful grandmother.

I hope you get the help you want. Be kind to yourself. We’re here for you.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Please go. My grandmother went a few times for depression. She was allowed visitors after a day or so. It helped her a
Lot. You are worth it and no one can take your place

[dianecourt]

I'm so sorry. Please do whatever you need to be safe. You matter, you are important, you are loved.

[greenlight]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. We are here for you.
Please don't give up.

[CurlyQ284]

I haven't been, but you need to do this. You need to get healthy. ((A million hugs))

[juliachild]

You are important. Please go.

[mcmel]

Print this page out and hand it to your H. Please go now. I'm begging you.

What state are you in? I swear if you're in AR I'll take you myself.

[hopecounts]

Please go ASAP.
You will be able to talk to your family it may be a day or two while you get settled but after that it shouldn't be an issue.
Where I worked (over 5 yrs ago so it may be different) visitors could come daily and even bring or drop off food (a plate from family dinner, a favorite take out place, whatever) for the patients and eat with them during visiting hours.
The focus was very much helping the patient feel better and part of that is supporting family ties.
And no it won't lead to your DD being taken from you, you are making sure you are mentally healthy and well so you can be the best mom possible there is nothing wrong with that.
Being in patient will allow them to better evaluate your meds and triggers and help get you on a more effective regime and therapy program.

[sunshineluv]

Please go. Please show this post to your dh.

you are sick and doctors can help. This does not mean they will take your dd, being proactive about your mental health is of vital importance.

[shoofly]

Though it may seem the easier way...you're worth living. Your family and friends love you. I'm sure there's more support there than you even know.

My brother went inpatient for care regarding bipolar and/or schizophrenia (nothing was definitive). He stayed twice to receive care as needed. We were able to visit and his children were not taken from him.

Please get and accept the help you need!

[hopecounts]

If your DH isn't supportive and your BFF is call her right now and tell her everything you said here, then have her help you talk to your H and if it works better and she is able to let her go with you for support.

[sesame]

I haven't been as an adult, but did do inpatient when I was 16. Please go. You may not be able to see it now but you are loved and cared for. You are stronger than you think. You can do this.

[peachykate]

Please go, you are important and they can help.

[liverandonions]

You need the help and the support. Your daughter will love you for it. Please take care of yourself, you are important in this world and are meant to be here. <3

[cinderbella]

Please go.

A month of semi-limited contact with your family is so much better than leaving them forever.

You can do this.

[7costanza]

My aunt has done inpatient therapy a few times and it has been very successful. The last time was just a few months ago and I know she was in constant contact with my mom and other aunts. Hugs.

[poopedydoop]

Have you tried Risperdal? (I think that's how you spell it) It has helped my mom so much. She was inpatient after an attempt and we visited her frequently.

Please go. You are worth fightING for.

[Monica Geller]

Please talk to your H and go now. You are worth it.

[catscatscats]

Please get the help you need. You are worth it!

[snipsnsnails]

Im so sorry. (((Hugs)))

A dear friend went to inpatient treatment after her most recent suicide attempt. After ICU, she was in inpatient treatment for 22 days. She was allowed visitors every day, no restriction on age if related. Once her meds were stable, she was released and started a 3-day a week outpatient therapy that tapered over 3 months. She then went to her weekly therapist and still does. She has had no more suicide ideations since and is on medication that is monitored as needed now. She has a job, loving relationships that are healthy and a lot of hope about her future.

You still have fight in you, otherwise you wouldn't have called or posted. There's hope. Go now to your husband and he can take you.

[midge]

both of my aunts did in patient treatment- they both have sole custody of their children. They were able to receive visitors after a few days. Please go.

[sarahswim]

You are worth so much more than this. Go to your DH and show him everything you've written here. It will be scary and it will be hard but you can do it.

My sister did inpatient a couple of years ago after a failed suicide attempt. She was there for 30 days and was allowed to have visitors and other comforts from home. You can do this. You typed all of that out to ask for help, so take the advice you have been given here and GO.

[TR]

You are worth saving. Please call someone you trust to be supportive and read them this post. You don't even have to find the words, they're already here. Please go. Like a pp said, if you were in my area, I'd take you myself. You are worth it.

[verklempt]

Please go. I'm a longtime lurker and your post made me feel like I had to write: I have struggled with similar feelings in the past and very much identify with your post. Now that I'm healthy and have been free of thoughts of suicide for a stretch of several years (which is something I didn't think I'd ever be able to say), I tear up when I think about what I could've lost if I hadn't gotten help. Feelings are temporary and will pass: please hang in there: you are important and it gets better...I promise.

[wambam]

Tell your H now. Go to the hospital tonight. YOU ARE WORTH IT.