New name, feeling terrible

[magpie]

If you want to come back, come back in a meaningful way, not with this silly poll and fresh new name. Read some of the amazing threads that are going on here, add to the discussion with sincerity and grace, show us that you've learned, and start contributing to the community in a positive way. Don't put it on us to decide.

[anna7602]

Honestly, I could have given a fuck if you came back or not, but like this, I will go ahead and say that I think you are disgusting to play this victim card. I can't differentiate between you and your actions at this point and I don't care to. I would ask you to give some serious thought to what in the hell it is that you actually want from this board.

[hermione]

I've been silent in the race threads but I'm reading, I'm thinking, I'm trying to learn and make actionable changes IRL. The threads make me feel bad, uncomfortable, and even sad. I know that's how I should feel. I am choosing to navigate those feelings internally because, emotionally, that's how I am and because, practically, I don't usually see the threads until they're a dozen pages or more.

After reading and thinking about all of this for an extended period of time, this poll strikes me as incredibly off-putting. No one is going to beg you to come back. Very few will care if you don't (I think that's true of anyone who leaves). So, whatever you decide, stop trying to make this all about you. Maybe lurking and thinking about the things you read here are not such a bad idea. I know it's helping me...but more importantly, I know that's not the point.

[redheadk]

Are you Hawaiian? Because the choice of your new name in light what just happened is in seriously poor taste.

[ebeth]

A poll? seriously?

[dottyblue]

I am not even going to vote because that poll is AW'ing at its worst and it's disgusting. NO. This is not about you. You do not get to say you felt attacked in a post where the hostility towards POC was palpable.

This is not an apology. Shame on you.

And seriously? Kamehameha? "The very lonely one"? LMAO. Get out.

[face]

Am I the only one who thinks that the women of color on this board will look at this poll and think, awesome, 24 (?) anonymous people here don't give a shit about us? I hate this poll so much.

[redheadk]

Sept 2, 2016 8:24:55 GMT -5 face said:

Am I the only one who thinks that the women of color on this board will look at this poll and think, awesome, 24 (?) anonymous people here don't give a shit about us? I hate this poll so much.

No, and that's the ONLY reason I voted no in the poll. The poll itself is gross but since some have voted yes, I wanted to do what I could to show that NO, we aren't going to collectively tolerate this as a board.

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[whereintheworld]

Sept 2, 2016 8:24:55 GMT -5 face said:

Am I the only one who thinks that the women of color on this board will look at this poll and think, awesome, 24 (?) anonymous people here don't give a shit about us? I hate this poll so much.

I may get jumped on for this - and it's not a defense of what originally went down - but more than a few people said before that if wiseowl were to leave it was the cowardly way out and staying, learning and doing better was the better thing to do. So those 24+ people might be voting that way because they think it's better that wiseowl doesn't get to just slink away like nothing happened.

[face]

Sept 2, 2016 8:27:34 GMT -5 whereintheworld said:

Sept 2, 2016 8:24:55 GMT -5 face said:

Am I the only one who thinks that the women of color on this board will look at this poll and think, awesome, 24 (?) anonymous people here don't give a shit about us? I hate this poll so much.

I may get jumped on for this - and it's not a defense of what originally went down - but more than a few people said before that if wiseowl were to leave it was the cowardly way out and staying, learning and doing better was the better thing to do. So those 24+ people might be voting that way because they think it's better that wiseowl doesn't get to just slink away like nothing happened.

I didn't think about that. It makes sense. It just feels icky to me.

[redheadk]

Sept 2, 2016 8:27:34 GMT -5 whereintheworld said:

Sept 2, 2016 8:24:55 GMT -5 face said:

Am I the only one who thinks that the women of color on this board will look at this poll and think, awesome, 24 (?) anonymous people here don't give a shit about us? I hate this poll so much.

I may get jumped on for this - and it's not a defense of what originally went down - but more than a few people said before that if wiseowl were to leave it was the cowardly way out and staying, learning and doing better was the better thing to do. So those 24+ people might be voting that way because they think it's better that wiseowl doesn't get to just slink away like nothing happened.

I get what you are saying but the name she chose, the fact that she made a new name, the "apology" mea culpa post, all of it adds up to not having actually made any effort to learn better/do better. If that's the case, then she should just go on her way. SaveSave

[Yankees21]

Sept 2, 2016 8:27:34 GMT -5 whereintheworld said:

Sept 2, 2016 8:24:55 GMT -5 face said:

Am I the only one who thinks that the women of color on this board will look at this poll and think, awesome, 24 (?) anonymous people here don't give a shit about us? I hate this poll so much.

I may get jumped on for this - and it's not a defense of what originally went down - but more than a few people said before that if wiseowl were to leave it was the cowardly way out and staying, learning and doing better was the better thing to do. So those 24+ people might be voting that way because they think it's better that wiseowl doesn't get to just slink away like nothing happened.

The "apology" and creating a poll are just so immature and shows that she's not actually learning, though. This is yuck.

[redheadk]

This new name seriously makes me want to throw shit.

[gibbinator]

I think it's very telling that the results of the poll were overwhelmingly in favour before people actually started replying no. We really don't learn much do we?

Anyway, I agree, just stick with your old name and own your post history. Maybe take a step back for awhile, really come to terms with being in the wrong. I get that you feel bad and don't want to lose "friends", no one likes feeling rejected - it's hard not to make things about you in the heat of the moment. But I think perhaps you should take a break to re-evaluate your actions more objectively once your feelings aren't so fresh. Then maybe you can understand better why this poll is inappropriate and probably will lead to more hurt feelings from WOC.

[quesyrah]

I don't want to add to the pile on, but you're not really sorry. You just want to be able to continue to post without being called out.

This post is all about you and in no way a true apology. If that's how you want to be, fine. No one can make you change. But it still makes you an ass.

[quesyrah]

Wait, I'm on tapatalk...this is a poll?? Oh, no. GTFO with your nonsense.

[water*drop]

I think the "stay, listen, and learn" thing is a little problematic because it implies that all one needs to do is take it all in, and you'll be fine - that learning about biases means you'll no longer have them or will automatically stop expressing them. There's so much more to it, though. You have to take it upon yourself to not just learn the history and listen to the stories but to also really challenge the way you think. To accept that you are wrong, to sit with that uncomfortable truth, to learn about how to actually confront that part of yourself, and to make that a priority in your everyday life, not just when it's convenient or when it comes up here again. If you aren't willing to do that, staying and listening won't do anything. Your learning will be superficial at best.

[redheadbaker]

I can't even with this. No. Go away.

[Deleted]

This is fucking ridiculous. I'm always hesitant to call people out, because 1. The WOC on this board have been beyond gentle with me when I've shown my ass in previous conversations and 2. I'm a coward, afraid of saying the wrong thing.

But c'mon. A fucking poll?!? And an "apology" where you defend yourself because you felt attacked?! No. Please stop. At this point, I suggest taking the silent observer approach.

[Susie]

@kamehameha is not welcome. If MittenState wants to come back, she should own her mistakes, stop making excuses for them, and actually be and do better. That should be the goal, also: to be and do better. Not "be forgiven and accepted." If your goal is just to be accepted, then spoiler alert: nope.

[mrssandro]

[bearbaby]

I am not voting in the poll.

This post and the associated poll are inappropriate and highly self-serving.

[havarti]

You are an adult. You need to do your OWN work. Use your OWN critical thinking skills. And make your OWN decisions. This 6th grade level "Do you like me? Circle yes, no?" is nonsense and serves nobody but you. Stop being an embarrassment.

[cjeanette]

A poll? Are you kidding me with this?

Come back as wise owl. Don't AW with a new post. Find a way to do better without needing everyone to welcome you with open arms.

[pizzapizza]

Did you read any of the articles about how this not about you?  You are personifying white fragility. 

[noodleskooze]

Based on precedent, I don't have to be the OP to request thread deletion, right? Get out of here with this mess. No one even wants to see it.

[bex]

This is just ridiculous, on so many levels.

[TamiTaylor]

Sept 2, 2016 9:46:53 GMT -5 noodleskooze said:

Based on precedent, I don't have to be the OP to request thread deletion, right? Get out of here with this mess. No one even wants to see it.

Leave it. People need to see who she really is.

[humpforfree]

I am finally trying to catch up on some of this and I am so disgusted. I grew up crazy sheltered in the most non-diverse area ever, and these conversations have shown me all kinds of things I never knew, about what POC face, and prejudices I held that I didn't realize. If even I have learned from these conversations, I don't know how others are still so dense and not getting it? Like, really, truly think and check yourself.

[Susie]

Who are these almost 38% of voters who think yes, it's great idea to let a poster skate on her history of not just racist but also completely self-involved remarks, and start fresh, distancing herself from the outrage but not actually addressing or correcting the problem?

And unless she actually is Hawaiian, with an appropriated sn to boot?

The responding posts are pretty unanimous. So seriously, who are you folks voting yes, and why?