I'm the opposite of sfy and 05heel in that I have truly made some deep and lasting IRL friendships here.
To be clear, nothing that I have said is advice. Everyone should do what works for her. My primary point is that what many of the black women who have been hurt in these threads have experienced was not unpredictable. It should have been expected. That's all. And this is specific to relationships between black women and white women, full stop. The dynamic that white people have with Asian people is not the same. I believe that you yourself once mentioned "the model minority," yes? Yes. So, it's different. It takes a specific kind of black woman and a specific kind of white woman to have a true, real life friendship that is mutually beneficial, empathetic and authentic. I already know that I am not that type of black woman and I have met precious few of that type of white women.
I'm the opposite of sfy and 05heel in that I have truly made some deep and lasting IRL friendships here.
To be clear, nothing that I have said is advice. Everyone should do what works for her. My primary point is that what many of the black women who have been hurt in these threads have experienced was not unpredictable. It should have been expected. That's all. And this is specific to relationships between black women and white women, full stop. The dynamic that white people have with Asian people is not the same. I believe that you yourself once mentioned "the model minority," yes? Yes. So, it's different. It takes a specific kind of black woman and a specific kind of white woman to have a true, real life friendship that is mutually beneficial, empathetic and authentic. I already know that I am not that type of black women and I have met precious few of that type of white women.
Absolutely. The dynamic is definitely different.
If we're talking about privilege within the minority community, notwithstanding our own race-related xenophobic-type issues, we do have that privilege, if that makes any sense.
Also isn't PG county the wealthiest county in the country, where AAs are the majority? Something like that. It's not a poor county.
Which only goes to show that in the white public consciousness, wealthy black = still black.
We expect black Americans to do what we deem makes them acceptable and upstanding citizens of our society (which require working ten times as hard as we have to) but in the end, we still don't want them as our neighbors. We can sugarcoat it all we want by talking about "good schools," but that's the bottom line.
I have never said I wasn't part of the problem. If you want to make me the next target in the thread, that's fine. I can't change the past. I can change the future.
I have never said I wasn't part of the problem. If you want to make me the next target in the thread, that's fine. I can't change the past. I can change the future.
I have never said I wasn't part of the problem. If you want to make me the next target in the thread, that's fine. I can't change the past. I can change the future.
LOL.
You (all) continue to miss the point, hence the reason this thread is still going and we're going round and round in circles. This continues to be comedy. White tears of fragility are real.
I have never said I wasn't part of the problem. If you want to make me the next target in the thread, that's fine. I can't change the past. I can change the future.
I have never said I wasn't part of the problem. If you want to make me the next target in the thread, that's fine. I can't change the past. I can change the future.
Post by noodleskooze on Sept 11, 2016 12:24:27 GMT -5
So much white fragility; so much white savior-ness. So much "not me, right?!" I feel like no one is actually digesting what these women are saying to us.
I have never said I wasn't part of the problem. If you want to make me the next target in the thread, that's fine. I can't change the past. I can change the future.
Post by barefootcontessa on Sept 11, 2016 12:32:23 GMT -5
Why not say, "Wow, that was really wrong of me to say that" and thank lollipop for taking the time to point it out to you? If you honestly see yourself as part of the problem.
I don't want or need any apologies either. I actually don't expect any of you to do any better. I never have and never will let my guard down. More than anything I just want y'all (white people) to know that WE (WOC) have always caught on and are aware of your true feelings and interactions. We roll our eyes when you say stuff like PG County isn't a good place to live (was it ssmjlm? can't remember) or that you don't want to go to ATL during SpelHouse's homecoming (zarapipe, remember that one?). And those aren't even the slick ones. Those are so obvious.
I don't recall this conversation on atlanta. I know I was asking about atlanta and couldn't find any hotel rooms but I certainly didn't not go to atl bc of HBCU reunions if that is what you are implying.
I have never said I wasn't part of the problem. If you want to make me the next target in the thread, that's fine. I can't change the past. I can change the future.
That's rich. Especially in a thread started because a WOC was specifically TARGETED because the color of her skin.
I don't want or need any apologies either. I actually don't expect any of you to do any better. I never have and never will let my guard down. More than anything I just want y'all (white people) to know that WE (WOC) have always caught on and are aware of your true feelings and interactions. We roll our eyes when you say stuff like PG County isn't a good place to live (was it ssmjlm? can't remember) or that you don't want to go to ATL during SpelHouse's homecoming (zarapipe, remember that one?). And those aren't even the slick ones. Those are so obvious.
I don't recall this conversation on atlanta. I know I was asking about atlanta and couldn't find any hotel rooms but I certainly didn't not go to atl bc of HBCU reunions if that is what you are implying.
When someone finds a statement you made hateful enough to remember it nearly a year later, don't tell them that you don't remember! Look that shit up. I found it quickly:
Oct 12, 2015 at 11:29am
Lolligoespop said:Which means it is homecoming for the entire AUC. Shouldn't have left out Spelman and CAU. Zarapipe:(huh) uh oh.... hmmmm. Maybe I need to go somewhere else. I'm not above fleeting the large crowds.
Yes, yes, we are hand-selecting white people to target one by one.
Better watch out.
LMFAO. No.
This is actually making this kind of fun for me.
WHO'S NEXT?!
I am picturing us all at the meat section of a supermarket. All the white people have pulled a ticket.
And then the number dings on the board, and the butcher calls out the next victim.
Number 43! Where's number 43? Oh, that's ssmjlm? You're up!
The sad thing is that I feel like I have never had cause to question or dislike ssmjlm (or a lot of other people here). It is the defensiveness that is off-putting.
I kept trying to come up with the words to express what you've just said but couldn't explain it further than "it's not about you" since my brain is in such a fog today. Thank you for putting my exact thoughts into writing.Â
Yes I've been stewing over this since last night. I've seen both 05heel and sfy post similar statements in the past and I admit that the first time I saw those sentiments expressed I was like "but I love them why don't they love meeeeeeee?" But I didn't post that back then because I'm a grown up capable of self reflection and a large quantity of natural shame so I don't generally post my basic childish feelings/reactions.
Instead, I thought about it. And looked in the goddamn mirror and said its not about you and when I took a moment to think about it - seriously just read it and thought about it - it's entirely understandable and fucking deserved.
well said. I had this moment in reading last night and, honestly, because of my child I got worried. But, then I thought More and more and it's like being a good person. Just do It. Not for the Alcolades but because it is right. No one needs to trust me if they don't know me. I don't trust people I don't know as I am a cynic. Whover that person is, trust is built, not guaranteed or expected. So, do good. Whatever else is secondary.
Thanks, @kirkette, for refreshing my memory re the old @this incident with my being a bitch eating crackers. That was some shit, eh? I now recall being like, "Huh? Who is this? [Literally, LOL at who is @this?!] And why am I BEC to her? We have never interacted with each other!" Race-related or not, that was some strange shit, and, as I often do, I chose to handle with humor because...really, who cares about this person I don't even know?
But, if you think about it some more, as you and others have pointed out, how big of a white privilege is it to go around calling out posters you don't even know as your personal BEC, particularly when said posters have never said or done a single thing against you? Like my mere existence was enough to irk her, and it was ok to voice that.
That's some shit alright.
Messy, indeed.
@natariru, when you come to our area, please do let me know. I'm sure you will be in contact with @kirkette, and she has all my info. I think you will enjoy meeting all of us locals (including wannabe, farmvillelover, sewpinkgal, starlily, insominac, etc.). We have quite a large network, but I'm just mentioning some of the OG folks who visit this particular board more often than others. We've been to each other's weddings. We've been to each other's baby showers. We've consoled each other at our low points.
Most of us happen to be WOC, and the ones who are not are honorary in my heart at least. (I have lovingly called sewpinkgal an "egg" on more than one occasion.)
I'm the opposite of sfy and 05heel in that I have truly made some deep and lasting IRL friendships here. I don't think there is a right or wrong strategy re developing relationships on this board, but I do consider myself extremely lucky because I happen to live close to these particular women. Would this have happened if I lived somewhere else? I don't know.
If I'm very honest with myself, the truth of the matter is that the majority of my friends (not my husband's friends) are indeed POC. This includes my former co-workers -- mostly Latinos and Asians. And the white folks are usually married to Asians. LOL. I don't know if this was a subconscious occurrence or a function of living where I live.
This is not to say I don't have white friends. I absolutely do. But there are fewer in the inner circle. (You are special, sewpinkgal!)
thanks for tagging me to share your warm and fuzzy experience that is opposite of mine. ::eyeroll::
You and I both know that this is not the same thing, nor would I dare speak for you in any of these matters. There are vast oceans of difference (literally) between the AA and Asian minority experience. This is why you consistently annoy me. God damn it I was supposed to leave this thread!
I have never said I wasn't part of the problem. If you want to make me the next target in the thread, that's fine. I can't change the past. I can change the future.
Wow. Let me practice my new, less gentle approach: fuck you.
Thanks, @kirkette, for refreshing my memory re the old @this incident with my being a bitch eating crackers. That was some shit, eh? I now recall being like, "Huh? Who is this? [Literally, LOL at who is @this?!] And why am I BEC to her? We have never interacted with each other!" Race-related or not, that was some strange shit, and, as I often do, I chose to handle with humor because...really, who cares about this person I don't even know?
But, if you think about it some more, as you and others have pointed out, how big of a white privilege is it to go around calling out posters you don't even know as your personal BEC, particularly when said posters have never said or done a single thing against you? Like my mere existence was enough to irk her, and it was ok to voice that.
That's some shit alright.
Messy, indeed.
@natariru, when you come to our area, please do let me know. I'm sure you will be in contact with @kirkette, and she has all my info. I think you will enjoy meeting all of us locals (including wannabe, farmvillelover, sewpinkgal, starlily, insominac, etc.). We have quite a large network, but I'm just mentioning some of the OG folks who visit this particular board more often than others. We've been to each other's weddings. We've been to each other's baby showers. We've consoled each other at our low points.
Most of us happen to be WOC, and the ones who are not are honorary in my heart at least. (I have lovingly called sewpinkgal an "egg" on more than one occasion.)
I'm the opposite of sfy and 05heel in that I have truly made some deep and lasting IRL friendships here. I don't think there is a right or wrong strategy re developing relationships on this board, but I do consider myself extremely lucky because I happen to live close to these particular women. Would this have happened if I lived somewhere else? I don't know.
If I'm very honest with myself, the truth of the matter is that the majority of my friends (not my husband's friends) are indeed POC. This includes my former co-workers -- mostly Latinos and Asians. And the white folks are usually married to Asians. LOL. I don't know if this was a subconscious occurrence or a function of living where I live.
This is not to say I don't have white friends. I absolutely do. But there are fewer in the inner circle. (You are special, sewpinkgal!)
thanks for tagging me to share your warm and fuzzy experience that is opposite of mine. ::eyeroll::
You and I both know that this is not the same thing, nor would I dare speak for you in any of these matters. There are vast oceans of difference (literally) between the AA and Asian minority experience. This is why you consistently annoy me. God damn it I was supposed to leave this thread!
I annoy you, but you can't quit me either because there are a lot of other unrelated things that I do get! At the very least, we have a shared no-suffering-fools stance for the most part and a love of witnessing and sometimes causing board trainwrecks.
And, like I said above to sfy, of course it is a different situation because I am not black.
That being said, @natariru is neither black nor Asian, so she has her own experience, which is a mix of both immigrant issues and darker-skinned issues and who knows what else that neither of us can speak to or remotely pretend to know.
She can hear from both us and decide on her own what course she wishes to take.
I said some parts were not good. I don't remember it being an issue, maybe it was. But yes I was part of that conversation.
Oh COME ON.
I need to do some thread searching, but I think you're the one who made lots of "sacrifices" to move somewhere with a LCOL, right? Because it doesn't matter that sometimes one has to pay more to live in a certain place because it's more diverse and you feel more accepted there or because it's not that easy to just pick up and move for a very large percentage of the population.
But, okay, put ssmjlm in her place! Go, you!
(And if I have mixed you up with another poster, well, so be it.)
I need to do some thread searching, but I think you're the one who made lots of "sacrifices" to move somewhere with a LCOL, right? Because it doesn't matter that sometimes one has to pay more to live in a certain place because it's more diverse and you feel more accepted there or because it's not that easy to just pick up and move for a very large percentage of the population.
But, okay, put ssmjlm in her place! Go, you!
(And if I have mixed you up with another poster, well, so be it.)
No that wasn't me. I moved closer to DH when we were dating.
I don't recall this conversation on atlanta. I know I was asking about atlanta and couldn't find any hotel rooms but I certainly didn't not go to atl bc of HBCU reunions if that is what you are implying.
When someone finds a statement you made hateful enough to remember it nearly a year later, don't tell them that you don't remember! Look that shit up. I found it quickly:
Oct 12, 2015 at 11:29am
Lolligoespop said:Which means it is homecoming for the entire AUC. Shouldn't have left out Spelman and CAU. Zarapipe:(huh) uh oh.... hmmmm. Maybe I need to go somewhere else. I'm not above fleeting the large crowds.
It doesn't matter if that's not how you meant it! Recognize that it was offensive and apologize.
I looked, couldn't find it. I absolutely only meant I wasn't going to a huge city when the expected a huge event, whether that be a homecoming event, concert, race, whatever. hence the large crowds. but I can see how it could be interpreted that way. I'm sorry for that.
thanks for tagging me to share your warm and fuzzy experience that is opposite of mine. ::eyeroll::
You and I both know that this is not the same thing, nor would I dare speak for you in any of these matters. There are vast oceans of difference (literally) between the AA and Asian minority experience. This is why you consistently annoy me. God damn it I was supposed to leave this thread!
I annoy you, but you can't quit me either because there are a lot of other unrelated things that I do get! At the very least, we have a shared no-suffering-fools stance for the most part and a love of witnessing and sometimes causing board trainwrecks.
And, like I said above to sfy, of course it is a different situation because I am not black.
That being said, @natariru is neither black nor Asian, so she has her own experience, which is a mix of both immigrant issues and darker-skinned issues and who knows what else that neither of us can speak to or remotely pretend to know.
She can hear from both us and decide on her own what course she wishes to take.