She has conciously chosen her abusive alcoholic POS husband over her two sons and three grandchildren. She is completely delusional about the current family situation - we haven't spoken to FIL in two years - and she just "can't" understand why we won't sweep it all under the rug and move on when FIL has taken no steps to accept responsibility for his abusive behavior.
One recent example of many - she called DH on his birthday in October to tell him she was making a huge turkey dinner with two apple pies (her fix for everything) for his birthday AT HER HOUSE THAT WE HAVE NOT STEPPED FOOT IN IN TWO YEARS and THEY would hold dinner for us (we were still at my parents house 3.5 hours away)...needless to say my parents who know what is going on finally understood just how deep her delusion runs.
We have been doing our best to maintain a relationship with just her for our DSs sakes as we know her issues are a direct result of the abuse she has endured for 40+ years but sometimes she makes it really hard to want to keep trying.
ETA: Hate may be too strong of a word. I more feel sorry for her inability to stand up to FIL and I don't like how much she continues to hurt DH.
MIL acts like a 12 year old trapped in an adult body, she was a drug addict, smoke, drank, and did whatever else when she was pregnant with H, used H as leverage against her mom, ended up getting H taken away and placed into the custody of her parents, and much more.
Since I've met her, she had her 10 year old mixing her drinks "rum and coke with a little ice", living off the state since she couldn't keep a job and kept trying to have more kids to stay in the system, and gave me advice on how to "keep" H by getting off BC without telling him so I'd get pregnant. Um, no thanks.
I keep her at a distance, haven't seen her since we let her see DD after she was born and we were making a trip through an area she was staying. She couldn't follow the basic rules of not kissing DD (she has hepatitis C from a bad tattoo needle) and kept bringing up "why doesn't H talk to me??" drama during our visit. We cut it short but I periodically send her pictures and video of DD since I feel bad she won't be a part of DDs life but don't want to fully keep her out of the loop of DDs life? I don't know if that makes sense...
She is the most selfish, laziest person who has ever existed.
She quit her job and decided to be at SAHM, which kudos to her since sheh ad 4 kids. But H's family struggled their ENTIRE lives and still very much do. Her youngest child is 22 and has been out of the house for 4+ years and she still refuses to get a job because "people will think poorly of us". Well, who the hell cares when you literally cannot afford to heat your house. FIL works his ass off to provide enough to pay the bills while MIL sits at home chain smoking. FIL has asked MIL many times to get a job but she refuses.
When her kids were all at home, she refused to drive/take them to any extracurricular activities because "if I have to take one of you, then that means I am obligated to take all of you and I just don't have enough time in the day".
She chain smokes inside the house, as in her grandchildren will be sitting beside her and she will be lighting up cigarettes and smoke. Says its "her house and her rules". BIL was a premie and had awful asthma growing up and she didn't care, still chain smoked. It's illegal to smoke in a car here with children and she would blackmail BIL and say if he wanted a ride anywhere, he couldn't complain about her smoking. HE WAS A CHILD.
She refuses to leave the house, so everyone has to cater to her in terms of Holiday's and family events. If anyone even so as mentions as change in plans she loses her mind. She is incredibly dramatic.
She also refuses to watch/baby sit any of her grandchildren because its "too much work". (lol I know she's not obligated to watch anyone)
She is also constantly judging and very verbal in regards to how H and I live our lives. She thinks H is "different" than the rest of the family and we spend "frivolously".
While we were dating, her only impressing after our first meeting was that I was "bigger than she's used to." I was a size 10 at the time.
She watched our dog one weekend and fed him god only knows what kind of scraps that caused him to have explosive diarrhea for 4 days after I picked him up.
She was 2 hours late for our rehearsal dinner, despite leaving LA for SF the entire day before.
She got mad that I read a book while she and H discussed their business that I'm deliberately not a part of.
She got mad that we went to her daughter's wedding in Italy despite knowing she wasn't invited. Sorry lady. We're not missing 2 weeks in Italy because you can't get along with your other kid.
She brings over loads of shit from her storage space and swap meets, like enough to fill every countertop in our kitchen. She's a hoarder, so I'm talking stuff like 30 '2008' onesies from a hospital in New Mexico when DD1 was born in 2011 in CA. Dirty used bottles. Stanky old towels. Knick knacks and plastic flowers and other home decor that would NEVER be our style. Size 30/32 clothing for me when I'm a 14/16. The sheer volume of crap she's brought over during the years is truly indescribable. And yes, H told her many, many times to save her money and not to bring anything over.
She brought over some Vietnamese food dishes right after DD1 was born and then told me I couldn't eat any of them for some reason related to me being postpartum.
She got mad we have no plans to move into her house in the middle of nowhere.
She blatantly ignores DD1 in favor of DD2 because DD1 tends to be a little shy at times.
But most of all, she is entirely unappreciative of the fact that H has basically supported her for decades and continues to do so. She's rude and defiant to him regarding her finances, despite the fact that her funds are sourced back to the rental business he set up in order for her to have an income and something to do. The properties are in his name, so he should be rightfully concerned, but she doesn't get that.
The final kicker was her last visit to our house during the summer. H ended up kicking her out because she got downright pissed that he told her to stop saying racist shit about AAs and Hispanics, especially with the kids around. That request opened up the floodgates about how awful he is because he won't let her decorate our house and say what she wants to say. They haven't talked since.
I am going to use this time to vent about my Trump supporting father. He was a shitty dad and a shitty grandfather. we tried to get along for a while. He seemed like he wanted to be part of my life when he moved closer 15 years ago.
I invite him to stuff. I try to include him and he always bails. He came down only once 3 years ago to met his 2nd grand daughter but after he has been vocal about him supporting Trump I have not contacted him at all other than sending a Christmas card. I stop caring if he shows up. I am not going to go out my way to be in a relationship with him.
I don't hate my MIL and think she's fine to hang out with. But I think she's not a very good mom and is fairly self absorbed. Both of H's parents are that way. They live in Germany so I've only really met them on the one trip that we took to visit them. They were fun and I enjoyed their company, but they are not great at being supportive of H or acting like they are particularly interested in him or his life. I think he really would have liked to have a more supportive childhood than he did, and it makes me sad that they were not that way. Really, I think they were a good example of couple of who had children but probably shouldn't have. Obviously, I'm glad they did or H wouldn't be around
Recent example - I sent them an email saying something like "H got 11 internship interviews, which is more than most people get! We should be very proud of him". Unless they responded to him and he didn't mention it, there was no response to that at all. This is like, a really big deal in his life right now and I just don't think they care that much about what he's doing.
My mom on the other hand has said many times how proud of him she is and how great that is and all the other nice things about it. I wish his parents were more like that.
Anyway, there are a million reasons why I hate mine.
It basically comes down to she's just an evil, passive aggressive, selfish woman. Let's see...
She acts like the entire world owes her for her existence. She doesn't like my daughter, just because my daughter sees through her bullshit and doesn't want to have anything to do with that woman. So, because my mil is a child, she just acts like Sofia doesn't exist. She tells my kids that one is her favorite, right in front of the others.
She's ALWAYS asking us for money just so she can buy stupid ass things (last time she wanted an Ipad), and then when we say no, she screams at us, because she is a child.
She acts like I do everything wrong. If they come over for dinner, she will call the next day saying she got food poisoning, even though everyone else is perfectly ok and I know she is full of shit. She will complain about the wine I choose. That I spend too much of "her sons" money, even though *I'm* the thrifty one in the relationship, and never fucking mind that she was putting fil into 50k of debt every year for like 8 years straight because she's addicted to the home shopping network. But, you know.
Oh, one time she tried to talk my h into allowing her to buy him a ticket to Australia, just because she didn't want him to be with me anymore That was a good one.
I don't hate her. She just annoys the fuck out of me. In fact I would love to have a relationship with her especially after my mom died. But then i spend 20 minutes with her and I am like noooppee.
She is a tragedy whore. Everything is dramatic and she loves to latch onto other people's misfortune. She loves other people's misery. It is gross.
Just she has no grit about her. One slight misfortune and she has to take to her fainting couch for a month.
She is 70 years old and acts like she is 102.
She looks at the negative side of everything.
That all felt very good lol.
On the positive she is very kind to me. She does actually love me and has never been mean. She is kind to her son. She is a good person. I wish I could like her.
Huh. I didn't realize you were married to my brother.
Post by thelurkylulu on Dec 19, 2017 14:47:55 GMT -5
I don't hate her by any means, I just don't like her all that much. She's not friendly and never has been. She makes no effort to be involved in our lives. She fawns all over my SIL (who is a total bitch and talks so much crap about MIL behind her back). My husband's family jist sucks and they're a giant bunch of assholes. I hate the holidays and having to be all fake nice to everyone.
I've never met my MIL. She wasn't invited to our wedding. My H and his siblings had horrific childhoods. She was married 7 (or 8, I can't remember) times and moved them all over the place for her own selfish reasons. They were on their own for all of their own needs (food, clothes) at young ages. H has tried reconnecting out of guilt a couple of times but she's delusional about the past and refuses to be accountable. His dad has passed so it really sucks he doesn't have one good parent in his life. Breaks my heart.
This is similar to my own upbringing. My mom sucks, my MIL is amazing.
I often tell my H I am amazed he and his siblings all turned out to be normal, productive members of society given their shit childhoods.
My parents adore my H. Like, they'd trade him in for me in a hot second. LOL.
She salts the food I made before she even tastes it. I AM A GOOD COOK, DAMMIT.
This is my father. He literally douses everything in salt and pepper. We don't even keep salt an pepper on the table because we season our food well in the kitchen. That doesn't mean I don't occasionally undersalt, and I'm happy to get it. But he literally sits down and says, "Do you have salt and pepper?" and covers EVERYTHING in it. I swear salt and pepper must be the only things he tastes.
Post by cabbagecabbage on Dec 19, 2017 15:12:22 GMT -5
My MIL left her sons at her parents house to go party in 1986 and never came back. H’s grandparents put their lives on hold. Grandpa halted his retirement plans and they left an apartment and bought a house near good schools and raised them. Mom wandered in and out and played the prodigal child to the point where grandma claps if she mentions her daughter like she is so delighted about her selfish baby child.
MIL is married to husband number five, a man who uses the work “liberal” as an insult. She is retired at 55 and they have moved five times in ten years, foreclosing once and declaring bankruptcy for her second time. They have a huge fancy house they don’t need and I have no idea how they pay for it or even how they can get a loan but she always has her nails done and cigarette money. She asked her mom for 50K last year and, thank god, grandma said no.
She loves my kids but does things like smoke around them outdoors. She thought we’d let her vape indoors because it’s “safe.” She says “I seen.” She picks her teeth with those disposable flossers and leaves them around. She only drinks wine cooler type shit and makes a dramatic scene about tasting any wine I like and shuddering even though I buy her a bottle of moscato every time she’s in town. She’s loud and rude to waitstaff and thinks she’s a fancy queen of shitty restaurants. She expected my husband to drive to the airport in rush hour to get her to save $40. She’s just selfish AF and immature and trashy.
I love my ILs a lot. They're SUPER CHATTY though. I like my quiet time. They also have a very difficult time controlling the volume of their voices. And my MIL has a really high-pitched almost childlike speaking voice. Maybe it's because she's an elementary teacher WHO KNOWS.
So really I don't have a lot to complain about, but I like to complain so HERE IT IS.
OMG, exactly that. My MIL never stops talking. Also, she recently bought me these shoes:
She just annoys the crap out of me. I hate my FIL more though.
She is the most selfish, self-involved person I've ever met. And she acts like a child. She does things like wears a huge bandage on her neck or face or wears a wrist brace randomly just so someone asks her about it. After I almost died giving birth, she came to visit at the hospital and the FIRST thing she say, doesn't ask about me or the baby, she tells me about the mole she got removed.
She just does some weird shit.
She doesn't believe in most types of doctors, has never had a mammogram and has not been to the gyno in 30 years. Has said to me that she knows she won't get cancer. Meanwhile, she smokes a pack a day and claims she cured her COPD with vitamins.
So many, many reasons. MiL is a narcissistic twit. She blames me for DH not being religious. She has tried so hard to control our lives, including tying to steal a very large chunk of change from DH. Right after our wedding, she called DH to tell him she and her sisters spent the whole wedding taking shit about me because I wore high heels, and how disrespectful and abusive I was going to be as a wife. Right now she's furious with me that I won't give her DD's SSN. Truthfully I'm just waiting until she gets bored of DD and focuses all her energy on the favorite sibling's new child. She treats BiL so much better than DH. I won't let her hurt DD that way.
I don't hate her...but MH and I have been together for 14 years and she still cannot get my name right. She misspelled it on our rehearsal dinner invitations. She misspelled it on a banner for my 30th birthday. She wrote an entirely different name on our Christmas card this year. We've been married for 11 years!
My mom on the other hand has said many times how proud of him she is and how great that is and all the other nice things about it. I wish his parents were more like that.
My ILs are very similar. They're nice people and we mostly get along but my parents are SO demonstrative where they are the polar opposite. They just don't get excited or enthusiastic about any of their son's achievements. My parents try to make up the difference. They love my husband like he's their son.
Post by lolalolalola on Dec 19, 2017 15:29:43 GMT -5
Last year, we bought MIL a mobile home (she picked it out, we have the mortgage and are charging her rent). We also bought her a car. We bought her a new bed, and furnished 90% of her home with our stuff. (She moved from across the country to an area close to our vacation home (we paid for her moving expenses too)). DH has spend at least 4-6 weekends at her place doing maintenance & yard work to make it nicer for her.
We have planned to spend xmas at our vacation home this year, with her. Well, she decided she doesn't want to see us on Christmas. No explanation as to why.
Poor DH. I am sure this is because last month, she told him the rent is too high for her income. He sent her the budget numbers they had worked out before moving, asked her to go through them and let him know what was different, etc. He said that we couldn't reduce the rent, for tax purposes, because it's market rate and we are treating this like a rental property on our taxes. Before she retired, he sent her a few hundred each month in cash, and he said perhaps we could do something like that if she let him know where the shortfall was coming from. That was the last conversation he had with her, and then he called her 4 times to make plans for xmas. Finally she answered today and said she doesn't want to come.
1. Who the fuck doesn't want to visit their grandkids on Christmas.
2. I feel so bad for DH, he has done so much for her.
Well she is my STB ex-MIL but I hate her because she lies and manipulates people, is telling everyone our divorce is my fault (when her son is a cheater and liar), and basically tries to play the oh woe is me, I don't get why all this is happening to me wilting flower to get people to feel bad for her when her own actions are why neither of her sons speak to her, her grand kids only call her when they have to and she is all alone with no friends and minimal family contact. Throw in that she is a Trump supporting racist and bigot and never having to see her again is one good thing to come out of this divorce.
Post by killercupcake on Dec 19, 2017 15:33:40 GMT -5
Not MIL. FIL. He’s petty and cannot accept responsibility for anything. There’s a laundry list of things. I refuse to speak with him since the great porn ordering incident of 2013.
H is like the only one of his kids that will still speak to him and he won’t answer the phone or return his calls.
I don’t even know if he knows we’re having a baby and if he does, he hasn’t called H.
We actually still semi get along and got along very well before she moved in. It's not that we don't get along but I didn't realize how lazy she is and I'm not liking always having someone in the house with me.