Last year, we bought MIL a mobile home (she picked it out, we have the mortgage and are charging her rent). We also bought her a car. We bought her a new bed, and furnished 90% of her home with our stuff. (She moved from across the country to an area close to our vacation home (we paid for her moving expenses too)). DH has spend at least 4-6 weekends at her place doing maintenance & yard work to make it nicer for her.
We have planned to spend xmas at our vacation home this year, with her. Well, she decided she doesn't want to see us on Christmas. No explanation as to why.
Poor DH. I am sure this is because last month, she told him the rent is too high for her income. He sent her the budget numbers they had worked out before moving, asked her to go through them and let him know what was different, etc. He said that we couldn't reduce the rent, for tax purposes, because it's market rate and we are treating this like a rental property on our taxes. Before she retired, he sent her a few hundred each month in cash, and he said perhaps we could do something like that if she let him know where the shortfall was coming from. That was the last conversation he had with her, and then he called her 4 times to make plans for xmas. Finally she answered today and said she doesn't want to come.
1. Who the fuck doesn't want to visit their grandkids on Christmas.
2. I feel so bad for DH, he has done so much for her.
3. Who the fuck wants to spend xmas by herself.
Yes I am quoting myself. I am so upset. I am sitting here crying in my office. My poor DH. He tries so fucking hard and she is such a piece of shit person.
Post by donutsmakemegonuts on Dec 19, 2017 15:40:23 GMT -5
My MIL is mostly nice to me, but she treats my FIL like crap. She claims she has all of these health issues (and she does have some) that prevent her from doing things like grocery shop, clean the house, do laundry, etc. So FIL works full time with travel and does all of that because she "can't". But she can find the strength to go to the nearby casino whenever she wants. It's total bullshit.
We also discovered that she has started smoking again, which isn't helping her already existing issue, but she is hiding it because she knows it's wrong. But she makes up reasons to leave the house alllll the time for dumb shit and it's completely obvious. FIL won't confront her because "it would cause a fight".
She also can never be wrong, even though everything that comes out of her mouth is nonsense. She will argue with you even if she sounds like an idiot. For example, the following conversation happened while we were in Vegas with them.
I'm awake, sitting in the kitchen, minding my own business. DH is sleeping still.
FIL: I got up around 8 today. I just couldn't sleep in! MIL: Oh, I know (sarcastic tone) FIL: Did I wake you up? MIL: YES! Didn't you hear me get up and go to the bathroom?! FIL: Well, that's not my fault! I'm not taking the blame for you having to go to the bathroom! (I cheered in my head for him! Yay for standing up for yourself FIL!) MIL: Well I didn't actually have to go!
WTF?! My FIL just looked flabbergasted. Like he somehow still got blamed for someone else having to pee lol. She is so crazy.
She’s baby crazy. When H and I were dating, the first time I came over I mentioned I like cats and she said “but you can clean the litter box if you’re pregnant!” GET OFF MY UTE, LADY
Post by sapphireblue on Dec 19, 2017 15:43:12 GMT -5
I adored my exH's mother and she loved me too.
With my boyfriend's mother, I do like her, but she has a lot of neuroses which make her annoying. She will misplace something and call my SO every five minutes, even if it is past 10 pm, because she is so distressed she can't find it. Not something she needs then--the last time this happened she couldn't find the crayons my son was using when he was there earlier in the day.
She oversteps her bounds a lot with my kids. I mentioned when my son was about a month old that he was getting the cute leg rolls on his thighs and she told me I could put him on a diet. My daughter cries a lot and needs a lot of holding and she suggested (when the baby was less than a month old!) that I call the doctor for some drugs I could give her to quiet her down. She pushes us on when we are going to toilet train my son, and he is late to talk so she was really pushing a developmental pediatrician.
Then there was the Great Haircutting Incident of 2017 when she butchered my son's hair. He looked like a joke. I was pissed that she cut his hair at all (waited until my SO was out of the room and did it fast), but doubly pissed that she did such a shitty job!
She's gotten less irritating over the years but her greatest hits remind me why she drives me up a wall.
- when we got married, my maid of honor asked her for the rings because she and FIL had traveled with H to our wedding city and he had them. She was like "I'M holding onto them until the ceremony." Okay bitch we paid for those and are functional adults, tyvm.
- when we told her I was pregnant with Jackson she said "there's such a thing as Birth Control." No shit! You don't say.
- she washed dishes at my house with a men's XL tshirt because she doesn't like that I don't use dish rags and have a brush thing and sponges. WhoTF does that? I threw that wet sopping shirt away and the next morning she asked for her dish shirt and I said I threw it away. It was hilarious. My h swears it was awkward but I don't care. It felt good.
- she and her trashy twin brother constantly bitch about how their other brother's adopted kids inherited his money. In front of me. Despite knowing that I am also adopted and consider my adoptive father my dad, period.
- she constantly is critical of my h for his hair/beard/whatever like she's the most stylish bitch around. She is not. She has a mushroom hairstyle and should give no one tips about anything ever. Yet she is the most critical person I have ever met in my life.
- this is mostly just funny to me and not annoying - if we go out to eat at this expensive restaurant with BILs and SILs she sneaks money to my h because she thinks we are poor. We are not poor but everyone else has two incomes - however we live in a LCOL area, my H makes good money and our mortgage is like 1/4 of my one BIL/SIL. Like yeah they definitely make more money than us but their expenses are way more than ours. Their income might be double but their expenses are like quadruple. Anyway I think it's funny she thinks we are poor because it's so ridiculous. I always leave the money she gives us as a bonus tip to whoever our server is because she's the type to figure out 20% to the penny BEFORE TAX instead of any rounding. So I know it would annoy her if she knew I just gave bonus money to some random lol.
Despite all that she really is a great grandma and I like her a lot more now. She's chilled out a lot over the years because my BIL got married and his kids are fucking awful. I think it made her realize that MH and I are actually good parents and know what we are doing.
H has not spoken to FIL in years for numerous reasons. He would only call H when he wanted something. H has his number blocked now. Off the top of my head, here are some of the things I've been around for:
I wish he was never invited to our wedding. H wanted a relationship with him at that time. He cut in on our first dance first dance while wearing a tank top and suspenders.
One day I came home and he was taking a nap in our bed.
He constantly grumbles.
Tried to pick a fight on FB by communicating through H's siblings' FB's (because I have him blocked on mine and H doesn't have a FB) and blatantly lying about MIL.
Ran a red light in BIL's car and wouldn't pay the ticket.
H had a childhood motorcycle (raced as a teenager) he had been trying to get from FIL for years. Even offering money because he just wanted it back that bad. H found it listed on Craigslist one day.
He was the electrician on our first house and milked us for all he could. We were such dummies because we knew what he was doing and still felt bad for him and his situation at that time.
Eh, it's not hate, just annoyance and emotional exhaustion. Both fil and mil are narcissists who try to work into conversation each visit how well they think they parented. Nothing anyone does is ever good enough, except for sil, who they fall over backward to praise all the time.
I also used to hate her because she always made TG drama over where everyone was going and I hate TG anyway due to a death in my family on TG so she always made that time of year worse. But a few years ago I was just like fuck it and we don't even engage anymore. And she has TG with just her, FIL and her brother and his wife. I know it makes her mad but she doesn't pull crazy shit anymore over it.
Which reminds me of the time I loved MH the most at the height of visiting drama. She was all riled up because we were staying home (WITH A NEWBORN MIND YOU), and was all "I traveled to my parents for every holiday UNTIL THEY DIED." My H responded "that sounds like a You problem" and she hung up on him. Lmao.
When we told her that we were pregnant, she asked if it was on purpose. She then said the due date was the same as SIL's recent loss. It wasn't, it was months away but she just wanted us to feel badly.
When we told her about our second miscarriage, she said that "8 weeks pregnant really doesn't count anyway."
When we were wedding planning, she said she couldn't afford to help pay for anything, which is more than fine. We paid for it ourselves and likely would have anyway. However, when we told her about our plans for the rehearsal dinner, she flipped out and said that she was paying for it so she gets to make the decisions. She then came to the rehearsal dinner and did not pay the bill.
When we told her we were pregnant again, she referenced some bad family history on my side and said that she hoped my child didn't inherit a mental illness from me like my brother had.
She constantly criticizes our parenting and says that we are causing DS to be inflexible and too high strung. She compares him negatively to our niece all the time. She does not interact with him at all and then complains that he seems scared of her.
I don't understand the thought of having to take care of the parents. Helping them out physically and emotionally, yes. I did not grow up with grandparents who put this on their children and do not see my om or my in-laws doing this either.
When I was pregnant we told all of our parents that we wanted 2 or 3 hours alone after the birth. The hospital had a 1 hour mandatory family time with just mom and partner and baby anyway. My parents said of course, no problem.
My MIL literally cried, they said they had never heard of anyone doing anything like that ever, she questioned my fucking morals, and asked why wanted to hurt them. 2 days later my husband had to,drop something off there and MIL tried to turn him against me with some unbelievable passive aggressive woe is me bullshit about how he had changed so much since we married and that I seemed to turn him against them. I've barely seen or talked to her since because fuck that.
I haven't forgiven her for it and I'm not sure I ever will.
Thats just one of the things she's done that makes me not want to see or talk to her ever again.
Last year, we bought MIL a mobile home (she picked it out, we have the mortgage and are charging her rent). We also bought her a car. We bought her a new bed, and furnished 90% of her home with our stuff. (She moved from across the country to an area close to our vacation home (we paid for her moving expenses too)). DH has spend at least 4-6 weekends at her place doing maintenance & yard work to make it nicer for her.
We have planned to spend xmas at our vacation home this year, with her. Well, she decided she doesn't want to see us on Christmas. No explanation as to why.
Poor DH. I am sure this is because last month, she told him the rent is too high for her income. He sent her the budget numbers they had worked out before moving, asked her to go through them and let him know what was different, etc. He said that we couldn't reduce the rent, for tax purposes, because it's market rate and we are treating this like a rental property on our taxes. Before she retired, he sent her a few hundred each month in cash, and he said perhaps we could do something like that if she let him know where the shortfall was coming from. That was the last conversation he had with her, and then he called her 4 times to make plans for xmas. Finally she answered today and said she doesn't want to come.
1. Who the fuck doesn't want to visit their grandkids on Christmas.
2. I feel so bad for DH, he has done so much for her.
3. Who the fuck wants to spend xmas by herself.
Yes I am quoting myself. I am so upset. I am sitting here crying in my office. My poor DH. He tries so fucking hard and she is such a piece of shit person.
I'm sorry--he sounds like a really great son.
When I read your first post, I was thinking that I bet she doesn't really want to be alone on Christmas and this is all some sort of stunt. Like, maybe if she keeps refusing to come, your H will relent on giving her more money or reducing the rent? I don't know but she is lucky he is so nice to her!
Yes I am quoting myself. I am so upset. I am sitting here crying in my office. My poor DH. He tries so fucking hard and she is such a piece of shit person.
I'm sorry--he sounds like a really great son.
When I read your first post, I was thinking that I bet she doesn't really want to be alone on Christmas and this is all some sort of stunt. Like, maybe if she keeps refusing to come, your H will relent on giving her more money or reducing the rent? I don't know but she is lucky he is so nice to her!
Probably. But she has quite literally estranged every other individual in her family. She doesn't talk to any of her three siblings or their kids, her mother, and her other son. DH is all she has left.
1. When DS was born, she came up to "help." I took her at her word and sat on my ass most of the time she was there. You know, reasonable since I had just pushed out a 9 and half pound baby and was figuring out how to nurse. After she left she told multiple people in the family that I made her feel unwelcome since I didn't play hostess - she had to get her own drinks and snacks, the horror!!
2. She threw a tantrum at our rehearsal dinner because she and FIL were splitting the bill and FIL (her ex-H) had one more family member there than she did. She's brought it up several times since.
3. When my BIL and SIL got married, she found out what dress SIL's mom was wearing and showed up in the exact same one. MAde several comments about how they were "close" to the same but not exact because hers wasn't plus sized like SIL's mom.
3. My BIL died 2 weeks ago in an accident at his work. This is her son - I get this must be impossibly hard for her. However, he leaves behind a wife and 4 kids at home. There were over 1,000 people at the visitation. MIL has called SIL (the widow) several times and demanded that she go through the cards and tell her which of MIL's friends sent cards so she can write thank you's. It needs to be this week and no offer to do it herself - demanding my SIL do it or have one of her kids do it. She called DH to complain about how unreasonable SIL is being and DH told her to back off. MIL hung up on him and then vague booked about how in times of tragedy you learn who your true support is - and who isn't.
Mine always wants to add bovril to my cooking. Every fucking time they come over, "oh, do you have any bovril??"
One time she brought a bottle with her to my house. The look I gave my h...
I had to google what the fuck that even was
Yeah, it's basically beef flavoured liquid that I guess you can make gravy with? Anyway, I don't use it, lol.
The best was when she didn't have bovril at her own house, and made some crazy gravy with a mixture of soy sauce, sweet chili chicken sauce, and like...ketchup I think. This woman can't even make a proper gravy, and she's trying to add garbage to my food? No.
Post by cupcake0214 on Dec 19, 2017 16:28:19 GMT -5
According to my MIL I can do nothing right. She demeans and insults people any chance she can get. She has no friends and any friends my FIL are no longer friends because of her.
MMM my boyfriend's mom is a piece of work. Throughout his childhood every fight was a catastrophe and "irreparably damaged" the family and that he would have to "earn trust back". Constantly telling him that if he kept on with the behavior that the cops were going to arrest him and he was going to go to prison, that no woman would ever love him. Took him to a therapist that told him that the men in jail would "love" a kid like him. Then while struggling with an addiction problem, every time he would lash out (which rightfully was wrong) she would go back and tell his sister and put a wedge between them. But now cannot fathom why her son doesnt want a relationship with her and why he hates her.
Then there was the time she had back surgery and told us she was going to refuse the home health nurse assigned to her and said I would just help her. Told us.
I was 5-6 months pregnant and had horrible SPD and could barely walk, not to mention that I'm not a fucking nurse and can't give her medications or anything. She was seriously butthurt I said no fucking way.
And now she pouts and asks my husband why i dont like her or why I refuse to be her friend and act nicely nice.
These stories! Omg. Where do women like this come from? Is there something about having boys that makes women go crazy, or were they always this way? I know this isn’t a real question because there are toxic mothers of daughters too, but damn!
I just hope everyone’s kids pick up on this eventually. My grandmother was a terrible MIL to my mom, and none of us (me, my mom, and my siblings) shed a single tear at her funeral. People noticed too, and it was grand.
She says insensitive things and then gives a non-apology.
Ex: I lost my daughter at 20 weeks in August 2016 after trying for 6 years and doing multiple IUIs and eventually doing IVF. In April 2017 we announced in person to them that we are pregnant and due in October 2017 with a boy. THE VERY FIRST THING SHE SAYS TO ME is "so next time you'll try for a girl, right?"
Fuck you, MIL. I emailed her about it afterwards and she basically responded with "yeah, I thought you might take my comment that way. Sorry you were so hurt by it."
There are many more examples but this one takes the cake.
Post by AutumnRose25 on Dec 19, 2017 16:57:12 GMT -5
carmenere Maybe my opinion of your H is still tainted by the $20,000 frat house donation followed by his freak out over paying for basic household maintenence, but I don’t really understand why he is pissed at his Mom buying stuff for his sister if he has refused to accept the gifts offered to him?
If he turns it down, why shouldn’t she spend her own money on whomever else she chooses?
It’s a weird thing to make into your MIL being “bad”.
She says insensitive things and then gives a non-apology.
Ex: I lost my daughter at 20 weeks in August 2016 after trying for 6 years and doing multiple IUIs and eventually doing IVF. In April 2017 we announced in person to them that we are pregnant and due in October 2017 with a boy. THE VERY FIRST THING SHE SAYS TO ME is "so next time you'll try for a girl, right?"
Fuck you, MIL. I emailed her about it afterwards and she basically responded with "yeah, I thought you might take my comment that way. Sorry you were so hurt by it."
There are many more examples but this one takes the cake.
I am so sorry. That woman would not be in my life anymore. I think that is a pretty cruel comment to make given that you lost your daughter.
These stories! Omg. Where do women like this come from? Is there something about having boys that makes women go crazy, or were they always this way? I know this isn’t a real question because there are toxic mothers of daughters too, but damn!
I just hope everyone’s kids pick up on this eventually. My grandmother was a terrible MIL to my mom, and none of us (me, my mom, and my siblings) shed a single tear at her funeral. People noticed too, and it was grand.
I hope not! I'm the mother of all boys! Eek.
My MIL was a single mom raising my husband and his sister. They were abnormally close when H and I first met. She has dealt with depression for as long as H can remember and also has a drinking problem (as evidenced in my story above). She also just apparently can't be a grown up and take blame for any of her own faults.
Post by litskispeciality on Dec 19, 2017 17:22:31 GMT -5
MIL is a lot better now, but it's taken years. I guess my biggest thing is just the baby crazy. She was a grandmother before 40 so she doesn't know anything else. I knew I wasn't having kids when I met DH, that's never been good enough. The day we told his parents we were closing on a house she said "oh...so I guess this means you won't be having babies for a while..." Well sure, but you know, we're buying a house and that's kind of cool... Thankfully that house is about an hour away and my husband's weird schedule makes it hard for me to visit (I'm not comfortable going without him).
SIL is a nightmare. The baby thing. Plus I'll just never be good enough. It's not even so much that, it's just that she's a passive agressive bi--- who makes sure she says the right thing so DH thinks I'm crazy not her. She just sent a text this weekend (a week before Christmas) that we're welcome to go to her house on Christmas if we're around. "She kept forgetting to text us". She actually said that and DH is mad at me for going on a rant to not cloud his judgement. God forbid he tells her he's going to see my family that would make her all butthurt, although how you can plan to visit with a week's notice is beyond me. Sadly that's the least of our issues with her, but I don't see her much and that's just fine.
I don’t actively hate my MIL but I don’t enjoy her company. She’s the most passive aggressive person I’ve ever met. She pulled a big selfish hissy fit during our wedding planning and ended up having my father chauffeur her around that day. She constantly guilts my H about stupid crap, yet would never dare get mad at my BIL. He’s lucky he lives 3 hours away - and I know that she’s part of the reason that he does.
The biggest annoyance is the inferiority complex she has about my family. We’re all really close and my Dad has been a great positive role model for my H since my FIL (whom I adore) moved across the country. But she just keeps tabs on how much time we spend with my family and drives me up the friggin wall. We don’t want her to be alone on holidays so she gets invited to all of our get togethers (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter etc) and it’s just awkward. She’s said a few snotty comments to my Mom too which did not go over well.
And she comes over and sits on the couch expecting to be waited on. Even the day we brought the twins home from the hospital, she just had to be here to ‘help’ yet she just sat on her ass the whole time, and expected us to pour her wine.
I've never met my MIL. She wasn't invited to our wedding. My H and his siblings had horrific childhoods. She was married 7 (or 8, I can't remember) times and moved them all over the place for her own selfish reasons. They were on their own for all of their own needs (food, clothes) at young ages. H has tried reconnecting out of guilt a couple of times but she's delusional about the past and refuses to be accountable. His dad has passed so it really sucks he doesn't have one good parent in his life. Breaks my heart.
This is pretty much my situation with my MIL too, except I've met her once for like, an hour. H's father also passed away, but there was no relationship there for years before he died.
H's aunt has a story about him visiting her when he was around 4. She woke up early one morning to him sitting on the counter cooking his own eggs. It was normal for him to be left on his own to find meals.
The blatant favoritism and treating my husband like he doesn't matter when he is truly the kindest, warmest, most generous man I know (despite my threatening to murder him at least once a week).
I don't understand the thought of having to take care of the parents. Helping them out physically and emotionally, yes. I did not grow up with grandparents who put this on their children and do not see my om or my in-laws doing this either.
I don't totally get this concept either. I promise I'm not a monster, but I think it's a huge burden on your kids and their family. My mom's parents died before I was born, my dad's parents moved to a retirement home. They had constant care and lived in independent living for many years. It's expensive, but they got a hell of a lot better treatment than we could give them, although that grandmother was a horrible person so yeah. I guess though if you have an in-law suite and the parents are in good enough health they don't require constand medical care then enjoy the extra family time.
Ironically my awful SIL got in a huge fight with her MIL over this very reason. My SIL is the type to divorce one husband once she's found another one to let her move in and take care of her. SIL's MIL sees right through that and worries that her only son won't take her in if SIL wants her mother to live with them. I think more happened to cause them to not speak at all, but this crazy woman (the other MIL) called my husband drunk one night complaining about this. Lady keep us out of your drama!