Week of 7/30

[scm1011]

So CD1 came Saturday and I'm officially cycling for my FET! It feels surreal. My cycle starts with BCP so transfer will be in early September. It would be wonderful if the first transfer works, because it would mean a late May EDD and DH could be home for the summer (he's a teacher), but I know I was super lucky that my first transfer worked last time and I don't want to bank on that being the case again. 

[icedcoffee]

Exciting scm1011! I hope the timing works out for you!

My nurse reached out to me on Friday since she saw our name on the schedule for next week and asked what our plans are. I'm so glad she's still there! I sent her a million questions because I don't even know WTF I want to do. Part of me just wants to go straight to IVF again, but another part of me thinks I might be rushing and we should try IUI or timed intercourse a little longer. Anyway--I basically just need to confirm that insurance will let me go directly to IVF. I effing hate TTC.

My H has an appointment with the urologist tomorrow so that should provide some clarity. I think we'll have him start Clomid just to be safe. We do have 6 vials of sperm frozen though.

I did ask her if I can come in this week for an HSG to get that out of the way, but then I realized I'd have to do it like tomorrow or Wed at the latest and I doubt that will work. Ugh.

My H and I were also talking about our original plan to take a break from TTC from late Nov - Early April-ish to avoid another 4th quarter baby and we both pretty much turned to each other and laughed because I don't think we'll be able to stop ourselves from just going full speed ahead. My H said we'll probably end up with a September 1st baby. LOL

Anyway--I think we were both just hoping this time around would be more relaxed, but I guess that's just not in our personalities.

[shauni27]

scm1011, so exciting! Wow, that is crazy; I feel like you were just pregnant with C (could be because that was the last time I saw you, lol.) Fingers crossed the transfer is successful!

I had an exhausting weekend. G just opened a big bike park in the area so he is busy managing that now--that means he is gone every weekend and does not get home until right when S is going to bed. It has been really hard on our marriage and seriously, I am so, so exhausted taking care of a toddler by myself. I do not know how loira did it for so long! We had a big come to jesus talk about it with lots of crying and I am hopeful we can make some changes that will work better for our family because fuck, man, I am not cut out to be what is essentially a single mother, lol.

Also, I need to call my doctor because ever since having Sage my sweating is out of control. I have always been sweaty, but it is so bad that I am declining events and just staying inside my house because sweat literally pours off of me. It has been a year and I think something in my hormones has just changed. I need to find a way to treat this.

[icedcoffee]

Sorry for the brain dump.

[scm1011]

icedcoffee, I totally get it. I was actually relieved to find out that IVF was our only hope, because I would just not be chill enough for TI or IUI. TTC is the WORST. I also joke that we'll end up with fourth quarter twins, because my RE has us set up to do 2 single transfers and then a double transfer (we have 4 embryos). Our luck the the first two will fail and the double transfer will stick (please no lol). Good luck with the testing.

shauni27, I'm sorry you're stuck being primary parent again. That sounds exhausting. K and I have had similar come to jesus talks/tears about him staying at his current job. Its not nearly as all-consuming as G's, but its a long commute and long hours for a low-paying teaching job (its a charter school and they have an extended day), and it means all the weekday parenting falls to me. I told him this is his final year there, then he needs to find a position that works better for our family.

[starryfish]

hey all!

scm1011, we can by cycle buddies again!
icedcoffee, yea we are the same way-we just want it OVER/DONE with already
shauni27, big HUGS. My DH is gone a lot on the weekends too (OOT) so I am with her 24/7-I turn into a SUPER lazy parent bc OMG it takes so much energy! One of her friends from daycare, her DH works a lot 6-7days a week, so she is alone with her DD too. So we try to schedule a playdate each weekend. It helps to break up the day/weekend, plus I really like the mom-so its like a playdate for me too!!!

So we started our first IUI cycle. Started my menopur shots yesterday and go in for monitoring Wednesday morning. I am assuming I will have to take more menopur (we started my dose low because we are trying to keep my multiples risk down). But my body is slow-I usually Ovulate on CD21-22.

[icedcoffee]

scm1011 , Yeah--I think going straight into an IVF cycle this fall probably makes most sense. Hopefully insurance will let us. It will be nice to pay a $500 deductible this time versus $30,000. Haha. IUI's make me nervous due to the increase chance of multiples. 3 kids is not what I planned for my life.

I'm starting to get flashbacks of emotion because when we first started IVF our RE was all "you'll get all the embryos you need to build your whole family since you're so young and healthy". Yeah--they retrieved 33 eggs, we transferred 2 embryos and we have NOTHING left (well---except our adorable 1 year old haha). LIES!

shauni27 , I'm sorry you're solo parenting. That's really tough. I hope the dr has an easy solution for the sweating.

[thoseareradishes]

Hugs shauni27, that sounds really hard. I had a little breakdown last weekend and told H he had to stop acting like a turd about taking care of E by himself (for the 1 freaking hour I go to yoga once a week). He did have a better attitude this week, so I'm hoping it sticks.

E was a big old grump at gym today. She really hates it when the teacher takes her to do the exercises on the bars or rings or whatever. I always stand right by her and hold her hand if I can, but she cries and fights and hates it. She doesn't like anyone except H or I to hold her. I'm not sure what to do about it; should I keep forcing it, or talk to the teacher and see if I can do the exercises with her instead? (He's really nice and will be open to whatever we want to do.)

[mpc]

I am all angry-emotional today because apparently I failed my 1 hr glucose test. My number was 138 and I thought the cutoff was 140 but they are still making me do the 3 hr test. I've never had any trouble with this before so it caught me off guard. And I feel very overwhelmed right now so I'm not handling it well. 2 weeks until my work stress is over and then hopefully I can relax a little...

[scm1011]

Jul 30, 2018 9:40:23 GMT -5 icedcoffee said:

 3 kids is not what I planned for my life.

Same! I think 3 would kill me.

I hope the insurance approval comes through quickly. 

[loira]

shauni27, I'm sorry. It's rough, I know. I'm not really sure how I did it for so long either. Solo parenting when A was between 9 and 16 months was really hard. As she got better at walking and being really verbal it improved. I was lucky enough to live with my parents, and there were definitely some nights where I had to tag them in and just get out of the house. I lived for nap and bedtimes.

My best advice is to echo scheduling things for yourself that you can bring S to. I don't know what he's like, but A has always been pretty portable so I'd take her to cafes and museums and on dog walks. On the off chance I had a friend in town, I'd do a big visit. It was exhausting, but better for our relationship than it just being the 2 of us all the time at home, and I have more patience in public, haha. in nice weather we often did 2 trips to the park, one in the morning and 1 in the afternoon. As for my marriage, I think it was about easier for me because H was physically so far away. I imagine I would have been much more frustrated by seeing him waltz in at bedtime, even knowing he couldn't help his schedule. I hope G was very understanding when you talked. Finally, I also forgot what it felt like to have a partner, but that was a by product and not on purpose. Still, it helped, haha!

[Mushe]

shauni27, what the heck? It seemed like the thing that made G’s winter schedule at all bearable is that it was just seasonal. Is this going to be all the time now, multiple busy seasons?

thoseareradishes, how does E do when you’re not there? Our kiddos are generally different when we aren’t around. DS might be clingy with me, but fine if I’m not around.

[shauni27]

loira, thank you. It is seriously so hard. I try to book things for us to do because I hate just sitting at home all the time. We try to go get groceries first thing in the AM because G is home until 8 so he can help occupy S while I get dressed quickly. Then it is off to do errands and then home for nap one. I try to nap then, too. Then some sort of fun adventure until nap #2. Then I try again to either workout in the basement or get as much stuff done around the house while he sleeps. Then aim for a low key activity until dinner/bath/bed. But it is seriously so friggin exhausting.

mpc, I am sorry to hear about the glucose test :/

[shauni27]

Mushe, as of right now it would be all of May through all of October, a few weekends off in November and then all of December through all of March. Meaning we would have April 100% together and that is it. My HOPE is that he can advocate for himself to either have every other weekend off (maybe not in the winter, but the rest of the time) OR Sunday and Monday off so we can have at least one day together a week.

[cactuscookie]

Jul 30, 2018 11:10:04 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

loira , thank you. It is seriously so hard. I try to book things for us to do because I hate just sitting at home all the time. We try to go get groceries first thing in the AM because G is home until 8 so he can help occupy S while I get dressed quickly. Then it is off to do errands and then home for nap one. I try to nap then, too. Then some sort of fun adventure until nap #2. Then I try again to either workout in the basement or get as much stuff done around the house while he sleeps. Then aim for a low key activity until dinner/bath/bed. But it is seriously so friggin exhausting.

One of the things that I think is so hard about parenting all day like that, besides the obvious that they require constant supervision to stay safe, is that you have to be your best, most upbeat, patient self while parenting. And of course everybody snaps eventually, and then you feel guilty and have to pull yourself back in, over and over... It really is exhausting. I hope you guys find a good solution.

[cactuscookie]

One of my really good friends has been trying to get pregnant for a couple years. We haven't talked much about it, although she knows our history, so I wasn't sure how she was handling it. They hadn't been to an RE, and for most of her life, she was determined that she didn't want kids, but I also know how hard infertility is even if you start out thinking that you're not necessarily determined to have a baby.

So I was a little apprehensive about telling her that I'm pregnant when I saw her this weekend. But - it turns out she's pregnant too! She's 6 weeks along, so they're super nervous - and now I am too. I almost wish I hadn't known until she was further along so I didn't have to worry!

[Mushe]

shauni27, hugs to you. The busy times all running together like that are so hard. I hope he’s able to get the time off you all need.

Yay, cactuscookie! That’s phenomenal news.

[Mushe]

Hey guys! B is one month old now, nuts! I brought in the blanket and card setup that I bought for monthly pictures, and we did our best. Her collage will be interesting!

DS goes to Utah with MIL on Wednesday, and I think all of this shuffling is wearing on him. He cried last night when he saw we’d swapped his trashcan into DD’s room, since it’s this two sided contraption we bought for cloth diapering. It was just too much for him. 😥 He told me, ‘our whole Disney vacation was ruined!’ I apologized, and explained that mommy got sick and she had to be born, so at least he got a sister out of the trip. His response? ‘I was going to get that anyway!’ Lol

[shauni27]

oh, Mushe, he is seriously so sweet. I am sure he is going to struggle a bit with this adjustment. I think becoming a sibling is tough for all little kids at first, losing so much attention and all, but he will adjust eventually and be such a great and proud big brother (he already is!)

[icedcoffee]

My nurse just got back to me that they won't need a repeat HSG which frankly shocks the hell out of me, but yay! to not losing a whole cycle to an HSG. Apparently all she'd want is a mock embryo transfer which I could do on BCP. OMG I might actually be going through IVF again. My butt has still not recovered from all those progesterone shots. LOL

Mushe, I cannot believe it has been a month! WOW that flew by (for me--lol).

[thoseareradishes]

I'm sorry mpc, that sucks

Aww Mushe, poor kiddo. I'm sure this has been tough on him. I hope he has fun in Utah (has he been there? Neat place!).

[cactuscookie]

Mushe, poor guy. Everything is so crazy for you guys lately, it's not surprising that eventually it got to be too much for him. Even a relatively smooth NICU story like yours is a nearly impossible situation to handle. As always, you continue to impress me with your positive attitude and fortitude, but you must be absolutely exhausted. I know you're doing your best for DS too. I'm sure it'll be easier for everyone once B is home, so you're not dividing your time, and DS can start being the big brother that he'd probably been envisioning.

And good for you for not responding with "YOUR vacation was ruined?! YOURS?! AT least you didn't have to have emergency surgery!"

[grover]

First ultrasound is on Wednesday morning. Really really hoping there's only one baby in there.

Other than that, just trying to enjoy my last two weeks off with A for the summer.

[Mushe]

Lol cactuscookie! It took a lot of restraint. 😆 H did complain to me the other day about being tired, and I told him he was lucky I was holding B...and didn’t have any sharp implements in my hand. I definitely have good and bad days.

thoseareradishes, he hasn’t been, but he’s obsesssed with geography, so he’s been talking about it for months!

grover, good thoughts for you!

[luv2rn4fun]

((Hugs)) Mushe. You are amazing and continue to handle all of this extremely well. I hope B is home soon and you guys can finally adjust to being a family of 4, all together in the same home. I feel for all of you...hope N has a fun time in Utah! I know he was looking forward to this trip!

[shauni27]

grover, I remember after the shock of finding out we were pregnant, just how nervous I was that there was going to be 2. I very specifically remember crying in waiting room thinking that something already went wrong and then once we knew that we were still pregnant we made them check THREE TIMES that there was only one (because we put in two embies) lol.

[icedcoffee]

I know I'm a one track mind these days, but I have no one to talk to. Haha.

My clinic sent me a bill yesterday for my $500 deductible (due by day 5 of BCP) and I responded asking if this means they got preauthorization for an IVF cycle from my insurance and they said yes. I still feel nervous that they might deny the claim down the road or something. Should I have something in writing from the insurance? I have Cigna if that makes a difference. This is new territory for me because pretty much nothing was covered for our first round.

[scm1011]

Jul 31, 2018 8:01:55 GMT -5 icedcoffee said:

I know I'm a one track mind these days, but I have no one to talk to. Haha.

My clinic sent me a bill yesterday for my $500 deductible (due by day 5 of BCP) and I responded asking if this means they got preauthorization for an IVF cycle from my insurance and they said yes. I still feel nervous that they might deny the claim down the road or something. Should I have something in writing from the insurance? I have Cigna if that makes a difference. This is new territory for me because pretty much nothing was covered for our first round.

I did get a letter in the mail from insurance about a week after I got the verbal confirmation from the my RE. Maybe call Cigna if you're feeling anxious about it?

So looks we'll cycling together again, yay! 

[grover]

shauni27, yeah, I'm only 5 weeks but the bloat is real. And I had symptoms/positive test a full week before period was due. I just keep thinking that there's no way I can handle A at 2 years old and more than one newborn. We had 3 follicles.... And with both cars breaking down this weekend and just the cost of one more in daycare (let alone two more...) and H is going to flip if it's multiples. Like, I can see him going down into a depressive spiral. Daycare lady already said she'd work it out with us if it is multiples. But we'd have no family support, and I know already I will be going back to work at 6 weeks to finish out the school year.

[icedcoffee]

Jul 31, 2018 8:17:56 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

Jul 31, 2018 8:01:55 GMT -5 icedcoffee said:

I know I'm a one track mind these days, but I have no one to talk to. Haha.

My clinic sent me a bill yesterday for my $500 deductible (due by day 5 of BCP) and I responded asking if this means they got preauthorization for an IVF cycle from my insurance and they said yes. I still feel nervous that they might deny the claim down the road or something. Should I have something in writing from the insurance? I have Cigna if that makes a difference. This is new territory for me because pretty much nothing was covered for our first round.

I did get a letter in the mail from insurance about a week after I got the verbal confirmation from the my RE. Maybe call Cigna if you're feeling anxious about it?

So looks we'll cycling together again, yay! 

Yeah--we might be! If we do cycle on my next period it would actually be convenient for us in terms of the days I'd be doing everything.  Much more so than October would be.

I might wait a week and then call Cigna after I meet with my RE next Thursday if they can't provide more clarity.  Ugh, insurance.  There is a precertification section on the Cigna portal, but I have  no documents listed there.