sister says "I choose to raise my children"

[CloudBee]

...when I have a discussion with her today about how we are choosing the daycare route, and toured our first this afternoon.

She's a SAHM. 8-D

[pugz]

um the fuck?

she has 9 kids right? putting them in daycare would probably bankrupt them, I don't think she can pass judgement on you when you are in very very different situations.

[Deleted]

Tell her is super-woman; far superior to you and your husband. Tell her she should be cloned.

[DarcyLongfellow]

I HATE it when people say that. And I'm a SAHM! But in no way do I think my working mom friends aren't raising their own children.

I once got in a huge fight with a friend of mine when she said something similar. I didn't even have kids yet, but I ripped her a new one about how offensive that was. She was furious with me. A couple weeks later she called to apologize to me because she had, after listening to me, apologized to another friend about a simlar comment she had made. Apparently that other friend had been upset the whole time because my friend had said something like that to her.

Long way saying, maybe she just doesn't understand how offensive it is? Could you try talking to her about it?

[Deleted]

I choose to raise my child too. Daycare does not change that.

I'm sorry your sister said that. I don't know why anyone thinks one is better than the other. The right choice for your family is the right choice, period.

[vanillacourage]

She also chooses to be a douche.

[cjeanette]

Sept 18, 2012 21:59:47 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Oh, if only we could outsource parenting to daycare. Alas...

I long for the bygone era of the live in nanny and governess....lol.

[Kore]

Dude. So her husband isn't raising the kids since he works?

[Deleted]

She's a dirty pirate whore no doubt.

[CloudBee]

Yes, pugz, that is correct.

I feel better getting that out.

[Deleted]

Sept 18, 2012 22:03:14 GMT -5 Kore said:

Dude. So her husband isn't raising the kids since he works?

I would totally point this out if any SAHM made such a comment to me. I would ask this question with a straight face and enjoy the stunned silence.

ETA: Then I'd ask how she's getting her homeschooling training, since she's obviously not sending her kids to school.

[matildasun]

Sept 18, 2012 21:58:14 GMT -5 DarcyLongfellow said:

I HATE it when people say that. And I'm a SAHM! But in no way do I think my working mom friends aren't raising their own children.

[Deleted]

Sept 18, 2012 22:05:29 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

She's a dirty pirate whore no doubt.

LOL. ;D

[lindyanne]

Wow. She has balls to say that to begin with but I'm 99% sure you've helped them out financially which makes it totally ridiculous. I SAH and that's the option for me and we can luckily afford it. I realize I am very blessed. Even if people can completely afford it, SAH is definitely not for everyone. *hugs*

[curbsideprophet]

Sept 19, 2012 0:02:05 GMT -5 sunmoonstars said:

Sept 18, 2012 22:03:14 GMT -5 Kore said:

Dude. So her husband isn't raising the kids since he works?

I would totally point this out if any SAHM made such a comment to me. I would ask this question with a straight face and enjoy the stunned silence.

ETA: Then I'd ask how she's getting her homeschooling training, since she's obviously not sending her kids to school.

All of this. I was also going to ask about homeschooling. Sorry she said that.

[bunch]

Ftr I think very few sahms feel this way. I sure dont.

[ECB]

Sept 19, 2012 0:02:05 GMT -5 sunmoonstars said:

Sept 18, 2012 22:03:14 GMT -5 Kore said:

Dude. So her husband isn't raising the kids since he works?

I would totally point this out if any SAHM made such a comment to me. I would ask this question with a straight face and enjoy the stunned silence.

ETA: Then I'd ask how she's getting her homeschooling training, since she's obviously not sending her kids to school.

Yup - another "all of this".

[ssmjlm]

WTF is wrong with people. Your sister should be doing nothing but supporting you and cheering you on.

[hannamaren]

If I stayed at home, my child would have a horrible life. So thankfully for her, I am outsourcing parenting.

And not horrible life due to financial reasons. More due to me hating every minute of it.

[ohgillian]

Sept 19, 2012 6:02:19 GMT -5 curbsideprophet said:

Sept 19, 2012 0:02:05 GMT -5 sunmoonstars said:

I would totally point this out if any SAHM made such a comment to me. I would ask this question with a straight face and enjoy the stunned silence.

ETA: Then I'd ask how she's getting her homeschooling training, since she's obviously not sending her kids to school.

All of this. I was also going to ask about homeschooling. Sorry she said that.

Ditto on the schooling issue. I actually think you should ask her about that.

[CloudBee]

Apparently once you "feel the baby kick for the first time, you will understand, and feel more connected to your baby".

and

"Once you hold your baby for the first time, you won't be able to imagine letting go".

Yes, we have helped her out, and no, she has no retirement and is very unstable financially. Someone has always reached their hand out to her family. She has no clue.

[mrssandro]

People like this drive me BSC. Reminds me of this one girl who posts on FB all the chores she does during the day. And how truly exhausting it is to be a SAHM. While I know it's not easy it still bugs me that she is complaining about her job. Blah!

[drloretta]

I feel the need to apologize for her on behalf of all SAHMs.

And her other comments really burn me up. But that's for another day.

[cjeanette]

Sept 19, 2012 8:11:30 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

Apparently once you "feel the baby kick for the first time, you will understand, and feel more connected to your baby".

and

"Once you hold your baby for the first time, you won't be able to imagine letting go".

Yes, we have helped her out, and no, she has no retirement and is very unstable financially. Someone has always reached their hand out to her family. She has no clue.

[ECB]

Sept 19, 2012 8:11:30 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

Yes, we have helped her out, and no, she has no retirement and is very unstable financially. Someone has always reached their hand out to her family. She has no clue.

"Well, sis, as I"m supporting myself and don't need my family to give me money, I feel confident in the decisions I've made.".

[hopeful2012]

So my husband who is a SAHD raises our children but I don't right?

I've gotten a lot of these "types" of comments. A lot of the SAHMs I know just seem to go on the offensive/defensive premptively, like they don't I think I value them since they SAH (which isn't true).

For example, putting statements everywhere (facebook, etc") that "I have the best career in the world, I'm a stay at home mom" or "I wouldn't trade my job for everything, even though its the hardest in the world".

I am a mother too! When I put in 60 hours a week and then spend every spare moment I have outside of that taking care of my son (since my husband is exhausted) it makes me want to scream!!!

ETA: I'm sure this is a flameful opinion, but what I remind myself with these people is that in 10-15 years there kids are going to be either snarky teenagers who don't appreciate them in the least bit and/or over 18 and out of the house. And when they can't afford to pay for college or have to go back to work after being out of the workforce 20+ years because they have no retirement savings or have to live off the backs of their relatives to even make it through the SAH period, I can say to myself "I chose to plan realistically for my kid's future". Not that I would say this, I would just think it. I know for myself that trying not to work right now would be nothing but a completely selfish decision on my part (because my DH's earning capacity is so much less than mine but he is at least as capable as I am at watchin gour son).

[ohgillian]

Sept 19, 2012 8:11:30 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

Apparently once you "feel the baby kick for the first time, you will understand, and feel more connected to your baby".

and

"Once you hold your baby for the first time, you won't be able to imagine letting go".

Yes, we have helped her out, and no, she has no retirement and is very unstable financially. Someone has always reached their hand out to her family. She has no clue.

Barf. Once I met my baby, I couldn't imagine not being as responsible as possible in providing for his needs.

[hannamaren]

She needs to read that blog post about relationship vs job. The jobs are laundry, diaper changing, cleaning. Anyone can do those. The relationship is not about time.

[Deleted]

Sept 18, 2012 21:57:46 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

Tell her is super-woman; far superior to you and your husband. Tell her she should be cloned.

YES!!! This is the perfect responce to deal with those kind of people.

[CloudBee]

I'm so fired up. She threw this into our conversation - a conversation which did not end on a rough note. But now that I have had time to really think about what she said, I'm very angry.

Not sure I want to be confrontational, but my guard is certainly up. I would like to take a few jabs at her with my words, but figure it would be useless.

I think it's time to distance myself again.