Well, solid Monday start over here so I'm kicking things off.
First, it's vacation week. Camp opens later than before school care, so I'm already starting my day a half hour later than normal at the office, which means I have to work a half hour later to make up the time. Just an inconvenience more than anything.
Got to work and found out my main point of contact for my resort is out until Friday. I show up Sunday. Would have been nice to know that I don't have my staff person available for the week immediately prior to our group's arrival. I now get to deal with all the last minute details with random coverage person instead of the person I've been dealing with for months. I didn't get any kind of heads up and her out of office didn't even list a contact person. I had to hunt one down.
And I have a team member who is being grumpy and bitter about his workload. He wants to be doing more, taking more of a leadership role, and needs more guidance from me to do it. Totally get it, that's on me as a manager. But don't give me attitude about it this week, of all weeks. I'm really f-ing busy right now and unfortunately, he has to take a back seat. He has work to be doing, but thinks it's below him. Guaranteed he's gone to our CEO (who I report to) about it, so that'll be a fun conversation later. I'm basically drowning right now and just need to get through this trip so that I have one less giant project on my plate and no one seems to be hearing me when I say that.
My Monday is starting after an uncomfortable night of sleeping in the children’s hospital. DS had an emergency appendectomy last night. Doing well but sore and everyone is beat.
I have a new report starting at work today and have back to back meetings that I need to reimagine for the next couple of days.
On top of that, poor kid was planning on going on a class trip to Mexico on Thursday for two weeks. Now we are trying to figure out if and how we will be able to salvage any of that. Which might entail me buying a ticket just to accompany him down to join his class later. Then I would immediately fly back.
Sigh. I was having anxiety related to work on Saturday. This puts it in perspective but the work doesn’t go away...
twinmomma, as someone who is looking to take on more responsibility it is very frustrating for me when my boss is "too busy" to give me guidance and doesn't even send me the tasks to help take things off his plate. He is so used to doing everything by himself that he doesn't even think to delegate. There has been many many conversations about this. However, I can guarantee that I have never gone over his head to complain about it though. Especially when we are underwater in tasks.
My Monday: DS has the flu now. I am home with him. I was going to workout but DS woke up before I could leave and begged me to stay so I stayed. Sigh. Love that boy and I can't say no to him when he is sick.
xctsclrx, Here's where I'm stuck with this person. It's a completely brand new position. Our company never had this before. It is pulling work from multiple divisions and multiple people and housing it under one person now and I am tasked with helping create what that role looks like. So I don't even have a lot of things to delegate, because it's all new. Half this stuff wasn't even on my plate to begin with. And when I do delegate projects, he feels that they're more menial, assistant type tasks. Which they are. But it's what I have in front of me at this moment and it needs to get done!
Post by justcheckingin73 on Feb 25, 2019 9:41:42 GMT -5
How frustrating twinmomma ! I can’t believe your contact wouldn’t even tell you that they would be out and who to contact if you have questions. A lot of crap happens in the last week before an event. I hope it all goes well! Your team member should be a little more understanding. Maybe if you set up a meeting before you leave to talk about it so he knows something is on the horizon, he’ll back off.
Had a pretty good weekend but today is meeting day and a couple have me anxious so I’ll be happy to get this day over. Actually there are a few things this week that have me anxious, including DD starting drivers ed (classroom). She also has 2 track meets this week, there is a parent-attend religious ed class on Tuesday and the kids don’t have school on Friday. Plus I have to reschedule my root touch up on Saturday for sometime?? I have no idea when and my roots are already bad.
I’m just glad DS is feeling better and is going back to school. He was out Thurs and Fri with a fever and cold.
twinmomma, sounds like he needs an attitude adjustment. You have to prove yourself on the menial tasks in order to be trusted with the bigger tasks. At least that is how I think of things.Good luck.
I worked a 15 hour day yesterday until 9pm and had to be back to work at 6am today. The phone rang at 2:45 am this morning, scared the shit out of me because it's always bad news getting a call at that hour. It was STBXH calling to tell me that he's been puking all night and I needed to pick DS up in the morning. He knows I get up at 5 for work and could have called me then. Or even left text message for me to see when I got up. It's not like I have to take time off of work, I just have to leave work for a few minutes to take him to school. At least I have tomorrow off, but I have a ton of errands to run.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Feb 25, 2019 9:54:45 GMT -5
sunbutter, as a PSA, how did you know he needed the appendectomy? What poor timing!
I had a whirlwind weekend. Workouts in prep for my 70.3 triathlon that is in 6 weeks, solo time with the kids, watching movies at home, and putting on the annual HOA meeting for the neighborhood. It was nice!
Today a nurse is coming to our home and going to show us how to give growth hormones to DD. I'm very anxious about this as I do not like shots, but it's an epipen type of injection so...maybe it won't be too bad? I don't know.
We had awful weather yesterday - freezing rain that changed to snow midday, and wind gusts up to 60 mph. School is closed today due the roads still being icy, so I am WFH with the kids.
Weekend was busy. DH had a man cold, so I ended up taking DS to baseball Friday evening (and getting groceries while he was there) and Saturday morning. Then DD and I went to a movie with my BFF and her DD (our DDs are friends too). We got home around 1 pm, and then I spent the afternoon doing laundry, dishes, and cleaning bathrooms. I wanted to get everything done in case we lost power on Sunday. Thankfully, our power stayed on (although it flashed a couple times) and internet stayed on all Sunday. We had some friends over Sunday afternoon so DH could do their taxes.
twinmomma, can you encourage him to show some initiative on one of the other areas that is being pulled into the role? Like you, I was really never able to carve out time to sit with my new employees to train them. I was hiring VP-level people, so I "trained" them by having them shadow me and other colleagues in meetings. I'd carve out an hour here and there when I could to bring them up to speed on priorities and where help was needed - but then it was up to them to sink or swim. Maybe not the best way for many people, but if they couldn't find their way after that, they didn't belong on my team. Do you have any colleagues that can help? Can he just shadow you while you're on calls? Maybe from that he can offer to pick stuff up...
My weekend was brutal. DD1 is not improving with her group and individual therapy. The latest issue is a book report. She's known about it since the beginning of Feb, she chose the book, and has been digging in her heels and refusing to do any work on it. It's a huge project, and it's due next week. She was on vacation last week, so I wrote up a schedule for her to do 20-30 mins of work during 2-3 days of vacation... and she refused. Finally on Saturday we told her no more TV or IPad until she did some work on it... and she screamed at us for hours. Threw her book, threw my notebook with the schedule, screamed that she DID NOT WANT TO DO IT. It WASN'T FAIR that she had to work on vacation!! (But she wouldn't do any work before vacation, either...).
I don't know what else to do. I told my mom about it, and she came over yesterday and made her sit down and do it. AND SHE DID. Which pissed me off even more. It's not a question of not knowing how to do it... she just didn't think she should have to do it.
This was one issue. But there have been lots more. We are supposed to leave for Disney a week from tomorrow, and the kids don't know. DH and I are seriously considering not letting her come. DH will stay home, I will take DD2, and if DD1's behavior improves, DH and DD1 will go next year. I hate to do it, but I'm at the very end of my rope and barely hanging on.
We had a packed weekend. On Saturday, DD and I went to the science center so we could volunteer for engineer's week. We helped with a robot car race. The robot cars had to be able to follow a line and turn around. This activity was for 7 groups of 4 8th graders. DD decided that she could do that, so she built one and had it working within 2 hours. She had some help with coding it, but she did an awesome job by herself! I took some pictures and video so she can use it for her science fair project in April. While we were there, DS1 went with my parents to try hockey. My brother and his son are part of a program that lets kids try hockey for free for a few hours. DS1 has only ice skated once in his life, but he was able to make some progress. He was only upset at the end when he couldn't hit the puck very well because he kept falling. On Sunday, we went to a baptism for DH's cousin. The kids did very well sitting through the church service since I brought some coloring books and cars for them to play with. Then DS2 fell off the church pew and hit his head. We debated on going to urgent care, but ended up not since DS2 was fine after an hour. I definitely kept an eye on him for the rest of the day. Then we went to a luncheon afterward that was not party friendly. It was at this bar and grille that had two tiny rooms in the back. The baptism folks had to be split across the rooms and there was little room to walk in between the tables. DD and DS1 were able to entertain themselves, but DS2 was a handful. DH ended up giving DS2 his phone to play games. And that worked until the phone died. Luckily, the cake came at that point and DS2 was happy again. Poor kid was so tired that he took a little nap when we got home. The rest of the day was spent in pjs at home. DH and I didn't even have the energy to cook dinner, so it was cereal for the win. Today, DD's school was cancelled due to no power from the wind storm. DS1 still had school though. Now I feel like I am getting sick since DS1 has been sick all weekend with some kind of cold. Great way to start the week...
mae0111 , ooh that is rough. How was your mom reach her? Was it because it wasn't your or some sort of logic that was able to reach her. It is so hard when someone else can reach your kid, but you can't. I am so sorry.
Also, I would not let her go to Disney. She is treating you with blatant disrespect, and should not be rewarded for it. That fact that she was will to listen and be calm with someone else reinforces that for me. I would also not let her go with just her dad next year. Why should DD2 miss out on a vacation because DD1 is throwing fits?
We had a really good long weekend. We took off Thursday and headed to the mountains. DD got some ice skating in, we did her first ski lesson, and she LOVED it. Too bad we're poor and can't get her up there more often. I snowboarded on Saturday, and even though it was ridiculously packed (it took 45 minutes to get ON the gondola, let alone up the mountain), the slopes actually felt deserted. And I definitely gained about 5 lbs this weekend...
DH just started a new project. It's day one and I'm already remembering why I hate this client. Because they're far away, horrid traffic, and they have no qualms about scheduling a 4pm meeting. And a 4pm meeting means he'll just find someone to go to happy hour with and not even bother trying to leave until after 7 when traffic dies down. He has firm instructions to block off his calendar from 3:30-5pm whenever possible and to see about getting exception approval to take their bus in... apparently telling people "I can't take that meeting because I need to head home before traffic starts" is frowned upon, but telling people "I can't take that meeting because the bus leaves at this time" is 100% okay.
xctsclrx, I hear what you're saying. DH agrees with you. I feel stuck because we probably won't go to Disney again. This was going to be our one and done trip, and do other things. I'm afraid that if she doesn't go, it will reinforce this idea that we love her sister more than we love her. It's not true... though I certainly like DD2 more when DD1 is throwing books at me. I don't want her to grow up feeling that way.
At the same time, I feel like we're on a precipice. There's a chance that, if we don't intervene, she will go one way and never come back, and that's terrifying.
mae0111, How old is DD1? Is it possible that she is going through puberty and is having a really hard time with the hormones that go with it? I only ask because what you describe seem to be combination of a 12 year old girl about to start her period and an 8 year old who can't yet control themselves, and you say that you will have a week or so of good calm behavior and then she looses it? If she is between 9 and 11 it might be a cause. I knew girls in 4th grade who had started their period already.
sunbutter, how did you know!? My mind jumps to that every time I hear tummy ache. I hope his recovery goes smoothly!
mae0111, I don't think I could take away a Disney family trip. You're still in the middle of medical testing for her, right? Any other consequences you can think of for the book throwing and bad behavior? No tv/ipad or play dates for a week? Or maybe you tell her about the trip and what she needs to do to change her behavior in the next week to earn it? Leave it in her hands. For what it's worth, DD1 has to do her homework or have a plan of when she's going to get it done and there are no electronics or playing with the neighbors until it is complete. That's usually a pretty big motivator for her to get it done. I would've done the same thing as you.
Weekend was great minus the terrible weather. Major snow/ice storm all day Saturday and then 50 mph winds on Sunday. We took the two oldest to a play Saturday night and they did fantastic. DD2 didn't utter one word the entire performance because she was so mesmerized. We moved the toys into the finished play room in the basement on Sunday. Our house looks so different without all the toys everywhere. DH is going to paint the rest of the doors two nights this week and then he needs to do the tiling in the bathroom - probably while I'm home recovering from foot surgery. There is an end in sight!
mae0111, Instead of taking away the trip altogether, what if you tell them now, with the caveat that they have the next week to earn souvenir money or something based on behavior and choices? Then you don't have to split up the family trip, but she is in control of some of the outcome based on her behavior over the next week. And it puts her and her sister on the same playing field for earning the outcome.
sunbutter I hope recovery goes well. Mine wasn't bad. As far as how to tell, it was definitely right side pain. If you pressed down on the side it hurt. I was walking hunched over because walking felt like it jarred it. Then the puking started.
Ds and I are here for his 4 hour growth test. We left at 5 am and drove 1 1/2 hours. Hes doing well except he is starving, fasting test.
Another crazy week. Volleyball tonight, Freshman orientation Tuesday, Wednesday volleyball, Thursday ice skating for both. Plus Ds has to he at school at 7 am two days a week for the next 3 weeks for speech practice. I'm tired.
Thankfully I had my day Saturday. Went for a run outside. The house was cleaned Friday. I poured a nice glass of wine and made a big pot of homemade spaghetti and meatballs, which we will eat for leftovers, and got to watch a movie and go to bed early.
Btw, Dh told me speech practice was until May, so I was looking into joining a gym or something, since that is a lapse of downtime before work.Then he comes along and says oh, I meant March. March, May, same difference.
sunbutter, as a PSA, how did you know he needed the appendectomy? What poor timing!
His first symptom was central abdominal pain. He said he thought his underwear was too tight but they weren’t at all. We treated this like a gas bubble and had him lay belly down on a pillow. This didn’t help and he quickly went to his side with his knees towards his chest. He rested for much of Saturday. At two, after no previous complaint of nausea, he vomited.
His germaphobe father then began treating it like a GI bug and quarantined him in his room. He was in good spirits but by the end of the night was saying the pain was now in his side/hip area.
Sunday morning he still had pain but it was isolated to his lower right side.
This is classic appendicitis- starts centrally, then moves to lower right. I determined that by googling and DH is a cardiologist so knew.
Normally, we probably would have waited to make an appointment with his normal pediatrician but we knew he had this big trip coming up so decided to take him to urgent care to get their take.
Urgent care agreed with our hunch and sent us to the ER for an ultrasound of his appendix.
The ultrasound wasn’t super obvious but did suggest increased blood flow to the area, some wall thickening and the tech noted that it was more firm than typical. The radiologist diagnosed it as mild appendicitis.
The surgeons, well, are surgeons. When in doubt, cut it out. I’m still not convinced it was necessary but there are too many terrible unknowns to not take the surgical approach. Sort of like my Ob’s being more comfortable with a cesarean at the slightest hint of baby distress. They can control more with surgery and therefore can make more of a guarantee.
The surgeon did say it was inflamed when he removed it but I doubt he would have said otherwise.
In the end, with this kid, I go with my gut. He doesn’t frequently complain of pain and something didn’t feel right.
Post by justcheckingin73 on Feb 25, 2019 12:25:09 GMT -5
That’s really rough, mae0111. I’m not sure I would use the Disney trip as a punishment either. I feel that is a family vacation, rather than a reward trip, unless you’ve already positioned it that way. I’m not sure she would make the connection, even if you told her.
I’m sure you’ve tried everything but is it possible she’s overwhelmed and doesn’t know where to start? Or have you asked how she would like to start? Or make a game of it? Like I said, I’m sure you’ve thought of everything and it sounds so overwhelming. Does she respond the same way to your DH? I really hope you find answers soon.
Post by covergirl82 on Feb 25, 2019 12:29:10 GMT -5
mae0111, I don't think I could take away a family trip to Disney either, especially if you were thinking of it being your only trip there. I agree with xctsclrx and twinmomma about telling them now so they can earn something before you leave next week. And you could set behavioral expectations each day that things will get taken away (e.g., pool time, dessert, special activities, etc.) if they don't meet those expectations. But maybe they get something special if they go above and beyond behavior-wise? Maybe treat each day as a new day for gaining/losing privileges?
mae0111, I would have resorted to spanking her over that. I mean, she CAN control herself, obviously, because she did so when your mom intervened. She controls herself at school. But at this point, time outs and taking stuff away isn’t working. She’s being a jerk because she gets a boatload of attention for being a jerk. Honestly, spank her butt and lock her in her room until she calms down.
I would give up on Disney being a surprise. I don’t believe in consequences kids know nothing about. Instead, I would say, “DD2 and I are going to Disney next week. If, and only if, you are on your absolute best behavior and finish your report on time and do what I consider a good job on it will you and your dad be coming with us. We discussed not letting you go at all, but we believe in second chances. You are on your last chance. You are going to spend the next week showing us if you deserve for us to do another nice thing for you. It’s up to you.”
Post by traveltheworld on Feb 25, 2019 12:44:41 GMT -5
Weekend was good. DD had her dance recital and I almost died from cuteness. I'm amazed by how her dance school managed to keep 160+ three to six year olds quietly waiting (in some cases, for almost 2 hours) back stage.
sunbutter- I hope he recovers well and you can figure out how to make the trip work.
@mae- unless you didn’t think she could behave at Disney I wouldn’t take it away. It’s a family vacation for everyone not a reward for good behavior for one person that doesn’t even know about the trip. I would be careful not to tie the trip to behavior as they are 2 separate things. But she does have to behave in order to do things- want to go in the park you have to do what I ask. Want to go in the pool then you have to do x y z.
Nagging doesn’t work in my nephew and causes more of those epic tantrums. I don’t remember exactly the therapist’s advice was but basically it was give them time to unwind, ask him once and that was it, give warning and start moving through the consequences in their behavior contract- start moving through the contract quickly. He would not have advised bringing it up daily when it was refused the first time then it was go time.
If she has never failed an assignment and you think that might have impact let her fail, but I know some kids (other nephew wouldn’t care). DD would care though and I think DS might.
xctsclrx, I hear what you're saying. DH agrees with you. I feel stuck because we probably won't go to Disney again. This was going to be our one and done trip, and do other things. I'm afraid that if she doesn't go, it will reinforce this idea that we love her sister more than we love her. It's not true... though I certainly like DD2 more when DD1 is throwing books at me. I don't want her to grow up feeling that way.
At the same time, I feel like we're on a precipice. There's a chance that, if we don't intervene, she will go one way and never come back, and that's terrifying.
I am not sure it’s all or nothing. I am sure it feels that way though. Definitely the time to intervene is now before she gets so strong and can hit and kick or just leave home. It’s a marathon not a sprint and definitely I can see laying the smack down and sort of wiping the slate clean but that’s not a daily thing. Daily you might find it more a series of small steps.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Feb 25, 2019 13:22:21 GMT -5
mae0111, my sister took away a disney world trip from my niece once. She made the decision, not trying to make it a punishment, but because the trip involved pulling my niece out of school. She had booked the trip far in advance but by the time the trip was approaching, my niece was failing.
My sister told her that not taking her on the disney trip wasn't intended to be a punishment, it's just that if you're failing you can't skip school.
I would lean more towards canceling for everyone rather than half the family go. But I don't know if you would get any refunds back at this point in time.
We have a snow day. 2 to 4 inches was predicted. A foot and counting of thick heavy wet snow. Roads are a mess so everyone is home. I'm exhausted from messing with snow and it I isn't even 11am.