faint BFP - final update

[scm1011]

I am so so sorry. What a cruel rollercoaster.

[shauni27]

msmerymac, I am holding you in my heart. I am so, so sorry and wish there was something I could do to make this pain go away.

[loira]

I'm so sorry. It's not fair.

[pinkpeony08]

I’m so very sorry. So unfair. I’m sorry you have to wait until Monday, too. I have always felt like waiting for the d&c was hard too.

[msmerymac]

Mar 12, 2020 9:11:10 GMT -5 pinkpeony08 said:

I’m so very sorry. So unfair. I’m sorry you have to wait until Monday, too. I have always felt like waiting for the d&c was hard too.

I'm ok with it, because my job requires a lot of regular client calls, and Monday is actually a quiet day. It's far enough out that I can easily plan around being out for the afternoon, but still fairly close. My doctor said that at this point, and the way things look, I could honestly end up waiting for 3-4 weeks if I just wait it out, and there was no rush to schedule the D&C, but sometime next week is definitely preferable. I'll also be honest that I don't want to really be using any medical facilities if they are overwhelmed with coronavirus in 2-3 weeks. My doctor does D&Cs both in the main office and also in the hospital (under general anesthesia, which is what I had last time). 

It was a PGS normal embryo, but we'll get the genetic testing done to confirm anyway. 

[msmerymac]

This experience makes my next steps so hard. First, I spent like $10k on all the meds for the immune protocol + transfer, and my husband in the last week was like, "this is like the worst-case scenario, having it make it almost until the end of the medical protocol, so we had to buy all of that stuff, and then not working out." This was when we could kind of laugh about the absurdity of it.

The other issue is that... it seemed to be working. My first m/c was an outlier, but my last 2 were fine until about week 6 and then just spontaneously and spectacularly failed. This one just slowly stopped. So did the immune protocol actually work? Did something else cause this? Would I have been successful with a different embryo? Those are all questions I desperately wish I could answer. I also had a TON of anxiety this pregnancy, but knowing it was not likely to work out over the last week or so made me feel... less anxious. Like, okay, I'm familiar with this at least.

We'll wait for genetic results and then decide if we want to try this again, move to an RI, or go straight to a GC. None of those will happen for about 6+ months. My husband is interested in going to some adoption orientation sessions and looking into potential foster parenting as well, though.

[pinkpeony08]

Mar 12, 2020 9:19:55 GMT -5 msmerymac said:

This experience makes my next steps so hard. First, I spent like $10k on all the meds for the immune protocol + transfer, and my husband in the last week was like, "this is like the worst-case scenario, having it make it almost until the end of the medical protocol, so we had to buy all of that stuff, and then not working out." This was when we could kind of laugh about the absurdity of it.

The other issue is that... it seemed to be working. My first m/c was an outlier, but my last 2 were fine until about week 6 and then just spontaneously and spectacularly failed. This one just slowly stopped. So did the immune protocol actually work? Did something else cause this? Would I have been successful with a different embryo? Those are all questions I desperately wish I could answer. I also had a TON of anxiety this pregnancy, but knowing it was not likely to work out over the last week or so made me feel... less anxious. Like, okay, I'm familiar with this at least.

We'll wait for genetic results and then decide if we want to try this again, move to an RI, or go straight to a GC. None of those will happen for about 6+ months. My husband is interested in going to some adoption orientation sessions and looking into potential foster parenting as well, though.

I’m glad you feel like you can schedule your d&c on a day that works well for you. My last one was moved from the outpatient surgery center to the main or because the outpatient surgery center had no heat the day I was scheduled. It wasn’t as nice in the main hospital, but it was ok.

I would schedule an appt with an ri, especially if it is dr Kwak Kim you’re thinking of bc it will be 6 months out. You can always cancel it if plans change. Presumably you are hitting your deductible with all this now so it wouldn’t cost that much if she is in network for you as she is for me. If you want to be seen sooner, her former fellow, Dr. Derbala, opened his own clinic outside of Detroit that had a much shorter wait.

I’m so sorry, again. Feel free to pm me If it would be helpful.

[seeyalater52]

I’m so sorry Mery. It’s so unfair.

[stellelinds25]

I'm so sorry...the unanswered questions have to be the worst and I'm hoping that someone can give you some answers.

[somersault72]

This whole rollercoaster seems so cruel. I am very sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.

[janegold]

Huge hugs msmerymac. I'm so sorry.

[starryfish]

i am so so so sorry

[lovelyshoes]

I am so sorry. Huge hugs.

[robinsbff]

I’m so sorry. Hugs.

[konapoppy]

I am so sorry I will be thinking of you, especially on Monday.

[pooh8402]

Damn, I'm so sorry.

[msmerymac]

Thank you so much, everyone. I know you've all been with me on this journey. It's hard. Depending on whether or not they find anything with the embryo, we'll decide next steps, but we're also taking a break for now. We hope to now travel for our 10th wedding anniversary in October (Asheville and Gatlinburg) depending on what happens with the virus, so that's something.

[VacayVaca]

I'm so sorry. This is all so unimaginably hard and unfair.

[boiler717]

I’m so sorry