No you’re not crazy. I would not accept “it’s a mistake”. It would be one thing if it was addressed to a wrong person at your house , that has absolutely happened to me before.
I have never received something to my name and my address that I didn’t order or that someone didn’t order for me. He better figure that out real quick because I definitely would be suspicious. Have you told him to return it? What was his reaction?
what was it?
ETA: and I’d definitely call amazon again bc it seems like other people have been able to determine where the present came from.
This actually did happen to me. Shortly after my father passed away I received a box from Amazon addressed to me with 28 Fredbird is a Red Bird (St. Louis Cardinals) children books. I called Amazon because I did not order these books and they could not tell me who sent the books because it was addressed to me. It was especially strange because my dad was named Fred and my mom hated his name so she called him Red. We live nowhere near St. Louis and I have told literally every single person this story and no one has said they sent me a box of 28 children books. I chalked it up to some random packaging mistake (I order from Amazon a lot) and a sign from my dad. There was even a Budweiser sign on the walls of the field and my dad was an avid Bud drinker. So weird. But I really do think it was just a mistake.
OP I'm sorry your mind has to go to these places and notwithstanding the above I'd be suspicious too given the circumstances.
Post by maudefindlay on Dec 20, 2020 20:07:14 GMT -5
It's weird he says it was a mistake. If DH or I got an anonymous gift we would both be so curious who sent it. His lack of curiosity makes me think he might know who the sender is.
Post by StephaniePlum on Dec 20, 2020 20:08:22 GMT -5
Make sure you keep the delivery box- there is a code on the shipping label that they can 100% tell you who sent it. We had a mystery package last month and I called and all they needed was a code in the label to tell me who sent. Good luck and I’m sorry you are going through this- especially at the holidays.
Post by onetruething on Dec 20, 2020 20:12:32 GMT -5
I don't think you're being crazy at all. It seems like they should tell you the name of the sender, I'd call and say 'we got this expensive gift and we need to know who to thank or if it is the wrong address.'
I really hope it turns out to be a mistake!! Hugs to you!!
Post by wanderingback on Dec 20, 2020 20:20:38 GMT -5
Yikes I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Normally I would say yes likely a legit mistake, but I’m sure the cheating has you questioning a lot and that’s completely understandable.
To be honest, if he wants the relationship to work, then he should understand why you’re suspicious. If you’re not in therapy I would recommend that. I would certainly try to see if you can follow up with amazon to see who sent the gift.
Post by nicbreeful on Dec 20, 2020 20:20:52 GMT -5
Not. Crazy.
Why isn't he all over it trying to find out who sent him a $500+ electronic?? I think any person that doesn't have something to hide would be rabidly curious. Especially if it IS a PS5. Those are still extremely hard to come by.
It's weird he says it was a mistake. If DH or I got an anonymous gift we would both be so curious who sent it. His lack of curiosity makes me think he might know who the sender is.
I think under "normal" circumstances after you asked family/friends it’d be normal to assume it’s a mistake. That’s what I’d probably think too. I’m pretty sure my partner wouldn’t be hunting down an answer lol, everyone’s personality is different. But due to the cheating past he should understand why OP is suspicious and should support figuring it out.
Is the gift something he actually wanted, or something totally random? I think I'd be a lot more suspicious of my H getting something like a gaming system than if it is something really random that he has no interest in. There are lots of electronics you could send my H that he would never use and I would assume an affair partner into the affair deeply enough to spend that kind of money on a gift would know it is something he actually wants/would use.
However, I would think if Amazon sent a $500 item by mistake, they would want to recoup that loss and suggest a way to send it back. Which makes me think it was a legitimate purchase, either as a gift from someone else or a purchase your H made himself and doesn't want to own up to so is lying.
I have received a totally random wrong order from Amazon (like, it was Legos and a couple of other things my child free household would never order or receive as a gift) so it does happen. But if your H isn't making a real effort to figure it out or return it, I would definitely be skeptical.
Yikes I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Normally I would say yes likely a legit mistake, but I’m sure the cheating has you questioning a lot and that’s completely understandable.
To be honest, if he wants the relationship to work, then he should understand why you’re suspicious. If you’re not in therapy I would recommend that. I would certainly try to see if you can follow up with amazon to see who sent the gift.
I read it like there was no one OP could think of and she had asked family (didn't see where friends were asked), so I was reading it like her DH hadn't contributed to thinking of anyone it could have been and had just gone to it being a mistake.
Yikes I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Normally I would say yes likely a legit mistake, but I’m sure the cheating has you questioning a lot and that’s completely understandable.
To be honest, if he wants the relationship to work, then he should understand why you’re suspicious. If you’re not in therapy I would recommend that. I would certainly try to see if you can follow up with amazon to see who sent the gift.
I read it like there was no one OP could think of and she had asked family (didn't see where friends were asked), so I was reading it like her DH hadn't contributed to thinking of anyone it could have been and had just gone to it being a mistake.
Yes that’s how I read it as well. There’s no one in my partners family that would likely spend so much on a gift. Same with friends, especially thanks to covid. So my only point was that under normal circumstances with no cheating, both of us would probably think it was some random mistake or maybe that some random person we hadn’t thought of had sent a gift. It wouldn’t consume my mind trying to figure it out because that’s our personalities. And I likely I wouldn’t accuse my partner of cheating if this happened. But since they do have the history of cheating of course my mind would go there and I completely understand OP being suspicious..
I was dumbly logged into Amazon when I tried via chat, so maybe having him try would work. He’s gone all angry on me though so I’m not sure if I should even ask. We still have two weeks at home with our kid and I don’t want it to get ugly at Christmas. I feel really sick.
This response says a lot. It is very sad.
He doesn't get to be mad at you for not trusting him. HE caused this. You have every right to question it 100x if you want to. The fact that you are so worried about making him angry is huge.
It may very well have been a mistake. However if it were wouldn't he be trying his best to prove that? The fact that he is angry with you says a lot (even if it is a mistake) You should not have to hold your breath, or walk on egg shells.
I read it like there was no one OP could think of and she had asked family (didn't see where friends were asked), so I was reading it like her DH hadn't contributed to thinking of anyone it could have been and had just gone to it being a mistake.
Yes that’s how I read it as well. There’s no one in my partners family that would likely spend so much on a gift. Same with friends, especially thanks to covid. So my only point was that under normal circumstances with no cheating, both of us would probably think it was some random mistake or maybe that some random person we hadn’t thought of had sent a gift. It wouldn’t consume my mind trying to figure it out because that’s our personalities. And I likely I wouldn’t accuse my partner of cheating if this happened. But since they do have the history of cheating of course my mind would go there and I completely understand OP being suspicious..
I wouldn’t think my husband was cheating if this happened to me since that’s not in our history, but we’d both try and track down who sent it. We wouldn’t accept “eh $500 things just sometimes get sent 🤷🏻♀️“ we’re PIs so nosy and somewhat suspicious by nature, lol.
But if I was in OPs shoes, my mind absolutely would go to the worst spot since there’s a very recent history of lies and deceit. Also, it doesn’t seem like the husband has done much to instill any confidence that he’s learned the error of his ways and is profoundly sorry for the hurt and pain he has caused.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
Post by underwaterrhymes on Dec 20, 2020 21:38:23 GMT -5
I’m petty AF.
I would be like, “wow, this is a pretty big gift. But since it’s a mistake, I think we should find a family who could use this. There are a lot of kids who really want this for the holidays.”
Amazon will tell you who sent a gift. Last year I got a ton of gifts with no gift slips. It was a serious pain to use the chat to return them but eventually I was able to return all of them and find out which cousin-in-law sent what. The shipping label was key. Someone posted a phone number above, I'd call that first because their chat really sucks if there is no gift slip.
It wasn't a mistake and he's an idiot for thinking that's a reasonable explanation. Best case scenario he bought it for you and doesn't want to fess up before christmas.
Yes that’s how I read it as well. There’s no one in my partners family that would likely spend so much on a gift. Same with friends, especially thanks to covid. So my only point was that under normal circumstances with no cheating, both of us would probably think it was some random mistake or maybe that some random person we hadn’t thought of had sent a gift. It wouldn’t consume my mind trying to figure it out because that’s our personalities. And I likely I wouldn’t accuse my partner of cheating if this happened. But since they do have the history of cheating of course my mind would go there and I completely understand OP being suspicious..
I wouldn’t think my husband was cheating if this happened to me since that’s not in our history, but we’d both try and track down who sent it. We wouldn’t accept “eh $500 things just sometimes get sent 🤷🏻♀️“ we’re PIs so nosy and somewhat suspicious by nature, lol.
But if I was in OPs shoes, my mind absolutely would go to the worst spot since there’s a very recent history of lies and deceit. Also, it doesn’t seem like the husband has done much to instill any confidence that he’s learned the error of his ways and is profoundly sorry for the hurt and pain he has caused.
Lol, I confess that I’d be a horrible PI! Actually my partner would be even worse. I’m sometimes nosy, but he never is. And yep exactly, OP’s H doesn’t seem to be very understanding as to why she’s suspicious and to help with that legit concern.
Tell Amazon you are afraid that it was sent to the wrong person since it wasn't something you were expecting. Ask them if they know who sent it. Hopefully they can give you at least a first name. You aren't crazy.
I wouldn’t assume affair because why would they send it to the house? Wouldn’t they give it in person unless they were trying to create drama with the wife.
I would want to know though because $500 is a lot. If he bought it himself then there wouldn’t be a gift receipt though, unless he thought well I better put the gift receipt in just in case wife sees this.
I wouldn’t think my husband was cheating if this happened to me since that’s not in our history, but we’d both try and track down who sent it. We wouldn’t accept “eh $500 things just sometimes get sent 🤷🏻♀️“ we’re PIs so nosy and somewhat suspicious by nature, lol.
But if I was in OPs shoes, my mind absolutely would go to the worst spot since there’s a very recent history of lies and deceit. Also, it doesn’t seem like the husband has done much to instill any confidence that he’s learned the error of his ways and is profoundly sorry for the hurt and pain he has caused.
Lol, I confess that I’d be a horrible PI! Actually my partner would be even worse. I’m sometimes nosy, but he never is. And yep exactly, OP’s H doesn’t seem to be very understanding as to why she’s suspicious and to help with that legit concern.
Think of what a fun sitcom this could be. You two could play two hapless folks who inherited a detective agency. Then hilarity ensues.
Anyhoo, OP, I don't think you're being crazy at all. Even if this truly is a random coincidence, he broke your trust and these are the consequences of his actions.
Post by catscatscats on Dec 20, 2020 23:33:10 GMT -5
The item is a d.r.o.n.e — a fancy one. Something he would like. He has checked with his sister, dad, and suppliers. I gave him the number and he called, but didn’t press at all. He didn’t even give them the box info. No gift receipt or packing slip. I agree with others that it would be really sloppy for the ow to send, but husband also lied to me A LOT trying to help figure out who was sending me emails saying he was having an affair with her. Newsflash her husband and of course he knew.... I’m likely losing it. It’s been a year since I found out and I’m still in basically the same state of shock.
Ooof. I wouldn't take his explanation, and I don't think you're losing it. It' been a year, which really isn't that long at all for him to expect you to fully trust him again. I'm sorry OP.
He's probably lying... but there are also some folks committing credit card fraud and they use random addresses hoping they can pick up the package while you are not at home.
Is he planning to keep it? I can’t imagine H (or I) keeping that expensive of a gift without knowing who sent it. Did he say Amazon said he could keep it? That’s makes no sense if it was a mistake. I agree with PP, tell him you are donating it or shipping it back to Amazon and see what he says.
Post by Leeham Rimes on Dec 21, 2020 0:05:48 GMT -5
So he got something germane to his interests by accident and then half adding trying to determine where it came from with a history of doing that very thing? Man, if this really was an accident he’s shooting himself in the foot with his actions.
Send it back.
ETA: h brought up Reddit gift exchanges. Is your H a part of Reddit? It’s not typical to receive such a high value gift but I’ve definitely read where some people get famous gifters, like Bill Gates. Probably not likely, but I thought I’d toss it out there.
Last Edit: Dec 21, 2020 0:16:35 GMT -5 by Leeham Rimes
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
Lol, I confess that I’d be a horrible PI! Actually my partner would be even worse. I’m sometimes nosy, but he never is. And yep exactly, OP’s H doesn’t seem to be very understanding as to why she’s suspicious and to help with that legit concern.
Think of what a fun sitcom this could be. You two could play two hapless folks who inherited a detective agency. Then hilarity ensues.
Anyhoo, OP, I don't think you're being crazy at all. Even if this truly is a random coincidence, he broke your trust and these are the consequences of his actions.
LOL!
OP, I agree. I don’t blame you for staying in your marriage but this incident seems to indicate that there are still things your H needs to work on in regards to doing what he can to get your trust back, so I’d work on that if you want to stay married. Even if it were truly an accident it seems like a mess of a situation that he’s not understanding where you’re rightfully coming from and that should be addressed.
I wouldn’t assume affair because why would they send it to the house? Wouldn’t they give it in person unless they were trying to create drama with the wife.
I would want to know though because $500 is a lot. If he bought it himself then there wouldn’t be a gift receipt though, unless he thought well I better put the gift receipt in just in case wife sees this.
Cheaters aren't smart. Neither are the brainiacs that fall for them. The first OW involved with my xH sent a Christmas gift to our home. If OP's H hadn't cheated before and was treating her with respect and compassion about the present, it would be one thing. But he's gaslighting her so I would be concerned too if I were in her shoes.