Is it possible he bought it himself and doesn’t want to admit he spent the money? I know one friend whose husband had a secret credit card where all the statements, etc went to his work address. She only found out when they applied for a house loan and it impacted their loan. Still not great, but another option.
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I wouldn’t assume affair because why would they send it to the house? Wouldn’t they give it in person unless they were trying to create drama with the wife.
I would want to know though because $500 is a lot. If he bought it himself then there wouldn’t be a gift receipt though, unless he thought well I better put the gift receipt in just in case wife sees this.
I am totally projecting here, but yes, yes they would send it to the house to cause trouble because they feel like the husband has chosen the wife over them and this is a way to show the husband AND wife that the fling is the better choice. See, look at all of the things I can do for you that she can't or won't sort of thing. But, again, I am projecting my truth on your life so I could be wrong.
I wouldn’t assume affair because why would they send it to the house? Wouldn’t they give it in person unless they were trying to create drama with the wife.
I would want to know though because $500 is a lot. If he bought it himself then there wouldn’t be a gift receipt though, unless he thought well I better put the gift receipt in just in case wife sees this.
As a PI who has investigated cheating spouses, drama is loved and cherished and they’d absolutely cause mayhem for a chuckle. Maybe not every single OW/OM of course but a significant portion absolutely thrives on it. It’s what drives many to cheat. The attention, the drama, the thrill, etc.
And I’m not even saying this is OPs case either but his response is certainly telling that he still not trustworthy.
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I was going to agree that this is something an OW could definitely do- my thought is maybe she wants to break up the marriage, so he’ll be with her.
Again, OP, I’m very sorry. My h cheated on me, and if we received something like that in the mail, I’d be suspicious as hell. And it would tell me a lot if my h got angry with me.
It is understandable that your mind goes to a worst case scenario since you don't have the trust you had with eachother before he cheated, but try not to let your mind go there.
Based on your post I'm guessing your husband told you it was a mistake...Personally I would just double check with the shipping company. Just explain your house received a random shipment and there was no sender information attached not did you order what was received - also don't go into the backstory of your relationship history with the representative.
Whether it's an honest mistake or something else...the company has the ability to disclose the info.
I’m sorry. I do understand not wanting to know before the holidays so you can just get through that. If you decide to do that then at least take the shipping label off the box and tuck it away to deal with in January. There are codes Amazon can use to trace the sender. I think your gut is probably right. Many hugs to you. Take care of yourself.
If a $500 gift arrived here I wouldn’t think affair but we have no history of that either. I would think he bought it himself and didn’t want to say but then I’d be like “hey dummy we have a joint account”
Honestly though I can’t imagine getting such a pricy gift and then just giving up on finding out who sent it and using it, I think his lack of interest in discovering the sender is a little odd.
Can you tell from bank statements if he did in fact purchase it for himself?
I don’t think you’re crazy. That said, just last week Amazon sent my husband liquid glass and a kids Echo that he did not order and I’m pretty sure no one was sending us that as a gift. Amazon had us send them back when we contacted them about it. My friend also had this happen about 3 times in a row this summer where she got random stuff addressed to her that she didn’t order.
Is it possible he bought it himself and doesn’t want to admit he spent the money? I know one friend whose husband had a secret credit card where all the statements, etc went to his work address. She only found out when they applied for a house loan and it impacted their loan. Still not great, but another option.
Yeah, this would be my concern. He's already broken trust and been deceitful. I would want access to his amazon account to A) verify that he didn't purchase it and B) chat with customer service myself to insist on finding out who it's from. The fact that he's not making an effort to find out is a big red flag.
OP, I'm really sorry you're dealing with this and I hope you get some answers.
I'm usually not a suspicious person, but his past and his willingness to just brush this off/drop it and not have ANY curiosity about where it came from make me very suscpicious.
I agree with being suspicious because of his past behavior and the way he is acting about this. I would try contacting Amazon again myself. Can you do it from his account? I would really press them to tell you the sender since others here have had them release that info so obviously they can/do.
Like others have said my only other thought is he bought it himself and is embarrassed to be caught buying himself a pricey gift. Either way, you deserve to know who sent this.
The fact that his reaction to all of this is to be angry at you speaks volumes.
I would keep pressing Amazon, your H is not going to give you the answer that you are looking for. Call and chat as many times as you need to to get to a rep who will help you.
The more I think about it, regardless of where this thing came from or who bought it, your H’s reaction alone is problematic, and is really something that you both will need to deal with. You have every right to be hurt and upset and mistrustful of him. If your relationship is going to work, he will need to find a way to earn back your trust. If you’re not in counseling already, it’s probably a good idea.
The more I think about it, regardless of where this thing came from or who bought it, your H’s reaction alone is problematic, and is really something that you both will need to deal with. You have every right to be hurt and upset and mistrustful of him. If your relationship is going to work, he will need to find a way to earn back your trust. If you’re not in counseling already, it’s probably a good idea.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Dec 21, 2020 10:21:50 GMT -5
What kind of gaslighting sh*t....
No idea about the present but WTF H? He needs to acknowledge its weird and he needs to acknowledge your questioning is rational given the facts available aka his own past action.
Post by amandakisser on Dec 21, 2020 10:35:21 GMT -5
Yeah, your H is gaslighting you. He's making you question yourself and making YOU seem like the crazy one.
I'd call Amazon myself. Tell them you have a stalker or a family member with a do not contact order or something if it helps get the answer you're looking for.
HE should be the one working his ass off to find the answer here if it's truly just a mistake. I think you need to trust your gut on this one.
Whatever happens, I truly hope that things work out for the best, and I'm sorry he's treating you this way. You don't deserve this.
I'm usually not a suspicious person, but his past and his willingness to just brush this off/drop it and not have ANY curiosity about where it came from make me very suscpicious.
Yeah, I'm here. It may be affair-related, or it may be related to secret finances/debt. But something is up. The best-case scenario was that it's a gift for you and he's trying to hide his tracks, but if you wouldn't enjoy this gift then I no longer believe that's a possibility. If it were a true mistake, I'd expect him reacting far differently to the whole thing.
His reaction and the pricey item spells trouble for me. Sounds like he's gaslighting you. I will freely admit I have a bias to this as my ex husband did a lot of the same things to me. I am sorry.
In my experience, liars are liars. Given that this IS something that he wants, I find it highly unlikely this was a mistake. Either it truly is an innocent gift from someone (though, who? Do you guys run in wealthy circles where a $500 unclaimed gift would even be within the realm of possibility?), a gift from an affair partner, or something he bought himself and isn't owning up to.
My XH and I had joint accounts, but it didn't stop him from charging electronics to my Best Buy credit card and hiding the statements from me. I only figured it out when I checked my credit report and saw there was a balance that I didn't create, and got on the phone with Best Buy to report fraud. My XH owned up to it at that point. I also found out after our divorce that at some point while we were married, he cashed out his 401k and did something with the money - I have no idea what. I only found out because the IRS came after me for taxes on it. My XH was also a cheater. So... I could be jumping to conclusions based on my own biased experience, but this all sounds fishy to me.
The fact that a year later you still don't trust him is also a red flag. Not that you should just drop it and get over it (not AT ALL) but it makes me wonder about the long term viability of your relationship. How long do you want to be married to someone you can't trust? How long do you want to be married to someone who gets angry that you don't trust him?
I'm so sorry. Especially right before the holidays, this is tough.
You aren't being crazy. Go with your gut. You thought from the start that something was off about this, he's lied about trying to figure out where something came from before, and his current reaction isn't helping. If I were you, I'd want to know without a doubt where it came from. And I find it really fucking rich that the guy who lied and lied and broke your trust is pissed that you don't believe and trust him immediately now. He did this to himself. He doesn't get to be angry when you're worried.
I'm sorry you have to worry about this, but also I see this is a big red flag that there's still a lot to be worked out in your marriage. I hope you can get to a place where you don't have to live your life in a state of shock, whatever that place may be.
Is anyone else dying for an update? I really want to find out some benevolent uncle or boss decided to brighten your spirits at Christmas, but if it IS nefarious, I want to see you kick him out into the snow and key her car.
Post by catscatscats on Dec 21, 2020 19:18:02 GMT -5
Thanks everyone, no update yet. He did chat with Amazon and I saw the email from them that they couldn’t tell him who the gifter was.
He told me that he’d happily return it or smash it with a hammer (wtf) if it would make me not be upset anymore. For those of you who talked about the gaslighting and the anger being problems you are absolutely right of course. His go to is anger when he feels defensive and like there is no way out. It’s not healthy or helpful in fixing our relationship. He has very few coping skills and it’s definitely an issue on top of everything else.
Not sure if you are an old poster with a similar history and name, but either way, 'm sorry that your H is throwing this fuckery on you. You are not crazy.
So are you going to contact Amazon yourself and get the name?
I have already tried once and he has tried twice. I will likely try again after Christmas
I’ve been thinking about you so much. Even if this turns out to be nothing it’s a lot of stress on you in an already stressful time. I hope you have a good support system or therapist you can lean on!!
Post by catscatscats on Dec 22, 2020 0:44:26 GMT -5
Update: package was sent from someone he works with in China. She sent a we chat this evening asking if a surprise had come from Amazon and a screenshot of the “your order was delivered message” that had a picture of our house with the box in front with the tracking number visible. It matches the tracking number I have, so I guess the mystery is solved.
The last few days have put me in a panic and it all seems almost too tidy, but I’m going to try not to think about it too much until after the holidays.
It’s definitely intensified the feelings I already had about not wanting to live this way for the next twenty years. Thank you all so much for listening and being so supportive.