Post by wanderingback on Jun 26, 2021 13:00:38 GMT -5
This probably makes me sound "old" but what ever happened to talking with your neighbors? It seems like there’s always posts on here about my neighbor is doing X, what should I do and half the responses are like call the cops or just ignore it.
I know this situation is awkward but I’d either leave them a note or text them. Calling the police wouldn’t cross my mind. If I didn’t want to do that then I would get curtains/frost on my window.
I think people are way over policed in this country and this does not warrant a serious crime in my opinion based on what OP said. I know people posted that it could be illegal and indecent exposure, but one can use lots of discretion before getting police involved.
Since I generally think most people don’t have evil intents I’m going to assume she didn’t even think about exposing kids. At my row house I’ve seen people having sex next door, I assumed they just got caught up in the moment and weren’t trying to put on a show for children so I just left the room.
I personally do not equate a woman fondling her breasts to a man jacking off. Waaaaayyyy different. The comparison is actually shocking to me as we've had discussions here in the past about topless beaches/Europe blah blah blah and how uptight we are here. It's not egregious as an act of climaxing yourself. IMO. I also think if we are all following the rules we set about breastfeeding a 9-year-old might not even equate it to something sexual, correct? Because sexualization of breasts is learned when they are a functional part of the female anatomy? Just using talking points we've discussed in the past.
Would I want my kid to see it? HARD NO Would I want to see it? No Would I employ the plan OP is planning on doing on seeing if it continues and escalates and handle it myself with a "just so you know" awkward conversation? Yes And I echo other posters saying the cops in this city have much bigger fish to fry. It's not a good situation right now.
I think she is mastubating.
See, I never read it that way. We need a clarification here meganew lol.
mofongo ugh well yea that changes things lemoncupcake I am not saying it's the same. WE know it isn't. But a 9-year-old might not. My point is that if that is out there in the public without consent, a child might not even bat an eye if breastfeeding/toplessness had been normalized. It might just be a woman playing with her boobs.
I also don't think it's exactly out in public. It's a slippery slope. I am ardently not in support of what she's doing but it's a gray area since she's in her house.
Post by RoxMonster on Jun 26, 2021 13:02:21 GMT -5
I don't think feeling/touching your breasts in a sexual manner for sexual pleasure is at all the same as breastfeeding in public or going topless at a beach or whatever. Breastfeeding is not a sexual act. Rubbing your breasts for sexual pleasure IS a sexual act.
Whether she is masturbating or rubbing her breasts in a sexual way, I wouldn't be OK with a child viewing either.
Now how would I handle it? Unsure. I'd like to think I would go over and talk to them/her first and depending on how it is taken and handled, I may then call the non-emergency number after.
This probably makes me sound "old" but what ever happened to talking with your neighbors? It seems like there’s always posts on here about my neighbor is doing X, what should I do and half the responses are like call the cops or just ignore it.
I know this situation is awkward but I’d either leave them a note or text them. Calling the police wouldn’t cross my mind. If I didn’t want to do that then I would get curtains/frost on my window.
I think people are way over policed in this country and this does not warrant a serious crime in my opinion based on what OP said. I know people posted that it could be illegal and indecent exposure, but one can use lots of discretion before getting police involved.
Since I generally think most people don’t have evil intents I’m going to assume she didn’t even think about exposing kids. At my row house I’ve seen people having sex next door, I assumed they just got caught up in the moment and weren’t trying to put on a show for children so I just left the room.
I agree. And while I am certainly not saying anyone just needs to put up with it, there is a certain intimacy with your neighbors that comes with living in an urban environment. Yes, this crosses the line, but as you said, there is a chance she might not even realize it. If this is a hobby or business venture, a simple conversation might solve the problem.
mofongo ugh well yea that changes things lemoncupcake I am not saying it's the same. WE know it isn't. But a 9-year-old might not. My point is that if that is out there in the public without consent, a child might not even bat an eye if breastfeeding/toplessness had been normalized. It might just be a woman playing with her boobs.
I also don't think it's exactly out in public. It's a slippery slope. I am ardently not in support of what she's doing but it's a gray area since she's in her house.
But she’s doing it sexually, for her pleasure, for someone else’s pleasure, whatever. This is not breastfeeding/normalizing toplessness. At a topless beach you expect to see boobs, but they aren’t being being fondled sexually.
I agree with both of you. I think I am not expressing my point clearly. If breasts are being exposed and fondled in public against one's will of seeing them, an adult is clearly going to be made to be uncomfortable, as is an older child or teen. What I am saying is a 9-year-old, if subjected to seeing it, might not jump to it being a sexual act. Or, depending on his/her level of comfort with female nudity, even bat an eye. Not that this is normal or healthy or an excuse for her to be able to continue doing it, just right now, in the present, while the breast are being fondled and the problem has not been addressed or rectified, the 9-year-old is seeing it, he MIGHT not be scandalized.
Post by RoxMonster on Jun 26, 2021 13:14:39 GMT -5
I also don’t see this as being the same as one time seeing your neighbors have sex. Ok, they got carried way one time and maybe forgot the blinds were open. I’m sure if this even just happened once OP would have forgotten about it and not be posting here.
But anyone regardless of gender routinely pleasuring themselves right in front of the window? Nah. And if I come over and Just mention it nicely and you don’t want to stop doing it? Not cool. (Not saying this neighbor won’t stop just explaining why I’d take it further).
Post by RoxMonster on Jun 26, 2021 13:18:13 GMT -5
Because this woman doesn’t want to bug a Ring light or just likes doing this publicly I have to buy stuff to frost up my window and/or not keep my blinds open in daytime? No.
When you live in a neighborhood, you kind of agree to hearing neighbor’s noises, dogs barking sometimes, etc. But that doesn’t mean you sign up to watch someone pleasure themselves daily in front of the window so your kid can see.
But she’s doing it sexually, for her pleasure, for someone else’s pleasure, whatever. This is not breastfeeding/normalizing toplessness. At a topless beach you expect to see boobs, but they aren’t being being fondled sexually.
I agree with both of you. I think I am not expressing my point clearly. If breasts are being exposed and fondled in public against one's will of seeing them, an adult is clearly going to be made to be uncomfortable, as is an older child or teen. What I am saying is a 9-year-old, if subjected to seeing it, might not jump to it being a sexual act. Or, depending on his/her level of comfort with female nudity, even bat an eye. Not that this is normal or healthy or an excuse for her to be able to continue doing it, just right now, in the present, while the breast are being fondled and the problem has not been addressed or rectified, the 9-year-old is seeing it, he MIGHT not be scandalized.
I see what you’re saying, but the specific reaction that a specific kid may have to this situation isn’t what would drive my action to speak up. It’s inappropriate either way
Because this woman doesn’t want to bug a Ring light or just likes doing this publicly I have to buy stuff to frost up my window and/or not keep my blinds open in daytime? No.
When you live in a neighborhood, you kind of agree to hearing neighbor’s noises, dogs barking sometimes, etc. But that doesn’t mean you sign up to watch someone pleasure themselves daily in front of the window so your kid can see.
I think there are two separate issues here though.
1 - My neighbor touches her breasts in her open window. How can I deal With this?
2 - there is a chance my 9 yo could see this woman touching her breasts since it’s not yet dealt with. What should I do.
So while dealing with issue 1, it makes sense to frost the window and/or keep the curtains shut to prevent the 9 yo seeing it. Not forever - just in the meantime.
Because this woman doesn’t want to bug a Ring light or just likes doing this publicly I have to buy stuff to frost up my window and/or not keep my blinds open in daytime? No.
When you live in a neighborhood, you kind of agree to hearing neighbor’s noises, dogs barking sometimes, etc. But that doesn’t mean you sign up to watch someone pleasure themselves daily in front of the window so your kid can see.
I think there are two separate issues here though.
1 - My neighbor touches her breasts in her open window. How can I deal With this?
2 - there is a chance my 9 yo could see this woman touching her breasts since it’s not yet dealt with. What should I do.
So while dealing with issue 1, it makes sense to frost the window and/or keep the curtains shut to prevent the 9 yo seeing it. Not forever - just in the meantime.
I can understand covering the Windows for the next day or two until OP can talk to the neighbor. Some of the responses seem like people are suggesting this woman should just be able to keep pleasuring herself in front of the window and OP just needs to deal with it by frosting her Windows permanently.
Post by Velar Fricative on Jun 26, 2021 13:26:42 GMT -5
I don’t know what I would but I wouldn’t frost my windows. I live in a rowhouse too and natural light is precious to me because we don’t get any from the sides of our house. Just putting that out there for people who don’t live in a rowhouse.
lemoncupcake out yes I’d def speak up. I’d want it to stop immediately. Even if I didn’t have a kid. I’ve talked myself into a knot 🤣 I guess what I’m trying to say that until it gets fixed he might be ok even if he catches a glimpse. If OP just quietly (temporarily) frosts the windows or whatever and doesn’t draw attention to it, rather than something like, “Look away Junior, divert your eyes! That woman is pleasuring herself by fondling her breasts in a sexual way!”
I don’t know what I would but I wouldn’t frost my windows. I live in a rowhouse too and natural light is precious to me because we don’t get any from the sides of our house. Just putting that out there for people who don’t live in a rowhouse.
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I do t live in a row house currently but I have. I would be right there with you about frosting the Windows everywhere except my kid’s room. We have always kept the shades down in their room. Maybe other people’s families are different but my kids are really only in there when they wake up and go to sleep.
lemoncupcake out yes I’d def speak up. I’d want it to stop immediately. Even if I didn’t have a kid. I’ve talked myself into a knot 🤣 I guess what I’m trying to say that until it gets fixed he might be ok even if he catches a glimpse. If OP just quietly (temporarily) frosts the windows or whatever and doesn’t draw attention to it, rather than something like, “Look away Junior, divert your eyes! That woman is pleasuring herself by fondling her breasts in a sexual way!”
He's 9. It's reasonable to assume that if he sees this, he will know it is sexual without someone explicitly spelling it out for him. I get what you are trying to get it but I disagree that it's ok for him to catch a glimpse with the implication that he won't understand.
I don’t know what I would but I wouldn’t frost my windows. I live in a rowhouse too and natural light is precious to me because we don’t get any from the sides of our house. Just putting that out there for people who don’t live in a rowhouse.
This is way getting in the weeds, but we have frost on the lower half of the bathroom windows in our row house and it doesn’t block light at all. I don’t know actually what it’s called but it provides privacy and light still comes in, that’s what I was imaging for a short term solution. But maybe there’s some dark frost that you’re thinking about that doesn’t let light in and I agree, that wouldn’t be ideal.
Uncomfortable though it will be, I would attempt to resolve this myself by speaking to her before taking the next step. Her response would determine how I would proceed. If she apologizes and it doesn't happen again, great.
I have lived in a city where they did not respond to calls like noise, so if I knew the police wouldn’t handle it then I would leave a note.
*My assumption because it is so brazen is that they are doing it on purpose and don’t care what their neighbors say. So it may still have to escalate past a note or a talk.
There is also an opportunity to talk to the HOA or landlord. If you are in townhomes, I assume there is an HOA, and since HOA’s are known to be kind of strict I don’t see this being OK with them.
I have lived in a city where they did not respond to calls like noise, so if I knew the police wouldn’t handle it then I would leave a note.
*My assumption because it is so brazen is that they are doing it on purpose and don’t care what their neighbors say. So it may still have to escalate past a note or a talk.
There is also an opportunity to talk to the HOA or landlord. If you are in townhomes, I assume there is an HOA, and since HOA’s are known to be kind of strict I don’t see this being OK with them.
Mega, we need you to come back and explain exactly what sex acts you've witnessed in as much detail as possible. Pictures are fine or maybe just post her camgirl account.
I mean, I would tell her to knock it off because she's visible to the neighborhood, including children. I also probably would shout at her across the alley to close her curtains in response to future nudity.
Mega, we need you to come back and explain exactly what sex acts you've witnessed in as much detail as possible. Pictures are fine or maybe just post her camgirl account.
Hahahaha. Oh man. There was definite fondling and gyrating and nudity. It looked like the beginning or middle of a lap dance to an invisible person.
My fear is that this is my kids first time feeling those kinds of feelings and then he associates it with seeing someone through a window and then we’ve created a peeping Tom and I just can’t allow it. Lol.
Like I said before, we’re definitely going to monitor and talk to them if it happens again. I do like the idea of coming at it from a “we don’t want you to be embarrassed, surely you didn’t know” perspective. I really don’t think the cops would care too much, buuuuut if we talk to them and it continues or gets worse I’ll have to weigh those options.
Having problem neighbors is the worst, I'm sorry you're dealing with that. We had a neighbor the next street over with dogs that barked seriously all the time. After listening to the barking for months I called the city to ask what could be done about it (nothing), then I walked by their house several times to knock on their door but they were never at home. One morning I completely lost my patience so I googled their address, found their names, where they worked and their phone numbers. I downloaded a free texting app that provides an anonymous phone number and I texted all the numbers I found for them that said something like "100 Main Street - your dogs have been barking for over 30 minutes this morning. This is an ongoing problem that needs to be addressed." And then I immediately felt bad and confessed to my husband about what I had done. No taking it back at that point though. The owner ended up texting back saying thanks for letting him know and they'd work on it. The barking was way better after that, and they ended up moving a few months later anyway. I know that was kind of an aggressive way to deal with the neighbor, but who just lets their dogs bark like that? It's completely disrespectful to the whole neighborhood. That's probably where I land with this lady too... her behavior is just so disrespectful that I'd have a hard time keeping my cool trying to talk to her about it.
With all the issues we have with policing in this country I would absolutely not get police involved for something like this. Or it would be my last resort.
I said earlier to put up frosted window in the kids room. If it is still an issue I would write a letter to them because I am chicken shit lol.