We have things we need to do, like projects on the house, but they always feel manageable.
I generally feel on top of things, well-rested, and happy with my day.
ETA- I also have a job that I really enjoy which definitely contributes to my happiness. I can’t take any of the work home so there’s a good work/life balance there as well. I make little to nothing, but we make do with it.
I think it’s particularly hard for teachers because so much of their day is on their feet and busy (like many other professions). My DH is a teacher and it is rare that he can handle any home business during work hours.
I work a desk job so it is very easy for me to make appointments, pay bills (I did that today while at work), and organize our calendar. I don’t have to do any of that while at home.
I have 2 step kids who are teens so generally easier in the day-to-day care category. We also have 50/50 custody, so half the time we live like college kids eating pizza or cereal. I consider that a perk of adulthood and not a sign that our shit isn’t together.
I also pay a lot of money for help: a housekeeper, gardener, Hello Fresh delivery accounts for all of our cooking.
I think I had it together a lot better when I had a job where I could truly work my 40 hours and not think about it otherwise. I don't have that kind of job anymore and while it may not get worse, it's not going to get much better. My life is just constantly writing down things I need to do in a notebook, getting sidetracked and starting a new list on a separate page, and then eventually freaking out and going through allll the notes to put them in one place. Then I promptly get overwhelmed and shut down. Rinse and repeat. lol
As far as personal things go, I have a couple of things that help. I keep a "weekend to-dos" note on my phone. As things pop up that I need to do on the weekend, I'll add them to that list. I have things that carry over week to week too, like meal planning, grocery shopping, etc. I also add other stores I need to hit if I need to do so. I use the check box feature so I can check them off and then uncheck them later for the following weekend.
If it's something I have to do during the week, I put it on my work calendar. I actually put all my personal stuff on my work calendar too and code it a different color. I live and breathe by my work calendar, so making "appointments" during the day for personal stuff usually means I am able to get it knocked out in the moment.
Your inspection thing and the medical bill would go on my weekend to do list. I'm diligent about checking everything off before the weekend ends.
I have learned I can have it together in 2-3 areas, but others are at the expense of that. I almost always have work together because I’m too anxious to let anything slip. And then I’m pretty good with prioritizing time with friends or downtime for me (I do this by reading super late and not getting enough sleep and by doing small groups with set social dates like book club and a working moms group). The kids would be together if I didn’t let them practically live on the Nintendo switch. But dinners and the house are very not together, and H and I could use more time together. It is what it is, there isn’t enough of me to go around and I don’t want to feel like I am constantly cleaning or working on something 24/7. Life is too short.
Like a PP said, other people seem to think I am very together, but I assure you I’m not. But I don’t expect to be, really, with four young kids and a full time job. Something always slips through the cracks - oh well, I accept it and move on.
My kids watch tablets often at home, including during meals, we still have Christmas lights up that we aren’t turning on anymore (and we’re in San Diego, so no snow or cold excuse), I have been meaning to switch to a cheaper cable plan for like a year now. But I do get a good workout in everyday, and my travel is planned for the rest of the year. Like another PP said, I think a lot of feeling like you have it together is about choosing what matters most to you.
Things that I really have to make sure to do the next day or two go on my iPhone notes. Or I stick them on my calendar.
Post by trytobearunner34 on Feb 1, 2023 5:26:20 GMT -5
I am an elementary educator with a young kid and feel you on work/life balance and exhaustion. For me the three big things that help most:
1. Prioritizing health (sleep, eating decently and walking) 2. Flylady routines (modifying for what works best for us) 3. Completing Angela Watson’s 40 hour week course and only working contract hours (the teachers and students I serve get the best I have in that time by prioritizing what matters and ignoring what doesn’t-helps that I work for a district with a massive shortage do my motto is “What are they going to do-fire me?)
Also as others have said I’ve decided what areas of life are important to me and let the other areas just be what they are.
Post by starburst604 on Feb 1, 2023 6:01:45 GMT -5
I wouldn’t say I have it all together but I guess I manage to stay fairly organized as far as tasks like the ones OP mentions. Since I take care of all the paperwork and bills for the household as well as our HOA, anything that comes in the mail that will need my attention goes right into my everyday big purse. On my lunch hour (I prioritize not working through lunch and make it happen most of the time) once or twice a week I pull out what’s in there and just get it taken care of. Make the call, pay the bill, whatever it is.
Anything that comes by e-mail that needs attention I can’t give it right that moment, I check the reminder flag and if it’s time sensitive I set it to prompt me with a reminder before the deadline. If something pops into my head that I need to take care of I ask Siri to give me a reminder at a certain time. I have calendar reminders for things like changing the water filter in the fridge and when to change toothbrush heads, and when I do the task I set the next reminder.
Basically I keep that stuff together by setting lots of reminders and keeping papers that need my attention in arm’s reach at all times. I have folders in my work bag, one to store medical bills after I pay them and one for our HOA stuff I need to file.
I think if I didn’t have kids, I’d have my shit together. But I do, so I don’t.
I think I’ll feel like I have my shit fully together when we have no more debt and we can afford at least bi-weekly cleaning service. That is the threshold to me for shit togetherness.
You think but probably not. Lol
As a person without kids - do I have less to shit to handle? Yes absolutely. Is the shit I do have together? Nope!
Post by Leeham Rimes on Feb 1, 2023 6:49:14 GMT -5
I think “having your shit together” means a lot of different things depending on who you’re talking to but of all my friends and acquaintances, I don’t know of a single one who literally has every single thing in their life in a perfect way. They’ll have a good majority but not every.single.thing.
The ones that have the most shit together hire out for a lot. They have house cleaners, children minders, etc.
I’ve just recognized and become ok with my limitations. I can either be 100% with work or 100% with house stuff but never both at the same time. Like my house is mostly in order, laundry done regularly but don’t look in my closets and I’m two weeks behind in work.
My best advice is divide, conquer, and delegate. Identify the things that you cannot keep up with and make them someone else’s problem. Like my kids do their own laundry bc I couldn’t handle their 800 wardrobe changes and always out of underwear then crying to me 15 minutes before school starts that they have no clean clothes.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
I shouldn't be in this thread. No kids but my shit is definitely not together. Lists are a great way to remind myself of all the things I neglected to do that day...
I think you need to determine what having your shit together means to you. It can’t be perfection, you’re setting yourself up for failure with that mindset!
I think a lot of people would think that I have my shit together…I have a great job, financial security, a good relationship, a comfortable life, and I’m generally happy.
That being said, I definitely forget to pay some bills sometimes if they’re a random one-off thing. I go to therapy because I have anxiety. I stay up worrying and stressing about life. I have 100% forgotten to get my car inspected on time -last year it took me 3 months to realize it. I don’t know how I managed to avoid a ticket during that time (you know the PA State Police love to ticket for that shit). I get overwhelmed and cancel plans for no “good reason.” I’m too lazy to cook, so FI does all the cooking and we still manage to eat out way too often.
I don’t have kids, so I guess I’m relieved of those additional responsibilities, but still. Decide what having your shit together means to you. I mean, it sounds like you’re doing pretty well to me, despite everything you listed. You have it way more together than you think!
ETA - we still have Christmas lights on two of the columns on our front porch. Every day I swear we’ll take them down. It will take 10 minutes and we both WFH. Well, guess what, it’s 2/1 and the lights are still there. 🤷🏻♀️
Post by seeyalater52 on Feb 1, 2023 8:12:29 GMT -5
I maybe medium have my shit together in the day to day, mainly because we have a meal delivery catering service (so little cooking responsibility) and Bi-Weekly house cleaning. Plus I’m a ball of anxiety who can’t forget every single detail every second of every day and night so that helps things not to get lost or forgotten (sob.) Longer term we are a mess, don’t save enough money or have a great plan for retirement, defer longer term planning tasks or to-dos often because the day to day is all we can handle.
We only have one kid for a reason. It’s holding together mostly ok.
I think people looking at me from outside would say I have my shit together, but honestly it's a constant triage of what NEEDS to get done vs. what SHOULD get done.
I've got a weekly to-do list that I set up first thing Monday morning and generally keep up with during the week, but that really only addresses the kind of day-to-day tasks/appointments/reminders. There's another list of long-ish term stuff that we should do but absolutely never gets completely done (ugh, retirement/financial planning), and then the kind of stuff like car inspections where I happen to really look at the sticker one day and go, "oh! that needs to happen this month, crap!"
There's always stuff that falls through the cracks, I just try to make sure it's not something really important.
ETA: What's the saying, you'll never be able to juggle all the balls, just make sure the ones you drop can bounce instead of break?
If you asked everyone here to name what “having your shit together” means and added it all into one list, literally no one would have it ALL together. Some people certainly have more together than others, and some feel like they have all they need to have together for them to be happy…but no one has it ALL.
If you’ve got time on your commute to listen to an audiobook or podcast, I highly recommend The Lazy Genius. (Book is Lazy Genius Way.) She is amazing at guiding people to think about what matters *to them* and what works *for them*. It’s not a giant to-do list telling you how to do it “right” and she’s super supportive and encouraging, but not in a cheesy way. She has principles that have been nothing short of life-changing for me. Name what matters, start small, go in the right order, live in your season, let people in…and I can’t remember the rest. There are 13. Can’t recommend it highly enough!
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Feb 1, 2023 8:35:16 GMT -5
I'm a SAHM whose 'job' is basically taking care of the house and kids, and I STILL missed that there even WAS a meeting for my one kid about band for next year 2 days ago because I stopped reading an email halfway through after I thought I had seen all the pertinent info. once I saw that Tues. morning rehearsal was cancelled and closed out of the email. I was at the high school scheduling meeting for parents last night, and one of the other parents was like, did you go to the band meeting on Monday, and I looked at her blankly like, what meeting? and felt like an idiot when I had to ask her to forward me the info from it.
I'm definitely in the camp of I have some things together at any given time, but never everything. There's just too much to think about/do and I don't have enough time, energy, or mental capacity. I'm generally very on top of school stuff for the kids but this week I forgot to send in not one, but two different things.
I write everything down. I'm a visual person and also I feel like my memory is crap lately so this helps. I have one giant to do list that I put everything down on so I don't forget, and then each day I made a to do list from that large list. This is also how I approach work. It really helps me to just look at that list, pick something, and do it.
No one has all their shit together. Some people focus more on things that are visible to others (like, I really focus on having a clean, organized house and actually wear outfits to school drop off). The things you CANT see are shit though lol. Other people are doing great emotionally and have messy houses or whatever (I realize these are not the only two examples but it’s all I can think of). So when you see someone who has it all together, know that they only have that particular moment you are seeing right then together. There’s a TON you don’t see.
And ignore all social media! It’s fake! Moms putting their Pinterest homemade valentines whatever are NOT showing the full story of how those valentines were made of the aftermath!
Just this morning as I was looking through a cabinet/pantry I was like "things that are hidden in my house and not out in the open are a DISASTER." Our house always looks put together on the surface but the drawers and cabinets and hidden spots are so insanely messy.
I think people would say that I have my shit together.
I can assure you that I do not.
Also I am chronically under-rested. So, I guess part of how I manage that illusion is by not sleeping?
Would not recommend.
this. I am up straightening up until too late, and waking up earlier than I want to be in order to get everything done before school drop off. It sucks.
I maybe medium have my shit together in the day to day, mainly because we have a meal delivery catering service (so little cooking responsibility) and Bi-Weekly house cleaning. Plus I’m a ball of anxiety who can’t forget every single detail every second of every day and night so that helps things not to get lost or forgotten (sob.) Longer term we are a mess, don’t save enough money or have a great plan for retirement, defer longer term planning tasks or to-dos often because the day to day is all we can handle.
We only have one kid for a reason. It’s holding together mostly ok.
I feel very similar. We have medium level of having our shit together. As soon as we think we are good, something happens. And while long term we are doing great on retirement and finally have a will in the works and life insurance policies, I have zero savings for emergencies (or in general) and I have debt and don't know how to get out of it. So in that sense, no, my life is not at all together. But day to day it is.
Every month I write a list - big things go on there, not the every day stuff like shuttling kids places, cooking, etc.
The list helps me manage and prevents anxiety - like if I think of something MOTN, it goes on the list first thing in the morning (or MOTN if need be) as if the task has been downloaded from my brain to the place where it's in the till. Then I manage the list w/the time and resources I have.
January list included (many more things too....): take tree down, Christmas boxes away, condolence card 4 person, books summer camps, schedule DS bday, buy/wrap DS gifts, send evites, etc.
Crossing things off the list brings me immense satisfaction
ETA: I have larger project lists too in a notebook, like house projects/landscaping and tasks for 2023. I also keep my budget in a spreadsheet and track all of our spending. Sometimes I look back on past spreadsheets to see what happened/what we spent on something the previous year.
Definitely leaning into my calendar on my phone w alerts for important deadlines.
For the rest, a combo of lower expectations (we just took down Xmas lights last wkend), having ONE place important papers go (a box in the dining room) bc I have no patience w searching for things as I live w 3 ppl w ADHD, & my 9 & 12yo kids doing more than most (they do their own laundry, completely clean the kitchen 1 night per week, etc).
Since I do live with ADHD minds, we have to be really regimented. That’s falls onto me to create a system/routine that works for them bc they literally can’t do it. I probably have some kind of neurodiversity too given my deep need for routine & things where they are supposed to go. So maybe that’s why my H loves me, lol.
I’m not perfect & my house is not perfect at every moment but it’s 90% tidy & I’m at peace with my organization skills.
I lowered my expectations of myself for everything that I decided wasn't important.
Walla. Shit, instantly together.
I quoted this so I could like it again. OP, nothing in your post makes it sound like you don't have your shit together. It just sounds like life.
I think other people would generally say I have my shit together but honestly, it's because I'm generally satisfied even if I'm not entirely on top of things. So I'm not acting frazzled and overwhelmed. It just took me two months to renew my inspection sticker on my car, but I'm not beating myself over it. I actually treated myself to an iced coffee after I got it done as a reward lol. On things that make me happy, I go above and beyond. On things that (in the grand scheme of things) aren't super urgent, I'll get to it when I get to it. Maybe after I read a book lol.
I do use a lot of tricks that help - I use also lists a lot, and schedule EVERYTHING into my Google calendar. Even if I have to move it from one day to the next, I get reminded of it. I also book appointments immediately (ie. I'll book my next dentist appointment when I'm there getting my teeth cleaned).
Adulting is hard enough. Progress, not perfection.
Post by Velar Fricative on Feb 1, 2023 9:19:51 GMT -5
I made lists to get better organized and realized I spent more time adding to my lists than actually completing the stuff on the list.
My New Year’s resolution was to adopt the two-minute rule and it actually is helpful. If I see something that can be done in two minutes or less, I do it right there and then. I used to delay doing things like taking out the recycling, putting a load of laundry away, etc. because I was “busy” with something else but it was just that I didn’t want to do it. Now that I do, I feel like I have my shit together even though I don’t lol.
And I live and die by my household Google calendar. DH is good about putting stuff there too.
Other than that…my house is still usually a mess. But I still feel like I’m more on top of things. I’m still really bad at getting minor home repairs or tasks done; I still only have two pictures on my gallery wall despite starting a year ago lol.
It’s just my H and I, no kids. And my H doesn’t work. And we STILL don’t have our shit together. We do what’s important to us in the moment and call it good.
We were just talking about this the other day. He does like 90% of the chores (cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc) bc he doesn’t work. I work, plus do the other 10%. And nothing is ever done to 100%. I had one day home between business trips, I repacked, did some of my work helped him with some consulting work he was doing for a former business partner, tried to get a workout in, helped with dinner, did the dishes afterwards. And while I was doing that he was finally taking down Christmas stuff (which he piled in my office bc it needs to be stored in there but he couldn’t figure out how I’d done it the last time) did laundry, piled my clean clothes outside my closet, vacuumed, prepped dinner, etc.
And my house was a disaster when I left. Kitchen counters were covered with random shit, my office is a disaster so I shut the door, I have a suitcase airing out bc it got soaked in the rain, christmas stuff still waiting to be stored, etc etc.
My secret? I literally done stress/worry/think about it. My expectations are pretty low when it comes to chores/having my shit together. My work is done well enough that I won’t get fired, I have a clean bed to sleep in, and we’re fed. My H doesn’t harp on me to do more, and whatever he does is good enough for me bc it means I don’t have to do it. I have adhd and it takes all I have to focus for 8 hours or so a day on work and then I’m done. I’d rather workout than clean. I’d rather scroll on my phone or watch a movie with H than pick up. And we decided long ago that if something is bothering us we better speak up or do it ourselves.
I 100% agree that no one 'has it all' or 'has it all together'.
One thing that no one else has mentioned is saying no. I am on PTA as I was pressured into it. Someone is now trying to make my role bigger and do more. I have told them No, then no, then no again. I am not doing it. I cannot handle it and I wont be guilted into it.
Also recognizing that rest is doing something. I used to feel bad if I spent a day on a weekend laying around. But our weekdays are busy. Lots of weekends we have inescapable events. So if we have a weekend with nothing on, I have reprogrammed myself to accept that we need rest and that is a good thing. As part of me being together most of the time is taking time not to be together sometimes.
During good periods we get it all together and try to keep it going as long as possible. With bills I try to have 2 "paying" sessions a month so I don't have to think about it all the time. With credit cards you can move the due dates. I have an excel spreadsheet for irregular expenses. Since I'm putting money aside monthly for things that are only due annually or whatever, I'm less likely to forget about things like car registration, homeowner's insurance. I keep up on grocery sales so we always have food in the freezer. When I'm in the mood I'll make soup or pulled chicken or taco meat just for the freezer in a desperate attempt to keep from eating out. And then something happens to make it all fall apart, or we get busy and exhausted and it all goes to hell. Slowly pick ourselves back up and start over.
My husband works full time and I work part time and that's the only reason anything ever gets done.