Being allowed to feel crappy about a crappy day/occurrence/situation without feeling like something is “wrong” with you. The wellness industry has blurred the line on healthy, normal emotions and managing mental health for its own profit, and it pisses me off.
This comment has brought me a bit of extra clarity. Thank you.
H and I sleep in separate beds, and I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t be married otherwise. His snoring would keep me awake for hours and I would feel very unhealthy levels of rage.
We made it work with an an extra bed in the kids’ room (they shared a double and I got the other one) or the couch for a few months, but we are officially making the playroom his bedroom next week, and we are each going to decorate our rooms how we want and I am thrilled!! I think it will be fun to invite him over (not overnight to be clear).
H and I sleep in separate beds, and I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t be married otherwise. His snoring would keep me awake for hours and I would feel very unhealthy levels of rage.
We made it work with an an extra bed in the kids’ room (they shared a double and I got the other one) or the couch for a few months, but we are officially making the playroom his bedroom next week, and we are each going to decorate our rooms how we want and I am thrilled!! I think it will be fun to invite him over (not overnight to be clear).
Working hard doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your family or life outside work.
We should not be expected to work all day and night in order to be considered “hard working”.
Trade schools in high school should also be a thing.
I feel kind of dumb even asking this, but do all high schools not have a vo-tech option?
I guess I never thought that hard about it, but I always assumed it was universally an option. My mind is a little blown here.
100% agree with your first point also. I left my previous career because of the unrealistic expectations on my time. And actually just had a mentorship call with someone in their 20s this week, and tried to tactfully encourage her not to stay in her current (notoriously all-consuming) career and look for fields with better balance instead.
Post by sugarbear1 on Feb 24, 2023 23:40:22 GMT -5
Divorce for no reason other than, "I deserve to be happy and being NOT married to this person is the first step on that path."
And along that line, co-parenting in an open, transparent way. I consider my ExH and his girlfriend friends AND co-parents. They are lovely together and certainly better than he and I ever were. For reasons beyond my understanding, people cannot wrap their heads around the idea that I divorced him because I didn't want to be married to him (or anyone else) and that I don't hate him, speak ill of him, or wish him any kind of misfortune.
I'm the one in my marriage who snored and whose restless sleep disrupted my partner. I went to the PCP for my physical last year, and they screened me for sleep apnea. They referred me to have a polysomnography at a sleep lab. I was diagnosed with Obstructive Sleep Apnea. Now I use a CPAP and my sleep is less disruptive to my partner.
The fact that kids don’t need to know for sure what they want to do with their life in regards to their careers in middle school or even in the beginning of high school.
The fact that kids don’t need to know for sure what they want to do with their life in regards to their careers in middle school or even in the beginning of high school.
Even early college!
I mean, I'm in my 40s and not sure myself. I have a solid 20 more years to work-- who knows what I'll get into!
(Also the person I mentioned in my earlier post is finishing up her post-doc and still doesn't know what she wants to do next. We are all muddling along here)
The fact that kids don’t need to know for sure what they want to do with their life in regards to their careers in middle school or even in the beginning of high school.
Or even when they are 3 or 7. Why do we ask kids what they want to be when they grow up?
Childhood is a completely valid stage of life, not something to just get through until you can fulfill your childhood dream of becoming a firefighter princess.
Related, recognizing that teens have different physiological needs than adults. Just because your 16 year old sleeps in until 11 doesn’t mean that they will never function at a job where they have to be there at 7:30.
It’s like saying you shouldn’t let your 2 year old nap, because how will they ever function at kindergarten?
A person deciding when to end their life. Honestly, whether it be due to a terminal illness or mental health, I think a person knows when they are done. Not everyone needs or wants to be saved.
Yes. It's wierd how we find it cruel to have animals die naturally when they're suffering/don't have a good quality of life but people should be forced through until their body gives out? One of my relatives is 101 with sever dementia and has absolutely no quality of life, their body is just barely holding on though so they're here.
Being allowed to feel crappy about a crappy day/occurrence/situation without feeling like something is “wrong” with you. The wellness industry has blurred the line on healthy, normal emotions and managing mental health for its own profit, and it pisses me off.
This. Half my counselling job is normalising anxiety and low mood.
Hugging: I’m so not looking forward to next weekend. We’re headed near FIL/SMIL for a vball tournament and none of us have seen them in over a year. I strongly dislike them. DD does as well. They are feely touchy people and I’m better at evading them but they act like it’s their right to hold on to my kids for minutes at a time and I’m honestly afraid it’ll send DD into a panic attack. There is NO way DH will say anything before to them or even “understand”. “That’s just the way they are”. Tough shit. If I sense she’s uncomfortable, I’m speaking up. Loudly. I may talk to her about a safe word or something.
Post by maudefindlay on Feb 25, 2023 7:24:37 GMT -5
Verbal greetings are enough, no need to handshake especially when I seem to get introduced to all the aggressive, bone shattering hand shakers.
Kids having downtime/not over scheduling kids. So many people complain about running themselves ragged to go to events/practices/games every night of the week. Just say no.
Post by mrsukyankee on Feb 25, 2023 7:26:08 GMT -5
jlt19, teach your daughter to say, no. It's lovely to see you again and, no, I don't want a hug. Or to give a hug and then push away when they are done (and say, thanks but I'm done hugging). And back away. If they persist, then you can step in. It's good for your DD to learn how to say no to unwanted touch and to know that you will back her up.
Working hard doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your family or life outside work.
We should not be expected to work all day and night in order to be considered “hard working”.
Trade schools in high school should also be a thing.
I feel kind of dumb even asking this, but do all high schools not have a vo-tech option?
I guess I never thought that hard about it, but I always assumed it was universally an option. My mind is a little blown here.
100% agree with your first point also. I left my previous career because of the unrealistic expectations on my time. And actually just had a mentorship call with someone in their 20s this week, and tried to tactfully encourage her not to stay in her current (notoriously all-consuming) career and look for fields with better balance instead.
No, so many schools have eliminated this option all together. Or they only allow kids who are struggling enter the program. There’s no reason a book smart kid should be prevented from pursuing plumbing if that’s what they want. Not every kid needs or wants or should go to traditional college!
Typing and basic computer knowledge (including internet safety) should also be a mandatory class in high school.
Oh normalizing distancing oneself from toxic family members. Just because they are family doesn’t mean you have to have a relationship with them.
The fact that kids don’t need to know for sure what they want to do with their life in regards to their careers in middle school or even in the beginning of high school.
I took my SD to her college orientation, and one of the college speakers said something like "70% of students here will go on to do jobs that don't exist yet. Our goal is to teach them skills they can apply to ANY career.". I don't remember the percentage but it was more than half. I think about that a lot, he's probably right so I try not to stress too much!
Post by fortnightlily on Feb 25, 2023 8:51:44 GMT -5
I would love to see sabbaticals normalized to other industries. Or just normalize letting people take breaks from working without feeling like there's a stigma around it that will be seen as detrimental when they want to return to the workforce. Whether it's for taking care of young kids, or aging parents, or just because they're burned out, or would like to devote some time to a personal project, or travel a bit, or whatever.
I would love to see sabbaticals normalized to other industries. Or just normalize letting people take breaks from working without feeling like there's a stigma around it that will be seen as detrimental when they want to return to the workforce. Whether it's for taking care of young kids, or aging parents, or just because they're burned out, or would like to devote some time to a personal project, or travel a bit, or whatever.
Taking earned vacation/sick time without issue/guilt trip.
Just last week my principal said parents were complaining that I’ve been out with my sick baby (since daycare sends her home with a sniffle, it seems like). I have no choice, I have no help, and my DH and I take turns. We are doing the best that we can, fuck off parents.
Taking earned vacation/sick time without issue/guilt trip.
Just last week my principal said parents were complaining that I’ve been out with my sick baby (since daycare sends her home with a sniffle, it seems like). I have no choice, I have no help, and my DH and I take turns. We are doing the best that we can, fuck off parents.
A parent (!) was complaining about a teacher with young kids doing this last year. You'd think parents would empathize. Omg.
I want to normalize clothing brands carrying sizes 6x-7x+. It's hard enough to find clothing brands that carry "plus size." Then most of those carry up to 2x or 3x and call it a day. No, sir.
Just last week my principal said parents were complaining that I’ve been out with my sick baby (since daycare sends her home with a sniffle, it seems like). I have no choice, I have no help, and my DH and I take turns. We are doing the best that we can, fuck off parents.
A parent (!) was complaining about a teacher with young kids doing this last year. You'd think parents would empathize. Omg.
When I taught, I was criticized by parents for being out a few days when my FIL died - spending his last day or two with him in hospice (out of town by 3 hours, mind you) and then attending his funeral. People can just be very cruel.
Taking earned vacation/sick time without issue/guilt trip.
Just last week my principal said parents were complaining that I’ve been out with my sick baby (since daycare sends her home with a sniffle, it seems like). I have no choice, I have no help, and my DH and I take turns. We are doing the best that we can, fuck off parents.
It wasn’t until dd1 was in 4th grade that I heard people complain that the other teacher had the nerve to have a baby during the school year! The kids need consistency!!!! I was totally confused by their outrage. I guess teachers aren’t people 🤷🏻♀️.
I think that leads me to normalizing your work/job doesn’t define who you are.
I feel kind of dumb even asking this, but do all high schools not have a vo-tech option?
I guess I never thought that hard about it, but I always assumed it was universally an option. My mind is a little blown here.
100% agree with your first point also. I left my previous career because of the unrealistic expectations on my time. And actually just had a mentorship call with someone in their 20s this week, and tried to tactfully encourage her not to stay in her current (notoriously all-consuming) career and look for fields with better balance instead.
No, so many schools have eliminated this option all together. Or they only allow kids who are struggling enter the program. There’s no reason a book smart kid should be prevented from pursuing plumbing if that’s what they want. Not every kid needs or wants or should go to traditional college!
Typing and basic computer knowledge (including internet safety) should also be a mandatory class in high school.
Oh normalizing distancing oneself from toxic family members. Just because they are family doesn’t mean you have to have a relationship with them.
This sucks. The high school where H is teaching and where E will go (and where I and my mom went!) has always had a big vocational program. H is amazed at what they offer and E mentioned something about being an electrician. She’s only 12 but I said she can try it out in high school. We need more women in trades.