Also, I refused to even try to learn to sleep with ear plugs in my own damn house.
I felt that way too. I need white noise to sleep, so presumably earplugs that block out snoring are going to also block that out. I don’t like complete silence. I just don’t want a chainsaw sleeping next to me!
I also wasn’t very sympathetic because he’d had a sleep study, knew he had bad apnea and I felt he hadn’t given the CPAP a fair shot before saying he couldn’t sleep with it on. He finally got an oral device, which was a game changer.
Also, I refused to even try to learn to sleep with ear plugs in my own damn house.
I felt that way too. I need white noise to sleep, so presumably earplugs that block out snoring are going to also block that out. I don’t like complete silence. I just don’t want a chainsaw sleeping next to me!
I also wasn’t very sympathetic because he’d had a sleep study, knew he had bad apnea and I felt he hadn’t given the CPAP a fair shot before saying he couldn’t sleep with it on. He finally got an oral device, which was a game changer.
What kind of oral device did he get? My husband also hates his CPAP and barely wears it anymore.
Also, I refused to even try to learn to sleep with ear plugs in my own damn house.
I felt that way too. I need white noise to sleep, so presumably earplugs that block out snoring are going to also block that out. I don’t like complete silence. I just don’t want a chainsaw sleeping next to me!
I also wasn’t very sympathetic because he’d had a sleep study, knew he had bad apnea and I felt he hadn’t given the CPAP a fair shot before saying he couldn’t sleep with it on. He finally got an oral device, which was a game changer.
Yep. By the time mine started using a cpap (years after his study and surgery) I wasn’t interested in moving back in lol.
Yes, but neither of us have sleep issues at the moment.
I did ask him if my hot flashes were bothering him before I got them under control, but he said no.
We upgraded to a king over the summer, but I’m not sure it’s made a huge difference other than the kid and dog have more room when they hang with us before bedtime.
We stopped largely because of dogs. We had an old dog that would pave and pant all night (dementia) and would only sleep if someone was with him. Since our bed isn’t big enough for us and our very large dog, H would sleep with him in the guest room. We assumed once he passed we would go back to sleeping together but we adopted another dog that happened to have separation anxiety and would cry all night without someone next to him. So here we are 5+ years into this temporary arrangement and it works.
I felt that way too. I need white noise to sleep, so presumably earplugs that block out snoring are going to also block that out. I don’t like complete silence. I just don’t want a chainsaw sleeping next to me!
I also wasn’t very sympathetic because he’d had a sleep study, knew he had bad apnea and I felt he hadn’t given the CPAP a fair shot before saying he couldn’t sleep with it on. He finally got an oral device, which was a game changer.
What kind of oral device did he get? My husband also hates his CPAP and barely wears it anymore.
It’s custom fitted by a sleep dentist and can be expensive if not covered by medical insurance. To get it covered at all there has to be documented trial and failure of CPAP by the doctor treating the apnea. Because H used his CPAP so infrequently there wasn’t data to support that, so we paid OOP for it but it was worth it. In addition to the snoring I was overall upset that he wasn’t taking care of his health, because apnea increases the risk of heart failure, etc. He was also exhausted all the time from not having quality sleep.
Post by maudefindlay on Feb 26, 2023 8:21:12 GMT -5
We sleep together in a king. He has an extra blanket on his side and no cuddling since peri menopause and her night time hotness moved in. If one of us are sick the healthy one moves to our spare bed in another room.
Sleeping together sounds nice in theory. But the reality is that we’ve been off and on throughout our relationship. Sleeping together usually looked like me falling asleep early, his coming in later and accidentally waking me up, me leaving in the middle of the night due to snoring, a kid, my own sleep issues, etc. I have a ton of sleep-related anxiety and worrying about being woken up will keep me awake.
It has been trial and error. We only recently decided to sleep apart indefinitely. There were feelings to work through. Lots of resentment about both sleeping together and apart. Feelings of rejection. It’s been mostly resolved. The health of our relationship depends on getting good sleep and having our own spaces to recharge. Sleep is a basic need. This works for us.
It hasn’t impacted intimacy or our sex life. We snuggle and connect at other times. We’ve always been mid-day or morning sex people and that has not changed. I used to feel embarrassed telling people. I don’t anymore because I know sleeping arrangements are not a barometer of our relationship health.
We sleep together on vacation and it’s fine as a temporary thing.
Unless one of us is sick, we always start off in the same bed. Frequently, due to his snoring, my PLMD, and both of us being poor sleepers, one of us ends up on the sofa before the night is over. I joke that I'm a sleeping nomad. I often go from bed to sofa and then back to the bed before the night is over.
Post by firedancer10288 on Feb 26, 2023 9:35:29 GMT -5
Yes. We have a king size bed and sleep with separate blankets (I like the weight of a big down comforter and he uses a thinner blanket). Sometimes there is a dog between us.
Yes in a queen. We’re snugglers though. He does snore sometimes if he’s got a cold or something, and I can be a tosser/turner but we still both sleep better when we’re together.
Post by redheadbaker on Feb 26, 2023 10:16:45 GMT -5
Sometimes. We don't have a spare/guest bed. Sometimes he'll fall asleep on the couch and just sleep there all night. Sometimes his snoring wakes me up, and if it keeps me from falling back to sleep, I'll go sleep on the couch.
We have a queen and that's plenty of room for us, and our 70-lb dog who sleeps on the bed, too.
I voted other. We start out in the same bed but frequently H or I will end up on the couch due to snoring (we both snore). If one or both of us are sick we don't even attempt to sleep in the same bed. One of sleeps on the couch until we're both healthy. We don't have a guest bedroom so that's not an option.
Exactly the same, except that one kid’s bedroom is available while she is away at school.
ETA: not exactly the same, because I am always the one to move. Two reasons: because it’s generally his snoring that disrupts my sleep, but it’s unpredictable when that’ll happen, and because I can sleep pretty much anywhere but he doesn’t sleep well on any other bed.
We sleep together and it’s much better now that we got a king sized bed. When we go on vacation and it’s a queen it’s sad. When we go to my parents and it’s a full it’s a guaranteed rough night of sleep with a nap the next day. DH travels some for work and when he does I put pillows next to me so it feels like he’s there.
Post by turkletsmom on Feb 26, 2023 10:43:25 GMT -5
At home in a king, yes. If we are at a hotel with 2 beds instead of a king we split up. We need space and are not small people.
When H and I were first dating/engaged in our mid-20s and visiting ILs, they still had the guest beds from when everyone was young so we slept on a trundle bed. It was great. Then MIL "upgraded" to full size beds thinking as adults we'd prefer that, but it's so tight we can't sleep. Now that we're in our 40s I want to offer to replace them with trundles again LOL.
I do but right now we don't even have a second bedroom set up so there's no choice. I really wish we had the space because I could use somewhere to go when his snoring gets bad.
We sleep together in a queen bed, but neither of us has any major sleep issues. I do wear earplugs since he gets up over an hour before I do, and that generally helps with the noise while he's getting ready in the morning.
We have two other beds that are fairly undesirable- a futon in my office and a bunk bed in DS's room. H did sleep on the futon when I got Covid but quickly got it himself and moved right back in to our bed.
We share a king bed most of the time. This time of year, we are sharing a down comforter. I run warmer than him and we have different blankets on each side most of the time.
Exceptions would be when he had COVID (and I hadn't tested positive) I slept in the office on a blow-up mattress and after I had knee surgery I slept on the LR sofa for several weeks.
He snores, but I wear earplugs nightly. I sometimes snore, but he doesn't care (or hear well enough to be bothered)
Post by sugarbear1 on Feb 26, 2023 12:31:15 GMT -5
I replied "other" because I've been partnered for two years but we only have overnights 2-3 times per week. We are usually at his house and he has a king but we both love to snuggle. When I was married, I was an "absolutely do not touch me while I am sleeping" person and now I'd say at least one body part is always touching at night, usually several.
At home when I have my kids, one of them will occasionally get into bed with me and I love having them there.
Me and H sleep in the same bed but this past year he's having major sleep issues (waking at 3 am and can't get back to sleep, typical middle age sleep issue stuff). So he sometimes goes to the couch and watches shows on his iPad until he sleeps. I think, whatever works for your marriage. I enjoy sharing a bed, but I don't want to be cuddled or touched and I like to spread out. H likes to cuddle and he sleeps in the center of the bed because he likes to be close. I....just I totally get the sleeping separately thing and the judging of it is very narrow-minded.
I'm violently envious of those who have separate bedrooms.
Even when we didn't have a separate bedroom, one of us slept on a bed in the unfinished basement. The desire was that strong. I'd do it again in a heartbeat if we had to give up the extra bedroom for some reason.
I'm violently envious of those who have separate bedrooms.
Even when we didn't have a separate bedroom, one of us slept on a bed in the unfinished basement. The desire was that strong. I'd do it again in a heartbeat if we had to give up the extra bedroom for some reason.
I have no extra room of any kind. I'd sleep on an Aerobed in the living room but my people think that would be weird. I'm stuck. 😭 🤷♀️