DD1’s prom dress was delivered today. She should be home any minute and she’s going to try it on ASAP. I am excited but also anxious because we bought it from an online site (with good reviews though) so I hope it fits!
bex1973 that is so odd of his ex MIL, especially since his XW has no issue with you two and you had nothing to do with the marriage ending! I know that if STBX stays with the woman he cheated with and she's eventually around DD, it's going to be tough for me to be friendly to her, but I'll at least be civil for DD and over time I would be less chilly.
I'm on pins and needles right now because my new home situation is kind of up in the air. After our offer was accepted on the first place, when our attorney was reviewing the HOA rules it turned out there was an issue with my dad being the owner and renting to me temporarily until I buy it from him after the divorce is final. The attorney contacted the HOA to ask for an exception based on the circumstance and we still haven't heard back. The P&S is supposed to be signed by 6pm today. We can request an extension on that, but over the weekend I went to see another place and actually think I may prefer it, despite it being smaller and less updated. It has a nice deck and yard, which the first townhouse does not, and it's 45K less even with our over-asking offer and there is no HOA monthly fee. The offers were due today by 2pm, but yesterday the realtor said they had so many offers that they were probably going to look at them last night, so we sent in our offer, but we've heard nothing yet one way or the other. He said he had 3 offers over asking but none are a cash buyer like us. As of right now our attorney still hasn't heard back from the HOA at the first place, which is a good thing if the second offer does get accepted because then we can just back out of the first one. The worst case scenario today is our offer getting turned down on the second place and then the HOA denying our request on the first place, so I'd be back to square one! Although, my divorce attorney said that if the HOA won't budge, there may be something she can work out with STBX's attorney to have him sign that if my dad has to put my name on the deed, he will not come after it as one of our assets. I trust that he wouldn't but we would obviously need something signed, but I don't think my dad even trusts that.
When my ex and I split, we did basically this. Both of us purchased homes (community property state) while we were still married, but both signed a form the title company prepared saying the other released any claim to the property. Hopefully something like that would work if it comes down to that situation!
Well our upstairs HVAC that we just had repaired 2 weeks ago decided to not work yesterday when I turned it back on. So someone is supposed to be out between 1 and 4 and I had a bunch of windows open and fan ons early this morning when it was cool.
It's dead. Our 8yo HVAC system is dead.
We have the money, it's not that (thankfully), but I had of course just called for painting estimates for inside. I may still get them and see if they will hold the price until fall (if they're not booked that far out already).
tennisgal they sell cuticle oil in the nail section of most stores. I would try that.
I don't know if we are the AH but my SIL is organizing a cemetary ceremony, with a priest, for her 12-week old miscarriage. I heard they will be spreading some ashes? Anyway, we have swimming lessons for our kids during that time and we decided our kids and us will go to swimming lessons. I understand their pain but I don't think we need to be there.
Imo, yes. People grieve in different ways and if it important enough for her to have this ceremony, I’d be there. You don’t need to bring your children, of course.
Also: is she single? If not, I’d assume the father of the baby also had something to do with the arrangements.
FWIW, one of the most moving and true things I have ever heard about grief took place at a ceremony for a miscarriage. It was the first time the cemetery was allowing stillbirths or miscarriages to be interred there, and a priest spoke about how grief is a rock with sharp edges that you have to carry in your pocket your entire life. When you inevitably reach into that pocket in the course of your day, the rock cuts you, and the pain is sudden. Over the years, as you touch it more and more, the sharp edges wear down and although you still bear the weight, it isn't as painful to touch it and sometimes is even comforting. I've never had a miscarriage, but I've lost people, and pain is pain. Some people find comfort in the ceremony. I personally want to be dropped in the ocean with absolutely no fanfare. 🤷♀️ If you don't feel called to go, definitely do not, but maybe find another way to show support, because even if it isn't what you wanted, it sounds like that's what they need.
Post by thebreakfastclub on Apr 29, 2024 13:56:30 GMT -5
I am the type of person who would say that it's ok if someone doesn't want to attend a service, but it would be so meaningful if someone did make the effort to come.
When my brother died in August, we quickly cremated him and had no service. My work team signed a group card for me and I was so touched in the moment by that simple card. I think the sibling should attend and the other parent can handle swim lessons.
If you don't feel called to go, definitely do not, but maybe find another way to show support, because even if it isn't what you wanted, it sounds like that's what they need.
This is where I fall on this one, too. Of course she is going to say she understands if people don't want to come - this type of service is a little uncommon and she probably feels some level of insecure about choosing to have it. But she's doing it because she needs it, and she invited you because she wants your support. If there is something special about attending those swim lessons that is important than by all means continue, but I would try to do something else to be supportive too.
Post by NewGirlNic on Apr 29, 2024 14:42:08 GMT -5
All this talk of Mother's Day is giving me anxiety. I really dislike it. My mom is so adamant that we all do brunch (at her house, so she has to clean and cook) every year. A few years ago I tried to suggest going out for dinner the Friday of MD weekend or lunch Saturday or something... but that didn't go over well. She acted offended/hurt (passive-aggressively, of course) that I was thinking about not spending MD with her. When am I going to get to do MD the way I want? It makes me feel bad to think that, and I truly do love and appreciate my Mom, but sometimes the overbearing guilt trips are the worst.
Post by wanderlustmom on Apr 29, 2024 14:52:17 GMT -5
INMO I always say I don't mind if people don't come while I do want them there. Don't expect me to actually come out and say it. Obviously I understand people have other commitments--just telling you she may be hurt and say she's fine especially because she's close family. I wouldn't tell my SIL that I was upset but I would feel upset if she were local and didn't come to the ceremony. I feel differently about the kids, I would have someone else take them to swim or at least have your husband be there for her. This is her grief and how she wants to do it, I would make every effort to be there. The people who came to my mom's funeral really helped me and comforted me in my grief.
I agree I don't want to pay high prices for Mother's Day food. It's also a hard day for me since my mom is passed. I think we will go get Mexican where it will be maybe $100 for all of us.
NewGirlNic , I feel similarly about Mother's Day. Both my mom and MIL are awesome, not dramatic or attention seeking about Mothers Day, but they would still be a little hurt (esp my mom) if I said hey, I want to be alone/do what I want today and not come see you. And then I always think "what if something happens and this is our last Mothers Day together" and I just go through with whatever the plans are. So, every year I am a little annoyed on the day. We usually go out to brunch as a family of 3 so at least I get something I want to do, but then the rest of the day is spent visiting them and it's a long day. I also don't really want to switch the plans to a Friday or Saturday night though, because I'd rather be home or with friends those days, so suffer on Sunday it is, lol.
tennisgal they sell cuticle oil in the nail section of most stores. I would try that.
I don't know if we are the AH but my SIL is organizing a cemetary ceremony, with a priest, for her 12-week old miscarriage. I heard they will be spreading some ashes? Anyway, we have swimming lessons for our kids during that time and we decided our kids and us will go to swimming lessons. I understand their pain but I don't think we need to be there.
Imo, yes. People grieve in different ways and if it important enough for her to have this ceremony, I’d be there. You don’t need to bring your children, of course.
Also: is she single? If not, I’d assume the father of the baby also had something to do with the arrangements.
This. Is it your H's sister? If so, and they are at all close, then I think he may regret not going and supporting her. We all grieve differently and it isn't our place to judge how others grieve. I've had others judge me for not talking about my grief on social media to warn them. I've heard others judge people for talking about grief on social media. Long story short, if it has to do with judgement, I would set that aside for now.
NewGirlNic , I feel similarly about Mother's Day. Both my mom and MIL are awesome, not dramatic or attention seeking about Mothers Day, but they would still be a little hurt (esp my mom) if I said hey, I want to be alone/do what I want today and not come see you. And then I always think "what if something happens and this is our last Mothers Day together" and I just go through with whatever the plans are. So, every year I am a little annoyed on the day.
This is exactly my thought process every mother's day. I want to be selfish but also worry that it could be our last and I'd regret opting out or hurting their feelings (both moms are healthy, but at an age where nothing is certain). Every year I make a mental note that when the time comes that I am the grandmother generation, I will tell my kids sincerely that mother's day is for the mother in the trenches, not me.
My dad likes for us to go out to breakfast, but he is an early riser, and adamant about beating the crowds, so we end up dragging the kids (and myself) out of bed at some ridiculous time. On the bright side, last year my MIL came too and we were completely finished with all mother's day obligations by 10 am. But still, would not have been my first choice.
One of my young friends is a personal trainer. She was telling me about her client, just turned 50, who was asking for some “good music” in the playlist. I told friend I’d make her a playlist that would impress the client. It was so fun I made two. One “hair bands” that the lady requested. But, since that’s not generally my thing, I did a second one taking inspiration from my skating rink memories.
Corollary, I have a new song on repeat. Come Dancing!
Friend if also running a fencing-specific strength class, I signed up, more as support than because I wanted to (its 30 minutes away). I swear, if she busts the skating rink list out next week, she won’t get anything but cardio out of me, because I will be dancing around. 🤣 The class has two 14 year olds in it, and their moms stayed and watched yesterday. Bust this out and the three of us will be belting our lung out.
That is fair. I deserve that. I also know the fact that my BIL’s are not doing any of the helping and my H is the “bad guy” does piss me off.
Sorry for that, it's hard to watch and "let" them get away with it. My husband has a useless brother and his Mom had a lot of health problems. As hard as it was, in the end you're glad you're who you are and not like them. ❤️
Is anyone familiar with Irvine, California? H has to go there for work in June and he wants me and David to come with him for the week since David will be out for summer. He said he'd like us to do a long weekend so we can go off somewhere within a couple hours drive. Anything fun around there? H is there for work quite a bit but knowns nothing about the area because he's in the office all day. eta: Other than San Diego/Los Angeles. I've spend a ton of time there both on my own and with H so not wanting to do that again.
It is gorgeous outside today so I had the gym to myself this morning. Skipped cardio because I was going to "go for a walk". I'm on hour 8 of sitting at my computer but hey, I have a window open, same thing right?
DD let me brush and style her hair for school today and I was on cloud 9 but trying not to let her know it brought me joy. 10 year olds, man.
Not a mom, but I very strongly believe the Parents' Days should be celebrating the parents who are actively parenting. I hate it for those of you who have to give up your day to do what your mom / mil wants. That is NOT how it should be!
As I've mentioned many times, I have pretty severe ADHD. Of course, right now, my meds are on backorder so I'm just sucking at life.
Well last week I started this purging project and came across two large standing shoe cubbie racks that I was no longer using and had shoved in the basement. They are each about 3 feet by 4 feet. I thought for a moment and came up with the grand plan to remove all the inner pieces of wood, turn the things on their sides, add a shelf across the middle of each one, and turn them into shelves for clothing storage.
Now, my ADHD brain comes up with all sorts of great ideas, but that is where they end, as ideas.
Not this time.
Over the course of 24 hours, I actually started and completed an entire project! This is huge for me, especially with no medication.
I really don't understand why no one can just pick another day. I always saw my Mom on Mother's Day because I didn't have kids, she saw my siblings another day if they wanted to do something else. If your Moms/MILs are pains in the asses about it, then don't be a pain in the ass too - PICK ANOTHER DAY TO DO WHAT YOU WANT.
My brother was born on mother's day and today is one of the years where it happens to line up again so I have EVEN MORE of a problem.
My dad and son both fall then, too. Dad has quite a chip on his shoulder about it, but he’s 86 and single now, so he just makes sure his date can take him to the Mother’s Day church potluck, lol.
It’s such a weird day to try to balance *all the people*
Post by SusanBAnthony on Apr 29, 2024 17:46:36 GMT -5
Thanks to this thread i now know when mothers day is!
I'm extremely thankful my mother and MIL are both extremely reasonable about mothers day. I always get to do whatever I want, and fully intend to do the same for my kids! When I'm old my mothers day present will be not having to do any parenting anymore! Winning.
tennisgal they sell cuticle oil in the nail section of most stores. I would try that.
I don't know if we are the AH but my SIL is organizing a cemetary ceremony, with a priest, for her 12-week old miscarriage. I heard they will be spreading some ashes? Anyway, we have swimming lessons for our kids during that time and we decided our kids and us will go to swimming lessons. I understand their pain but I don't think we need to be there.
I had a 17 week loss and chose to have a burial and planted a tree, we included a little family and had a pastor there. Coming from my obviously biased perspective, I am going to say you are the AH here. You say you understand their pain, but you seem dismissive of it and it sounds like you think they should hide their pain and not share it with their family and have their family with them to support them during this difficult time. One of the hardest things for me was that people wanted me to move on when they were ready, not when I was ready, and they forgot while I never did.
I just wanted to say that I remember when this fresh and that your son’s name was Miller. He isn’t forgotten.
Is anyone familiar with Irvine, California? H has to go there for work in June and he wants me and David to come with him for the week since David will be out for summer. He said he'd like us to do a long weekend so we can go off somewhere within a couple hours drive. Anything fun around there? H is there for work quite a bit but knowns nothing about the area because he's in the office all day. eta: Other than San Diego/Los Angeles. I've spend a ton of time there both on my own and with H so not wanting to do that again.
Irvine, specifically doesn't have a lot of fun stuff, but it's pretty close to the beach and Disneyland. I live really close to Irvine so feel free to PM if you would like some suggestions.
My mom's birthday is also on mothers day this year. So we always do something for her. I don't get or expect to be celebrated. I'm still unpacking this in therapy.