Mine: DH has gained a significant amount of weight (which whatever, not the issue). The thing is he’s still wearing all the same shirts he wore 60lbs ago and he looks ridiculous in many of them. Soooo I’ve been hiding the ones that look particularly awful one by one. He’s asked a couple times if I’ve seen a few specific shirts I’ve hidden and I am all “no, sorry”.
I feel like I’m going on someone’s list for this but honestly he’ll wear a button down that no longer buttons over a shirt and it looks like he’s wearing a bolero jacket. I just can’t.
Huh.
When she was in 3rd grade I absolutely hid my daughter's favorite hideous yellow shirt and in 6th this godawful white and green sweatshirt with a cartoon mushroom on it in the laundry. I just couldn't look at them anymore. So I get the impulse. BUT when she asked for them, I gave them back. So it feels AH to lie.
I similarly keep a week's worth of my kids' shirts in a laundry basket in my bathroom when I do their laundry, because if I don't, they will both wear the same shirts literally every week, and it really bothers me. DD totally called me on it at one point...mom, didn't you just put my clean laundry away? Where is my x shirt? And I told her. I also told her I had asked her not to wear the same thing 2 weeks in a row, and also tried putting the clean shirts she wore last week in a pile on top of her dresser and saying, 'don't wear these until I hang them up when I do your laundry next week' and she still wore the same stuff every week until I left them in my room. I also told her if she really wanted to wear the same stuff every week, she could do and put away her own laundry.
I know kids are different, but I am incapable of being anything other than (sometimes overly) bluntly honest, so I tell my kids when they have outgrown something and I'm going to retire it from their wardrobe entirely. So for your dh, I would try to gently at least say that you noticed some of his clothes don't fit well anymore, and you moved them to a different place than they usually are, and think he should not wear them right now.
Post by wanderlustmom on May 13, 2024 19:48:42 GMT -5
It would be fine in our marriage. We are direct with each other. Now whether or not he’d do it—up to him, but if I wanted him to get his teeth whitened I would just say it. I know my DH won’t comment about my weight, everything else (even his weight) we talk about. I tease him about being a little skinny and he’s not very sensitive about it
I hear you all and I can’t disagree, but I promise I’m trying to do it as a kindness. He is super sensitive about his weight, and subtle mentions about new clothes have gone no where. So I’ve been cycling in new shirts that I buy him in the correct size all “I was at Nordstrom rack today and found these on sale - I thought you’d like them!” and removing the most egregious offenders. I still have them! I didn’t toss them at least lol.
When she was in 3rd grade I absolutely hid my daughter's favorite hideous yellow shirt and in 6th this godawful white and green sweatshirt with a cartoon mushroom on it in the laundry. I just couldn't look at them anymore. So I get the impulse. BUT when she asked for them, I gave them back. So it feels AH to lie.
I similarly keep a week's worth of my kids' shirts in a laundry basket in my bathroom when I do their laundry, because if I don't, they will both wear the same shirts literally every week, and it really bothers me. DD totally called me on it at one point...mom, didn't you just put my clean laundry away? Where is my x shirt? And I told her. I also told her I had asked her not to wear the same thing 2 weeks in a row, and also tried putting the clean shirts she wore last week in a pile on top of her dresser and saying, 'don't wear these until I hang them up when I do your laundry next week' and she still wore the same stuff every week until I left them in my room. I also told her if she really wanted to wear the same stuff every week, she could do and put away her own laundry.
I know kids are different, but I am incapable of being anything other than (sometimes overly) bluntly honest, so I tell my kids when they have outgrown something and I'm going to retire it from their wardrobe entirely. So for your dh, I would try to gently at least say that you noticed some of his clothes don't fit well anymore, and you moved them to a different place than they usually are, and think he should not wear them right now.
This is quite an ordeal over your kids' clothing. They should be doing their own laundry and choosing their own clothes.
When she was in 3rd grade I absolutely hid my daughter's favorite hideous yellow shirt and in 6th this godawful white and green sweatshirt with a cartoon mushroom on it in the laundry. I just couldn't look at them anymore. So I get the impulse. BUT when she asked for them, I gave them back. So it feels AH to lie.
I similarly keep a week's worth of my kids' shirts in a laundry basket in my bathroom when I do their laundry, because if I don't, they will both wear the same shirts literally every week, and it really bothers me. DD totally called me on it at one point...mom, didn't you just put my clean laundry away? Where is my x shirt? And I told her. I also told her I had asked her not to wear the same thing 2 weeks in a row, and also tried putting the clean shirts she wore last week in a pile on top of her dresser and saying, 'don't wear these until I hang them up when I do your laundry next week' and she still wore the same stuff every week until I left them in my room. I also told her if she really wanted to wear the same stuff every week, she could do and put away her own laundry.
I know kids are different, but I am incapable of being anything other than (sometimes overly) bluntly honest, so I tell my kids when they have outgrown something and I'm going to retire it from their wardrobe entirely. So for your dh, I would try to gently at least say that you noticed some of his clothes don't fit well anymore, and you moved them to a different place than they usually are, and think he should not wear them right now.
Why does this bother you?
DS only has 8-10 outfits so he's definitely repeating clothing every week. I probably have less clothing. Maybe 4-5 pairs of pants and 7-8 shirts plus a few cardigans/shackets to layer if it's cold. Sometimes I repeat clothing in the *same* week!
I happily buy DD more shoes than she can wear. Last February, while on vacation with DH (in Florida) she bought Nike slides. They are so comfortable. They are so much better on my feet than anything I own. Since I can no longer walk comfortably inside the house barefoot, I am often tempted to wear them even though she does not like to share.
I think I would have to objectively see how not-white his teeth were to know if this is an AITA situation or not.
But I don't like passive aggressive anything so if you haven't directly asked him and directly received an answer of when he's going to do it or why he doesn't want to, then NTA.
Aren't these teeth whitening kits really bad for your teeth?
Usual disclaimer, check with your dentist that your teeth are healthy enough for whitening, etc.
I tell my patients that they can try the short term whitening products sold over the counter in a store like Target, Walmart, CVS. Something like the Crest Whitestrips. Follow the directions on the box and many people do see results. If it's too sensitive to do it every day, try it every other day.
Don't buy the "whitening toothpaste." That stuff is abrasive to your enamel and doesn't work. It's a gimmick. Same goes for anything labeled "charcoal."
And please don't buy stuff random influencers sell. At least the stuff sold in store at Target has been through various layers of scrutiny before being allowed to be sold, FDA and what not. The stuff on the internet is not regulated and who knows what they're selling you. It could be repackaged clear Elmer's glue with some flavoring added for all you know. Or something a lot worse.
Post by basilosaurus on May 14, 2024 2:55:32 GMT -5
My dream must have predicted this thread. In the dream I ended up losing nearly all my clothes (due to a weaponized whale attack employed by theives of course), and I was like, eh, nbd, I don't mind wearing the same 2 shirts on repeat.
THe thing is, irl, I basically already live like that.
In high school, I wore the same navy polo for 3 days in a row (don't worry, it passed the sniff test, and it wasn't hot weather), just to see if anyone would comment. Not a single person said anything, not my friends, not someone being nasty, not a well meaning concerned teacher.
People really don't notice let alone care unless it's a particularly memorable outfit. I cannot fathom caring whether a child wears something every week. If it's clean, it's fair game. What an odd hangup.
I similarly keep a week's worth of my kids' shirts in a laundry basket in my bathroom when I do their laundry, because if I don't, they will both wear the same shirts literally every week, and it really bothers me. DD totally called me on it at one point...mom, didn't you just put my clean laundry away? Where is my x shirt? And I told her. I also told her I had asked her not to wear the same thing 2 weeks in a row, and also tried putting the clean shirts she wore last week in a pile on top of her dresser and saying, 'don't wear these until I hang them up when I do your laundry next week' and she still wore the same stuff every week until I left them in my room. I also told her if she really wanted to wear the same stuff every week, she could do and put away her own laundry.
I know kids are different, but I am incapable of being anything other than (sometimes overly) bluntly honest, so I tell my kids when they have outgrown something and I'm going to retire it from their wardrobe entirely. So for your dh, I would try to gently at least say that you noticed some of his clothes don't fit well anymore, and you moved them to a different place than they usually are, and think he should not wear them right now.
Why does this bother you?
DS only has 8-10 outfits so he's definitely repeating clothing every week. I probably have less clothing. Maybe 4-5 pairs of pants and 7-8 shirts plus a few cardigans/shackets to layer if it's cold. Sometimes I repeat clothing in the *same* week!
I think it bothers me because it means my kids have a bunch of clothes (that THEY picked out, I've long since learned not to buy things for them without their input anymore) that they never wear, along with just getting tired of seeing the same things. I definitely have a problem with buying my kids too many clothes, and I've tried to do better the past few years, and while I've improved, I still struggle because my kids are little (physically little, at almost 15 ds is 5' and 90 lbs) and grow slowly, so they end up not outgrowing things for like 3 years. So when school starts, or for holidays or whatnot, or when things are on sale for a really good price, I tend to buy them one or two new things. But since they aren't getting rid of many things each year, it leads to too many clothes.
I fully own that this is a me problem and it's odd. And while my kids are old enough to do their own laundry and both know how to and do it occasionally, laundry is the only chore that I actually enjoy doing, so I don't mind doing it myself.
[mention]expectantsteelerfan [/mention] my kid also has too many clothes, and I have just decided to do his laundry less frequently. I had to buy more socks so he had enough to last for two weeks, but now I just wait longer before washing his clothes, and he ends up wearing most of them. Some of the special occasion stuff still barely gets worn, but I’m okay with that. Soccer uniforms and the like go straight into the machine when we get home, so those get washed much more frequently.
expectantsteelerfan I just moved to doing her laundry less, but I feel you. Sometimes the shirts are just still hanging in the laundry and she has to go get them to put them away.
We had a phase of needing a specific taylor swift shirt clean every week. I told her I don't have time to do laundry weekly. She's lucky I do it on my WFH days for her.
for some reason I am just laughing at an image in my mind of Chris Farley wearing that way too small jacket and singing "fat man in a little coat" when I think about your husband, scm1011. I know it is nothing like that, but I keep picturing it and it makes me giggle.
expectantsteelerfan I sometimes hide my kid's clothes, too. He will wear the same three things over and over and it drives me bananas because he has so many cute clothes! lol. But I just do it for 24 hours and tell him it is in the load of laundry that we are doing.
My dream must have predicted this thread. In the dream I ended up losing nearly all my clothes (due to a weaponized whale attack employed by theives of course), and I was like, eh, nbd, I don't mind wearing the same 2 shirts on repeat.
THe thing is, irl, I basically already live like that.
In high school, I wore the same navy polo for 3 days in a row (don't worry, it passed the sniff test, and it wasn't hot weather), just to see if anyone would comment. Not a single person said anything, not my friends, not someone being nasty, not a well meaning concerned teacher.
People really don't notice let alone care unless it's a particularly memorable outfit. I cannot fathom caring whether a child wears something every week. If it's clean, it's fair game. What an odd hangup.
Yeah, I remember growing up and not having a ton of clothes, so there were definitely repeat outfits week to week. And God forbid something wasn't washed in time. It was like the end of the world. And I did my own laundry starting in the 5th grade.
I hear you all and I can’t disagree, but I promise I’m trying to do it as a kindness. He is super sensitive about his weight, and subtle mentions about new clothes have gone no where. So I’ve been cycling in new shirts that I buy him in the correct size all “I was at Nordstrom rack today and found these on sale - I thought you’d like them!” and removing the most egregious offenders. I still have them! I didn’t toss them at least lol.
This is a difficult situation, and I understand your good intentions. It is just that it seems really messed up to lie about something that your H KNOWS he hasn’t misplaced. I’d think I was losing my mind.
Mine: DH has gained a significant amount of weight (which whatever, not the issue). The thing is he’s still wearing all the same shirts he wore 60lbs ago and he looks ridiculous in many of them. Soooo I’ve been hiding the ones that look particularly awful one by one. He’s asked a couple times if I’ve seen a few specific shirts I’ve hidden and I am all “no, sorry”.
I feel like I’m going on someone’s list for this but honestly he’ll wear a button down that no longer buttons over a shirt and it looks like he’s wearing a bolero jacket. I just can’t.
My absolute favorite story about DH's grandparents is that his grandpa used to volunteer at a Goodwill type store and would sometimes bring home shirts he found there. DH's grandma hated most of them, so she started cutting little holes in them. Then when he would wear the shirt she'd say "Jack, you can't wear that, it has a hole in it!" Cracks me up every time I hear it. So I vote not the asshole with your situation.
I hear you all and I can’t disagree, but I promise I’m trying to do it as a kindness. He is super sensitive about his weight, and subtle mentions about new clothes have gone no where. So I’ve been cycling in new shirts that I buy him in the correct size all “I was at Nordstrom rack today and found these on sale - I thought you’d like them!” and removing the most egregious offenders. I still have them! I didn’t toss them at least lol.
This is a difficult situation, and I understand your good intentions. It is just that it seems really messed up to lie about something that your H KNOWS he hasn’t misplaced. I’d think I was losing my mind.
Yeah I don't think you're an asshole because you aren't trying to be mean, but this is basically the exact definition of gaslighting. I don't think I'd do that.
How old are his clothes? I think I'd say something like "your clothes are starting to look like they are getting worn out/have been washed too many times. Let's go shopping and get you some new stuff." You don't have to specifically say he's outgrown them but like, they just aren't in good shape anymore.
When my H has gone up in sizes, he will be like "I think this shrunk in the wash". Bless his heart. It really made me wish I was a man - when a man's clothes don't fit, it's clearly because there is something wrong with the clothes, not the body of the man!
Post by mrsukyankee on May 15, 2024 3:05:23 GMT -5
scm1011, does he have a birthday coming up? Or any sort of celebration? Then tell him it's time to upgrade his clothing and it's a gift. (this is what I did when I moved in with my then F, now H)
For those of you struggling with your kids picking out clothes to buy and then not wearing them, I thought I would mention my new strategy that seems to be working. Keep in mind, I have a twelve year old girl. We buy NOTHING unless she can describe three different ways to wear it. So, if we are looking at shirts she must be able to tell me three shorts they will go with. Then, you do NOT take the tags off until she takes the new shirt home and tries them on with the three pairs of shorts. If she doesn’t still agree that the shirt works with at least two of the proposed pairs of shorts, the shirt is returned.
That said, my kid really only has about 5 shirts and 5 shorts she will wear. And I’m ok with those rotating around. We are working hard to find a few more shirts, but five hours at the mall yielded one new shirt. And I despise shopping so she may just be out of luck.
For those of you struggling with your kids picking out clothes to buy and then not wearing them, I thought I would mention my new strategy that seems to be working. Keep in mind, I have a twelve year old girl. We buy NOTHING unless she can describe three different ways to wear it. So, if we are looking at shirts she must be able to tell me three shorts they will go with. Then, you do NOT take the tags off until she takes the new shirt home and tries them on with the three pairs of shorts. If she doesn’t still agree that the shirt works with at least two of the proposed pairs of shorts, the shirt is returned.
That said, my kid really only has about 5 shirts and 5 shorts she will wear. And I’m ok with those rotating around. We are working hard to find a few more shirts, but five hours at the mall yielded one new shirt. And I despise shopping so she may just be out of luck.
I also think I wouldn't mind as much if my kids were choosing to wear things that actually reflect a style or choice beyond just 'comfy'. My ds wears athletic pants or shorts with short sleeve athletic shirts. For marching band this year, he needed white undershirts, but he hated the regular cotton ones, so I bought him a 5 pack of athletic white shirts (just plain white). And if they are all clean and in his closet, he will wear one as a shirt for 5 days in a row with black pants/shorts. When those are gone, he then picks his 2 plain black athletic shirts. So even though he picks out (mostly plain) colored shirts for me to buy him, he rarely wears them.
And DD lives in black leggings or sweat pants, mostly with this shirt: www.target.com/p/women-39-s-short-sleeve-t-shirt-wild-fable-8482-white-xs/-/A-86972537?preselect=86972537#lnk=sametab She has it in every color (and they had more colors last year). She has other similarly cropped shirts from Old Navy and she picks one out as her souvenir from every trip we go on, but I think just because she's lazy, she'll wear the same ones over and over again if they are available.
But stuff not 'going' or working with her bottoms is not an issue, but that is a good idea if that were the issue.
For those of you struggling with your kids picking out clothes to buy and then not wearing them, I thought I would mention my new strategy that seems to be working. Keep in mind, I have a twelve year old girl. We buy NOTHING unless she can describe three different ways to wear it. So, if we are looking at shirts she must be able to tell me three shorts they will go with. Then, you do NOT take the tags off until she takes the new shirt home and tries them on with the three pairs of shorts. If she doesn’t still agree that the shirt works with at least two of the proposed pairs of shorts, the shirt is returned.
That said, my kid really only has about 5 shirts and 5 shorts she will wear. And I’m ok with those rotating around. We are working hard to find a few more shirts, but five hours at the mall yielded one new shirt. And I despise shopping so she may just be out of luck.
I also think I wouldn't mind as much if my kids were choosing to wear things that actually reflect a style or choice beyond just 'comfy'. My ds wears athletic pants or shorts with short sleeve athletic shirts. For marching band this year, he needed white undershirts, but he hated the regular cotton ones, so I bought him a 5 pack of athletic white shirts (just plain white). And if they are all clean and in his closet, he will wear one as a shirt for 5 days in a row with black pants/shorts. When those are gone, he then picks his 2 plain black athletic shirts. So even though he picks out (mostly plain) colored shirts for me to buy him, he rarely wears them.
And DD lives in black leggings or sweat pants, mostly with this shirt: www.target.com/p/women-39-s-short-sleeve-t-shirt-wild-fable-8482-white-xs/-/A-86972537?preselect=86972537#lnk=sametab She has it in every color (and they had more colors last year). She has other similarly cropped shirts from Old Navy and she picks one out as her souvenir from every trip we go on, but I think just because she's lazy, she'll wear the same ones over and over again if they are available.
But stuff not 'going' or working with her bottoms is not an issue, but that is a good idea if that were the issue.
Well, I aim for comfy every day. And I definitely will but the same Tshirt in multiple colors. So that part isn’t an issue for me at all. I just don’t want to waste money so a different concern I’m solving for.
expectantsteelerfan I hear you. DD has about 4 shirts she likes and wears them over and over. At this point my rule is if you already wore it this week you can’t wear it until the following week but I definitely get sick of seeing the same things all the time. This is a better problem than the teen that never has anything to wear I suppose but both are kind of annoying.
mrsukyankee, meanie, wildrice, the trouble is he is very nostalgic about his clothes. Some of the shirts in his regular rotation pre-date our 20 year relationship (band tshirts, shirts he thrifted when we lived in NYC, etc). He does not care if things are faded or even ripped. Updating his wardrobe is not a draw for him lol.
But y'all are right. I'll move the too-small shirts back to his closet and let it go. Or maybe be more direct in a "I'm sorry, but that shirt doesn't fit you anymore" way.
I get the kid clothes thing. My DS has a red Adidas jacket (that came with a matching pant) that for awhile, he was trying to wear every single day. He looked like a baby Tony Soprano. I will definitely hide it from time to time or say its "in the wash" so it goes out of the rotation, lol.
I also think I wouldn't mind as much if my kids were choosing to wear things that actually reflect a style or choice beyond just 'comfy'. My ds wears athletic pants or shorts with short sleeve athletic shirts. For marching band this year, he needed white undershirts, but he hated the regular cotton ones, so I bought him a 5 pack of athletic white shirts (just plain white). And if they are all clean and in his closet, he will wear one as a shirt for 5 days in a row with black pants/shorts. When those are gone, he then picks his 2 plain black athletic shirts. So even though he picks out (mostly plain) colored shirts for me to buy him, he rarely wears them.
And DD lives in black leggings or sweat pants, mostly with this shirt: www.target.com/p/women-39-s-short-sleeve-t-shirt-wild-fable-8482-white-xs/-/A-86972537?preselect=86972537#lnk=sametab She has it in every color (and they had more colors last year). She has other similarly cropped shirts from Old Navy and she picks one out as her souvenir from every trip we go on, but I think just because she's lazy, she'll wear the same ones over and over again if they are available.
But stuff not 'going' or working with her bottoms is not an issue, but that is a good idea if that were the issue.
But who cares? Honestly this sounds more controlling than anything, let them wear what they want, within reason. It sounds like you want them to look a certain way, or be more fashionable, that's more about you and not them.
Right!? Choose your battles people!
If challenged, I don't know that I could think of "three different ways" to wear a shirt.
Post by chickadee77 on May 15, 2024 8:47:03 GMT -5
My older daughter wears the same shirts frequently and as long as they're clean and not ripped, whatever.
One thing that made her mix up her rotation a bit, though (not that I was even trying, but it was a side effect, lol) was explaining that her favorite tees will wear out more quickly from going through the laundry multiple times a week. I realize that could also have the unintended consequence of clothing being reworn without washing, but that hasn't happened here.
Post by maudefindlay on May 15, 2024 9:02:02 GMT -5
This all reminds me of one of the most epic memories I have of my older brother as a kid. He had a pair of red sweatpants he cut off into shorts and he wore those babies to bed every single night. They eventually got holes and then the holes got bigger and finally my Mom said it was time to throw them out. He was wearing them at the time and standing at the top of the staircase while Mom was at the bottom of the stairs. He was so mad she was making him get rid of them he ripped them off of his body like Hulk Hogan ripping off his shirt and then he threw them down the stairs. It was so funny and my Mom and I were laughing so hard he didn't get in trouble for being disrespectful, it was a great moment.
Seriously though embrace a pared down wardrobe and donate what they aren't wearing. My kids closets were getting stuffed a couple years ago and I said fine, take everything out of your closets that you will never wear. Life is so much easier, no more arguing about what to wear. Since then nothing is purchased without their approval, I just say things like you need a nice outfit for x or you need 2 new pairs of shorts, here are some ideas and they choose and that is it.
This thread has taught me that I am definitely the AH because I would look at my husband and say, "You need new shirts. Do you want to go shopping or should I just order some?"
Being that controlling of what your kids wear, especially at 15!, sounds like the AH to me. My 13 year old will wear the same hoodie every single day to the point where I don't even know what they have on underneath but I would never hide it. Every time she gets a new one it is her favorite and she pretty much never wears the others again, but who am I to control how she shows up in the world.