So UPDATE: my DH wore another too small shirt today and I had a very gentle convo about how it’s maybe time to retire that shirt. He pressed and I mentioned how it’s probably time to retire shirts that can’t button. He said that was really hurtful and is now sulking on our porch. So you know what y’all, I think my method was kinder!!
It's a hard pill to swallow when you realize you've unintentionally gained weight. I've been there.
If he's someone who is reasonable I would just let him sulk it out and then come back to it later. I'd bring it back up by offering to buy some new shirts for him so he doesn't have to worry too much about it.
Hopefully he comes to understand you just wanted him to have comfortable clothing because you care.
circa1978 I know you’ve already been validated, but OMG your post triggered a memory and I must share because I can SO relate.
One year around my birthday, we were moving to a house we just bought from a rental. I had a dog with anxiety that had damaged some doorframes that we had to fix because we couldn’t afford to lose our security deposit, and my husband was not helping AT all with packing. I literally packed all but maybe four boxes. The week of my birthday the house was an absolute disaster area.
One day I get home from work and three of our best friends from our home state are standing in my living room. He had invited them to come stay for the weekend for my birthday. There was unfolded laundry all over the kitchen table (that I had gathered and washed and dried and asked him numerous times to help me fold). There were boxes EVERYWHERE. Everything was cluttered and frankly, I had not had time to do even the most basic cleaning for weeks because I was the only one doing any housework. The sink was full of dishes. He had not washed any linens for the guest room or dug out an air mattress. The lawn was overgrown and absolutely embarrassing. He did NOT ONE THING to prepare for this surprise. I also lost time needed to pack and prepare for the move because I was entertaining.
I hugged my friends, and beelined it to the guest room to cry and get it ready for them. He sulked all weekend because my reaction was not what he expected, and he said that he didn’t do any cleaning or preparation because he thought I would suss out that someone was coming to stay. (Which is SO WTF because that means he helped so infrequently with housework and then packing that it would make me suspicious if he suddenly started doing it!) Thankfully my best friend saw what was happening and helped me pack for most of the weekend.
Post by litskispeciality on May 20, 2024 10:09:38 GMT -5
Should let this thread go dormant, but I want to answer the follow up questions. My dad's independent senior community serves three meals a day, however they're in a dining room and residents must go on their own. It's been a huge struggle to get my dad, who's lost a lot of weight, down to one meal. At some point we started buying frozen meals because he has a microwave but no stove (that's on purpose, and he doesn't cook). He/I also Instacart other groceries like granola bars, bananas, a lot of not great for you snacks (his choice) and some kind of protein like cheese sticks. It's not healthy, but it's something in his system. The staff at his place is super nice and would probably help bring up the groceries if they can, but again they're super short staffed. He can order a meal to be delivered to his room, but he has to pay an extra fee for it, and then it keeps him from leaving his place at all.
Anyway I see ALLLLL of the flags that he should be somewhere with more care, but what I need right now is a middle ground, someone helping him to meals and things that don't cost $12K a month.
A quick rant, his home health is super annoying with texting me. She's determined you can only drink plain water, not seltzer, to help with things like blood pressure and hydration. My dad won't pour water from the tap so I have to buy water bottles. I think that's part of the issues with IC, they (understandably) don't want to carry up 1 - 2 cases of water. I just hate wasting all of the bottles, but I really have to pick my battles right now.
litskispeciality, I'm sorry, I know this is really hard, and a LOT to coordinate, especially from afar.
If you haven't already, I would try searching for his town or county's Area Agency on Aging-- they may know of organizations that offer volunteers for simple things like a weekly visit that can be coordinated with bringing in his groceries.
We had hoped to get his brother on board with this plan, but according to the brother, his wife's bigwig job means that they literally cannot travel any time of year except around Christmas. So, if we keep with our schedule, we will never see this branch of the family unless we make a separate, 10 hour drive to see them another time of year, and the whole family will never be together again - because we're not willing to travel the one week that brother's family is able to.
Today is this brother's/wife's anniversary. DH texted them happy anniversary and asked if they were doing anything to celebrate. BIL replied, "Thanks! We just got back from a second honeymoon trip to Europe."
...Oh? So you CAN travel outside of Christmas week? Huh.
ETA that I am NOT saying they need to forego any other vacations so that they can do a family reunion outside of Christmas. If they don't want to use their vacation time (outside of Christmas week) doing that, that's fine! But stop saying, "We CAN'T come any time other than Christmas." It's just not true. You CHOOSE to not come any time other than Christmas. Which again, is fine, but for heaven's sake - OWN IT.
My dad doesn't drive. He uses a walker a needs help with almost everything. I order Instacart for him, preferably when I'm there to help put it away. 98% of the shopper brings it to the door, if not inside of his place and offers to help. I placed an order, but missed the delivery notification because I was in a meeting. It was outside...when it's pretty warm. There were frozen meals which the shopper knew about. Am I an a$$hole if I lose my mind on Instacart? I didn't leave notes to bring it inside...buuuuut I didn't think I had too either?
Thankfully the building staff found it and brought it in to the lobby, but they didn't call my dad because they didn't know who the order belonged too.
Oh and the building has rolling carts by the door to help the residents, families, and services to transport heavy things.
If you have a Walmart near him, the Walmart+ home delivery has an option where the employee can actually bring the groceries in and put them away. The delivery is a window (ours is 9am-1pm or 2pm-6pm). I think it’s $99 for the year (maybe a little more) free delivery on unlimited orders $35 and up. No tips accepted as the drivers are full time Walmart employees (I did give our regular driver a gift card at Christmas and he was able to accept that). You also get free shipping on any order. Might be worth looking into!
We had hoped to get his brother on board with this plan, but according to the brother, his wife's bigwig job means that they literally cannot travel any time of year except around Christmas. So, if we keep with our schedule, we will never see this branch of the family unless we make a separate, 10 hour drive to see them another time of year, and the whole family will never be together again - because we're not willing to travel the one week that brother's family is able to.
Today is this brother's/wife's anniversary. DH texted them happy anniversary and asked if they were doing anything to celebrate. BIL replied, "Thanks! We just got back from a second honeymoon trip to Europe."
...Oh? So you CAN travel outside of Christmas week? Huh.
ETA that I am NOT saying they need to forego any other vacations so that they can do a family reunion outside of Christmas. If they don't want to use their vacation time (outside of Christmas week) doing that, that's fine! But stop saying, "We CAN'T come any time other than Christmas." It's just not true. You CHOOSE to not come any time other than Christmas. Which again, is fine, but for heaven's sake - OWN IT.
We had hoped to get his brother on board with this plan, but according to the brother, his wife's bigwig job means that they literally cannot travel any time of year except around Christmas. So, if we keep with our schedule, we will never see this branch of the family unless we make a separate, 10 hour drive to see them another time of year, and the whole family will never be together again - because we're not willing to travel the one week that brother's family is able to.
Today is this brother's/wife's anniversary. DH texted them happy anniversary and asked if they were doing anything to celebrate. BIL replied, "Thanks! We just got back from a second honeymoon trip to Europe."
...Oh? So you CAN travel outside of Christmas week? Huh.
ETA that I am NOT saying they need to forego any other vacations so that they can do a family reunion outside of Christmas. If they don't want to use their vacation time (outside of Christmas week) doing that, that's fine! But stop saying, "We CAN'T come any time other than Christmas." It's just not true. You CHOOSE to not come any time other than Christmas. Which again, is fine, but for heaven's sake - OWN IT.
Today is this brother's/wife's anniversary. DH texted them happy anniversary and asked if they were doing anything to celebrate. BIL replied, "Thanks! We just got back from a second honeymoon trip to Europe."
...Oh? So you CAN travel outside of Christmas week? Huh.
ETA that I am NOT saying they need to forego any other vacations so that they can do a family reunion outside of Christmas. If they don't want to use their vacation time (outside of Christmas week) doing that, that's fine! But stop saying, "We CAN'T come any time other than Christmas." It's just not true. You CHOOSE to not come any time other than Christmas. Which again, is fine, but for heaven's sake - OWN IT.
Post by litskispeciality on May 20, 2024 13:11:59 GMT -5
Oh lust2hart, my head is exploding. I'm sure they'll say "well it was a once in a lifetime trip and we won't travel again..." but no, just own that they don't want to travel during the end of the year (neither does anyone else.)