I think Covid broke my kids. They all would rather be at home than anywhere else. A few things help: making sure they have plenty of downtime plus making sure what we do is of interest to them. That means swimming, rides, arcades, playgrounds, movies. It doesn’t mean car rides, museum, or sightseeing (unless it includes a lot of stops for food). We have started to just stay closer to home for all of our sanity. If I spend thousands and travel far just to hear them whine I will lose my mind. If we go 2 hours and spend a few hundred I’m much more tolerable. I don’t know when it will get better. My kids are 13, 11, 5.
Post by honeydew1894 on Jul 26, 2024 9:35:37 GMT -5
We travel mainly to 3 locations:
1. NC to see family (the drive is hellish but they are so happy once we are there)
2. Cape Cod (rent a house, lots of beach time with activity at night like mini golf, ice cream, park--they are also very happy here but the drive is hellish)
3. Baseball travel--DS loves it, DD tolerates it
DS needs a lot of physical activity but also loves fishing so we try to incorporate that. DD prefers pools so we try to include that in a trip. My ILs senior complex has a pool that we can access each night so we do that when in NC. Basically, know your peeps and try your best.
My kids are older but it's still difficult. We have reached a point where they are theoretically interested in traveling, but their interests are polar opposite. So we end up spending a ton of money trying to do activities for each of them, and then the other kid complains their way through the other kid's choice. So fun!
We actually managed a balance for both of them on our last trip, to Puerto Rico, but not without some intense complaining from the older one in the lead up because he doesn't like sand or humidity...
To be honest, my H doesn't love traveling either, and while I love it, it has become an unpleasant chore to try to find options that make everyone happy.
I just got back from a week alone in another country (work related, but added on some sightseeing) and it was absolutely amazing. I feel like I need to make sure I solo travel once a year for my own mental well-being. Highly recommend.
Post by fancynewbeesly on Jul 26, 2024 9:44:45 GMT -5
So we have a sort of unicorn kid--at least one of them. However she isn't a huge fan of car rides--they make her nauseous, but she tolerates them because of the destination. She LOVES museums-especially art museums/science museums etc and has since she was really little. I remember taking her to the MET at age six and I was bored WAY before she got bored.
My six year old (DD2) I have a feeling will be more in line with normal kids where everything is boring.
@op, I'm so sorry it was such a lame trip. Sounds like the kids' ages and your circumstances around not flying made for a perfect storm.
My daughters are 10 and 13. We've traveled with them frequently since they were babies. Some trips have certainly been better than others.
What's worked: Scheduling down time for them Honoring/accommodating the need to be alone: dd1 and I are complete introverts. We both need to get away from our traveling companions at some point each day to recharge. Make sure they get enough sleep and sleeping arrangements are conducive to this. (Don't expect kids to sleep on the living room couch in a vacation rental when adults are up past their bedtimes) Traveling with other families/friends that have similar pacing and interests. Allowing your kids to have some input on activities If it's an extended family vacation, balance time with the nuclear family and time with extended family. (DD1 really does not gel with my MIL and my FIL rarely interacts with my daughters when we're together.H has invited them on the last few vacations we've taken and it's always easier when we get some quiet family time:) (I'm working on him consulting me before inviting folks on trips, but this is a big undertaking...ha!!)
I think this might have just been a dud trip. If you have one kid that really hates travel or it's hard to plan something everyone will like can you do 1:1 trips/activities with your kids for a while so they get the adventure experience of something they love, but also alone time with a parent? Do something close to home with the kid who hates to travel. If your husband doesn't love travel as much, you get the bonus of traveling more!
DS (10) loves to travel, but the things he enjoys are very simple. We are leaving on a road trip down through Yellowstone and the Tetons soon, I've picked some really fun hotels for the nights we aren't staying in YNP. I like to make an itinerary with dinner ideas, things to see nearby, etc. so we're not flying blind when we check into our hotel. He was looking over a location on Maps with me and is most excited about 1) a playground and 2) a statue of eagles. Since he was a toddler I have found a cool playground in every location and if you ask him about his favourite part of a trip that will undoubtedly be his answer.
I also take Patsy Baloney 's tough love approach when needed. DS is an only child and the vast majority of our decisions centre around him. He is absolutely old enough to suck it up and endure an activity that isn't his most favourite because someone else in the group wants to do it. It's part of being a family and putting other people first sometimes.
Post by fancynewbeesly on Jul 26, 2024 10:13:14 GMT -5
Also DD1 has a fear of heights and flying but she would LOVE to travel. Europe is on her bucket list (Greece, Germany, Italy and France) are her top 4 places.
Also she wants to do a trip to Alaska.
We are working on getting over her fear of flying so she can actually enjoy far away places to travel too.
We travel a LOT with our kids. Part of it, I think honestly, is just getting used to it (adults and kids).
Things that save us: making sure kids get their space away from each other (and sometimes us!) - this usually happens in the form of allowing them to zone out with books or electronics and disconnect a bit.
Separating the kids and having one-on-one time with each - sometimes travel (especially road trips) is just to much TOGETHER for everyone.
Doing at least a couple kid-friendly activities, especially something that lets them get put some energy - even if that's finding a local playground and letting them run around.
Kids are 6 & 10 here.
This is something that came up in discussions after everything went to shit. At home everyone has space and can be alone if they want to, but that doesn't happen when we are sharing a hotel room. I wasn't quite sure how to make it happen, but splitting up for one on one time could be a good idea. Also, I suggested making sure we have a suite next time so there are at least two rooms separated by a door.
We are considering getting Disney annual passes. My girls are on board but my son (the 11 year old) is still doing the "no please don't make me" routine. come on!
My kids (6 & 9) are generally good travelers but they do get a lot of screen time on the transit portions.
We also try hard to build in things that they like or new experiences. We go to science museums but rarely history/art museums. We try to swim a fair bit, go on hikes or paddles, throw in activities like mini golf, etc.
We also work to set expectations and empathize with them about the fact that some parts are not fun (eg waiting in lines).
I would say we have also worked to build their stamina but doing shorter trips, hikes, etc near home.
But I'm sure a lot of it is kid dependent. I know I whined endlessly trips to some national parks when I was a kid. I would love that trip now! I also think it's a little tough because with that age spread, your kids are probably at different stages so it's gotta be harder to keep them all entertained. I don't think you should give up on vacations, though. With some tweaks and with practice, hopefully they will come around.
mpc did they give specific complaints? Or was it just general complaining?
The day in DC it was specifically about walking too much, which is totally fair and something we can try to remedy in the future. Otherwise it was really just generic, this is boring, I want to go home. The frustrating part was doing something they enjoyed, but as soon as it was over it was back to the complaints and like all good parts were immediately forgotten.
I really wanted to go to Europe next summer, but I can't figure out what 'kid-friendly' would look like exactly. Obviously they are not interested in going to like the Louvre lol. I don't really want to cross the ocean just to swim in hotel pools. Maybe that is a subject for another thread.
I may be wrong about this, but it is kind of my understanding that a lot of European hotels don't have pools anyway.
Now, I have heard good things about European family friendly campgrounds being kind of like resorts, but no actual experience and we were mostly in cities anyway.
I think for Europe they do need to have some interest. DD was interested in Paris and the Mona Lisa. DS is interested in history. The place that wasn't as interesting was actually probably more relaxed and family friendly and we just went shopping and walked around. They weren't as interested in that because DS isn't a big shopper, but they still sort of enjoyed the city. We did end up spending 1/2 day in the apartment watching movies by that time we were ALL tired, but everything else was go go go. It was not a relaxing trip, it was a sightseeing trip. If we went back, DH wants it to be more relaxing and less places, but as it was I would try to take a city off and he kept adding them back, so we still ended up with 4 locations. If we went back it would be more like 1-2 locations.
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Jul 26, 2024 10:30:04 GMT -5
I was recently discussing this with my book club. One of the women had just gotten back from a 2 week trip to Hawaii (it was the 2nd time they'd gone to Hawaii), and she shared a picture of her DD lounging on a chaise on the beach at the house they rented, eating avocado toast and looking miserable because she just wanted to be home and was missing her friends. She said she decided they were going to have to do smaller trips next summer, and she cancelled 1 leg of the other trip they had planned for the end of summer so they'd only be gone a little while.
Dh and I have also had these discussions, because last summer we went to an all-inclusive Caribbean resort, and they kids loved it, but dh and I were a little bored. So I asked everyone to list what their top 5 vacation destinations/activities would be, and dh and my lists were vastly different than the kids'. They basically only want to do beach/pool/water park type stuff and have no real interest in seeing cultural cities and being super active, which is what dh most wants.
The conclusion was that dh and I will take every opportunity we have to travel without the kids, and when we do travel with the kids, we will compromise so that we try to find things to make everyone happy for part of the time. So instead of doing Paris and London in one trip like we had planned, we're now thinking of doing a city for a few days and then a European beach for a few days.
I think this is kid dependent. Some love to travel and some just don't.
I have one of each. For my 13, who has some anxiety while traveling, I set a clear expectation that complaining has to be kept to himself. I think of it as a skill he has to master. I just would not accept anything other than respectful, decent behavior.
We do not have any help that will take our kids for more than one night, so they have to come everywhere with us. We've taken them in all sorts of museums and cities that my husband and I want to do.
I think I’m meaner than most here. Since the kids were 9 and 11, we have talked about how vacations are a luxury. How we are fortunate to be able to travel, and that DH and I work to be able to afford it. They totally understood how much things costs and not everyone goes on fun trips.
That said, if my kids whined like that, I’d let them know they can stay home next time.
mpc did they give specific complaints? Or was it just general complaining?
The day in DC it was specifically about walking too much, which is totally fair and something we can try to remedy in the future. Otherwise it was really just generic, this is boring, I want to go home. The frustrating part was doing something they enjoyed, but as soon as it was over it was back to the complaints and like all good parts were immediately forgotten.
So, I will say that I practice walking with my kids before we go on trips. WE do live in DC so walking is more common than a lot of places but like walking can be hard and they need to build up tolerance. We go on a lot of hikes and then walk around museums if it's too hot. But I literally call it walk training lol. WE went to Spain last summer and walked about 12 miles a day. I just kept buying the kids ice cream and soda with caffeine and it worked out well. WE also took the time to go to the beach one day. Or to go to the park and just let them play and run around. In fact, one of there favorite things to do was just run around a hedge maze and chase each other for an hour.
So much of it is about setting expectations and find ways to make it fun. When we go on walks or to museums, we often create scavenger hunts to find certain items. And my kids LOVE when they have access to a map and are responsible for finding their way to our next destination.
But honestly, I think as the other poster mentioned it is okay to explain to them that this type of behavior hurts your feelings and why. You spent a lot of time trying to plan something that you thought they would like. It is okay to explain to them why it is hurtful when they complain. Like jaycee , said it is okay to have clear expectations that complaining be kept to oneself if its just about being bored.
I think I’m meaner than most here. Since the kids were 9 and 11, we have talked about how vacations are a luxury. How we are fortunate to be able to travel, and that DH and I work to be able to afford it. They totally understood how much things costs and not everyone goes on fun trips.
That said, if my kids whined like that, I’d let them know they can stay home next time.
I loved vacationing with the boys but we also kept them very kidcentric. We didn't over schedule days. And we try to have hot tubs and pools in all hotels.
We've done camping, beaches, white mountains quite a bit, Niagara falls/Toronto, Lake George, Philly, NJ, DE, MD, NYC
I forgot to mention that we try to do Airbnb as much as possible. This past trip we rented a house where the host has four kids so there were plenty of games, toys, and books for my kids during downtime. My youngest has nut allergies so we like to have our own kitchen for food prep too. It also makes things more home-like which is comforting to her. I also prefer it.
This is interesting and maybe I have a unicorn kid. I will say that we have in child with profound disabilities and then my 12 year old functions like an only child because he sister literally cannot argue with her. My kid loves history and stuff so she loves things like Colonial Williamsburg, Ellis island, art museums, etc. — again, probably a unicorn. We also all love food.
But you did mention trying to think about what a European trip would look like with kids. We did London for spring break. Here is what it looked like:
1. Day 1 — husband and 12 year old DD the Harry Potter tour, big hit. Eat dinner at fish and chips place.
2. Day 2 — changing of the guard tour — music and horses!! Italian lunch. Westminster abbey — boring but pretty quick. St Ermins for fancy tea — big hit! Saw the Agatha Christie play The Moustrap (do not recommend for other kids, specific to my kid wanting to see)
Day 3 — bus trip to Stonehenge and bath. Would not recommend for the age kids you have. But eating at Sally Lunns buns was a hit!!
Day 4 — Tower of London (murder and mayhem!). Dishoom for lunch (we love Indian!!). British museum — my kid loved seeing the Elgin marbles and Rosetta Stone but we didn’t do much else. Nighttime ghost tour (lots of murder and mayhem again)
Day 5 — portobello road market (my kid was happy to buy jewelry). Kensington palace. Fortnum and mason for tea (which costs a million dollars but is amazing). Picked up TKTS tix for The Play That Goes Wrong — highly recommend for ALL AGES, everyone will laugh hysterically.
I think I’m meaner than most here. Since the kids were 9 and 11, we have talked about how vacations are a luxury. How we are fortunate to be able to travel, and that DH and I work to be able to afford it. They totally understood how much things costs and not everyone goes on fun trips.
That said, if my kids whined like that, I’d let them know they can stay home next time.
I’m usually a hard ass but I refuse to spend money when I know the kids will be miserable. I don’t take them to art museums at home so I’m not expecting them to make it through an art museum in London.
We do talk about how much money trips cost and that they are fortune and need to be grateful but I also try to make the trips something we can all enjoy.
I really wanted to go to Europe next summer, but I can't figure out what 'kid-friendly' would look like exactly. Obviously they are not interested in going to like the Louvre lol. I don't really want to cross the ocean just to swim in hotel pools. Maybe that is a subject for another thread.
We’ve been to Europe with our kid three times now. 🙈
We did London, Scotland and Finland across those trips. Days in London were the London Eye then lunch or rides in Hyde Park with dinner. Finland was actually super kid-centric as we went to Lapland in December. Santa Park was a huge hit. They have outdoor winter sports (snowmobiling, dogsledding, reindeer sleighs) and indoor parks for us less cold-loving. We spent two days in Helsinki sitting in coffee shops and eating pulla, too.
We shifted from “see the sights, absorb the history” to activities that were special to the place we were going and appealed to our kid. You can experience a lot even if it doesn’t look like you think!
And I definitely do not have it all figured out. If we take her to Italy, for example, she would struggle with visiting the Coloseum or the Vatican. It’s tricky managing all the feelings and desires but I have to believe there is a European trip that would appeal to all of you in some way.
I think I’m meaner than most here. Since the kids were 9 and 11, we have talked about how vacations are a luxury. How we are fortunate to be able to travel, and that DH and I work to be able to afford it. They totally understood how much things costs and not everyone goes on fun trips.
That said, if my kids whined like that, I’d let them know they can stay home next time.
This answer annoys me. OP asked for legitimate help and this reads very much as "I'm a better parent than you because I'm 'meaner' and I've taught my kids to be appreciative." I think most on this board understand that vacations are a luxury and IRL not everyone gets to take them. But to imply that they can stay home if they are too whiny is soooooooooooo unrealistic for 99.9% of the population. Much of this thread has been about the idea that vacations/trips are for everyone in the family, not just the kids. If my kids have to stay home because they are whiny then I have to stay home because I sure AF don't have the money to pay for a vacation and to pay for childcare 24/7 for a week on top of it.
Post by dutchgirl678 on Jul 26, 2024 12:50:47 GMT -5
We travel at least once a year with our kids since I grew up in the Netherlands and we still have family/friends there. We have done that since they were babies, so they don't know any better. They are 13/16 now and this summer we went to Paris for 6 days and the Netherlands for 2 weeks. Last year we went to Iceland for 2 weeks. We are incredibly lucky that our kids love sightseeing and hiking and although they are on their phones a lot when not on vacation, it wasn't an issue. I think the key is to not overload the schedule too much or have to change locations or drive very far. In Iceland we had two different rentals for our trip plus two nights in Reykjavik. It was perfect for us. We also make sure to add in some fun activities for them. This summer in Paris we went to Disneyland Paris for one day and in the Netherlands we went to an amusement park called De Efteling.
I do enjoy renting vacation homes/condos. In Paris it wasn't possible but we ended up with a family room at Yooma which had bunk beds for the kids. The location was great too, just 10 minutes walk to the Eiffel Tower and a few really nice restaurants nearby.
Traveling with kids can be really hard. We've been taking 2-3 12-hour trips a year with my kids since they were babies, to see family, so they have a lot of experience in the car. One thing I learned early on is to include them as much as possible. Kids that age are capable of helping pick their toys, snacks, and clothes.
We started taking actual "vacations" (rather than just to see family) with the kids when DD was 8 and DS was 3. The first one involved Hershey Park, which they loved, and Philadelphia, which they hated with the fire of a thousand suns. Looking back, I realize it was too hot and they just weren't interested in the historical stuff I wanted them to be interested in.
Now, we let them have input on what they'd like to do. Last year we did DC and everyone got to pick things they were interested in. We also planned some time where we separated--I took DS kayaking and DH took DD somewhere else. Knowing everyone gets to pick "their" activity made it easier.
We travel a lot with our kids (now 13 and 15 — they were probably 4 and 6 when we started really traveling with them). Things that worked for us:
1. Scheduling one thing to do in the mornings and leaving the afternoons open for playgrounds, pools, and more child friendly things.
2. Clarity of expectations. Everything isn’t about you. You’re incredibly lucky to be able to do this. Some things you just suck it up and do even if it’s not your first choice bc someone else wants to do it.
3. Giving them a little choice in what we do.
4. Making sure they get some downtime in the day to read, chill, play on iPads, etc.
5. This might not be plausible but we sometimes bring MIL with us. The kids love her and that allows them to chill in a hotel when they’re tired so DH and I can do some things they don’t really want to do. Now that they’re older, they can stay in a hotel by themselves but this was amazing when they were little.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
I think an adjustment in expectations has helped me, I tend to want to cram it all in but the kids prefer having plenty of chill time. I realize that there are things they just don't enjoy as much on vacation like long hikes, long bike rides, museums and other "boring stuff" what they do enjoy the most is the pool haha.
I'm no stranger to screaming at my children for being disrespectful on a trip either though. Each trip I would say at least once I lose it on them for bickering. I let them know what a PRIVILEGE it is to travel and how its expensive and we have to work hard to afford this treat, and that we all have to try to tolerate the different things in each day as we need to do something for everyone etc. They usually are appropriately chastised and will make more of an effort. I understand boredom, fatigue, and irritation with sibling, but I just feel like outright disrespect and being rude in public can't be tolerated. My kids are 10 and 12 and therefore old enough to know better, obviously younger kids have a little less control over their emotions and outbursts.
We fly a lot and have from infancy since I'm from Ireland and we live in the USA now, so they're used to travel and they generally do quite well. I know the things that won't work out and while I still will work some items in (like maybe a hike on a trip but not 4 hikes, shorter hikes, the hike will be followed by swimming and ice cream etc.) My kids love water so if there's a body of water they want to be in it. They also love animals so I often will look for a zoo or wildlife refuge in a place we are visiting. We don't do much museum type stuff, my kids would find it boring. All of us enjoy eating stuff so we do that plenty.
My kids ideal trip would probably be disney, cruise, or an all inclusive resort on the beach. I don't want to go to disney or go on a cruise, but we did once take them to aruba for a few days at an AI resort and they loved it. Hours in the pool every day. H & I aren't such a fan of these kinds of trips as we find them boring and we get restless, but my kids really did enjoy that.