@ Invite wording - Update pg 2

[DotAndBuzz]

So I'm giving my bestie a baby shower. This baby is a looooong time coming, and I am beyond excited for her. Ordering invites (printed). She doesn't necessarily *mind* if kids are there, but, in her words (and from her experience in having these people in her home), some of her friends/family have kids who are allowed to be complete assholes in her house/public, and she doesn't want to spend her shower babysitting them. Like, they roll in, and just let their kids wander off and act like they don't have to parent their kids for the next 2-3 hours.

Details:
-shower is open house style, in her home. Both her requests/decisions. No games/activities, she just wants to visit with her nearest and dearest.
-60ish adults invited to a 3 hour window. Kids ages 1-10 

I've got the following as a draft as a (hopefully?) polite way of saying "don't show up and let your kids act like shits. Thanks!"

"This is an open-house style shower. While children are welcome, please be know that there will not be games or organized activities (for adults or children), as X and Y want to celebrate the impending arrival of their little one by visiting with their nearest and dearest in the comfort of their home."

Revisions? other ways of saying that?

[tacokick]

Wouldn’t it make more sense just to have it be adults only? I don’t think any wording is going to make people with a history of ignoring their kids at events change their behavior because they are either oblivious or don’t care.

[wanderingback]

I’m a bit confused. Is the invite trying to dissuade children from coming or do they want parents comfortable coming with their kids?

I would just want it clearly communicated whether or not I needed childcare. I would not expect any activities for children in general.

[DotAndBuzz]

Aug 31, 2024 21:05:02 GMT -5 tacokick said:

Wouldn’t it make more sense just to have it be adults only? I don’t think any wording is going to make people with a history of ignoring their kids at events change their behavior.

Yes, it would! But as of now, she is open to kids coming. There are some weird circumstances in this circle, so she's trying to be open to the idea.

[shopgirl07]

Yeah, that’s not going to work. Either do adults only or maybe hire a babysitter to watch the kids.

[DotAndBuzz]

Aug 31, 2024 21:08:03 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

I’m a bit confused. Is the invite trying to dissuade children from coming or do they want parents comfortable coming with their kids?

I would just want it clearly communicated whether or not I needed childcare. I would not expect any activities for children in general.

She's not opposed to kids being there. Just wants to make it clear there's not going to be anything for kids to do there, so watch/parent your children. 

I'm going to talk to her tomorrow to hopefully convince her to let me word the invite and RSVP for adults only. But she feels like she's being exclusionary for those who have sticky circumstances

[annieh22]

I think I’d reverse it and encourage people to leave children at home.

X and Y look forward to spending time with their closest adult friends before the arrival of impending little one.

Or this is an open house style baby shower for adult friends and family.

[annieh22]

Aug 31, 2024 21:11:32 GMT -5 DotAndBuzz said:

Aug 31, 2024 21:08:03 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

I’m a bit confused. Is the invite trying to dissuade children from coming or do they want parents comfortable coming with their kids?

I would just want it clearly communicated whether or not I needed childcare. I would not expect any activities for children in general.

She's not opposed to kids being there. Just wants to make it clear there's not going to be anything for kids to do there, so watch/parent your children. 

I'm going to talk to her tomorrow to hopefully convince her to let me word the invite and RSVP for adults only. But she feels like she's being exclusionary for those who have sticky circumstances

Then I’d encourage you to word it as adults only, but then reach out to those with known special circumstances and let them know they are welcome even if they can’t find childcare.

[wanderingback]

Aug 31, 2024 21:11:32 GMT -5 DotAndBuzz said:

Aug 31, 2024 21:08:03 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

I’m a bit confused. Is the invite trying to dissuade children from coming or do they want parents comfortable coming with their kids?

I would just want it clearly communicated whether or not I needed childcare. I would not expect any activities for children in general.

She's not opposed to kids being there. Just wants to make it clear there's not going to be anything for kids to do there, so watch/parent your children. 

I'm going to talk to her tomorrow to hopefully convince her to let me word the invite and RSVP for adults only. But she feels like she's being exclusionary for those who have sticky circumstances

Got it!
I mean I would not expect there to be a babysitter or specific activities for kids at a baby shower. But if you think adding that would cut down on confusion then sure add it! I think that if people aren’t going to watch their kids and be assholes invite wording isn’t going to make a difference.

[tacokick]

Aug 31, 2024 21:08:26 GMT -5 DotAndBuzz said:

Aug 31, 2024 21:05:02 GMT -5 tacokick said:

Wouldn’t it make more sense just to have it be adults only? I don’t think any wording is going to make people with a history of ignoring their kids at events change their behavior.

Yes, it would! But as of now, she is open to kids coming. There are some weird circumstances in this circle, so she's trying to be open to the idea.

I’d say no kids and then reach out to the people with unfortunate circumstances directly and see what they want to do. Maybe they can’t come anyway. Or don’t want to bring the kids. Or are willing to come and provide supervision (and pack a distraction) for their own children and not stay long.

[heygrey]

I don't think there is a great way to do this. Either include kids or make it adults only without exceptions. It's really not nice to word it as adults only, expecting most people to abide by that, but then reach out to a specific few and say kids are fine. It's frustrating and confusing for the people who do follow the rules of the invitation. With 60+ invitees not everyone will know there are special circumstances for certain parents.

If she really doesn't want to exclude people based on their childcare options, I think the best thing you can do is assign a couple hosts to run interference and keep returning children to their parents when they start to get wild.

I would also arrange the space with limited seating to really emphasize that it's an open house and they should drop in for a short time, then leave.

I also don't hate the idea of having an organized kids corner (outdoors if at all possible) with a hired babysitter or two. Planned activities in a contained space. You and/or another host can return kids to the kids space or their parents.

[livinitup]

My best guess, anyone who needs to take that message to heart will read it and ignore it.

I understand what your friend means - well behaved children with excellent parental supervision are always welcome in my home.

I think you have to drill down on solving the problem you have identified - you will have unsupervised children ages 1-10 walking around the party. The wording on the invitation is not going to prevent it.

[gretchenindisguise]

Can you hire your two girls to be there to entertain the kids on the dl? Like not advertised, but running interference for the usual suspects?

[sonrisa]

Aug 31, 2024 21:17:44 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

if people aren’t going to watch their kids ... invite wording isn’t going to make a difference.

This. 

Or, you could limit kid time to the last half hour so they are in and out and don't have much time to get bored. It also means some calmer time for anyone else.

[deadwing]

What the guest of honor wants to happen is not based in reality, based upon what you've said about her guests with kids. I would encourage her to go adults only if she wants to be able to enjoy her shower.

[sadlebred]

I'd hire a local teenager or two to entertain the kids outside while the adults are inside....

[wanderingback]

Also, if she really doesn’t want kids there but will not pull the trigger on saying "adults only" then you shouldn’t say "children are welcome" because it sounds like she doesn’t want children there. Like I said above, mentioning that there will be no games there for kids would not clue me in to anything as I personally have never been to an event where someone hired a babysitter and had kid events except for at a kid’s party, so I would never expect that.

So if anything I wouldn’t mention anything about kids at all. To be honest, it being "open house" would make me think if I didn’t have any childcare options that bringing a kid would be ok because I could pop in and out quickly if needed. As opposed to a shower at a restaurant with a sit down meal.

[polarbearfans]

In my friends circle a lot of parties have a kid friendly portion. Invited say kids welcome until x time then it’s adults only. For the kids portion there are usually toys and such out for the kids and crafts. The baby showers have always been adult only. It’s a time for the women to get together to talk and have fun. It is usually a boozy affair, even though the mom to be isn’t drinking. If your friends is not wanting to provide any types of entertainment, then I would make it adults only. Kids just need more. There has been a time or two someone has brought a nursing baby, but that doesn’t take away from the adult fun, and it is understood why the baby came.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Aug 31, 2024 21:11:32 GMT -5 DotAndBuzz said:

Aug 31, 2024 21:08:03 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

I’m a bit confused. Is the invite trying to dissuade children from coming or do they want parents comfortable coming with their kids?

I would just want it clearly communicated whether or not I needed childcare. I would not expect any activities for children in general.

She's not opposed to kids being there. Just wants to make it clear there's not going to be anything for kids to do there, so watch/parent your children. 

I'm going to talk to her tomorrow to hopefully convince her to let me word the invite and RSVP for adults only. But she feels like she's being exclusionary for those who have sticky circumstances

I would try to make it adult only, and then reach out to those in the tricky circumstances individually and let them know they can bring their kids if it helps, but there won't be activities. And if anyone questions why A brought their kids when it was adults only, say there were extenuating circumstances. People might get annoyed, but it would prob give your friend the best chance at an enjoyable shower.

[dexteroni]

To me, the wording you’ve proposed doesn’t say “if you bring your kids, you better watch them.” Like, at all. So it really won’t land with the clueless people who really need to hear it.

Letting kids come but not wanting to watch them but not providing anyone else to watch them is a recipe for the exact result the mom to be doesn’t want. So I think you have two options, (A) adults only or (B) hire a babysitter. Personally I think A is the best choice, but it sounds like the mom graciously doesn’t want to exclude parents who don’t have child care, so I would probably go with B, begrudgingly lol.

And it’s probably best if you hire someone with babysitting experience because it sounds like some of the kids expected to attend are unruly / rambunctious. As long as there’s someone there to corral them, I think it’ll go fine. But don’t advertise “babysitting provided” or you’ll be overrun with kids.

[rosiebear]

I also think that sometimes people tend to get caught up in the moment and think that their event is a lot more important to other people than it really is. If people with “sticky circumstances “aren’t able to make a baby shower, it most likely will not be the end of the world for them.

[sonrisa]

I’m going to be the voice of dissent on hiring a teen babysitter to entertain the kids. You can’t expect a teen to coral a group of unknown kids from age 2-10. She can watch the kid who want to participate and behave, But the kids you specifically want to reign in - the ones who sneak off to raid the snack table and then hide under it while smearing sticky fingers on the floor - or just love to run and sing loudly everywhere they go - need more direct, personal attention from someone who isn’t entertaining a bunch of other kids and trying to keep them happy.

[waverly]

An open house style means kids are welcome which is kind of in opposition to no games for kids. I would take it to mean bring my own entertainment which isn’t probably what she wants either.

I think she needs to get a little more clearer on her vision and therefore guest list.

[rachers]

Sept 1, 2024 12:33:12 GMT -5 waverly said:

An open house style means kids are welcome which is kind of in opposition to no games for kids. I would take it to mean bring my own entertainment which isn’t probably what she wants either.

I think she needs to get a little more clearer on her vision and therefore guest list.

Agree - kind of conflicting things going on here. If she’s open to having kids at all, maybe set up a kid table with snacks, coloring pages, anything (not sure the kid age range we’re talking)

I think it’s totally fine to be adults only. When we get invites, unless it specifically says my DD’s name on the envelope then I assume it’s just me. Same thing for weddings or anything.

[mofongo]

Sounds like a large shower, I agree with others that it needs to be clear. It’s either kid friends, or not, this middle ground wording likely won’t work.

[sandandsea]

I would just put adults only or an adult event on the invite, otherwise kids will come. My sister wanted adults only for hers too because kids become the center of it all and distraction and interruption. I put adult event on the invite and people still asked for special exceptions to bring their kids and one still came and brought their 4 month old baby (and as such couldn’t do all of the events or hang out the whole time). All that to say, if she doesn’t want kids be bold and firm about it. It likely means someone won’t be able to attend but they do change the party vibe.

[ECB]

If she doesn't want to say "adults only", I'd say "This isn't a child friendly event". That might at least make people ASK.

[jennistarr1]

I don't like your wording

I don't think it accomplishes your goal
I don't like the word impending (it's accurate though, I don't prefer it)
I like that you explain that it's an open house but the comfort of their own home seems unnecessary assuming you provide address

I think I would say
This an open house shower, please come by anytime between x and x to visit the expectant parents. Adults only preferred

The preferred part gives way to exceptions ads needed but I think they if they do it, they will provide an explanation or keep it brief

[konapoppy]

Sept 1, 2024 18:46:13 GMT -5 sandandsea said:

I would just put adults only or an adult event on the invite, otherwise kids will come. My sister wanted adults only for hers too because kids become the center of it all and distraction and interruption. I put adult event on the invite and people still asked for special exceptions to bring their kids and one still came and brought their 4 month old baby (and as such couldn’t do all of the events or hang out the whole time). All that to say, if she doesn’t want kids be bold and firm about it. It likely means someone won’t be able to attend but they do change the party vibe.

I would be so embarrassed if I was a first time mom having a baby shower, said a friend/family member couldn’t bring a likely breastfeeding infant, then had my own baby and understood how ridiculous that was. Do these people still speak, and if so, do they laugh about this?

I get not wanting toddler and older if it changes the vibe. But man our society is so wild for wanting to exclude infants from literal baby showers.

[stemmie]

Your friend's wishes are contradictory.

Inviting someone to your home implies that you plan to accommodate them to a reasonable degree. That would include children. If she knows some parents on her guest list will not actively supervise their children, she needs to not include that family, make it an adults-only event or provide someone to provide amusement and supervision for the young guests.