I don't get why any of this is your business? If people keep calling you for answers, just tell them you know nothing, and change the subject. She's an adult. She can date whomever she wants.
And no shit, she's not close to you anymore. I wouldn't be either, if you judged me like you're judging her.
Lurker here, but how do you know he is a "creeper?" Is it simply because he is older than her?
It's pretty clear that you are harshly judging her, her relationship, her choices (which, lets be real, did any of us really make the greatest life decisions at all times at age 21?) and pretty much anything that doesn't align with what you think she should be doing. It's no wonder she and your sister are avoiding you and the rest of Team Judgement.
Post by catinthehat on Dec 11, 2013 12:22:10 GMT -5
I've been supportive our whole relationship. We are 11 years apart and have more of a sibling relationship. We were/are close.
The ONLY time I have taken a "stand" against her was when she decided to get a boob job this past year. She was in college taking loans to pay for school, blowing her money on LV bags and expensive clothes. I am completely for enhancement but she's accumulating a lot of school debt and I was trying to explain to her to wait until she finished school and got her first job (only 1 year left). I did piss her off because she wanted to hear me say "yay, go for it". I'm just tired of smiling and watching her sabatoge herself. Her parents are NOT involved in her life because they have their own issues and she seems to want someone to care by her actions and has told me she looks up to me and appreciates my advice. I'm not up in her business.
There are other examples of the bad choices (small stupid mistakes) she's made but I chalk it up to "growing up". But I hate watching people shoot themselves in the foot and then wonder why it hurts and complain.
She's cut herself off to all family and friends and was attending college until this guy. So I sit and smile? That's why I'm upset.
Post by jojoandleo on Dec 11, 2013 12:24:39 GMT -5
Why is everyone in your family ccaling you to get the low down on her relationship? be mad at THEM for being nosy, not her. She doesn't have to tell you or anyone in your family shit. It is her life and her relationship and if she doesn't want to share it with a bunch of people calling around trying to get the gossip on poor misguided niece, then she is probably pretty damn smart!
When they call just say you don't know and it's none of your business, because it isn't. Then call your niece and don't offer any unsolicited advice, just tell her you love her and would love to hear from her. When she calls, don't say shit about her relationship, because it is none of your business. This really isn't rocket science.
I haven't read past page 2, but send her that "merry Christmas, we love you" card RIGHT NOW. Then maybe she'll talk to you and you can keep your judgements to yourself (even though it is judgeworthy imo, it's still best to shut your mouth).
I've been supportive our whole relationship. We are 11 years apart and have more of a sibling relationship. We were/are close.
The ONLY time I have taken a "stand" against her was when she decided to get a boob job this past year. She was in college taking loans to pay for school, blowing her money on LV bags and expensive clothes. I am completely for enhancement but she's accumulating a lot of school debt and I was trying to explain to her to wait until she finished school and got her first job (only 1 year left). I did piss her off because she wanted to hear me say "yay, go for it". I'm just tired of smiling and watching her sabatoge herself. Her parents are NOT involved in her life because they have their own issues and she seems to want someone to care by her actions and has told me she looks up to me and appreciates my advice. I'm not up in her business.
There are other examples of the bad choices (small stupid mistakes) she's made but I chalk it up to "growing up". But I hate watching people shoot themselves in the foot and then wonder why it hurts and complain.
She's cut herself off to all family and friends and was attending college until this guy. So I sit and smile? That's why I'm upset.
Well obviously you jail her in your house and only allow her out to go to class with an escort.
I mean people are saying to butt out because there's nothing you can do here. You can't force her to go to school, you cant forcer her to break up with this guy. You have zero impact or control over her decisions. So there's nothing you can do except be there if she wants to talk.
Post by hopecounts on Dec 11, 2013 12:28:36 GMT -5
Do not turn a fling into a serious romance by making your niece feel like its y'all or him. it sounds like her Mom is handling it perfectly and not making it into a big deal (probably in hopes it will die a natural death soon enough) allowing your niece to feel comfortable coming to her if/when it crashes and burns instead of sticking it out to prove a point. Follow that lead and if anyone asks just say you haven't had a chance to meet him so dn't teally know anything more than they do.
I'm dying to know what the Facebook pictures are that are soooo scandalous? Is the old geezer motorboating her new boobs or are they just like vacationing in the Bahamas?
Maybe I'm just completely missing the element of scandal here.
Post by catinthehat on Dec 11, 2013 12:40:19 GMT -5
In the pics she looks like she's a lost little girl...showing T&A and an old guy living it up. It's not what I hoped for her. I'm no angel, I had my fun in my 20s but If you do it...keep it off the internets!!!!
Post by catinthehat on Dec 11, 2013 12:44:59 GMT -5
Well I've caught my breath, moved to a lump in my throat, now I'm just sad. This dude has pics with a lot of other half-dressed young girls on his facebook timeline. This is not his first "girlfriend" since his divorce. That's why he looks like a creeper.
In the pics she looks like she's a lost little girl...showing T&A and an old guy living it up. It's not what I hoped for her. I'm no angel, I had my fun in my 20s but If you do it...keep it off the internets!!!!
It is NOT your place to decide what she becomes in life.
Nor are you the arbiter of what is acceptable to post online.
My SIL is a senior in college and she's annoying as fuck with some of the crap she posts, but it's her page and all of her friends do the same thing. When you're young and naïve, you are fine with putting your entire life online. That's a generational thing and they're adults, so it's also their prerogative.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Maybe you're seeing "lost little girl" because that's the preconceived notion you have in your head. I think you just need to smile and suck it up because if she is a lost little girl, she's going to eventually need her family. Regardless, she doesn't need your approval or judgment.
For some reason the line: "I'm all for enhancement, but.." made me laugh.
It's not your business what she does unless she is using your money for her lifestyle or endangering someone, I really don't get why you are so up in arms about this. Maybe she loves him, maybe they're happy. I would be a supportive aunt and meet him with an open mind. Yes, it's an age difference, but approaching it with this attitude is not going to end well for anyone.
I went through this phase when I was your niece's age. Found some creepy older guys to date.
Thing was, they were just flings. If I ever stopped to think about any kind of future together, I knew there wasn't one. She'll figure it out. For now, she's 21. She's old enough to live her life however she wants.
When I was 21 I was dating a divorced 27 year old creeper with two kids and had the NERVE to post pictures on Facebook. I was his second girlfriend since his divorce to let you guys know what a scumbag he was.
Then i decided to rub it in my family's face and post our wedding photos on Facebook too. Ha! Take THAT Aunt Lois!
Oh man, Lois doesn't have Facebook. Maybe i can get this annulled? That was really the only reason I married this guy.
It's weird that you're taking her decisions and choices in life as a personal attack on you or as some how part of you. She is a separate grown adult who can make her own decisions about life. You may not agree with them, but it's not your business or anyone else's business in your family.
Me too, and I'm so glad FB was just starting, IG/Twitter was non-existent because I probably would've put that stuff out there BECAUSE 21 yr olds are typically idiots with little judgment who do dumb things and then share the story/pics/etc.
DH's cousin starting dating a 30 yr old her freshman yr of college, of course we were concerned but she was 18 and living on her own at college so we all kept our mouths shut and hoped for the best. She's been happily married to him for 3 yrs now. Had we made a stink or been judgey about it she might have cut us off/made worse decisions/etc. and now it would be awkward to see them. Hold your judgment and see how this plays out. Focus on repairing your relationship with her so if she needs you she will feel safe reaching out to you. In other words be her non-judgmental totally loving and supportive awesome Aunt.
Post by catinthehat on Dec 11, 2013 12:52:34 GMT -5
So I haven't done anything beyond vent here and yet I'm "the worst aunt" omg "this is crazy you guys". I think it's reasonable for me to vent out my fears on a message board. Thanks for the entertainment I have had enough. Going to call my mom and see how she is doing in all this.
So I haven't done anything beyond vent here and yet I'm "the worst aunt" omg "this is crazy you guys". I think it's reasonable for me to vent out my fears on a message board. Thanks for the entertainment I have had enough. Going to call my mom and see how she is doing in all this.
So I haven't done anything beyond vent here and yet I'm "the worst aunt" omg "this is crazy you guys". I think it's reasonable for me to vent out my fears on a message board. Thanks for the entertainment I have had enough. Going to call my mom and see how she is doing in all this.