Trying to catch my breath. I'm so mad. Family Problems

[catinthehat]

Dec 11, 2013 18:31:54 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

My dating roof goes up to 55. But you can be sure as shit that the 55 year old wouldn't be a grocery store stock boy, KWIM?

Your niece sounds fun. Designer bags, parties, rich older men? I'd hang with her. You, on the other hand.. you sound awful.

haha yes lets make this personal "me vs her."

There are bigger issues involved and I've listed them but many posters shared how they hope their kids date for money. Whatever makes you happy, that's cool with me. Dependent and broke could be fun if that's your thing ?!?

[catinthehat]

Dec 11, 2013 18:38:53 GMT -5 lightyears said:

my entire brain exploded when i got to the part where she's her mom's POA and that's why her niece can't go posting on her life on her own fb page or dating this guy or making any of her own decisions.

No you must have read too many of mrsbpo's posts. That is not what happened. 

[lightyears]

Dec 11, 2013 18:44:42 GMT -5 catinthehat said:

Dec 11, 2013 18:38:53 GMT -5 lightyears said:

my entire brain exploded when i got to the part where she's her mom's POA and that's why her niece can't go posting on her life on her own fb page or dating this guy or making any of her own decisions.

No you must have read too many of mrsbpo's posts. That is not what happened. 

i'm so honored to have been quoted.

[elleblue]

Dec 11, 2013 18:45:20 GMT -5 intentionalsnarkshark said:

Dec 11, 2013 18:41:49 GMT -5 elleblue said:

Black Books! I love that show.

Me too!

Are you single? Want to be my sister-wife?

[WOT?*]

Dec 11, 2013 18:43:08 GMT -5 catinthehat said:

Dec 11, 2013 18:31:54 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

My dating roof goes up to 55. But you can be sure as shit that the 55 year old wouldn't be a grocery store stock boy, KWIM?

Your niece sounds fun. Designer bags, parties, rich older men? I'd hang with her. You, on the other hand.. you sound awful.

haha yes lets make this personal "me vs her."

There are bigger issues involved and I've listed them but many posters shared how they hope their kids date for money. Whatever makes you happy, that's cool with me. Dependent and broke could be fun if that's your thing ?!?

You listed the issues as "she's dating an older guy" "she's showing T&A on FB" "she's not answering her calls" and "she's spending grandma's money."

They've been addressed as "her business MYOB" "her business MYOB" "her business but I can see where you'd be upset because after a certain length of time it borders on rude but she also doesn't want to be bitched at for dating an older guy of whom you disapprove" and "it's her money to spend how she wants but if grandma wants to cut her off, that's her choice."

The main issue is that you're judging her for her lifestyle choices. Not that she's dating an older guy but that she doesn't want to hear it from you and the rest of the family. The bigger issue is, I suppose, whether you smile at her at Christmas or do you sneer at her?  And do you or don't you buy her a gift because OMG she might actually think you're okay with her dating a sugar-daddy if you gloss over it with a present and treat her like family.

[themoneytree]

Dec 11, 2013 18:31:54 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

You, on the other hand.. you sound awful.

: (

[WOT?*]

Dec 11, 2013 18:44:42 GMT -5 catinthehat said:

Dec 11, 2013 18:38:53 GMT -5 lightyears said:

my entire brain exploded when i got to the part where she's her mom's POA and that's why her niece can't go posting on her life on her own fb page or dating this guy or making any of her own decisions.

No you must have read too many of mrsbpo's posts. That is not what happened. 

Now that made ME laugh.  takes a bow.

[elleblue]

Dec 11, 2013 18:50:22 GMT -5 intentionalsnarkshark said:

Dec 11, 2013 18:46:53 GMT -5 elleblue said:

Are you single? Want to be my sister-wife?

Can I ignore house upkeep and instead be drunk and surly 24/7?

As long as you don't smoke as much as Bernard, absolutely!

[bania]

Dec 11, 2013 18:43:38 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Dec 11, 2013 18:18:37 GMT -5 catinthehat said:

No one tagged you so you don't have to come in and participate! Thank you now move along!

Well, I guess I've been told. ::snaps in Z formation::

[lightyears]

Dec 11, 2013 18:49:46 GMT -5 WOT?* said:

Dec 11, 2013 18:43:08 GMT -5 catinthehat said:

haha yes lets make this personal "me vs her."

There are bigger issues involved and I've listed them but many posters shared how they hope their kids date for money. Whatever makes you happy, that's cool with me. Dependent and broke could be fun if that's your thing ?!?

You listed the issues as "she's dating an older guy" "she's showing T&A on FB" "she's not answering her calls" and "she's spending grandma's money."

They've been addressed as "her business MYOB" "her business MYOB" "her business but I can see where you'd be upset because after a certain length of time it borders on rude but she also doesn't want to be bitched at for dating an older guy of whom you disapprove" and "it's her money to spend how she wants but if grandma wants to cut her off, that's her choice."

The main issue is that you're judging her for her lifestyle choices. Not that she's dating an older guy but that she doesn't want to hear it from you and the rest of the family. The bigger issue is, I suppose, whether you smile at her at Christmas or do you sneer at her?  And do you or don't you buy her a gift because OMG she might actually think you're okay with her dating a sugar-daddy if you gloss over it with a present and treat her like family.

i feel like at this point, christmas should just be cancelled for this family.

TO SPARE ALL THE FEELERS

[Deleted]

And people thought I was dramatic. Jesus.

[Raggedeannie]

Dec 11, 2013 11:32:07 GMT -5 thelurkylulu said:

Okay, so is it just the age difference that's concerning? Has anyone met him? Unless he's a raging asshole, maybe y'all should give him a chance. The more your family judges him, the more she's going to distance herself from you guys and it'll probably last longer.

I agree with this. I have a couple of friends who dated and then married (much) older guys. They are nice guys. I would give him a chance before saying something to your niece that could make things worse.

[sonrisa]

(I'm only 7 pages through this monstrosity)

catinthehat: the problem is that you want your niece to be someone she isn't - someone with good judgment who makes good decisions about her life and follows through on her education. Unfortunately, that isn't who she is and those aren't the choices she's made. You can't change that.

She is an adult. You and your family did their best to instill the values you want her to have. The time to help guide and teach her passed - partially because she is no longer a child and partially because she's made it clear she doesn't want your guidance. Perhaps she'll pick herself up and straighten out in the future. However, she isn't going to change unless she wants to. Nothing you say will change that.

If your mom wants to cut her off financially, then she has two choices. She can do it blindly today or she can wait and talk to her on Christmas and explain herself / give conditions for continued support. THAT is the only input she has right now.

Inserting yourself in your niece's affairs when she's made it clear she doesn't want your input will just drive her further from you. You've said this guy has had a string of similar relationships. This particular relationship will likely also end. Your niece will be there on the other side. At that point, do you want to have a relationship to mend or do you want to alienate her? THAT is the only decision you have right now.

[mariafromnj]

Wow this thread is too long to read the whole thing.

I am not sure what it is you want to do/ say. You are her aunt not her parent and even if you were her parent she is 21 so there is nothing you can do.

I get why it upsets you. You love her and want what is best and this much older guy isn't really the norm for a 21 year old. I had a friend who dated a 46 year old when we were in our early 20's. It was strange and it caused a distance between her and her friends because her BF felt too old to do anything with any of us. Eventually they got bored of each other and found they had very little in common.

Hopefully she has her fun and moves on but it is for her to figure out.