I've said some shitty things to my H in the heat of the moment. I have buttons and he knows them. Is this the first fight you've had since you've noticed the distance? Could it be a rage release for both of you. I'm all for counseling when the communication shuts down.
It looks like she thought it was a month and then he said he was unhappy for years and then said horrible things.
I would take with a grain of salt anything said in anger after drinks. I don't think this needs to be for real unless she wants it to be. If he wanted the marriage to be over, really and truly, it needs to be said when both people are sober and rational. This sounds like a bad and hurtful argument, not a prelude to divorce unless they both want to make it one.
I agree with this.
Sloan, y'all need to talk when you're both sober and rational. This may have just been a nasty fight with a few too many low blows.
NO never.... I was stupid and said it as he was going upstairs calling out my son's name to wake him up. I was wrong ... I was frantic. I was freaking out. My son would go with him in heartbeat. It scares me
It looks like she thought it was a month and then he said he was unhappy for years and then said horrible things.
I would take with a grain of salt anything said in anger after drinks. I don't think this needs to be for real unless she wants it to be. If he wanted the marriage to be over, really and truly, it needs to be said when both people are sober and rational. This sounds like a bad and hurtful argument, not a prelude to divorce unless they both want to make it one.
Guys I had three beers. that is NOTHING for me. NOTHING. we went out with couples guys were at the other end of the table. he didn't seem drunk.
Post by karmasabiotch on Aug 23, 2014 23:26:32 GMT -5
I'm sorry. Have you seen this coming? Do you think it's something you want to try to work out or is it past that point? Either way, so many hugs and good for you for being strong.
I would take with a grain of salt anything said in anger after drinks. I don't think this needs to be for real unless she wants it to be. If he wanted the marriage to be over, really and truly, it needs to be said when both people are sober and rational. This sounds like a bad and hurtful argument, not a prelude to divorce unless they both want to make it one.
Guys I had three beers. that is NOTHING for me. NOTHING. we went out with couples guys were at the other end of the table. he didn't seem drunk.
You said things you didn't mean and regret. Why do you think he didn't do the same?
How long have you guys been married? I'm a huge fan of counseling, solo or couples. Good luck to you.
Ten years. We have DS1 9 DD 7 and DS2 16months
I'm sorry. Ten years is a long time. Kids add so much stress. I definitely think you should sit down and talk when you're both calm. If you're truly done, that's fine, but if it's only been a month of unhappiness, maybe a few date nights or a vacation away just the two of you could be really good for your marriage.
(((Hugs))) I'm so sorry you're hurting. Be kind to yourself and start over tomorrow. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I hope things work out the way you want them to.
Post by karmasabiotch on Aug 23, 2014 23:31:18 GMT -5
It dounds like things might have been said in the heat of an argument. These are things that need to be discussed when calm. Maybe counseling? Look forward and see how you feel. Start making copies of important paperwork, the usual SueSue advice.
Okay. Since you were able to say things you didn't mean (he hit you) then what is to say he didn't say things he didn't mean? You both need to table this until tmrw. Even a few beers can make reality skewed. I say wait until tmrw and then attempt to talk rationally. Good luck.
I'm sorry. Ten years is a long time. Kids add so much stress. I definitely think you should sit down and talk when you're both calm. If you're truly done, that's fine, but if it's only been a month of unhappiness, maybe a few date nights or a vacation away just the two of you could be really good for your marriage.
I agree. and tonight was a night out with friends. We had a blast. he was funny I was funny we laughed it was great. Then shit hit the fan when I didn't want to go to a strip club. He said I am too busy being a mom to be a wife.
Listen we have a good sex life but he has always been insatiable. I told him tonight I am a mother first. Always.. I told him that if he needs more sex I just can't give it to him right now. We have sex at least once a week and I work 70 hours a week. He wants dirty sex (talk dirty, be crazy) I am not a prude I am fine with that but jesus H Christ ust once I'd like some romance.
Post by verycontrary247 on Aug 23, 2014 23:34:01 GMT -5
First off, huge hugs to you. Second, he does not get to dictate any kind of custody arrangement. He is trying to bully you when you are already in a vulnerable state, you do not deserve that. Third, lawyer up. Seriously. I originally did not plan on it but getting a lawyer turned out to be the best decision I made during my divorce. We even worked it out where part of her fines had to be paid by exH in the divorce papers.
I had no money, no education, and a minimum wage part time job when exH and I split. I am now employed full time at a job I love and am in school as well. This is scary as fuck but I promise you that you can do it. More hugs x100.
FTR I think he was kidding about the strip club but when I said "No we have a sitter and its 1130 and ds1 has a football game in the am" he got all "You are no fun anymore"
FTR I think he was kidding about the strip club but when I said "No we have a sitter and its 1130 and ds1 has a football game in the am" he got all "You are no fun anymore"
Sounds as if he may have had more to drink than you realize. I hope tomorrow is better.
Post by aussiecrush on Aug 23, 2014 23:37:13 GMT -5
Sounds like a rough damn night. I hope tomorrow you guys can talk more calmly and see where things go. Hope no matter what you know that you are support here and that you and your family are in our thoughts.
I would ask him to stay and sleep on the couch or in the guest room tonight. Tomorrow, you guys talk, and hopefully you do counseling. Why are you working a 70 hour week? That's hard on anyone. Fuck. I can't do that without kids without getting testy. DH certainly gets NO sex after hour 50 at work. 70 hours/week is enough to ruin any marriage.
I agree. and tonight was a night out with friends. We had a blast. he was funny I was funny we laughed it was great. Then shit hit the fan when I didn't want to go to a strip club. He said I am too busy being a mom to be a wife.
Listen we have a good sex life but he has always been insatiable. I told him tonight I am a mother first. Always.. I told him that if he needs more sex I just can't give it to him right now. We have sex at least once a week and I work 70 hours a week. He wants dirty sex (talk dirty, be crazy) I am not a prude I am fine with that but jesus H Christ ust once I'd like some romance.
I don't agree with this - you are his wife and being a wife should come first and a mother second. If you don't have a strong marriage while the kids are around then you won't have a strong marriage when they leave the nest.
I would ask him to stay and sleep on the couch or in the guest room tonight. Tomorrow, you guys talk, and hopefully you do counseling. Why are you working a 70 hour week? That's hard on anyone. Fuck. I can't do that without kids without getting testy. DH certainly gets NO sex after hour 50 at work. 70 hours/week is enough to ruin any marriage.
Seriously, elle, get out of my head. I was just coming back to say this.
I agree. and tonight was a night out with friends. We had a blast. he was funny I was funny we laughed it was great. Then shit hit the fan when I didn't want to go to a strip club. He said I am too busy being a mom to be a wife.
Listen we have a good sex life but he has always been insatiable. I told him tonight I am a mother first. Always.. I told him that if he needs more sex I just can't give it to him right now. We have sex at least once a week and I work 70 hours a week. He wants dirty sex (talk dirty, be crazy) I am not a prude I am fine with that but jesus H Christ ust once I'd like some romance.
I don't agree with this - you are his wife and being a wife should come first and a mother second. If you don't have a strong marriage while the kids are around then you won't have a strong marriage when they leave the nest.
I will be sure to keep this in mind the next time my husband is pressuring me to attend a strip club or engage in sexual activities I am not comfortable with. Good for you.
I agree. and tonight was a night out with friends. We had a blast. he was funny I was funny we laughed it was great. Then shit hit the fan when I didn't want to go to a strip club. He said I am too busy being a mom to be a wife.
Listen we have a good sex life but he has always been insatiable. I told him tonight I am a mother first. Always.. I told him that if he needs more sex I just can't give it to him right now. We have sex at least once a week and I work 70 hours a week. He wants dirty sex (talk dirty, be crazy) I am not a prude I am fine with that but jesus H Christ ust once I'd like some romance.
I don't agree with this - you are his wife and being a wife should come first and a mother second. If you don't have a strong marriage while the kids are around then you won't have a strong marriage when they leave the nest.