Wait, so what I said isn't the time but no one is jumping on the ones saying to get a lawyer and prepare for divorce? Come on now.
Really? You can't see how telling someone that she is a shitty wife and how you think she could be a better one in a post where she is distraught that her marriage might be over is, at best, inappropriate?
Post by sparkythelawyer on Aug 23, 2014 23:52:07 GMT -5
Sloan, I am so sorry this is happening to you. I hope you guys are able to come up with a plan going forward you are both at peace with, whatever that path is.
I just became a mom to my so's child five months ago. I am not okay with going to a strip club with him now and I was never okay with it before. We have a good sex life. Me being a mom has jack to do with it. Again, I recommend talking tmrw when sober.
If it were me on the other end, yes, I would find it helpful. By saying "I am a mother first" is saying to DH that I am putting his needs second. So of course he's going to get even further pissed off.
Based on the facts provided in the post, both said shitty stuff. It sucks for both of them.
Or, just maybe, he'd realize that he's the fucking ADULT and maybe the kids need more attention right now, from the woman who is working ridiculous hours. Maybe he could realize that he is a father, too, and just maybe his needs and wants should be taking a temporary back seat. STFU.
If it were me on the other end, yes, I would find it helpful. By saying "I am a mother first" is saying to DH that I am putting his needs second. So of course he's going to get even further pissed off.
Based on the facts provided in the post, both said shitty stuff. It sucks for both of them.
Putting a grown man's needs second to three children is how it usually works in a marriage with kids. Adults deal with it and understand.
If it were me on the other end, yes, I would find it helpful. By saying "I am a mother first" is saying to DH that I am putting his needs second. So of course he's going to get even further pissed off.
Based on the facts provided in the post, both said shitty stuff. It sucks for both of them.
Do you have small children at home?
Here's the thing about adults vs. children - The man can fend for himself. The child can't. Can you get that? Maybe if sloan's husband could, they would not be having this row.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Kids are hard and marriage is so hard. I think a good night of sleep would do wonders. Try and get some rest and reevaluate in the morning.
Oh give it up, joenali. You have no idea how long they were out, what they might have eaten during that time, their BMI, or anything else relevant to make this call. You just want to pass judgment based on your personal standard and their behavior during the fight.
I agree. and tonight was a night out with friends. We had a blast. he was funny I was funny we laughed it was great. Then shit hit the fan when I didn't want to go to a strip club. He said I am too busy being a mom to be a wife.
Listen we have a good sex life but he has always been insatiable. I told him tonight I am a mother first. Always.. I told him that if he needs more sex I just can't give it to him right now. We have sex at least once a week and I work 70 hours a week. He wants dirty sex (talk dirty, be crazy) I am not a prude I am fine with that but jesus H Christ ust once I'd like some romance.
I don't agree with this - you are his wife and being a wife should come first and a mother second. If you don't have a strong marriage while the kids are around then you won't have a strong marriage when they leave the nest.
First of all I will refrain from saying GFYS and retort with this. I AM ALWAYS a mother first. The needs of my chidlren come first. ALWAYS. My DH is an extremely close second. But that aside.. tongiht we had a babysitter. We said we'd be home btwn 11 and 1130 when he said lets go to a strip club and I said no its too late, the kids. and that was his reply you bet your ass I was pissed. I am sorry if you feel like being a wife is numero uno. It isn't. Because at the endo of the day I have three kids relying on me to make good decisions. And going to a strip club and keeping my 19 year old niece out hours past when I said I would be home is shitty. I am a damn good wife. I try to do things for to and with my husband as often as I can. Up until a few weeks ago I would have thought we had a pefect marriage. Now this... So actually I won't refrain GO FUCK YOURSELF. this was super shitty. And to the person who said she hopes I didn't drive after three beers well sorry girl I did. Three beers in four hours with water and food inbetween doesn't do shit to me.
To those that have offered constructive advice thank you. I just ask that the rest leave yoru judgements for another day. Right now I am just not in the place where I can take it
OH MY GOD NO IT ISN"T. Are you kidding me. I was out for four plus hours. three beers. really.. considering I ate and drank water and stopped an hour before i left.
I can easily put away 6 and not be drunk. not that I'd drive after six but seriously
Marriages have their ups and downs. If you felt you had the "perfect marriage a month ago" I don't know if you should be at the point of divorce right now, over a couple of bad weeks.
Honestly, if this were the case, my husband and I would have been divorced three or four times over.
“With sorrow—for this Court, but more, for the many millions of American women who have today lost a fundamental constitutional protection—we dissent,”
OH MY GOD NO IT ISN"T. Are you kidding me. I was out for four plus hours. three beers. really.. considering I ate and drank water and stopped an hour before i left.
I can easily put away 6 and not be drunk. not that I'd drive after six but seriously
Don't even give this one a thought. Some people have to find the opportunity to be "better than you" in every situation.
Get some sleep. Tackle this tomorrow. Take care of yourself.
Post by gretchenindisguise on Aug 24, 2014 0:21:39 GMT -5
I've long heard the "marriage first, kids second" mentality, and over the course of a marriage, I agree with it. But I think it's too simple of a saying to make sense for every time period within a marriage.
There are times when the marriage will come first.
There are times when the kid(s) come first.
There are times when one kid will take precedent over another kid.
There are times when a job/school will take precedence over marriage and kids.
There are times when one person will take precedence over marriage and kids.
I think the most successful relationships are the ones that can adapt to those different times without bitterness creeping in while they're happening and in the end favor a focus on marriage over the other things.
Im sorry Sloan, like others have said we are here for you. Quick lil tidbit (my opinion) you don't have to explain yourself to anyone on here regarding what you do or why you do it. (drink ? beers, put your kids first) . Its your life, give yourself some credit. :Y:
((((sloan)))) Just wanted to give you a hug on a hard night. I'm sorry for what went down tonight. With some sleep I hope you can also get some clarity and some peace.