I always wonder with things like the 70 hour workweek, and Squirelly's anxiety, how much is a problem that needs a therapist and how much is just a shitty situation.
WHY are you working a 70 hour week? I am getting the impression you don't think your husband is pulling his weight financially. If so, that is something for counseling. But maybe start there. No marriage is going to be OK through that. I know, I've worked 70 hour weeks and they are grueling. Nothing is good when you are at work 12 hours/day six days/week.
This I can't like enough.
I've gone around the friggin bush with a prescriber about my "irritability". She wanted me on meds for a mood disorder . I don't believe I have a mood disorder, I believe I'm just in a shit spot in my life.
Example of me being irritable, therefore to her, a mood disorder:
Ds and dh both throw their clothes on or past or next to the hamper. Like it seems like it takes more effort to get it past the hamper than in it. I've been dealing with this type of bullshit for too long. I think anyone who was being treated like a maid in their own home would get irritable.
I could never get anywhere with the prescriber when I would try to explain that she was almost making it worse, like excusing the behavior. I wouldn't be irritable if they would just put their goddamned clothes in the hamper.
Of course it's one example, but I truly think there's a lot to be said for your analysis of it.
Like who isn't tired and worn out after working 70 hours a week?
Good luck Sloan. I wish you all the best and I hope things improve for you ASAP.
I always wonder with things like the 70 hour workweek, and Squirelly's anxiety, how much is a problem that needs a therapist and how much is just a shitty situation.
WHY are you working a 70 hour week? I am getting the impression you don't think your husband is pulling his weight financially. If so, that is something for counseling. But maybe start there. No marriage is going to be OK through that. I know, I've worked 70 hour weeks and they are grueling. Nothing is good when you are at work 12 hours/day six days/week.
I agree with this. We turned our whole lives upside down to escape the 70-80 hour weeks. They are awful, and we had to be very intentional with our interactions with each other during those times to avoid fights. Not only do they make work hard, but they make the rest of your life including your marriage hard because you have to put so much more work into just staying stable. Some of the lowest points in our marriage came off the heels of extended 70-80 hour weeks.
I completely agree with this. When DH and I have had to pull these kinds of shifts, we had a standing agreement that nothing we said was to be taken seriously or personally. All the angry words came from a place of exhaustion, not true anger.
Ok, now that you've had a promising update, at the risk of adding myself to the WTF list, please please make a commitment to yourself that you'll never again throw out "well, I could just lie to the cops and tell them you hit me" in the heat of the moment. For a lot of reasons, among them that if things ever did go south and you were in a custody fight, it would not look great to a judge.
Counseling is a great idea - I hope things get better soon, it sounds like you have been under an incredible amount of stress.
You are not an asshole. I know I was wrong to say that. I hate that I said that. And I would never allow myself to get to that point again. Well I shouldn't say that. Maybe I would but hoping couples therapy will help me not react that way ever again
I always wonder with things like the 70 hour workweek, and Squirelly's anxiety, how much is a problem that needs a therapist and how much is just a shitty situation.
WHY are you working a 70 hour week? I am getting the impression you don't think your husband is pulling his weight financially. If so, that is something for counseling. But maybe start there. No marriage is going to be OK through that. I know, I've worked 70 hour weeks and they are grueling. Nothing is good when you are at work 12 hours/day six days/week.
My husband def pulls his weight financially. He makes more than I do. Basically what happened (short version) I had an oops pregnancy. And daycare is KILLING US. It doesn't make sense for me to stay home. In the time Leo was born both our cars needed to be replaced among the daycare expenses it got really tight. So I left my job in a non profit and started my new job in Dec. The summer is super demanding and there is an end in sight. I do about 50 hours in the office then constantly at home. I also have a part time job bartending that I LOVE. I only do it during golf season which ends soon (well it slows down and I lose out on hours so I work three months a year there.). timing just sucks.
Post by sofamonkey on Aug 24, 2014 19:11:09 GMT -5
I am glad for the update, it sounds promising. I read this early this morning, but didn't have time to comment. I hope counseling helps you guys to help yourselves. We did some counseling this past year, and it gave us some good tools to deal better. Having young kids is SO stressful. I hope you can get some resolution & some peace. ((hugs))
I always wonder with things like the 70 hour workweek, and Squirelly's anxiety, how much is a problem that needs a therapist and how much is just a shitty situation.
WHY are you working a 70 hour week? I am getting the impression you don't think your husband is pulling his weight financially. If so, that is something for counseling. But maybe start there. No marriage is going to be OK through that. I know, I've worked 70 hour weeks and they are grueling. Nothing is good when you are at work 12 hours/day six days/week.
My husband def pulls his weight financially. He makes more than I do. Basically what happened (short version) I had an oops pregnancy. And daycare is KILLING US. It doesn't make sense for me to stay home. In the time Leo was born both our cars needed to be replaced among the daycare expenses it got really tight. So I left my job in a non profit and started my new job in Dec. The summer is super demanding and there is an end in sight. I do about 50 hours in the office then constantly at home. I also have a part time job bartending that I LOVE. I only do it during golf season which ends soon (well it slows down and I lose out on hours so I work three months a year there.). timing just sucks.
It sounds like there is at least a light at the end of the tunnel re: work, and hopefully life will ease up on you enough to be able to approach this whole situation from a less exhausted place, because it sounds like you're both open to working on these issues, and I can't imagine how taxing it is to work through when you're starting with nothing left. (Hugs).