Post by littlemisschatty on Oct 31, 2014 8:59:21 GMT -5
Ok no offense but it's not for anyone to "support" such a choice. My tits, my decision. I am not answering the question either way. I support moms who feed their babies. End.
Yes. I attempted to breastfeed three times, decided I didn't like it, and stopped. I pumped for a little over a week and decided I was done with that, too - and there were reasons other than just not liking it, though that was the main one, but I choose not to qualify my decision, because why should I? My body, my choice, and I welcome anyone who would judge that to take a hard look at why they care so very much about how I feed my child.
I fully support baby feeding, be it via formula or breast, and for whatever reason works best for you and your family, but I admit that in the beginning, when I was avalanched under my own guilt and had some very not-subtle "well if you just try this or that..." comments thrown my way (plus a "I never thought you'd stick with it anyway" from a close friend), I didn't feel so generous toward the other side, and it took me quite a few months to dig out from under that. Clearly it's still an emotionally charged subject for me, but my main emotion these days is that it's bullshit that it's still emotionally charged for me. lol
Also, a lot of people in this thread are getting riled up and feeling judged for choosing to FF at all. The poll was very specific about the reason being "I just don't want to." I know that is many people's reason and I don't think that is a big deal, but people are blowing the no responses way out of proportion.
I agree. This is why I'm a bit confused where some shades of gray is coming in. It's simple: do you judge a mother for choosing to breast feed because she wants to.
But that's not what the question asks. The question is not worded to ask if one is judgemental. It asks whether you "support" it. I'm not even sure what that means. Do I think it's a good idea? vs Would I personally make that choice? vs Am I going to come out with torches?
How can you assume that? There are so many people who put qualifiers on their support/approval of BFing. I've seen it IRL and here. As in, BFing a baby is okay, but BFing a toddler, ewwww. Or the comments I see every once in a while about women being " in your face" about NIP, when maybe they're just, IDK, feeding their children?
I really disagree with this. Formula feeders aren't deciding to support an industry, they're deciding to feed their baby. (I edited out the original response because I read your first paragraph in the wrong way)
I'm usually way too self centered to actually make my consumption decisions based on bigger social issues, but when we choose what to buy and who to buy it from we do end up supporting those companies and their broader missions.
My post was the one that spun the poll. FF is a completely legitimate parenting choice.
I am with you on most of it. But what does this even mean? Who decides what is and is not a legitimate parenting choice?
Not legitimate parenting choice regarding feeding: Making your own formula using a random recipe found online because you are afraid of ZOMG INGREDIENTS.
I agree. This is why I'm a bit confused where some shades of gray is coming in. It's simple: do you judge a mother for choosing to breast feed because she wants to.
But that's not what the question asks. The question is not worded to ask if one is judgemental. It asks whether you "support" it. I'm not even sure what that means. Do I think it's a good idea? vs Would I personally make that choice? vs Am I going to come out with torches?
I was writing up a similar response last night but couldn't get my thoughts straight. This comes down to semantics to me. I voted "in between" because I can't say I unequivocally *support*, as in want to encourage it. But that does not mean I am judging. I think a lot of people are misreading the OP. Edit: my reasoning aligns with h'.
I think this is silly. The main point of the question is whether you "support" someone. I will say for at least the third time in this thread, what does that mean? I don't really care how anyone else feeds their kid and I never comment to anyone on how they feed their kid. Is that being supportive? What if I kind of think "I wish she had tried BF becuase she might have loved it"? Is thinking that un-supportive? Is it only un-supportive if you voice your hesitation?
FWIW, I am not "judging" FF. BF, FF, do a mix, whatever. But as someone who deals with words for a living, I'm just trying to say that the ambiguity in this question is making me itchy.
I think this is silly. The main point of the question is whether you "support" someone. I will say for at least the third time in this thread, what does that mean? I don't really care how anyone else feeds their kid and I never comment to anyone on how they feed their kid. Is that being supportive? What if I kind of think "I wish she had tried BF becuase she might have loved it"? Is thinking that un-supportive? Is it only un-supportive if you voice your hesitation?
FWIW, I am not "judging" FF. BF, FF, do a mix, whatever. But as someone who deals with words for a living, the ambiguity in this question is making me itchy.
That's okay because I think overanalyzing the question is silly.
Post by timorousbeastie on Oct 31, 2014 9:37:16 GMT -5
Of course I'm fine with anyone feeding their baby however they want (assuming it's not Mountain Dew to a newborn or something ridiculous like that).
I've only ever judged one parent for how they fed their kid. The father decided that the mom nursing was too inconvenient for HIM, but didn't want his kid fed formula, so the mom had to EP. Even then, I didn't judge the mom, just the dad for his controlling behavior.
TBH, I'm jealous of FF moms who could pass off baby to dad or another caregiver because my kid refused bottles and I had no freedom for more than a couple hours until she was 8+ months old. But I felt such pressure to BF that I hesitated on the bottle and she only took it a handful of times before refusing completely.
This...hm.
Just know there are FFers who would be jealous of your situation aka being able to bf.
I think this is a "grass is always greener" situation. I have no doubt that there are tons of emotions in play when you want to BF but can't. But at the same time, as the mother if a bottle refuser, it is really fucking hard psychologically to know that your child is 100% dependent on you and no one else. I had many, many breakdowns over the fact that no one could help give me a break from feeding DD, and so many nightmares about something happening to me and DD not being able to be fed. I'm mostly at peace with it now, but it's still trying at times to know that she won't drink from a bottle.
Like I said, I know that FF and EPers can have a very tough time of it, too. Maybe I would have had just as many breakdowns if DD wouldn't BF, I don't know. But it is definitely hard to have a bottle refuser. (Again, I'm not trying to minimize the struggles of someone who wants to BF but can't; I'm just saying that being able to BF but not bottle feed isn't a great experience either.)
Post by noodleskooze on Oct 31, 2014 9:50:31 GMT -5
I never meant to say an EBFer has an easy time. I totally agree that each way of feeding comes with its own challenges. I am positive that if BFing works out for me next time and I get a bottle refuser, I will be on here complaining and asking for advice.
I think this is silly. The main point of the question is whether you "support" someone. I will say for at least the third time in this thread, what does that mean? I don't really care how anyone else feeds their kid and I never comment to anyone on how they feed their kid. Is that being supportive? What if I kind of think "I wish she had tried BF becuase she might have loved it"? Is thinking that un-supportive? Is it only un-supportive if you voice your hesitation?
FWIW, I am not "judging" FF. BF, FF, do a mix, whatever. But as someone who deals with words for a living, the ambiguity in this question is making me itchy.
That's okay because I think overanalyzing the question is silly.
This is why I like you. (Well that and that you were so encouraging when I had my FTT baby.)
That was really interesting (and sad, baby farms? ?) - thanks for sharing it. Good reminder of how very lucky I am to live in this time and with so many choices.
So sad. This has been on my mind because I learned this week that my H's great grandmother died 7 days after giving birth. My H's grandfather had to be fed from a wet nurse. This was rural India so I imagine the circumstances for the wet nurse were not great at all.
As a pp said, thank goodness there are healthy, good options these days.
Very true. H's cousins from the Middle East were shocked that I BF my kids. "But you're American, and you're rich!" Was one's exact words. (Side note: we are not "rich", but comparatively, ya know)
i have a lot of issues with the formula industry because of their practices in developing countries. I don't necessarily understand willingly supporting the industry if you have another option, same as a lot of people here don't understand people who still shop at Hobby Lobby or eat at Chik-Fil-A. But I would never, never, never, NEVER, judge an individual person for their choice of what to feed their baby. I have no idea what their real reasons are and who the fuck am I to have an opinion about their life?
This is an interesting perspective. I don't think the Hobby Lobby example is on par, though, given how difficult breastfeeding is for many and how easy it is to find a Michael's or Joann Fabrics.
You're right, it's not a perfect analogy, but the question isn't asking if you judge someone for FF because BF was hard for them. It's asking if you judge because they just didn't want to.
Very true. H's cousins from the Middle East were shocked that I BF my kids. "But you're American, and you're rich!" Was one's exact words. (Side note: we are not "rich", but comparatively, ya know)
i have a lot of issues with the formula industry because of their practices in developing countries. I don't necessarily understand willingly supporting the industry if you have another option, same as a lot of people here don't understand people who still shop at Hobby Lobby or eat at Chik-Fil-A. But I would never, never, never, NEVER, judge an individual person for their choice of what to feed their baby. I have no idea what their real reasons are and who the fuck am I to have an opinion about their life?
I really disagree with this. Formula feeders aren't deciding to support an industry, they're deciding to feed their baby. (I edited out the original response because I read your first paragraph in the wrong way)
I agree, most FFers are just doing what they can to feed their baby. But I read the poll question as asking if you judge someone who could have BFed relatively easily for FF just because they don't want to. That's why I added the caveat that I don't understand willingly supporting it if you have another choice. I fully appreciate the fact that it is not a choice for many or most FFers.
I really disagree with this. Formula feeders aren't deciding to support an industry, they're deciding to feed their baby. (I edited out the original response because I read your first paragraph in the wrong way)
I agree, most FFers are just doing what they can to feed their baby. But I read the poll question as asking if you judge someone who could have BFed relatively easily for FF just because they don't want to. That's why I added the caveat that I don't understand willingly supporting it if you have another choice. I fully appreciate the fact that it is not a choice for many or most FFers.
The question wasn't even whether you judge, but whether you support.
I actually made an official complaint to my city after the prenatal class because of this. Due to health issues I was 99% sure I wouldn't be able to bf and I was expecting to learn how to make up bottles etc at the class. Instead I learned that by ff my kids would be obese and dumb and i would get cancer. I was in tears in the class and my husband hit the roof. This is a government sponsored class.
Not everyone has the choice to bf or ff and that seems to be forgotten by the militants.
Good for you. I just didn't take the class because I heard all they talked about was Breastfeeding. Who did you complain to? Maybe public health? I feel like there needs to be a campaign of all the ways to feed your baby not just one way and the rest of you are subpar so we won't even help you.
They handed out a questionnaire after the class which my husband and I filled out, as did another couple we were with. We were very clear on our feelings about the bias in the class. It so happened that I had a home visit once DD was born and lo and behold, the nurse was the same one who had run the class. I was very clear to her my feelings but she said it was directions from the region that they push bfing so much because of the cost savings on public health.
Other gems from the class include a whole segment on the importance of a father figure ... Yep the single mom in the class ran out crying. The nurse also said we should never use wipes, only warm washcloths because of the chemicals. It was definitely not the neutral class I expected from the gov.
@tambcat makes a good point that I haven't really seen in these discussions before. I do know some moms IRL who hated BFing and say they regret how unhappy they felt during that time. Then again, if they didn't try they wouldn't know they hated it, so...I guess I wish that guilt wasn't such a strong motivator in the decision.
i totally agree. unfortunately I think guilt comes with many parenting decisions for the privelaged these days. I fretted over where my son was going to go to school for over a year. I think we all want to do what is best for our kids and sometimes its difficult to even know what that is, and sometimes we simply know we cannot give our kids the best. And it makes us feel bad. But it shouldn't. Good enough is fine, especially when it comes to less important things. I wish we could be more comfortable with good enough.
If this thread was "do you support BF mothers..." I would be a yes without any further explanation. I think everyone would. Why does how someone else feeds their kid affect me? It doesn't. So I don't care.
I'm bristling at being called ridiculous for getting up in arms that a LOT of people don't feel that way about FF. I guess I knew they existed? But it still sucks.
1. No not everyone else would. People express a lack of support for bfers all the time. It was expressed in this very thread. Iit's not about affecting the person, it's just their opinion. People have all kinds of opinions about stuff that doesn't affect them.
2. Maybe ridiculous was too strong of a word. But I do think all the pearl clutching and hand wringing in this thread is silly. You knew these people existed. Why would you assume they weren't on these boards? Of course it sucks but such is life. I think it sucks that people want to take away my bodily autonomy but it doesn't surprise me to know people who think like that are on these boards.
I agree. This is why I'm a bit confused where some shades of gray is coming in. It's simple: do you judge a mother for choosing to breast feed because she wants to.
But that's not what the question asks. The question is not worded to ask if one is judgemental. It asks whether you "support" it. I'm not even sure what that means. Do I think it's a good idea? vs Would I personally make that choice? vs Am I going to come out with torches?
since we're being told we're over thinking I thought I'd go all the way and actually look it up. Support- give assistance to, especially financially; enable to function or act. So I doubt many people support it at all. ;-p
But that's not what the question asks. The question is not worded to ask if one is judgemental. It asks whether you "support" it. I'm not even sure what that means. Do I think it's a good idea? vs Would I personally make that choice? vs Am I going to come out with torches?
since we're being told we're over thinking I thought I'd go all the way and actually look it up. Support- give assistance to, especially financially; enable to function or act. So I doubt many people support it at all. ;-p
Wait, words have... meanings? The antonym of support is still "judge," right?