I'd be irritated with the midwives. Every body is different, every pregnancy is different. Your body needs carbs, so for them to say to eliminate an entire food group is ridiculous. FWIW, I had 2 miscarriages with morning sickness plus one healthy pregnancy. Every single time I put on 15lbs in the first tri, even when I couldn't keep anything down; my body simply retained water weight like crazy. I put on 50lbs with C, and 35 of it was gone 2wks afterwards (and I lost the rest within 3mos, my guess is genetics since that's what happened for all women in my family). Just take care of yourself, do your best to eat a well rounded, fresh-food diet and roll with it.
I got my birthday gift from my MIL yesterday. I don't know why it surprises me every year but after 16 years, you would think she would know me enough to buy something more personal instead of another Christmas knickknack. I realize I sound ungrateful thus the flameful confession.
No after 16 years you deserve more then a knickknack. Shoot go in esty and atleast slap your name on something!
This is total bullshit. Unless you have GD, carbs are fine. My doctor made one comment about my weight gain (62 pounds by my induction at 39 weeks) and I shut her down. Really, wtf did she want me to do about it at that point, anyway?
Post by sparkythelawyer on Dec 9, 2014 10:07:47 GMT -5
Your midwife needs a swift kick in the shins.
If you are generally keeping a healthy diet, you are doing so much better than I am, since I existed on donuts, bagels and candy yesterday. And I'm just about the same place weight gain-wise as you are, and I'm 30.5 weeks.
I'd be inclined to tell the doctor that if I'm only coming to these appointments for him to shame me about my weight gain then I need to see someone else in that practice for the rest of this pregnancy. The weight checks are supposed to be about making sure there are no other medical issues afoot, not whether you need another healthy round of fat shaming.
SD is entering bitch eating cracker territory. I know, I know...cut her a break because her entire world has changed but you know what? So has mine. We have spent money we don't have for clothing, entertainment and food that she has specifically requested (this is beyond what we already purchased before she arrived). She won't eat anything I prepare, has worn the same pants and shirt she arrived with because the clothing we bought is "too big." meaning you can fit one finger in the waistband of her pants and the shirts go past her belt.
Imma stop there since that's enough fuel for the flaming that's coming my way.
I have a MIL vent, but what makes it flameful is that she is seriously the most sweetest and nicest person. And I am burying it here because I need to get it off my chest.
SHE IS SO MESSY!!!!!!
We have a nanny watching over DD (4 mo old) M-Th and my MIL watches her on Friday mornings because I work half days on friday. The nanny leaves the house spotless on M-Th and when I come home on friday afternoon, it looks like a tornado went through my kitchen. I dont understand how my MIL can mess up a spotless kitchen in a matter of 3 hours.
Things that I have seen her do:
Boil a pot of soup or sauce over every single time she cooks
Scrape the bottom of my nonstick pan with a butter knife
Chop onions on a granite counter top with a steak knife (while a chopping board was right next to her)
Use my fancy serving bowl to crop lettuce and wash it (instead of using a colander)
Run my chef's knife in the dishwasher
She also has trouble cooking smaller portion size. So I portioned off all the chicken in 1-2lb packages and hid it in the back of the freezer and defrosted just the amount I wanted her to cook. She dug through the freezer and cooked 5lbs of chicken!!!
I feel like such a spoiled brat for crying over this because I know she comes from a place of love. She dotes on my DD and it is a great MIL, BUT SHE IS SO MESSY!!!!
Post by rupertpenny on Dec 9, 2014 10:10:08 GMT -5
I would be pissed. I was already pretty fragile (or let's be honest, kind of unstable in a very real way) during my pregnancy. I would not have handled that kind of lecture well at all.
I also think cravings must serve some kind of purpose. I don't have a sweet tooth at all, but I NEEDED Skittles and ice cream when I was pregnant. As soon as I gave birth I didn't need them anymore. I gained 35 lbs total and lost 25 within 2 weeks, the last 10 by two months.
I mean, obviously rampant weight gain can be bad, but holding people to rigid standards when every pregnancy is different is probably not the answer.
Post by daisybuchannan on Dec 9, 2014 10:10:59 GMT -5
Not eating any carbs is bs, there are many forms that are perfectly healthy.
I think it's weird that so many people jump to say that you (not op) need to find a new dr when they mention anything weight related. No dr should ever make you feel bad about yourself, or be unkind. But mentioning excessive weight gain during pregnancy or outside of pregnancy that could be unhealthy? I dont think it's wrong.
This is why I loved both of my old, white-man OBs when I was pregnant. lol. I feel like old white men are less likely to get all stern about your weight for some reason. Also both of them laughed like the dickens when I asked about restricted foods and told me I was being ridiculous.
H and I are TTC, so I've been looking around for an OB. I found a young, late 30s/early 40s woman and a 65+ year old man. I'm going to go with the latter. Now I feel good about that decision
My MIL came over and reorganized my whole kitchen one day, she's on the complete opposite side of the spectrum. That being said, it's so tricky to navigate this shit.
This is total bullshit. Unless you have GD, carbs are fine. My doctor made one comment about my weight gain (62 pounds by my induction at 39 weeks) and I shut her down. Really, wtf did she want me to do about it at that point, anyway?
Not eating any carbs is bs, there are many forms that are perfectly healthy.
I think it's weird that so many people jump to say that you (not op) need to find a new dr when they mention anything weight related. No dr should ever make you feel bad about yourself, or be unkind. But mentioning excessive weight gain during pregnancy or outside of pregnancy that could be unhealthy? I dont think it's wrong.
Its one thing to be concerned about excessive weight gain. Its another thing entirely to make each and every appointment about what the OP has eaten, when she's eaten it, and OMG DON'T EVER EAT CARBS BECAUSE CARBS ARE BAD and how could you let yourself go like this, expectant parent?
Their approach is not helpful. It is hurting their patient, and quite frankly? Sounds really insulting and judgmental.
We have a nanny watching over DD (4 mo old) M-Th and my MIL watches her on Friday mornings because I work half days on friday. The nanny leaves the house spotless on M-Th and when I come home on friday afternoon, it looks like a tornado went through my kitchen. I dont understand how my MIL can mess up a spotless kitchen in a matter of 3 hours.
She comes over to your house for 3 hours and spends the whole time cooking? WHY is she cooking in the morning?
Oh I have one more. I haven't told my parents I moved out. I feel like a child. BUT I know how my family is and I'm going home next week and if they know everybody will ask me about ( which is fine regularly) but it's the holidays and I just want to spend time with my cousins and niece and nephew without everybody feeling sad for me. I'm not sad! I just don't want that to be the focus when I go home. I'm telling them after the new year.
Not eating any carbs is bs, there are many forms that are perfectly healthy.
I think it's weird that so many people jump to say that you (not op) need to find a new dr when they mention anything weight related. No dr should ever make you feel bad about yourself, or be unkind. But mentioning excessive weight gain during pregnancy or outside of pregnancy that could be unhealthy? I dont think it's wrong.
20 lbs isn't excessive weight gain in pregnancy.
ETA: and the constant berating is why I would switch. Not just mentioning it.
Not eating any carbs is bs, there are many forms that are perfectly healthy.
I think it's weird that so many people jump to say that you (not op) need to find a new dr when they mention anything weight related. No dr should ever make you feel bad about yourself, or be unkind. But mentioning excessive weight gain during pregnancy or outside of pregnancy that could be unhealthy? I dont think it's wrong.
Its one thing to be concerned about excessive weight gain. Its another thing entirely to make each and every appointment about what the OP has eaten, when she's eaten it, and OMG DON'T EVER EAT CARBS BECAUSE CARBS ARE BAD and how could you let yourself go like this, expectant parent?
Their approach is not helpful. It is hurting their patient, and quite frankly? Sounds really insulting and judgmental.
I completely agree, and it doesn't sound like her weight gain is excessive!
H and I are TTC, so I've been looking around for an OB. I found a young, late 30s/early 40s woman and a 65+ year old man. I'm going to go with the latter. Now I feel good about that decision
I swear, they're the best. They tend to be very common-sensical, and very no-nonsense. I was allowed to eat anything I wanted, including sushi ("The risk involved in eating sushi is the same as in eating a medium-rare steak," he scoffed). My OB with KHC encouraged me to have at least two glasses of red wine per week, or a stout beer.
Bear in mind, though, they're also very pro-hospital and pro-medical care. They tend to not be handholders. They're about getting the kid out of you healthy, and that's their only goal. They give very little in the way of a damn about your birth experience or your birth plan. My OB with KHC literally laughed at me when I asked if I needed a birth plan and told me his plan was to make sure both me and KHC made it out of the hospital healthy. Period. This is exactly what I wanted, but it's not everybody's cup of tea.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience. Now, maybe my attitude will change once I'm actually pregnant, but right now? When I think of all these "birth plans" and everything else that people write up... I feel lost. My current "birth plan" consists of "get this baby out of me, please."
SD is entering bitch eating cracker territory. I know, I know...cut her a break because her entire world has changed but you know what? So has mine. We have spent money we don't have for clothing, entertainment and food that she has specifically requested (this is beyond what we already purchased before she arrived). She won't eat anything I prepare, has worn the same pants and shirt she arrived with because the clothing we bought is "too big." meaning you can fit one finger in the waistband of her pants and the shirts go past her belt.
Imma stop there since that's enough fuel for the flaming that's coming my way.
TL/DR: poor me.
You have so much going on right now. Is there a language barrier? I'm concerned that if you don't open the lines of communication now, time and water under the bridge will make it worse. You're going to have to work really hard to balance everyone's needs. How active is your H in helping you with this?
Not so much a language barrier but a culture barrier. I'm afraid she thinks what DH and I tell her - no tight clothing, eating balanced meals cooked healthy, etc. - is just because we're strict and not because it's really the way we live. I asked H this morning if he could think of a good role model for her to speak with who would confirm for her what we are attempting to tell her. I might be able to use the school dress code to talk to her more about the tight clothing (it's not just a "skinny" style she's choosing. The clothes are 1-2 sizes too small).
H has been very helpful. It sucks that he's not working but I don't think I could have lasted this long without him being home with us.
OMG can you ask her not to cook? Why does she need to cook if you are only gone three hours? That would irritate me.
She wants to cook all of DH's favorite foods. I don't mind her cooking as long as she leaves a smaller mess behind. I dont mind if I had to do the dishes or something like that after she cooks. But seriously, I have to do the dishes, scrub the burnt food off the stove, scrub the counter tops, and clean the floors after she is done cooking.
I have asked her to either cook something small or not cook at all because our house is on the market and I dont want it smelling like food. So she decided to make taquitos last Friday. She had prepared everything at her house and just had to warm it up before serving, simple right?? The stove had grease sprayed all over it like she had been cooking bacon, I have no idea how she does this.
Post by rupertpenny on Dec 9, 2014 10:27:37 GMT -5
@booby we go through the same arguments. I swear when my H gets bored (which is often since he has zero hobbies) he just wants to pick fights to keep things interesting. When he is in one of these moods it is IMPOSSIBLE to talk about anything. He could ask me what's for dinner and if I say steak he will say "But I want chicken! Why do you want steak? Why don't you care about what I want? Are you trying to give me high cholesterol?" It is exhausting.
OMG can you ask her not to cook? Why does she need to cook if you are only gone three hours? That would irritate me.
She wants to cook all of DH's favorite foods. I don't mind her cooking as long as she leaves a smaller mess behind. I dont mind if I had to do the dishes or something like that after she cooks. But seriously, I have to do the dishes, scrub the burnt food off the stove, scrub the counter tops, and clean the floors after she is done cooking.
I have asked her to either cook something small or not cook at all because our house is on the market and I dont want it smelling like food. So she decided to make taquitos last Friday. She had prepared everything at her house and just had to warm it up before serving, simple right?? The stove had grease sprayed all over it like she had been cooking bacon, I have no idea how she does this.
Aww. Okay then have your husband clean the kitchen. Is she at least a good cook? Maybe you can say you're on a weird diet?
She comes over to your house for 3 hours and spends the whole time cooking? WHY is she cooking in the morning?
As I said, she wants to cook DH's favorite foods and she cooks while the baby is napping. DH either WFH or stops by for lunch on friday afternoons, so she cooks in the mornings.
Not eating any carbs is bs, there are many forms that are perfectly healthy.
I think it's weird that so many people jump to say that you (not op) need to find a new dr when they mention anything weight related. No dr should ever make you feel bad about yourself, or be unkind. But mentioning excessive weight gain during pregnancy or outside of pregnancy that could be unhealthy? I dont think it's wrong.
20 lbs isn't excessive weight gain in pregnancy.
ETA: and the constant berating is why I would switch. Not just mentioning it.
I know, I wasn't referring to her when I said excessive weight gain.
My flameful is fitting considering the weight topic though I am not pregnant. A coworker brought in pastries from Whole Foods. I ate a huge one even though I stopped for DD on my way and got a donut because WF pastries are soooo good. I am now considering eating my donut in addition to the almond pastry that was the size of my head.
The flameful part of this is you went to Dunkin Donuts. I hate that place. Overpriced and underwhelmed, every damn time.