This is really, really hard. I will have to decide when I meet my 20 year old girls in the future, LOL.
To me, it honestly seems like I need to decide if I am saying " Sex is good and natural," and not " Sex is GOOD! Get you some!" to my girls if I offer a shared bedroom to them and their guest.
I honestly have no idea how I'll handle it. I can say that even if the "kids" aren't allowed to sleep in the same bed, they'll still find a way to have sex if they want to.
The funny thing to me, is that making them sleep in separate rooms doesn't prohibit them from having sex in your home. Plenty of sneaking around can be done once mom and dad are asleep. Shit, there is even a Hallmark commercial about this!
The funny thing to me, is that making them sleep in separate rooms doesn't prohibit them from having sex in your home. Plenty of sneaking around can be done once mom and dad are asleep. Shit, there is even a Hallmark commercial about this!
And on the flip side, sleeping in the same bed does not automatically mean sex.
My parents were really strict about this when I was in college and was 'engaged'…we didn't get to sleep together, period. Years later, (my mom had since passed), I was 31 and came home with my BF (soon to be fiancé and later husband) and then my dad just presumed we would sleep together in the same bed.
I don't know if it was because my mom was gone, I was in my 30s or just because, but something had changed, clearly.
I don't know what we will do, it would definitely depend on the age of the child and the status of their relationship.
I would allow it. But I really think this is entirely up to the individual.
My bf at the time's parents allowed me to stay over in his room when we were 21 - that said, we had sex when we stayed at each others', but never when we slept in the same room at his parents'. Simply sharing a room does not mean sex is being had all the time.
I don't know that I would invite my son's college girlfriend (or boyfriend, as the case ends up being) to spend the night at our house at all. I know many people meet their spouses in college but for me and most of my friends, relationships at that life stage were more for fun and were not what I consider a partner situation. It will depend on that particular relationship and their level of commitment, I think. But, he is 3 so who knows now I will feel at the time.
I would have vetod my parents "forbidding" it at that age (hypothetical, they didn't) so I'd like to think I'd extend the same courtesy to my grown-ass child.
How would I phrase it? "Well dear, your father & I can't bare to let you share a room with your boy/girlfriend because we live in lala land where we think this has never happened before." If the kid is anything like me the shared room is NOT for sex (eeew, what if someone hears us? Not sexy at all) so I see no prob.
Ok, I have a hypothetical for the "no" people inspired by a PP.
Let's say your kid is in college and out of state. Far enough that you only get to see them on breaks. Let's also say they're pretty financially independent. They couldn't make it back for thanksgiving but will be home for a week for Christmas. They want to bring their bf/gf and sleep in the same room.
You say no, they say OK, your house, your rules. So instead they'll be staying at bf/gf's house in the next town over for the break instead. This means that you'll only get to see them 2 days of their break instead of the whole week.
Would this change your position or would you rather they stay at someone else's place for their break?
I would hope I didn't raise a manipulative little twit. If I did I would laugh at them because you cannot threaten me and hold your time over my head.
If sleeping with your bf is that important I would tell you to evaluate yourself.
My parents made us all sleep in separate rooms until we were married, even when we were living with our significant others. When H and I were in college and until we got married, they didn't want us to confuse or set a bad example for my much younger sister, which I understood, but they made my other two siblings keep it up even though she was already 20 by the time they each got married. This all made for some annoying room arrangements when we were all together at the beach house.
Meanwhile, when H was living at home when we were first dating, my ILs tried to have me sleep in a different room at their house but gave up the pretense rather quickly.
I don't know what we'll do when our kids are older and having sleepovers. I am a bit of a prude myself, but I think I would let them share if they're in serious relationships, but probably not if their relationships are still early or casual. And probably not at all when they are still in high school.
This reminds me of a person I internet knew a few years ago whose parents don't let her and her husband sleep in the same room even though they have multiple children together.
This reminds me of a person I internet knew a few years ago whose parents don't let her and her husband sleep in the same room even though they have multiple children together.
LOL
Ok this is fucking stupid!
When my kids are older, supporting themselves, and show maturity in many aspects of their life and are also in a mature adult relationship then I would probably have no issue with it married or not.
My issue with it when I was in college was that all.my.parents.cared.about.was.sex. It was a bit ridiculous because it wasn't like we weren't having sex otherwise. So them not letting us sleep together was just them saying "we disagree with you two having sex". If they had said to us, we don't mind you sleeping in the same room while you are here but we would prefer that you not have sex while under our roof, at least I would have felt like a) they trusted me and b) they respected my relationship (that by the end of it has lasted 4 years).
That being said, I knew their wishes and never once said a word about it, we just slept in different beds and I didn't bring him home often.
I guess yes for me. My son is 22 but we haven't confronted this issue as he rarely comes home and mostly lives on the other side of the country, as does his girlfriend. He was home at Thanksgiving and his girlfriend was going to come for a couple of days. I was happy that she was going to come up, but a little creeped out that they'd be sleeping in the bedroom right next to mine. Turns out she couldn't get the time off of work so it was a moot point.
Anyway, I get the discomfort but in the end, I would let them sleep in the same bed.
My parents weren't against this, but they also didn't want to encourage premarital anything in front of my younger siblings. So I was allowed to share a room with a boyfriend once my little sister was in college. When she was still in high school, we had separate rooms. It seemed like a perfectly fair request at the time.
Post by snipsnsnails on Dec 28, 2014 9:26:17 GMT -5
Nah, but much like it was with my mom & dad, I'm thinking this won't be a shock or surprise for my kids to know that this is the general rule.
I'm LOLing thinking of my dad's face if I rolled in with my bf for Xmas break and waltzed up to my bedroom. I'm imagining Redd Foxx clutching his chest.
20? It depends on the nature of the relationship. If it was serious and/or an engagement, yes (I was in a serious relationship at nineteen, and my mom let us sleep together. Heck, she let my boyfriend at 18 and I sleep together. I honestly don't think that it did any damage.). But, I wouldn't like it (because I imagine I would still consider them a child--I remember being nineteen and thinking that I was quite the adult.)!
If there's an engagement at 20 I've got much bigger problems than a fricking guest bedroom situation on my hands.
I was over 40, divorced with two kids, and living with my now-H, and my parents made us sleep in different rooms.
No problem-they really believed non marital sex is immoral, and felt allowing us to sleep like husband and wife would be wrong.
I don't believe premarital sex is immoral and I hope I can respect my adult children with making their own choices. If they are serious enough to bring their partner home to meet me, then they can sleep together if they wish to.
Post by Jalapeñomel on Dec 28, 2014 9:32:33 GMT -5
I don't get the big deal. If you are staying with your parents, you follow their rules. And sleeping in separate bedrooms at 20 years old is not some ridiculously absurd rule.
While in college, I used to sleep at my boyfriend's house (he still lived with his parents.) We were good kids, that basically stayed out of trouble. I was 2 hours away at school, and would come home to see him and my parents.
At the age of 20 - if my son was seeing one person in a long term relationship (and that person seemed "ok" to me), he was getting good grades and/or working, and otherwise doing ok... I'd probably let them stay in the same bedroom.
Parade of girls going through his bedroom at our home -- not ok. Get your own apartment, and pay your own bills.
I wouldn't, but H and I slept in separate bedrooms for years when we'd come back into town. That's just what I'm used to. Actually, many times he would go stay at his parents and I would stay at my moms house. It was weird once we were married and it was "ok" to sleep in the same bed. Just something about sleeping in my childhood bed with a man felt... wrong. And like I had to hide it from my mom lol.