Yes, they'll be given the option. I'll defer to my kid's choice (if he/she isn't comfortable before their SO comes over I'll plan accordingly) but it just seems like an unnecessary hassle. I have no realistic expectations that my kids will be virgins when they get married so what am I playing at by forcing separate rooms? Who am I doing this for? If my kid is at college, they're doing this anyway, regardless of my approval.
I just don't understand these reasons. It's not even a matter of "Welp, those are the rules!" - why is that even a rule?
Because it's my goddamn house! I also wouldn't let my 20 y/o drink even though I could because it's my goddamn house!
Yes, they'll be given the option. I'll defer to my kid's choice (if he/she isn't comfortable before their SO comes over I'll plan accordingly) but it just seems like an unnecessary hassle. I have no realistic expectations that my kids will be virgins when they get married so what am I playing at by forcing separate rooms? Who am I doing this for? If my kid is at college, they're doing this anyway, regardless of my approval.
I just don't understand these reasons. It's not even a matter of "Welp, those are the rules!" - why is that even a rule?
Because it's my goddamn house! I also wouldn't let my 20 y/o drink even though I could because it's my goddamn house!
Right!!!
AND FFS NO ONE SAID WE ALL THOUGHT OUR KIDS WOULD BE VIRGINS.
THEIR VIRGINITY HAS NOT A DAMN THING TO DO WITH MY REASONING ON THIS.
I find the reactions in this thread interesting. "Well it depends on how mature they are!" Is a really odd thing to say in regards as to whether you'll allow your college aged son or daughter to share a room for x amount of days with the person that they are in a relationship with. Like, how do they act if they're too immature? What do you think would go down in those days? Just admit its really uncomfortable to think about your kid having sex and at least in your house you can control the pretense that they're all virginal/not having sex and such. Lol. I mean I do NOT discuss sex with my parents or my sister as I do not need that visual--I'd much rather not ever think about it, so I'd think its the same with parents and their kids no matter what age they are.
My parents made my sister and I "sleep" in separate rooms. As soon as they went to bed we always snuck into each others' rooms anyway. For me it wasn't even "I can't bare to not have the sex for 3 days!!11!!" It was more like it really sucks trying to cuddle my boyfriend in my stupid extra long twin bed in the dorm and its nice to actually have room to snuggle up to him and sleep and stretch out. Like a lot of people on here it skeeved me out to think about having sex with him with my parents nearby (what if they hear us?!).
I got married at 22 and then of course I could share my room with him at my parents. But really, I was still young. Still having sex in their house. Putting a ring on it didn't change much.
Now that I'm divorced I'm not even sure if I want to get married again. I'm interested to see what my parents will say when/if I ever bring a boyfriend out to visit.
For my kids I wouldn't allow one night stands over (nope, get your own place for that) but a boyfriend or girlfriend would be fine. My cutoff would be college -- there will be no underage or high school sleepovers.
As for alcohol I am totally fine with having my kids grow up drinking wine with dinner (small amounts of course). I'd start letting them have a beer with dinner once they hit high school. I would never give their friends any though. But my own kids? Yup. And I'm going to make them learn all about pairing it with food and how its made and all sorts of fun stuff. My first taste of alcohol was in college unsupervised. I went nuts with it and one night drank too much and got alcohol poisoning and had to go to detox. I'd rather my kids' first experience with alcohol be with me and normalized by the time they get to college.
I probably wouldn't up until when they're living together (officially, as in with a cosigned lease). Because then it becomes farcical.
ETA: My husband probably would because this stuff doesn't bother him much and his own parents were totally breezy about it. Which means my "probably wouldn't" might change.
And I will treat my children exactly the same because I'm STILL salty that 2 months before my wedding my husband and I had to stay in separate rooms, but my brother and his live in (not awesome), not engaged yet, no plans to be engaged, have broken up twice already, GF can stay together whenever. Kiss it, parents, that's uncool.
I find the reactions in this thread interesting. "Well it depends on how mature they are!" Is a really odd thing to say in regards as to whether you'll allow your college aged son or daughter to share a room for x amount of days with the person that they are in a relationship with. Like, how do they act if they're too immature? What do you think would go down in those days? Just admit its really uncomfortable to think about your kid having sex and at least in your house you can control the pretense that they're all virginal/not having sex and such. Lol. I mean I do NOT discuss sex with my parents or my sister as I do not need that visual--I'd much rather not ever think about it, so I'd think its the same with parents and their kids no matter what age they are.
My parents made my sister and I "sleep" in separate rooms. As soon as they went to bed we always snuck into each others' rooms anyway. For me it wasn't even "I can't bare to not have the sex for 3 days!!11!!" It was more like it really sucks trying to cuddle my boyfriend in my stupid extra long twin bed in the dorm and its nice to actually have room to snuggle up to him and sleep and stretch out. Like a lot of people on here it skeeved me out to think about having sex with him with my parents nearby (what if they hear us?!).
I got married at 22 and then of course I could share my room with him at my parents. But really, I was still young. Still having sex in their house. Putting a ring on it didn't change much.
Now that I'm divorced I'm not even sure if I want to get married again. I'm interested to see what my parents will say when/if I ever bring a boyfriend out to visit.
For my kids I wouldn't allow one night stands over (nope, get your own place for that) but a boyfriend or girlfriend would be fine. My cutoff would be college -- there will be no underage or high school sleepovers.
As for alcohol I am totally fine with having my kids grow up drinking wine with dinner (small amounts of course). I'd start letting them have a beer with dinner once they hit high school. I would never give their friends any though. But my own kids? Yup. And I'm going to make them learn all about pairing it with food and how its made and all sorts of fun stuff. My first taste of alcohol was in college unsupervised. I went nuts with it and one night drank too much and got alcohol poisoning and had to go to detox. I'd rather my kids' first experience with alcohol be with me and normalized by the time they get to college.
LOL. You are not (nor is anyone else with these walls of text or attempted pithy "omgah you guyzzzz" type responses) providing anyone with a fresh alternaperspective that no one here can possibly grasp with our old prude brains.
Not a single person in here has claimed that their "no" position is WHOLLY UNRELATED to being uncomfortable with providing a sex venue for their children.
I am not religious. I embraced premarital sex and I expect, nay, I HOPE, my children will do the same. And yet I'm not all that certain I will be down with letting my daughter/son have her/his non-live in SO sleep in the same room. My guess is that I probably will, but I might not, and if I don't it will have everything to do with not wanting to place their (potentially fleeting) sexual relationship on the same plane as mine, in my home, where I am the boss.
I find the reactions in this thread interesting. "Well it depends on how mature they are!" Is a really odd thing to say in regards as to whether you'll allow your college aged son or daughter to share a room for x amount of days with the person that they are in a relationship with. Like, how do they act if they're too immature? What do you think would go down in those days? Just admit its really uncomfortable to think about your kid having sex and at least in your house you can control the pretense that they're all virginal/not having sex and such. Lol. I mean I do NOT discuss sex with my parents or my sister as I do not need that visual--I'd much rather not ever think about it, so I'd think its the same with parents and their kids no matter what age they are.
My parents made my sister and I "sleep" in separate rooms. As soon as they went to bed we always snuck into each others' rooms anyway. For me it wasn't even "I can't bare to not have the sex for 3 days!!11!!" It was more like it really sucks trying to cuddle my boyfriend in my stupid extra long twin bed in the dorm and its nice to actually have room to snuggle up to him and sleep and stretch out. Like a lot of people on here it skeeved me out to think about having sex with him with my parents nearby (what if they hear us?!).
I got married at 22 and then of course I could share my room with him at my parents. But really, I was still young. Still having sex in their house. Putting a ring on it didn't change much.
Now that I'm divorced I'm not even sure if I want to get married again. I'm interested to see what my parents will say when/if I ever bring a boyfriend out to visit.
For my kids I wouldn't allow one night stands over (nope, get your own place for that) but a boyfriend or girlfriend would be fine. My cutoff would be college -- there will be no underage or high school sleepovers.
As for alcohol I am totally fine with having my kids grow up drinking wine with dinner (small amounts of course). I'd start letting them have a beer with dinner once they hit high school. I would never give their friends any though. But my own kids? Yup. And I'm going to make them learn all about pairing it with food and how its made and all sorts of fun stuff. My first taste of alcohol was in college unsupervised. I went nuts with it and one night drank too much and got alcohol poisoning and had to go to detox. I'd rather my kids' first experience with alcohol be with me and normalized by the time they get to college.
LOL. You are not (nor is anyone else with these walls of text or attempted pithy "omgah you guyzzzz" type responses) providing anyone with a fresh alternaperspective that no one here can possibly grasp with our old prude brains.
Not a single person in here has claimed that their "no" position is WHOLLY UNRELATED to being uncomfortable with providing a sex venue for their children.
I am not religious. I embraced premarital sex and I expect, nay, I HOPE, my children will do the same. And yet I'm not all that certain I will be down with letting my daughter/son have her/his non-live in SO sleep in the same room. My guess is that I probably will, but I might not, and if I don't it will have everything to do with not wanting to place their (potentially fleeting) sexual relationship on the same plane as mine, in my home, where I am the boss.
[edited-I'm not sure what I'm trying to say with whatever sentence I typed there] Many were just saying it was their house their rules and not expanding. That made me wonder if it was just a religious thing, pure discomfort, wanting to uphold tradition of their kid having to sneak around like everyone else or any other number of reasons. -shrug- I get the discomfort--my sister tries to talk to me about sex and it makes me want to hurl.
LOL. You are not (nor is anyone else with these walls of text or attempted pithy "omgah you guyzzzz" type responses) providing anyone with a fresh alternaperspective that no one here can possibly grasp with our old prude brains.
Not a single person in here has claimed that their "no" position is WHOLLY UNRELATED to being uncomfortable with providing a sex venue for their children.
I am not religious. I embraced premarital sex and I expect, nay, I HOPE, my children will do the same. And yet I'm not all that certain I will be down with letting my daughter/son have her/his non-live in SO sleep in the same room. My guess is that I probably will, but I might not, and if I don't it will have everything to do with not wanting to place their (potentially fleeting) sexual relationship on the same plane as mine, in my home, where I am the boss.
[edited-I'm not sure what I'm trying to say with whatever sentence I typed there] Many were just saying it was their house their rules and not expanding. That made me wonder if it was just a religious thing, pure discomfort, wanting to uphold tradition of their kid having to sneak around like everyone else or any other number of reasons. -shrug- I get the discomfort--my sister tries to talk to me about sex and it makes me want to hurl.
Oh, okay. So your combative "Just admit blah blah" preceded by the whole "but you can't possibly know who is mature" was your way of expressing wonderment. Mmmhmmm.
ETA: I am ALSO being combative here, but I'm not pretending otherwise. And this isn't just about your post. I'm combative about everyone who is trying to be oh so cool. Again, I may permit my kids to stay with their SOs, but it won't be because I'm trying to be cool. I am desperately uncool. That ship has sailed.
I don't know. I think this is one of those things that would depend greatly on our relationship and immediate history at the time, and I can't really project that 19 years in advance.
Hmmm. As a step mother to two teenagers, I will say it really depends. My ss is almost 18, sd is almost 16. At 20, I could see being okay with my ss having his so in his room. He is a responsible kid that respects boundaries and his dad, and myself. SD, I don't know. Maybe by the time she is 20 I will feel differently, but she seems to look for trouble and can be extremely disrespectful and entitled. So I think it really depends on the kid (er, young adult?) and the relationship you have with them.
Post by jojoandleo on Dec 29, 2014 10:49:09 GMT -5
I lived with my HSBF once I turned 19. My parents let us stay in the same bed. I was also a virgin until 21. I think my mom's openness about sex being natural and to do it when ready rather than some arbitrary event (a certain age, marriage, etc.) helped me actually wait until I was actually ready for it all. Every kid is different, but I wouldn't have a blanket "no" answer to the same rooms question.
Post by pantsparty on Dec 29, 2014 11:25:57 GMT -5
I see it both ways. I agree kids in college are, well, kids. I also know from experience where there's a will, there's a way, and kids will have sex if they want to. My mom made sex taboo (I was supposed to save myself until marriage) and our relationship took a permanent turn for the worse when she found birth control in my purse. I don't regret having sex when I did, but I do wonder if things may have turned out differently had she not been so opposed. This isn't a REASON she and my dad should have ever permitted me to sleep in the same bed with a boyfriend, but I guess something I would consider if I was a parent. I don't disagree with anyone who says "my house, my rules." I guess if I had a kid I only saw over breaks, I wouldn't be thrilled about them bringing home a boyfriend/girlfriend over family time, anyway.
Anyway, this is why I can't have kids. These decisions are hard! LOL.
Post by runforrest on Dec 29, 2014 11:33:35 GMT -5
Nope.
Not until they are married.
Sorry not sorry.
ETA: I am fully aware that they may or may not already be sexually active at that age, but I personally am not comfortable with that scenario. When my H and I were engaged (and living together in Chicago) we still slept in separate rooms at my parents' house, and we respected those boundaries. I hope that E and M will have that same level of respect when they are that age.
Post by irishbride2 on Dec 29, 2014 11:34:19 GMT -5
When it comes down to it, I have no desire to be the cool parent or even pretend to be so. I'm very far from cool. I'm fine with my kids not sleeping with an SO in my house.
To me, its not a huge issue. Its more of I don't see the point so I'm good with this being our stance. None of the reasons here have swayed me. (not being able to bear the lack of cuddling for a few days). Maybe my kids will come up with better arguments? I don't know. We shall see. But like I said, I hope my kids are like me and just would never dream of bringing it up. problem solved
Btw, not letting kids shack up in your house doesn't mean you have some archaic view of sex and that you won't be open with your kids about it, lol. I hope my kids don't wait for marriage, and I will be open and frank with them about it.
I feel like this is impossible to answer because my kids are 3 and 7. I am not opposed to premarital sex at all, so that really isn't the issue. I guess it's all about the child, the relationship, and the partner. I would feel similar about any houseguest really. I wouldn't approve too much if a friend spent the night with some random flavor of the month banging in my guest bed either. Would I say something? Who knows. I've seen threads on here where people are uncomfortable with house guests bring unsavory bed partners/SOs to their homes, so I can't see why some people can't comprehend why a parent wouldn't be all easy breezy about letting their child sleep with whoever just because they are an "adult", if by definition of law only.
Also, if my kid is in college, and I am paying tuition and rent/r&b, and they are traveling home on my dime with a big bag of laundry over holiday break, they are not an adult, but that is just my opinion.