Would you let your 20 year old kids sleep with their partner

[karmasabiotch]

Under your roof?

I get that they're doing it at college but it still feels wrong to me. My Sister has 20 year old twins and she's ok with it. So far my niece hasn't asked because her boyfriend is away during the Christmas break and they're both from the same city anyway so it hasn't really come up.

My nephew spent the first half of the break at his girlfriends parents house in the same bedroom. Now they're staying at my ex bil house for the rest of the break in the same room. He picked his Dad's house since nobody will be around there very often. My Sister said if they wanted to stay at her house she would be fine with it.

They're smart kids with awesome grades at U of M and don't get into any trouble.

Am I a prude? My Mom wouldn't even let fiancée #1 see me when I was 20 and couldn't wear a bra because I had some weird rash that made it impossible to get dressed.

WWYD? I'm not judging my sister but I wouldn't do it. If anything separate rooms but even that I don't think I would be ok with.

[lilybug]

I would be fine with it. I never understood "not under my roof" stuff. As long as they're not banging on my dining room table, I don't see how it's disrespectful. Because they're denying my parental right to stay in denial that my kid is now an adult?

For the record, I never had to deal with boyfriends sleeping over at my house until I was already married and pregnant, but I'd bet good money that my parents would have let us sleep in the same bed.

[sonrisa]

It sounds like either she lets him, or he'll spend his time elsewhere. What matters to you more? Seeing your kid or decorum?

[auntie]

Your house, your rules.

So long as it isn't a parade of undesirables, I don't have a problem letting unmarried adults sleep together.

Bolstering your stance with your mother's actions doesn't strengthen your agrument, it just makes the prudishness look like a heritable trait.

LOL, I have a friend who dealt with this recently. She was in a quandry about letting DS #1 sleep with a SO- her 90 year old mom lives with her and she anticipated the fallout would be monumental. He's a grad student who lives across the country, so she wanted him at her house for part of his vacation. But her younger DS#2 recently came out and admitted that he'd been sharing a room with his boyfriends under their roof for at least 4 years. Hell, mom and dad brought one guy to WDW with them so the younger son wouldn't be alone. Turns out the 90 year old really didn't care.

[mrsukyankee]

My mom didn't let me sleep with any of my boyfriends until my H and I were engaged and living together. I didn't have a problem with it as it was their rule and I knew it ahead of time. If it did bother me I would have gotten a hotel room.

[hisno1girl]

No.

[stealthmom]

If you're a prude I am too.

No, I would not allow that.

Heck when I was that age I didn't want to do that in my mom's house.  I'm a good WASP who wants to maintain appearances just like everyone else.  To me openly sleeping in the same bed as my boyfriend is the same as talking about my sex life with my mom.  Newp.  Let's just pretend like it never happens.  I'm fine with that.

[lilafowler]

I really don't know how I feel, lol. My parents and IL's didn't allow us to sleep together until after we were married (and we got married when we were 28 and 29)-but like others have said "their house, their rules" and it didn't bother me.

Please let me have at least another 15 years or so before I have to make this decision.

[karmasabiotch]

I admit I'm a prude. I'm not even sure it's a respect issue for me it just doesn't seem right. I'm an old though so maybe that has something to do with it. My sister and her Ex H agree on it even though they have a 7 year old son together who will witness it.

If you agree with the it's ok would you let an under 21 yo drink at your house? Two deaperate issues but I'm curious.

[lilybug]

Dec 28, 2014 6:05:58 GMT -5 karmasabiotch said:

If you agree with the it's ok would you let an under 21 yo drink at your house? Two deaperate issues but I'm curious.

Lots of gray area there for me. Would I let my high schooler throw a kegger at my house? No. Would I let my 20 year old have a glass or two of wine with dinner? Absolutely.

[underwaterrhymes]

Yes.

[underwaterrhymes]

Dec 28, 2014 6:05:58 GMT -5 karmasabiotch said:

I admit I'm a prude. I'm not even sure it's a respect issue for me it just doesn't seem right. I'm an old though so maybe that has something to do with it. My sister and her Ex H agree on it even though they have a 7 year old son together who will witness it.

If you agree with the it's ok would you let an under 21 yo drink at your house? Two deaperate issues but I'm curious.

It's not illegal in many states for parents to allow their underage children to drink in their homes.

I would let my own child, but not someone else's.

[Deleted]

Prob not.


That answer surprises me.

[orangeblossom]

I would not.

[wambam]

I don't see the point in separating adults who sleep together otherwise. I just don't see what I accomplish by doing that.

[LaceyV]

I would. My parents did. H and I lived with my parents before we got married (we were 22.) My sister and her boyfriend live with them now and are also 22, but had been living there during school breaks since they were 20. My MIL also had no issue with it. Like someone else said, as long as I can't see you or hear you banging I'm ok with it.

[katfco]

Nope. It's my hope that they'll save sex for marriage. If they choose not to, it's their choice but it doesn't mean I'm going to be okay with it.

[wambam]

Dec 28, 2014 8:22:02 GMT -5 bricco said:

The other strange thing about my story is when I divorced two years later, my parents had entirely changed their tune about living together before marriage and even encouraged me to live with H before marrying him when the time came. I guess because they no longer had plausible deniability about my virginity?

My H's parents have done a complete 180 on the issue as well. When we were 18, my H falling asleep at my house (with my parents home upstairs) and him being late for curfew was THEENDOFTHEWORLD. And us living together for a summer when we were engaged was a huge family drama complete with screaming and secret keeping. But H's brother's girlfriend sleeps over at their house a couple times per week.

[Jalapeñomel]

It depends on the kid and the situation.

[irishbride2]

Dec 28, 2014 8:15:14 GMT -5 nuggetbrain said:

I don't understand. They're grown adults. Why shouldn't they be able to sleep in the same bedroom?

I admit that I don't see college kids as adults. I know sometimes they are but I wasn't lol.



I hope it just works out like it did with me: I never dreamed of asking so it was never an issue!

[Deleted]

Dec 28, 2014 7:20:38 GMT -5 wambam said:

I don't see the point in separating adults who sleep together otherwise. I just don't see what I accomplish by doing that.

I think it's a respect thing.

My mom let me bf sleep over when I was in college and I kind of wish she didn't.

[wambam]

Dec 28, 2014 8:34:22 GMT -5 @lazerus24 said:

Dec 28, 2014 7:20:38 GMT -5 wambam said:

I don't see the point in separating adults who sleep together otherwise. I just don't see what I accomplish by doing that.

I think it's a respect thing.

My mom let me bf sleep over when I was in college and I kind of wish she didn't.

I guess I just don't view it as disrespectful for adults to sleep in a bed together.

[Deleted]

I do not view 18-21 as real adults. Just fake adults. LOL.


I think my answer would change when they are actual adults.

[sapphireblue]

My parents let me once I was in college. My mother said that I could do whatever I wanted in the dorms at school so it seemed silly to her not to let my boyfriend sleep in my room during visits.

So I think I'd probably follow her lead.

I never asked my parents for alcohol that I can remember before I was 21 but I suspect they would have let me have a beer or a glass of wine. They certainly would not have let me get drunk at their house.

[Deleted]

Dec 28, 2014 8:36:08 GMT -5 wambam said:

Dec 28, 2014 8:34:22 GMT -5 @lazerus24 said:

I think it's a respect thing.

My mom let me bf sleep over when I was in college and I kind of wish she didn't.

I guess I just don't view it as disrespectful for adults to sleep in a bed together.

That's great! Then for you it WOULDNT be disrespectful. For someone who does take offense to their kid sleeping with a person of the opposite sex at a young age whom they are not married to, it is disrespectful.

This answer will vary so much by family.

[dojo]

Hard to say - I did the same thing at my parents' house and they were ok with it (or maybe they weren't but didn't know how to say so?? Seems unlikely, but I don't know). So from a personal perspective, I think it's a normal thing and yes they do their own thing at college anyway. That said, I have no idea what I'll think when my son is old enough to do this.

[wambam]

Dec 28, 2014 8:39:03 GMT -5 @lazerus24 said:

Dec 28, 2014 8:36:08 GMT -5 wambam said:

I guess I just don't view it as disrespectful for adults to sleep in a bed together.

That's great! Then for you it WOULDNT be disrespectful. For someone who does take offense to their kid sleeping with a person of the opposite sex at a young age whom they are not married to, it is disrespectful.

This answer will vary so much by family.

I don't mean to say you're wrong for feeling the way you do.

I'm also surprised by my own feelings about this.

[Deleted]

Dec 28, 2014 7:23:14 GMT -5 @smace said:

Dec 28, 2014 7:20:38 GMT -5 wambam said:

I don't see the point in separating adults who sleep together otherwise. I just don't see what I accomplish by doing that.

 it lets the parent pretend there's no premarital sex! DUH! (that was my mother's reason, lol)

This wouldn't be my reason.

You just don't need to have sex in my house on the three days of the season that you come home to visit.

Respect!

[Deleted]

Dec 28, 2014 8:40:35 GMT -5 wambam said:

Dec 28, 2014 8:39:03 GMT -5 @lazerus24 said:

That's great! Then for you it WOULDNT be disrespectful. For someone who does take offense to their kid sleeping with a person of the opposite sex at a young age whom they are not married to, it is disrespectful.

This answer will vary so much by family.

I don't mean to say you're wrong for feeling the way you do.

I'm also surprised by my own feelings about this.

I totally agree. My mom let me and I wished she wouldn't have. Your H's parents were dicks about it so you feel strongly that it is ok.

It's all about perspective!

[fivechickens]

I don't see anything wrong with someone allowing their young adult (18-21ish) to sleep in the same room as their partners. I don't know if I would allow my kids to do that.

I also don't look at most 18-21 year old adults the same as most 25 year olds adults.