Here's another example. B had rsv. I took him to the doctor on Tuesday. She said to keep him home until Friday. He *shouldnt* be contagious by then. She totally guessed on that since I couldn't really pin point when he first got sick. On Friday he was still coughing but not nearly as bad. If i had to work and had missed all week I might have sent him to school or daycare on Friday. Since I don't work I kept him home all weekend to be safe. But yeah, I could have made a different call. I'm not sure why a little bit of eye discharge or eye boogies or whatever is such a case for alarm when we and she doesn't even know if he was contagious in the first place. That's what I'm stuck on.
And that's interesting to me because my daycare offered to neb and give meds when dd1 had rsv and said she could come back after 24 hours in meds....we kept her home for a week alternating days because we felt she wasn't well enough and we were able to take the time off, but it just goes to show doctors and day cares have different opinions on this. Re schools tracking sick kids. Unless your kid looks sick or is still complaining the nurse isnt going through attendance lists looking for kids to send home. I've worked at several schools that don't even have ft nurses and I guarantee the office is hunting down truant kids not finding mildly I'll ones that just shouldn't be there.. Parents realize that if they send the child they might make it through the day (right or wrong) and that buys them time at work if they need it. Our nurse only calls parents if the kid is actively I'll as in in her office again. If they are suffering through class but participatory I just break out the Clorox wipes and remind people to wash hands.
I am legit curious about what a "back up plan" looks like for the working poor.
People seem to think that care.com is teeming with people willing to come over and stay with your sick kid with an hours notice -- it's not. Both of my occasional sitters I screened through care.com have full time jobs. Or people are looking for full time jobs.
If you don't have family around and you have to go to work because you need the money, the $250 a day emergency back up babysitter service my husbands employer provides isn't feasible.
I'm not arguing that people should send sick kids to daycare or school -- I just think there is lots of misplaced rage about why they do.
You make friends at your children's school, in your neighborhood, in your community and you do favors for each other. I am the first one to admit I am fairly self absorbed and I watched a kid for a week who was a friend/coworker of dh because dad had to work, mom was in rehab and grandparents couldn't get there at the drop of a dime. I watch a friend who is a working mom kids a few times a year when she's in a bind. I doubt I am some special snowflake that does this and no one could possibly have someone like me in their community. Even among the working poor not all of them have traditional m-f 9-5 jobs and would do you a favor if you agreed to keep their kids when they were in a bind. We are all the first to admit it takes a village then suddenly no one has a single person they can call for help?
I am legit curious about what a "back up plan" looks like for the working poor.
People seem to think that care.com is teeming with people willing to come over and stay with your sick kid with an hours notice -- it's not. Both of my occasional sitters I screened through care.com have full time jobs. Or people are looking for full time jobs.
If you don't have family around and you have to go to work because you need the money, the $250 a day emergency back up babysitter service my husbands employer provides isn't feasible.
I'm not arguing that people should send sick kids to daycare or school -- I just think there is lots of misplaced rage about why they do.
You make friends at your children's school, in your neighborhood, in your community and you do favors for each other. I am the first one to admit I am fairly self absorbed and I watched a kid for a week who was a friend/coworker of dh because dad had to work, mom was in rehab and grandparents couldn't get there at the drop of a dime. I watch a friend who is a working mom kids a few times a year when she's in a bind. I doubt I am some special snowflake that does this and no one could possibly have someone like me in their community. Even among the working poor not all of them have traditional m-f 9-5 jobs and would do you a favor if you agreed to keep their kids when they were in a bind. We are all the first to admit it takes a village then suddenly no one has a single person they can call for help?
***************STUCK IN THE BOX*****************
In my old town I had a huge network. When I was on bedrest I had people bringing me meals, helping get the girls to and from school and the girls had more friends and playdates than I knew what to do with, birthday parties most weekends, etc. In my new town it seems like if your family hasn't been here for generations you aren't welcome. I have yet to meet pretty much anyone and the school does nothing to make it easier (the teachers can't send out class lists, no school directory). I sent notes to the girls friends parents saying who I was, that Julia was friends with their kid and to call, text or email and have heard back from exactly none of them (I sent well over 10 notes). There really isn't another way to meet anyone else. I have never seen anyone outside playing anywhere in town (which is downright bizarre since my kids are rarely inside). I had hoped it would be similar to our old town and we would settle in nicely, but it just hasn't happened.
The thing is we are exposed to enough germs and illness before symptoms show or by parents that can't afford to miss work or all these other examples given. It's shitty that my kid is now also exposed to something because someone that could afford to miss work sent their kid to school. Even if we give passes to people living paycheck to paycheck and afraid to miss work, doesn't mean we have to give them to everyone.
Post by penguingrrl on Jan 31, 2015 12:20:35 GMT -5
I think one of the most fucked up things about our society is that those who need their jobs the most (the working poor) also usually have the least flexibility about things like a sick child. Not only can they not afford to take off and pay rent, but taking off can also mean getting fired.
We won't get started on the fact that the very same people often also have disproportionately high medical costs, so they can't take their kid to a doctor to get on antibiotics so they will be non-contagious and safe to return to school (I know that compared to Hs last job our health plan is 4x the cost and about 1/3 the coverage with a very high deductible before coverage starts and ours is far better than my sister's, who is supporting a family on about 2/3 what we are).
Total sidenote - but Penguin, I can't believe the school your H is at has a policy to never close for weather! Is it completely residential? No commuters? I can't believe in really bad weather they'd stay open and have their professors, staff & students still drive in. I only ask since I worked & lived at a small university, we absolutely closed for those very reasons.
Post by Kcthepouchh8r on Jan 31, 2015 12:26:20 GMT -5
Going to kill the crazy quote tree but penguin you don't live in a low income neighborhood. A friend from hs does. She is a single mom who delivers pizzas. She lives in a three family tenement on a street lined with them. When her kids can't go to daycare the woman in her 50s who lives on the third floor and doesn't work takes them. She doesn't charge her but instead she does odd jobs like grocery shop, get her mail, cook her meals. I understand in established middle/upper middle class it may be tougher to break in but not impossible. Those are also the neighborhoods where if mom misses work the kids aren't going hungry and they can pay a premium for emergency drop in care.
Total sidenote - but Penguin, I can't believe the school your H is at has a policy to never close for weather! Is it completely residential? No commuters? I can't believe in really bad weather they'd stay open and have their professors, staff & students still drive in. I only ask since I worked & lived at a small university, we absolutely closed for those very reasons.
All students are required to live on campus except a very few Seniors who are required to live walking distance if the seek permission to live off campus. So no commuter students at all. We had no clue what the policy was until last week because we assumed it was similar to Rutgers and Columbia in only closing if they have to. The official rule is that professors may cancel class "at their discretion" but as H is brand new and hoping to be promoted from Visiting to tenure track he's disinclined to appear too quick to cancel class. He's also someone who had perfect attendance K-12 (somehow he managed to get the flu, scarlet fever and chicken pox over the 3 weeks off in 1st grade and was sick all of break and still didn't miss a day), so convincing him that he should stay home will never happen!
Total sidenote - but Penguin, I can't believe the school your H is at has a policy to never close for weather! Is it completely residential? No commuters? I can't believe in really bad weather they'd stay open and have their professors, staff & students still drive in. I only ask since I worked & lived at a small university, we absolutely closed for those very reasons.
All students are required to live on campus except a very few Seniors who are required to live walking distance if the seek permission to live off campus. So no commuter students at all. We had no clue what the policy was until last week because we assumed it was similar to Rutgers and Columbia in only closing if they have to. The official rule is that professors may cancel class "at their discretion" but as H is brand new and hoping to be promoted from Visiting to tenure track he's disinclined to appear too quick to cancel class. He's also someone who had perfect attendance K-12 (somehow he managed to get the flu, scarlet fever and chicken pox over the 3 weeks off in 1st grade and was sick all of break and still didn't miss a day), so convincing him that he should stay home will never happen!
That's crazy. The school I worked w/ was residential as well, but if you're permanent residence in a certain radius (40 miles I think) you were exempt.
Going to kill the crazy quote tree but penguin you don't live in a low income neighborhood. A friend from hs does. She is a single mom who delivers pizzas. She lives in a three family tenement on a street lined with them. When her kids can't go to daycare the woman in her 50s who lives on the third floor and doesn't work takes them. She doesn't charge her but instead she does odd jobs like grocery shop, get her mail, cook her meals. I understand in established middle/upper middle class it may be tougher to break in but not impossible. Those are also the neighborhoods where if mom misses work the kids aren't going hungry and they can pay a premium for emergency drop in care.
Just like my situation is not the norm (or I'm pretty sure not) your friend's situation is not necessarily the norm either. I think my town absolutely sucks for the fact that people are not welcoming and will be moving again over it because it's bizarre IME. But I do know that income level has nothing to do with it and it's all the people.
And much of my borough itself is pretty low income actually. The income stats are changing now that there are a few new developments going up, but the average HHI in my borough itself is under $40K, so technically middle class, but on the low end of middle class, especially for the northeast.
All students are required to live on campus except a very few Seniors who are required to live walking distance if the seek permission to live off campus. So no commuter students at all. We had no clue what the policy was until last week because we assumed it was similar to Rutgers and Columbia in only closing if they have to. The official rule is that professors may cancel class "at their discretion" but as H is brand new and hoping to be promoted from Visiting to tenure track he's disinclined to appear too quick to cancel class. He's also someone who had perfect attendance K-12 (somehow he managed to get the flu, scarlet fever and chicken pox over the 3 weeks off in 1st grade and was sick all of break and still didn't miss a day), so convincing him that he should stay home will never happen!
That's crazy. The school I worked w/ was residential as well, but if you're permanent residence in a certain radius (40 miles I think) you were exempt.
My husband and I were shocked! Last Monday he went to a colleague and asked what the situation was since we were expecting a real storm and that's how he found it! Said colleague lives walking distance and the only time he has seen the school closed was when there was no power in the aftermath of Sandy! I also find the "must live on campus" thing regardless of having a permanent residence close enough to commute incredibly elitist. We need him to get an offer, especially in case it's the only offer he gets since we can't have him unemployed, but we're hoping to get away from here because it's turning out to be a very snobby campus.
That's crazy. The school I worked w/ was residential as well, but if you're permanent residence in a certain radius (40 miles I think) you were exempt.
My husband and I were shocked! Last Monday he went to a colleague and asked what the situation was since we were expecting a real storm and that's how he found it! Said colleague lives walking distance and the only time he has seen the school closed was when there was no power in the aftermath of Sandy! I also find the "must live on campus" thing regardless of having a permanent residence close enough to commute incredibly elitist. We need him to get an offer, especially in case it's the only offer he gets since we can't have him unemployed, but we're hoping to get away from here because it's turning out to be a very snobby campus.
My friend went to a school like that. There was some explanation about it being safer and making it a community. My school was the complete opposite. Most freshmen lived on campus, some sophmores and almost no juniors or seniors. It was cheaper to get an apt with friends plus you had more freedom.
Going to kill the crazy quote tree but penguin you don't live in a low income neighborhood. A friend from hs does. She is a single mom who delivers pizzas. She lives in a three family tenement on a street lined with them. When her kids can't go to daycare the woman in her 50s who lives on the third floor and doesn't work takes them. She doesn't charge her but instead she does odd jobs like grocery shop, get her mail, cook her meals. I understand in established middle/upper middle class it may be tougher to break in but not impossible. Those are also the neighborhoods where if mom misses work the kids aren't going hungry and they can pay a premium for emergency drop in care.
Just like my situation is not the norm (or I'm pretty sure not) your friend's situation is not necessarily the norm either. I think my town absolutely sucks for the fact that people are not welcoming and will be moving again over it because it's bizarre IME. But I do know that income level has nothing to do with it and it's all the people.
And much of my borough itself is pretty low income actually. The income stats are changing now that there are a few new developments going up, but the average HHI in my borough itself is under $40K, so technically middle class, but on the low end of middle class, especially for the northeast.
As someone who grew up in a low income neighborhood I don't think this is some super special snowflake scenario (yay for lots of s words). Most people are inherently good and want to help others especially if the person is grateful for their assistance/returns the favor. Some people are lucky enough to have that village be family/lifelong friends to help with their children. For those who don't have that luxury it's not impossible to create friendships to have that sense of community where others can help out if they're in a bind.
Just like my situation is not the norm (or I'm pretty sure not) your friend's situation is not necessarily the norm either. I think my town absolutely sucks for the fact that people are not welcoming and will be moving again over it because it's bizarre IME. But I do know that income level has nothing to do with it and it's all the people.
And much of my borough itself is pretty low income actually. The income stats are changing now that there are a few new developments going up, but the average HHI in my borough itself is under $40K, so technically middle class, but on the low end of middle class, especially for the northeast.
As someone who grew up in a low income neighborhood I don't think this is some super special snowflake scenario (yay for lots of s words). Most people are inherently good and want to help others especially if the person is grateful for their assistance/returns the favor. Some people are lucky enough to have that village be family/lifelong friends to help with their children. For those who don't have that luxury it's not impossible to create friendships to have that sense of community where others can help out if they're in a bind.
Are you deliberately ignoring where I said I think the lack I community where I currently live seems highly unusual and I'm planning on moving as a result? I do honk that it differs from the norm. But also that many in this town are likely in the boat I'm in and, based on average incomes, are also working poor.
I do agree that for the most part people want to know their neighbors and develop a network. And that most people are inherently good and friendly, which has been my experience everywhere else I've lived. But not every community is welcoming to that, which sucks. But still does have an impact on familie.
I'm actually a huge fan of residential colleges for at least the first 2-3 years, if not all 4. There's a decent amount of research as to why living on campus is more beneficial, but I haven't looked at it recently.
As someone who grew up in a low income neighborhood I don't think this is some super special snowflake scenario (yay for lots of s words). Most people are inherently good and want to help others especially if the person is grateful for their assistance/returns the favor. Some people are lucky enough to have that village be family/lifelong friends to help with their children. For those who don't have that luxury it's not impossible to create friendships to have that sense of community where others can help out if they're in a bind.
Are you deliberately ignoring where I said I think the lack I community where I currently live seems highly unusual and I'm planning on moving as a result? I do honk that it differs from the norm. But also that many in this town are likely in the boat I'm in and, based on average incomes, are also working poor.
I do agree that for the most part people want to know their neighbors and develop a network. And that most people are inherently good and friendly, which has been my experience everywhere else I've lived. But not every community is welcoming to that, which sucks. But still does have an impact on familie.
I was responding to your comment where you said my friends experience was not the norm. I don't doubt in some communities it's harder than others to build a network but not impossible.
I read an article not too long ago in some parenting magazine about a few daycare centers that operate a "sick room" so parents who absolutely cannot miss work could still send their kids. Would be great if all centers had that option
I'm actually a huge fan of residential colleges for at least the first 2-3 years, if not all 4. There's a decent amount of research as to why living on campus is more beneficial, but I haven't looked at it recently.
I think residential colleges are fantastic for traditional students. I lived at college all four years and they really were the best of my life. But I also remember some of the non traditional students who brought a depth if experience into the classroom for whom living on campus wasn't an option and hate seeing them shut out (which does not happen at all or nearly all residential colleges, but does here).