Unacceptable. I don't even have a bathroom policy. Kids ask, and if I'm in the middle of something, I ask if they can hold it. But really, when you gotta go, you gotta go. I'm not going to monitor bathroom use for 7th and 8th graders.
I'm glad your friend is going with you. Good luck!
Post by phdprocrastinator on Sept 1, 2015 23:29:44 GMT -5
This is completely unacceptable. I'm glad you're active in the PTA and have your friend on board to confront the principal tomorrow. This would be on blast and I'd be prepared to escalate to the school board and superintendent if needed.
I didn't see miso's letter earlier. Perfect. And unconscionable is the perfect word for this. Children deserve the same fucking respect as we adults do. I can't fathom being told I can only use the toilet 3 times a day.
Especially at this time of year! It's hot out. DS is drinking a big bottle of water every day at school. That's gotta come out!!!
I'm glad you've got the meeting for today, and I hope it goes well. I'm not one to generally jump to "Alert the media!" over stuff, but if they don't change the policy, or tell you some bullshit about how they're the professionals, they know how to run a school, kids need to learn self control, it's to maintain classroom order, blah blah blah....yeah. I'd contact the media. And then I'd contact an attorney. Or maybe the other way around. Either way, I guaranfuckingtee you this is not the first time this has happened in a classroom because of their little policy.
And also? How easy is it to concentrate and focus on learning when kids are focusing on holding it in, being flat out denied a basic human need? At N's school, each room has a bathroom in it. You don't ask to go, you just get up and go. It doesn't cause a disruption because the school has decided not to allow it to cause a disruption, and kids learn to be responsible about it and just do their business. While I understand that this isn't the situation in every school, your school/district has decided to take the opposite approach, and make it a focal point of the day, detracting from learning, and causing further interruptions when kids have to ask special permission to go. They've made it a "thing," instead of just teaching kids that it's a normal bodily function that can be responsibly managed without being disruptive.
Post by jeaniebueller on Sept 2, 2015 8:19:40 GMT -5
Great update. I am glad you have a friend who will be accompanying you and you are taking this to the next level. I would be so pissed. And your poor sweet boy.
And also? How easy is it to concentrate and focus on learning when kids are focusing on holding it in, being flat out denied a basic human need? At N's school, each room has a bathroom in it. You don't ask to go, you just get up and go. It doesn't cause a disruption because the school has decided not to allow it to cause a disruption, and kids learn to be responsible about it and just do their business. While I understand that this isn't the situation in every school, your school/district has decided to take the opposite approach, and make it a focal point of the day, detracting from learning, and causing further interruptions when kids have to ask special permission to go. They've made it a "thing," instead of just teaching kids that it's a normal bodily function that can be responsibly managed without being disruptive.
All of this. It's disruptive to THAT CHILD to have to sit there and hold it and yes, so very much, this is also about teaching them responsibility! How to be responsible to ask to go and then to go out quickly and come right back. This is a GOOD THING to learn. Instead, they are being taught to be afraid to ask, that it doesn't matter if they listen to their bodies or not, and that "oh, too bad!" if something happens. And then, if they need an exception, it's now that they have to go to the OFFICE. WTF?!?!
Great way to make what is a normal bodily function something to be embarrassed and ashamed about. something that most parents strive hard NOT to do when potty training!
I actually asked DS this morning what he does when he has to go. In K, they had bathrooms IN the classroom. In first, it's the hall. But he just asks if he can go and the teacher lets him go. And the closest bathroom is down the hall - a little bit of a walk. but it seems to work just fine - the kids go when they need to go and they come back.
Wow - shocking. Even 6 year olds can be responsible!
I try to not have kids go during lessons, but you can tell when's kids gotta go and you let them go, no questions asked. And I'm not going to die on that hill. I've even had to call another teacher to rescue me so I could take an emergency bathroom break. You can't expect kids to just go three times a day on command. Emergencies happen. And I would be livid over this policy. Write a letter, call them, whatever it takes!
Fellow teacher here. I've done the same thing before because it was an emergency.
I'm so sad for your little boy OP. And equally pissed off!
I teach 8th grade and I always grant permission if asked a 2nd time. Because they're older, I'll often give them the option of taking basically a "strike" for it.. (3 in a day=detention) but they have passing periods where they can use the restroom for 5 minutes EVERY HOUR.. so it takes pretty bad lack of planning to OMG HAVE TO GO during class.. and USUALLY I DON'T EVEN ACTUALLY GIVE THEM THE STRIKE.. because if they were willing to take it, they obviously actually have to go. (I just ask that to serve as a deterrent for the kids who just want to go fix their makeup/meet a friend from another class!)
Gah, I'm so mad at the idea of just flat out denying someone the opportunity to use the restroom. It's inhumane.
You seem reasonable with your policy so I won't give you a hard time I just want to say that I always hated the 'you should have gone between classes' response teachers would give when I was in HS. 5 minutes was barely enough time to get to your locker, switch out your books and make it to the next class let alone use the bathroom. You MIGHT be able to squeeze in a pee if there wasn't a line and you passed the restroom on the way to class (2 story building with 1 restroom on each floor). If you had to poop though, there was no way you were going to do that between classes without being tardy.
Do all of the other parents know about this? I would definitely ensure that they do. Perhaps receiving a doctor's note from every single child will help them realize how asinine it is.
I hope your meeting with the superintendent is productive and effective.
Post by dancingirl21 on Sept 2, 2015 9:29:42 GMT -5
I'm so heartbroken for your poor son. I can't imagine how he felt. Kids have so much to worry about these days, a basic need should never be one of them.
You've received tons of good advice here and I'm glad that you and your friend have a meeting scheduled for today. Hopefully she is able to relay what psychological effects this could have on a young child. Best of luck today!
You seem reasonable with your policy so I won't give you a hard time I just want to say that I always hated the 'you should have gone between classes' response teachers would give when I was in HS. 5 minutes was barely enough time to get to your locker, switch out your books and make it to the next class let alone use the bathroom. You MIGHT be able to squeeze in a pee if there wasn't a line and you passed the restroom on the way to class (2 story building with 1 restroom on each floor). If you had to poop though, there was no way you were going to do that between classes without being tardy.
And my high school was on a block schedule which meant the classes were over 2 hours long. On the first day of my period, I can't go more than 90 minutes without a tampon switch, and that's not really something you want to tell your teacher in front of a class.
I'm new to these forums and saw this thread and have to say if that had been my kid, heads would be rolling. Wtf is wrong with people? I guess common sense isn't very common at this school. I am livid reading this and it's not even my kid. Your poor son.
Hopefully your meeting goes well, but seriously, if you do not get the response/result you are hoping for, I would escalate this as far as it needs to go - news media, lawyers, etc. In fact, even if they did decide to change their ridiculous irresponsible policy, I almost feel like too little too late and would still escalate it. That teacher hurt your son and caused him to be humiliated. Fuck that shit.
what kind of sadistic asshole would even implement this policy to begin with?
And really, what kind of sadistic asshole FOLLOWS it (huge side-eye to the teacher)?
That's what gets me. I know there are policies and such, but where is the common sense that says, I'm, I should not be withholding bathroom rights for anyone, let alone a 6yo.
Post by captainobvious on Sept 2, 2015 10:15:28 GMT -5
I hope your meeting goes well today, otherwise I'd sure as shit be posting on all the news FB pages and lighting this district on fire. setting this district aflame.
Am I the only one thinking that I would not go to the media over this? I really wouldn't want to subject my child to being the kid on the news that shit his pants.
Am I the only one thinking that I would not go to the media over this? I really wouldn't want to subject my child to being the kid on the news that shit his pants.
If the school board did nothing after I inquired/questioned the policy I would go to the media. The kid is 6, his peers don't watch tv or read the paper.
Am I the only one thinking that I would not go to the media over this? I really wouldn't want to subject my child to being the kid on the news that shit his pants.
I did think about that, however, this policy is not only stupid, it is medically harmful to students to withhold reasonable bathroom accomodations. Sometimes, you have to make noise, to get things changed.
OP can let news outlets know that they don't want them to use her name/picture/kids name, etc. Once they get wind of the story, they can do their own investigation and really, not even mention the OPs name.
The policy needs to change ASAP. The district does not want to get sued like the district in the article dowagercountess posted. I'm not saying the OP should sue, but prolonged bathroom denial can and has caused serious medical issues.
That article was horrifying, and my heart breaks for the 12yo that has anal leakage and has to go to physical her apt to relearn how to control her vowels, due to the school's now reversed asinine policy.
Dude, I know this thread has peaked but wtf? No more than 3X a day? I just graduated from boot camp and the instructors could not deny us if we needed to use the bathroom.
IN BOOT CAMP.
I can't imagine requiring small children to adhere to that schedule.