I really like my mother in law but I can see her being like this if we were out of town visitors. When we travelled to my GMIL's funeral she couldn't understand why we would "spend money on a hotel" when we could just as easily crash on a relatives floor. She thought it was so weird and I could tell she thought it was stuck-up to want our own space.
Luckily, we live quite close and she's really good about regular boundaries and doesn't make a fuss about the holidays at all.
Post by orangeblossom on Nov 4, 2015 17:36:02 GMT -5
I'm sure my MIL feels this way. When we first got married we did stay with her, even though I really didn't like it, for a lot of reasons, but I did it, smiled and was gracious. Then family moved in, and it would have been like five to six adults and one child, in a teeny house with one bathroom, and lots of shuffling involving people sleeping on couches and what not. Nope, nope, nope. We stayed at a hotel and have been doing so ever since, even though the extra family no longer lives there.
Sometimes we will stay with GMIL if other ILs aren't staying there, but truly, I/we prefer the hotel. If DH is by himself, most times he'll stay there, but us staying there just isn't happening.
She's even said to my SIL, who relayed it to us, that MIL was surprised we didn't stay with her one time we were in town. We hadn't stayed with her in forever, so I'm not sure why she thought this time would be different.
I'm happy to hang around during the day and go out, but as far as kicking back and relaxing, I prefer the hotel. We do stay at my family's house when visit my family, but like others have said, it's more of a space thing.
If DH really wanted to stay there, he'd say so, but he doesn't really want to stay there any more than I do. For one, it inevitably ends up with MIL asking him to do some manual labor and/or ask for some money. Those things in an of themselves would be fine, if she let him know ahead of time. Don't ask for major manual labor that requires more than basic tools and what not when we get there, that causes DH to have to go buy some, when he's got a garage full. As to the funds, well I don't even want to talk about that.
Post by redheadbaker on Nov 4, 2015 18:09:23 GMT -5
The introvert in me is shuddering reading that letter. Nope, nope, nope.
I'm so glad all family is local, so we don't have to deal with this. Because there is not enough money in the world to pay me to stay at FI's mom's house.
Staying with my parents can be very cramped and annoying if my brother and his family are also staying there. If it's just my H and I staying there it isn't too bad, but I find it annoying as fuck that my dad continues to use the "guest" bathroom instead of the bathroom off their bedroom when we stay -- I stepped in his pee dribbles once and that is just not acceptable.
My mom is also a little unhinged about visits. I went down this past spring and stayed with my sister for three nights, and my mom for two nights, and my mom was being a huffy, whiny, bitch about it the whole time because I wasn't spending the entire visit at her house. Are you fucking kidding me? We're still having lunch and dinner and hanging out, I'm just not sleeping there, it is not a big deal. Frankly it made me made me not want to go down for a visit at all, and means I probably won't toss in an extra visit again like I did this year. But of course we're going down for Christmas, and we'll be staying there. ::sigh::
Staying anywhere with my SIL and her kids is a nightmare for me, because they are of the "let it mellow" persuasion and I'm not OK with a house bathroom smelling like an outhouse and peeing on top of three other people's pee (especially when her boys often don't bother with a "brown flush it down" methodology either).
I never would have guessed your man grew up on a commune.
Staying with my parents can be very cramped and annoying if my brother and his family are also staying there. If it's just my H and I staying there it isn't too bad, but I find it annoying as fuck that my dad continues to use the "guest" bathroom instead of the bathroom off their bedroom when we stay -- I stepped in his pee dribbles once and that is just not acceptable.
My mom is also a little unhinged about visits. I went down this past spring and stayed with my sister for three nights, and my mom for two nights, and my mom was being a huffy, whiny, bitch about it the whole time because I wasn't spending the entire visit at her house. Are you fucking kidding me? We're still having lunch and dinner and hanging out, I'm just not sleeping there, it is not a big deal. Frankly it made me made me not want to go down for a visit at all, and means I probably won't toss in an extra visit again like I did this year. But of course we're going down for Christmas, and we'll be staying there. ::sigh::
Staying anywhere with my SIL and her kids is a nightmare for me, because they are of the "let it mellow" persuasion and I'm not OK with a house bathroom smelling like an outhouse and peeing on top of three other people's pee (especially when her boys often don't bother with a "brown flush it down" methodology either).
I never would have guessed your man grew up on a commune.
With the lack of toilet flushing you mean? H isn't like that at all, that's strictly his one sister and her family. The rest of his family thinks you should flush the damn toilet like a civilized person.
I never would have guessed your man grew up on a commune.
With the lack of toilet flushing you mean? H isn't like that at all, that's strictly his one sister and her family. The rest of his family thinks you should flush the damn toilet like a civilized person.
I figured he didn't do that, because I can't see you putting up with that. But I wondered if he grew up that way. Looks like the crazy only hit his sister!
With the lack of toilet flushing you mean? H isn't like that at all, that's strictly his one sister and her family. The rest of his family thinks you should flush the damn toilet like a civilized person.
I figured he didn't do that, because I can't see you putting up with that. But I wondered if he grew up that way. Looks like the crazy only hit his sister!
I think it actually originated with her hippy husband. I'm all for water conservation, but not at the expense of my house smelling like a cesspool. And you are right, I wouldn't put up with that; I have been known to send my nephews back into the bathroom to flush our toilet when they are over.
He actually trained me to put the toilet lid down, because one place he lived growing up had issues with rats climbing out of pipes. We've never had that issue ourselves, but I'm down with it because mean that I never have to bitch about the seat being up.
I figured he didn't do that, because I can't see you putting up with that. But I wondered if he grew up that way. Looks like the crazy only hit his sister!
I think it actually originated with her hippy husband. I'm all for water conservation, but not at the expense of my house smelling like a cesspool. And you are right, I wouldn't put up with that; I have been known to send my nephews back into the bathroom to flush our toilet when they are over.
He actually trained me to put the toilet lid down, because one place he lived growing up had issues with rats climbing out of pipes. We've never had that issue ourselves, but I'm down with it because mean that I never have to bitch about the seat being up.
Now you've got me paranoid that my house smells. Our bathroom is right next to Baby H's room, so at night, we dont flush pee I'd its after like 2 am (when she could theoretically be snapped out of her coma-like state.) But we otherwise flush like normal people.
I think it actually originated with her hippy husband. I'm all for water conservation, but not at the expense of my house smelling like a cesspool. And you are right, I wouldn't put up with that; I have been known to send my nephews back into the bathroom to flush our toilet when they are over.
He actually trained me to put the toilet lid down, because one place he lived growing up had issues with rats climbing out of pipes. We've never had that issue ourselves, but I'm down with it because mean that I never have to bitch about the seat being up.
Now you've got me paranoid that my house smells. Our bathroom is right next to Baby H's room, so at night, we dont flush pee I'd its after like 2 am (when she could theoretically be snapped out of her coma-like state.) But we otherwise flush like normal people.
My SIL's house has 2 adults and 3 adolescent boys who pee and then leave the seat and lid up, and sometimes take a crap in there without flushing too. I'm not sure what the criteria is for them actually flushing, because I've never actually seen them flush the toilet in their own house. If you are peeing once or twice at night and closing your lid, then flushing regularly during the rest of the day, you are probably fine.
"My son and his new wife are always warm and cordial to me and my husband and our other kids, but they seem to go out of their way to make sure they don't spend lengthy time with us."
I am able to be warm and cordial with some family members as a direct result of making sure I don't spend lengthy time with them.
"I feel uncomfortable with this situation and desperately want to be closer with them both, the kind of closeness that you get from sharing space and making compromises."
You know what isn't a compromise? Demanding that they sleep at your house. For fuck's sake woman, they are visiting. Back off.
I feel the need to ask my H now if it bothers him staying at my parents. I assume he would have spoken up already if it did. I'm an only child, and I think we are all pretty respectful of each other's space when we are there. I might be off base though. If my dad would stop burping and farting like it's his job, I think me, my H and my mom would be a hell of a lot happier.
My MIL lives by herself in a small house by the rest of the family. When we visit, we stay with her, and I've never felt uncomfortable. Bonus - the past few times she's given up her room and we sleep on her Tempurpedic.
I can't imagine the hell and fighting that would break out if we announced we were getting a hotel. Either family would have to show their ass pretty bad for us to take that step.
This reminds me of my XILs. XMIL would complain all the time that we saw my parents more often and stayed at their place more often. 3 key factors:
1. My parents made an effort to make plans with us, XILs didn't.
2. My parents made an effort to turn my old room into a place that was comfortable for me and XH to sleep. At first they just attached the daybed and pop-up bed frames and moved the mattresses together, but then they bought a new bed. XILs expected us to keep sleeping separately even after we were married. Me upstairs on the world's most uncomfortable twin bed, XH on the couch. Finally they conceded and we got a blow-up mattress on the floor of a very crowded room.
Idk why but there's something kind of gross when cats eat.
Dogs are messy but somehow seem less ewwww.
Not that I would eat a turkey after a dog had at it, but the visceral reaction isn't as bad.
This season, I'm thankful for the family that doesn't talk to new, so there's no pressure to stay. I'm thankful for family that generally just doesn't care. I'm lucky.
Yes! We claimed Friendsgiving years ago, even though we haven't actually gotten together with friends in years. RESERVED, just in case!
We've done this for like 10 years. But now I hate the term. Though I love the concept.
It's one of the few perks of military life. Family is what you make of it. And wherever you are you make family. It's usually not worse than your own family of origin.
The only time it was bad was when it was claimed on my behalf a year early (bc I'm a good cook ) and someone else claimed it a month prior to the day. Whatever. I can adapt. People still let me know they wished I had hosted.
Post by Black Lavender on Nov 5, 2015 4:56:44 GMT -5
Stories like this make me so grateful for my IL's...we live together (they have a separate in law suite) & I haven't seen my FIL in two weeks. And when I did see him, it was only bc we were visiting MIL in the hospital after her mastectomy.
I'm happy for my MIL as well. I live with her and we just do our own thing. She's Hindu and not American so she doesn't gaf about either holiday. I'm going out to dinner for Tday and I'll probably do something small for Xmas (as I won't spend over £1000 just to fly back to the States for it).
My H's grandmother is insane and is horribly offended if you don't stay at her house or eat all meals at her house. She lives in a fun big city that I feel like I dont even get to take advantage of.
My SIL and her husband went for a visit and booked a hotel and my GMIL showed up in the fucking lobby of the hotel and was all I cancelled your room, you're staying with us.
Two days into the trip they pretended one of them got called into work and left and checked into a hotel and then did what they wanted.
I actually don't mind that. I once went to Lake Weiss Alabama and had the BEST TIME. The only place to eat Breakfast is the Waffle House or a Gas Station.
... I wouldn't last.
If you are going to be stuck in Alabama, the Waffle House seems like a requirement.
Plus I have no problems with smothered and covered :-)
Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Nov 5, 2015 16:20:24 GMT -5
This mom seems needy and high-maintenance. I wouldn't want to stay there either; I'd be afraid to wake up to her spooning my husband in the middle of the night.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."