This morning I asked H something about the mortgage, and he real casually mentions that he paid the mortgage...like ALL of the mortgage. I thought he was joking for some reason and we just started talking about something else.
I checked online though, and he DID pay off the house.
What?! I'm pretty pissed that he didn't tell me.
(H would always pay the mortgage and out of an account I don't look at much so that's why I didn't know or notice)
I know! So I was bugging him for the past few months to check out refinancing and we should see if it would be worth it. We didn't owe a lot still (I wasn't sure exactly where we were at), but I thought we should be checking it out to see. So he was stalling me and evidently had ALREADY finished paying. Ooooh I'm so mad!
right, yay we own our home free and clear! Mean-fucking-while the kitchen is falling apart and my car is a 1997. There are a LOT of other priorities here. I'm not saying we're done and all we have to worry about is retirement. And if I can't complain about this on MM then I don't know where else I would.
I don't think my first reaction would be to be pissed. Were you working toward this goal? Did he take money which was set aside for something else? Why didn't he tell you he was going to do it or are you normally pretty hands off with the financial stuff? ETA: I posted as you were updating. If you had other priorities you have discussed needing money for and he did this without regard to things you want (meaning he thought they were less important)-I'd be super pissed. You could take out a mortgage at a lower rate and do the other things to "fix it"
right, yay we own our home free and clear! Mean-fucking-while the kitchen is falling apart and my car is a 1997. There are a LOT of other priorities here. I'm not saying we're done and all we have to worry about is retirement. And if I can't complain about this on MM then I don't know where else I would.
So are talking he paid 5k off or 50k off? We need details.
right, yay we own our home free and clear! Mean-fucking-while the kitchen is falling apart and my car is a 1997. There are a LOT of other priorities here. I'm not saying we're done and all we have to worry about is retirement. And if I can't complain about this on MM then I don't know where else I would.
Well, the good thing is you can now put your mortgage payment towards those other things?
Post by onomatopoeia on Sept 7, 2012 9:56:28 GMT -5
Add this to the number of problems I'll never have, lol.
I'd be pissed he didn't tell me too though. How angry I'd be depends on how much it was and what the amount was relative to your income/savings, and if you had other debt that should have been addressed first (ie. with higher interest).
ETA: just saw your post above. Yeah, I'd be pissed if there other pressing concerns.
That would piss me off. That's a big dollar decision that involves both people. First to do it, and then to not tell you about it? Yeah, I'd be pissed.
Post by jennistarr1 on Sept 7, 2012 9:59:32 GMT -5
Okay this is extremely pessimistic of me, so much so that I keep typing and erasing this but my SIL made all these major financial maneuvers right before she left my BIL...turns out she had this long term plan of leaving him
right, yay we own our home free and clear! Mean-fucking-while the kitchen is falling apart and my car is a 1997. There are a LOT of other priorities here. I'm not saying we're done and all we have to worry about is retirement. And if I can't complain about this on MM then I don't know where else I would.
So are talking he paid 5k off or 50k off? We need details.
Exactly. I think this make a huge difference. If it wasn’t that much, then I’d be irritated for sure, but then glad that it’s gone so that we could use those payments towards something else. If it was a large sum, then that’s not cool. Can’t be making those decisions separate.
Like the pp's said - there are a few reasons why I'd be annoyed at this. Most of all that he had all this money and didn't consult me about what to do with it. But (again, agreeing with a pp) now you can put the money towards your kitchen and a car etc. Hopefully this is somewhere you plan on being for a while as well...
I would be so furious. Our mortgage is at 3.375% and we have TONS of other financial goals that come first.
However, it is also hard for me to understand knowing so little about your financial situation. I suppose if you aren't involved with the finances (as indicated by the fact that your DH has accounts you know nothing about and you have no idea how much your liabilities are) then this would make more sense.
My DH has very little to do with the day-to-day finances, but I still discuss overall strategy with him. Paying off a mortgage seems like it should warrant a discussion, no matter how uninvolved one might be.
ETA: I totally agree that the reaction depends on the particulars. If there was $5,000 left on the mortgage, and you knew you jointly had $200,000 in cash, no big deal. At all. However, if this was a large chunk and you didn't even know he had the cash, I think it is strange and inappropriate.
right, yay we own our home free and clear! Mean-fucking-while the kitchen is falling apart and my car is a 1997. There are a LOT of other priorities here. I'm not saying we're done and all we have to worry about is retirement. And if I can't complain about this on MM then I don't know where else I would.
Does this response seem incredibly Bliss-like to anyone else?
Post by iheartbanjos on Sept 7, 2012 10:05:50 GMT -5
Dude. You need to sit down with your DH and go over your finances. Interest rates are historically low. Here's hoping that you've been maxing out your retirement and still have plenty in savings. Paying off a mortgage is a great thing, but certainly not in our top 5 financial goals.
right, yay we own our home free and clear! Mean-fucking-while the kitchen is falling apart and my car is a 1997. There are a LOT of other priorities here. I'm not saying we're done and all we have to worry about is retirement. And if I can't complain about this on MM then I don't know where else I would.
Does this response seem incredibly Bliss-like to anyone else?
right, yay we own our home free and clear! Mean-fucking-while the kitchen is falling apart and my car is a 1997. There are a LOT of other priorities here. I'm not saying we're done and all we have to worry about is retirement. And if I can't complain about this on MM then I don't know where else I would.
Does this response seem incredibly Bliss-like to anyone else?
Post by sunflower22 on Sept 7, 2012 10:19:50 GMT -5
So... Save the $ you were spending on the mortgage and use it for a car? Or kitchen remodeling? Lol not sure a paid-off mortgage is the worst thing ever. I mean I guess its weird he lied but I'd be happy to owe nothing on my house.
If our mortgage was 10k or less, I would (eta--probably) be pretty forgiving. Whatever amount above that would be directly proportional to how pissed I would be.
I think the fact that he was stalling while you were talking about refinancing is a red flag. Why didn't he just tell you outright at that time? This is not something that is done on a whim.