Post by heyrebekah on Sept 7, 2012 10:30:36 GMT -5
That is so weird! I don't know if I would be pissed exactly, but I would definitely be like "WTF? You didn't think this was a big enough deal to even TELL me about it?" I mean, I think paying off the mortgage would at least be an excuse to break out a bottle of bubbly! Or even just have a simple conversation. And where is your money going now that was going towards the mortgage?
I think the fact that he was stalling while you were talking about refinancing is a red flag. Why didn't he just tell you outright at that time? This is not something that is done on a whim.
Bets on how big this thread will get? I smell a 5+ pager.
I would be pretty livid over this. Secret accounts, what sounds like lying about refinancing. This sounds suspicious. Ditto to whoever said their SIL did something similar before leaving her H. I'd make the family finances your business TODAY.
Has he made this a goal without telling you? Does the debt make him nervous? Do he know you need kitchen updates? Does he think you need a new car? Have you talked about any of these things???
What's been happening to the money that should be paying the mortgage? Do you have access to all of your accounts?
Post by sillygoosegirl on Sept 7, 2012 10:34:53 GMT -5
I think you are way over reacting here. This is NOT an irreversible decision. If there are other things that are a higher priority right now, or you want to be leveraging that money, you can still take out a mortgage on the house at historically low interest rates. At the end of the day, paying it off and the taking out a new mortgage amounts to the same thing as refinancing.
I think I'd be pissed that he lied about it but not pissed that he actually did it. Like Kari mentioned, now you can use you mortgage money to accomplish other goals, right?
And ditto PP - where have those payments been going? Just sitting in the account that you don't have access to?
right, yay we own our home free and clear! Mean-fucking-while the kitchen is falling apart and my car is a 1997. There are a LOT of other priorities here. I'm not saying we're done and all we have to worry about is retirement. And if I can't complain about this on MM then I don't know where else I would.
I'm sorry. I was trying to make light of the situation, I didn't mean it in a bad way. Maybe you can take out a small mortgage at today's rates to fund the other projects...
Post by marchmom06 on Sept 7, 2012 10:37:26 GMT -5
I'd have lots of questions - why didn't he tell me, why didn't he come clean when I asked about a refi, where the money's been going since he paid it off, & really? I'd be fuckingfurious that he made the decision without even so much as a casual mention to me.
Paying off a mortgage with presumably shared funds is a shared financial decision.
Okay, I took a couple deep breaths and I'm feeling a little better.
I'm pretty involved with our finances except for the house. That was all him, so I didn't pay any attention until I was asking about interest rates. I can't give you guys a $ amount, cause I really don't know exactly. Under 30k, but enough that it matters to me I guess. We are in a pretty LCOL area.
I will be happy soon enough that we can put money towards other things, but right now I'm mostly pissed at being decieved. We do need to talk, for sure. In general we have a good relationship so I'm not overly worried about larger problems, but this was a pretty big mess-up.
I think you are way over reacting here. This is NOT an irreversible decision. If there are other things that are a higher priority right now, or you want to be leveraging that money, you can still take out a mortgage on the house at historically low interest rates. At the end of the day, paying it off and the taking out a new mortgage amounts to the same thing as refinancing.
It's not really about the money here. It's about his actions. Plus, paying off a mortgage to take out another mortgage would involve closing costs and fees. Even if it was for "refinancing". this is something that should be discussed first.
Okay, I took a couple deep breaths and I'm feeling a little better.
I'm pretty involved with our finances except for the house. That was all him, so I didn't pay any attention until I was asking about interest rates. I can't give you guys a $ amount, cause I really don't know exactly. Under 30k, but enough that it matters to me I guess. We are in a pretty LCOL area.
I will be happy soon enough that we can put money towards other things, but right now I'm mostly pissed at being decieved. We do need to talk, for sure. In general we have a good relationship so I'm not overly worried about larger problems, but this was a pretty big mess-up.
I think I could appreciate his intentions, but I'd be upset if I had been suggesting these home repairs/car upgrades for a while and he kept saying that we couldn't afford it.
For me it'd really depend on how much was left on the mortgage, where he was getting the money to pay it off, and whether that money was holding us back from other things that we wanted.
Yes. He bought shortly before we met. It suits us for now, but honestly part of why I'm pissed is that I never got to pick out my house and now I'm not even getting to be a part of celebrating paying it off.
Where did he get the money to pay it off? Drug dealer? Gambler? Something sounds fishy. I would love to have 30K laying around.
Plenty of us here have over $30K in the bank.
Oh...I completely forgot what board I am on. Excuse me for not being in the rich MM club.
I am sure there lots of people who don't have 30k laying around to pay off the mortgage just like that. To me that is a large sum of money. For those of you who do..ROCK On!
I'm guessing the responses to this post will track pretty evenly with the responses to CorndogGate. In both cases, the H did something that is sort of nice (paying off the mortgage, cleaning the car by throwing out the sticks) but he didn't communicate with his spouse and had warning that his actions would not be appreciated (talk about refinancing, being told to keep the sticks).
My prediction: the pro-sticks faction will team with the OP, saying that her H should have talked with her and shouldn't have kept her out of the loop, while the anti-stickers will say that paying off the mortgage was a nice thing to do, and it's not a huge deal.
Post by thatgirl2478 on Sept 7, 2012 10:53:05 GMT -5
I don't know that I'd be pissed off about it - I think if he was able to gather that much money without you noticing I'd be wondering HOW or WHERE it came from though. However, if it was just from normal income you'll be able to save for a newer car & better kitchen very shortly I'd assume.
Oh...I completely forgot what board I am on. Excuse me for not being in the rich MM club.
I am sure there lots of people who don't have 30k laying around to pay off the mortgage just like that. To me that is a large sum of money. For those of you who do..ROCK On!
Of course lots of people don't have that type of money. But many of us who do did not earn it illegally. Your comment was ridiculous.
Oh...I completely forgot what board I am on. Excuse me for not being in the rich MM club.
I am sure there lots of people who don't have 30k laying around to pay off the mortgage just like that. To me that is a large sum of money. For those of you who do..ROCK On!
I don't think anyone here has said that $30k isn't a large sum of money. In fact, everyone is saying that it is.
Oh...I completely forgot what board I am on. Excuse me for not being in the rich MM club.
I am sure there lots of people who don't have 30k laying around to pay off the mortgage just like that. To me that is a large sum of money. For those of you who do..ROCK On!
Of course lots of people don't have that type of money. But many of us who do did not earn it illegally. Your comment was ridiculous.
Well I think your being oversensitive. I was joking. I know there a ton of people on this board who could make that type of money legitimately.
I know if I was in a position to have 30k laying around I sure as hell would notice if it was missing.
I'm guessing the responses to this post will track pretty evenly with the responses to CorndogGate. In both cases, the H did something that is sort of nice (paying off the mortgage, cleaning the car by throwing out the sticks) but he didn't communicate with his spouse and had warning that his actions would not be appreciated (talk about refinancing, being told to keep the sticks).
My prediction: the pro-sticks faction will team with the OP, saying that her H should have talked with her and shouldn't have kept her out of the loop, while the anti-stickers will say that paying off the mortgage was a nice thing to do, and it's not a huge deal.
Not for me.
I was adamant that it was stupid to care about the corn dog sticks and that the husband was trying to be nice. I would have been so annoyed if my H called me at work to bitch about trash.
In this case, paying off the mortgage is not even unilaterally a wise decision. It depends on so many other factors (total financial picture, savings levels, are they maxing out retirement?, what else is he hiding?) and I think should have been a joint decision.
I'm guessing the responses to this post will track pretty evenly with the responses to CorndogGate. In both cases, the H did something that is sort of nice (paying off the mortgage, cleaning the car by throwing out the sticks) but he didn't communicate with his spouse and had warning that his actions would not be appreciated (talk about refinancing, being told to keep the sticks).
My prediction: the pro-sticks faction will team with the OP, saying that her H should have talked with her and shouldn't have kept her out of the loop, while the anti-stickers will say that paying off the mortgage was a nice thing to do, and it's not a huge deal.
Not for me.
I was adamant that it was stupid to care about the corn dog sticks and that the husband was trying to be nice. I would have been so annoyed if my H called me at work to bitch about trash.
In this case, paying off the mortgage is not even unilaterally a wise decision. It depends on so many other factors (total financial picture, savings levels, are they maxing out retirement?, what else is he hiding?) and I think should have been a joint decision.