Yes. He bought shortly before we met. It suits us for now, but honestly part of why I'm pissed is that I never got to pick out my house and now I'm not even getting to be a part of celebrating paying it off.
Hey OP. This is a HUGE red flag. Enough that I would do some investigating...cell phones, texts, statements, etc. I hope it turns out to be nothing.
If my name was not on the house, I'd be livid if my spouse used joint funds >$3K to pay off the mortgage without telling me first. I also would want to know where the money I thought was going to the payment for the last few months was going. He could have good intentions but its not right to not say before its done.
Oh...I completely forgot what board I am on. Excuse me for not being in the rich MM club.
I am sure there lots of people who don't have 30k laying around to pay off the mortgage just like that. To me that is a large sum of money. For those of you who do..ROCK On!
The "must be nice" part of your original comment was annoying enough, but then you implied that anyone with what you think is a large amount of money on hand must be participating in illegal activities. That's what set people off.
Oh...I completely forgot what board I am on. Excuse me for not being in the rich MM club.
I am sure there lots of people who don't have 30k laying around to pay off the mortgage just like that. To me that is a large sum of money. For those of you who do..ROCK On!
The "must be nice" part of your original comment was annoying enough, but then you implied that anyone with what you think is a large amount of money on hand must be participating in illegal activities. That's what set people off.
Ok. Sorry I offended everyone. I guess I watch to much Breaking Bad where he was secretly a drug manufacturer.
Back to the point of the OP. I would be a little uncomfortable being that your DH did not include you on the decision to pay the mortgage.
The "must be nice" part of your original comment was annoying enough, but then you implied that anyone with what you think is a large amount of money on hand must be participating in illegal activities. That's what set people off.
Ok. Sorry I offended everyone. I guess I watch to much Breaking Bad where he was secretly a drug manufacturer.
Back to the point of the OP. I would be a little uncomfortable being that your DH did not include you on the decision to pay the mortgage.
FTR, Breaking Bad is one of my favorite shows. I do not have $30K liquid available to me. Yet I still don't assume people who do are drug dealers...
I wasn't offended by your implication, but by your ignorance and ensuing backpedaling of claiming your comment was "sarcasm" and "a joke." That's all I have to say.
Has he made this a goal without telling you? I'm thinking yes Does the debt make him nervous? Yes, he likes to have a pretty big cushion. I do too actually, probably not as much. We're carefull to save up for repairs and things first. Do he know you need kitchen updates? Yes. Does he think you need a new car? No, and FTR I love my old girl. She has a name and everything. It's just that she's nearing the end of her life and I know I will need to replace her soon and have my eye on something new. Have you talked about any of these things??? Yes we have, but I know we aren't 100% on the same page. That's obvious though or I wouldn't have made my OP. What's been happening to the money that should be paying the mortgage? I beleive he's just been saving it Do you have access to all of your accounts? No. He has this account and a business account that I'm not on. I see statements though.
Post by marchmom06 on Sept 7, 2012 11:20:00 GMT -5
The fact that your name isn't on the house does raise a red flag for me. OP - have you asked him to add you to the title? Was it something you've discussed in the past? Sorry if I missed this, but how long have you been married?
Sorry OP, distracted. Yes, I'd be annoyed and think you should be annoyed. I'm still confused as to where he got the money from (not in the drug dealer sense ;D) just because you otherwise handle the finances right? And where mortgage payments are going?
The whole its only in his name does raise a flag to me, I'm not saying its impending doom, and in some states it doesn't matter whose name is on the property necessarily, so that's really a far more complicated analysis.
Also I lol at paying off a 30k balance = throwing away corndog sticks
Despite the time that has gone by, I find I still have the ability to simultaneously be incredibly amused and incredibly annoyed at the mere mention of the corndog post.
I read it as a joke as well. I'm kind of WTF that people are taking the drug dealer accusation so seriously and personally.
I didn't take it personally.
Her delivery implied she was dumbfounded that someone could have that much money.
I'm dumbfounded that someone could have that much money that their spouse did not know about or notice was missing. How do you just not notice that you have $30k less than you should? Either one of two things happened: (1) he paid significantly extra towards the mortgage over a long period of time, in which case, how do you not notice that you don't have as much income as you should; or (2) he took $30k from an account to pay it off all at once, in which case, how do you not see that missing amount on a statement?
I think what the husband did was really fucking strange. But, I am not ready to tar and feather him just yet though. I need to know what conversations they had that led to him being able to accumulate $30k, have a separate bank account to handle the mortgage pay off, etc. It's entirely possible that in his mind, he thought he was doing something that she had agreed to.
Also I lol at paying off a 30k balance = throwing away corndog sticks
This sounds familiar, yet I'm trying to remember it and I'm thinking it must have been during my nest hiatus. I'm pretty sure though that these situations are not directly comparable.
Her delivery implied she was dumbfounded that someone could have that much money.
I'm dumbfounded that someone could have that much money that their spouse did not know about or notice was missing. How do you just not notice that you have $30k less than you should? Either one of two things happened: (1) he paid significantly extra towards the mortgage over a long period of time, in which case, how do you not notice that you don't have as much income as you should; or (2) he took $30k from an account to pay it off all at once, in which case, how do you not see that missing amount on a statement?
I think what the husband did was really fucking strange. But, I am not ready to tar and feather him just yet though. I need to know what conversations they had that led to him being able to accumulate $30k, have a separate bank account to handle the mortgage pay off, etc. It's entirely possible that in his mind, he thought he was doing something that she had agreed to.
This is exactly why I saw her drug comment as a joke. I'm making an assumption that the OP is not a big dog based on the inexpensive house & 15 year old car. Him having $30k in an account about which she knows little would be strange to me, and I'd wonder where it came from.
Sorry OP, distracted. Yes, I'd be annoyed and think you should be annoyed. I'm still confused as to where he got the money from (not in the drug dealer sense ;D) just because you otherwise handle the finances right? And where mortgage payments are going?
The whole its only in his name does raise a flag to me, I'm not saying its impending doom, and in some states it doesn't matter whose name is on the property necessarily, so that's really a far more complicated analysis.
This. I would be digging and getting my name added to this house ASAP.
Her delivery implied she was dumbfounded that someone could have that much money.
I'm dumbfounded that someone could have that much money that their spouse did not know about or notice was missing. How do you just not notice that you have $30k less than you should? Either one of two things happened: (1) he paid significantly extra towards the mortgage over a long period of time, in which case, how do you not notice that you don't have as much income as you should; or (2) he took $30k from an account to pay it off all at once, in which case, how do you not see that missing amount on a statement?
I think what the husband did was really fucking strange. But, I am not ready to tar and feather him just yet though. I need to know what conversations they had that led to him being able to accumulate $30k, have a separate bank account to handle the mortgage pay off, etc. It's entirely possible that in his mind, he thought he was doing something that she had agreed to.
This is exactly what I meant. You said it so much better than me..without coming off jealous.
I'd be mostly pissed that the mortgage money has been going into HIS personal savings account and that you are not benefited by paying off the mortgage because your name isn't on it. Step 1: Have a thorough money conversation with your H; look at all of each other's accounts and understand what is where; consider joining them. If you don't, at least make sure the percentages you are contributing and saving are fair. Step 2: Get yourself on the house title. 3. When/if all of that is squared away, break out the champagne and celebrate: you have a paid for house, and with no mortgate payments, will soon have a new car/kitchen!
Her delivery implied she was dumbfounded that someone could have that much money.
I'm dumbfounded that someone could have that much money that their spouse did not know about or notice was missing. How do you just not notice that you have $30k less than you should? Either one of two things happened: (1) he paid significantly extra towards the mortgage over a long period of time, in which case, how do you not notice that you don't have as much income as you should; or (2) he took $30k from an account to pay it off all at once, in which case, how do you not see that missing amount on a statement?
My H has access to all our accounts, but he never checks them. I could wipe the accounts clean and he probably wouldn't know for 6 months. All this means is that the OP just didn't pay attention.
Sorry OP, distracted. Yes, I'd be annoyed and think you should be annoyed. I'm still confused as to where he got the money from (not in the drug dealer sense ;D) just because you otherwise handle the finances right? And where mortgage payments are going?
The whole its only in his name does raise a flag to me, I'm not saying its impending doom, and in some states it doesn't matter whose name is on the property necessarily, so that's really a far more complicated analysis.
This. I would be digging and getting my name added to this house ASAP.
I agree. He took joint money and used it to pay off a house that is in his name only. That's a big fucking deal. I wouldn't necessarily jump to thinking that he's looking to screw her over and leave, but it would necessitate a Very Serious Conversation in the VC household.
ETA: Also, OP, you need to get your head in the game regarding your finances. It's ok for one spouse to manage the money but the other should still have a vague enough awareness of what's going on to know if $30k+ goes missing (especially in the form of every single month your spouse is diverting business cash flow into a private account vs. household money as per usual), or how much is left on the mortgage. You're very la-la-la about this and it could be do your significant detriment.