Post by goldengirlz on Aug 23, 2018 14:13:19 GMT -5
You can’t ask for it back. It was a gift. I personally would not spend eight months and $500 making something for someone who wasn’t, like, my sister or dearest BFF but you did and that’s that. It’s her prerogative whether to use it in her new home, donate it, sell it or keep it in storage and unfortunately there’s not much you can do about that.
But I understand the frustration. You could maybe try to hint that you’re interested in making another one for your DD and hope she takes the bait, but if she doesn’t, I would drop it. I’d proceed lightly though because you’re treading on thin ice here.
I understand the responses. I know very well that this is not something that I should do. If she had ever moved it to where she lives or used it I would not be even thinking of asking this question. Considering it has been in a box in a basement for 7 years, I’m guessing she doesn’t value it very much.
Be prepared for it to be in not perfect or possibly much worse condition.
Lol if she goes through with asking I think the condition of her quilt will be the least of her worries.
Imagine the text from Freshly Divorced Friend (FDF) to the rest of the high school friends who occasionally gather:
FDF: Guys, you'll never guess what AprilSails just asked- she wants her wedding gift back. Can you believe that?!? Way to kick a girl when she's down. . .
It will be super awkward but if you know its in her moms basement and she doesnt care about, AND you really do care that much about it, I would find a way to ask for it back when you see her in person. I am not a quilt person so if someone gave us a handmade one, it would still be unused in my closet. If I knew it was someones favorite ones I would have no issues at all with giving it back to you.
Maybe you could phrase it about wanting to see it in person again because you are planning to make an exact copy for your daughter and she will just give it to you?
This is not a bad idea. If you don't care about the friendship, it really doesn't hurt to ask.
OP- please update us if yo go through with it!
OMG, what? No. Please don't take the quilt hostage op.
I don't think you should be flamed for having this thought cross your mind but I don't really think there is a good way or good reason to ask. I assume you still make quilts? Its no different than if you had purchased them a $500 wedding gift instead of making a quilt. Maybe the best you can do is to mention to her that if she ever wants to part with it, that you would be interested in buying/getting it back.
This is a good idea too. She might not understand how much work, money and time you put into it if she isn’t a quilter. To her it might just be a blanket she doesn’t like or want use.
My mom makes quilts and charges $2,800 plus materials for quilts that size. It’s a lot of work.
I understand the responses. I know very well that this is not something that I should do. If she had ever moved it to where she lives or used it I would not be even thinking of asking this question. Considering it has been in a box in a basement for 7 years, I’m guessing she doesn’t value it very much.
Be prepared for it to be in not perfect or possibly much worse condition.
You can’t ask for it back. It was a gift. I personally would not spend eight months and $500 making something for someone who wasn’t, like, my sister or dearest BFF but you did and that’s that. It’s her prerogative whether to use it in her new home, donate it, sell it or keep it in storage and unfortunately there’s not much you can do about that.
But I understand the frustration. You could maybe try to hint that you’re interested in making another one for your DD and hope she takes the bait, but if she doesn’t, I would drop it. I’d proceed lightly though because you’re treading on thin ice here.
Funnily enough another friend got married and I was her MOH. I was also pregnant through the engagement and while I started a quilt for her I never finished it because I just didn’t like the colours she had chosen and I didn’t have the time. They were separated at the 9 month mark. Only quilts for babies from now on!
You can’t ask for it back. It was a gift. I personally would not spend eight months and $500 making something for someone who wasn’t, like, my sister or dearest BFF but you did and that’s that. It’s her prerogative whether to use it in her new home, donate it, sell it or keep it in storage and unfortunately there’s not much you can do about that.
But I understand the frustration. You could maybe try to hint that you’re interested in making another one for your DD and hope she takes the bait, but if she doesn’t, I would drop it. I’d proceed lightly though because you’re treading on thin ice here.
Funnily enough another friend got married and I was her MOH. I was also pregnant through the engagement and while I started a quilt for her I never finished it because I just didn’t like the colours she had chosen and I didn’t have the time. They were separated at the 9 month mark. Only quilts for babies from now on!
I think the real issue is that your quilts are cursed.
You can’t ask for it back. It was a gift. I personally would not spend eight months and $500 making something for someone who wasn’t, like, my sister or dearest BFF but you did and that’s that. It’s her prerogative whether to use it in her new home, donate it, sell it or keep it in storage and unfortunately there’s not much you can do about that.
But I understand the frustration. You could maybe try to hint that you’re interested in making another one for your DD and hope she takes the bait, but if she doesn’t, I would drop it. I’d proceed lightly though because you’re treading on thin ice here.
Funnily enough another friend got married and I was her MOH. I was also pregnant through the engagement and while I started a quilt for her I never finished it because I just didn’t like the colours she had chosen and I didn’t have the time. They were separated at the 9 month mark. Only quilts for babies from now on!
What does that even mean? These people are unworthy of homemade, time consuming gifts because their marriages failed?
I will just say, my mom makes quilts, so I understand the time and energy that goes into making those.
I would probably passively aggressively say something about "OMG so what are you going to do with the gifts in your mom's basement?" And then lead from there.
That quilt is really pretty! I don't think there is any way for you to ask for it back without sounding callous. I think this is just a lesson for the future. Handmade items are not cheap and they can take an incredible amount of time to make. I crochet and some people just aren't literally no one is "worthy" of me crocheting something for them.
I changed your last sentence to be a little bit more accurate. I knit for no one. Occasionally my husband, but at this point he only has 2 hats, 2 pairs of socks, half a sweater, and 1-2 sweaters worth of yarn in storage.
Funnily enough another friend got married and I was her MOH. I was also pregnant through the engagement and while I started a quilt for her I never finished it because I just didn’t like the colours she had chosen and I didn’t have the time. They were separated at the 9 month mark. Only quilts for babies from now on!
What does that even mean? These people are unworthy of homemade, time consuming gifts because their marriages failed?
OMG this is so insane, of course you can’t ask for the quilt back. I could MAYBE see if they’d gotten divorced, like, a month later. Even then, it’s a hard no, but I’d understand the temptation more.
Post by icedcoffee on Aug 23, 2018 14:26:37 GMT -5
This is why people should stick to the registry. If I got that quilt (or any, really) I would probably say "ehh...not really my style" and donate it. LOL
With that said, you should totally do this and let us know how it plays out.
What does that even mean? These people are unworthy of homemade, time consuming gifts because their marriages failed?
I think she is saying they are bad luck.
Uh, I think that's exactly what she's saying, that they are no longer worthy. She's asking for it back because of the divorce. She wouldn't have asked for if back if they were going to stay married. Ergo, divorce = no quilt for you. Unquiltworthy, if you will.
That quilt is really pretty! I don't think there is any way for you to ask for it back without sounding callous. I think this is just a lesson for the future. Handmade items are not cheap and they can take an incredible amount of time to make. I crochet and some people just aren't literally no one is "worthy" of me crocheting something for them.
I changed your last sentence to be a little bit more accurate. I knit for no one. Occasionally my husband, but at this point he only has 2 hats, 2 pairs of socks, half a sweater, and 1-2 sweaters worth of yarn in storage.
I knit for no one except myself and DD. I am such a slow knitter. I’m also a knit sock addict so I need those for myself.
Oh. Man. I'm a crafter. I hear what y'all are saying about how rude it would be to ask for a gift to be returned, but this isn't a blender.
I think it would not be the end of the world to broach the topic in a "if you ever decide you don't want it anymore, let me know..." kind of way.
But then you shouldn’t craft anything for anyone if you’re going to feel that strongly about it. Once you give a gift, it is up to the receiver what they do with it. It’s not a blender to you, but it’s as good as a blender to her, apparently. If you care that strongly, just put some cash in an envelope and call it a day.
You shouldn't, but if you do, don't hint around about what is the quilt being used for. If you do it, just know that it will be weird and awkward and strange, and then be direct.
This is why people should stick to the registry. If I got that quilt (or any, really) I would probably say "ehh...not really my style" and donate it. LOL
With that said, you should totally do this and let us know how it plays out.
Or sell it, lol.
I'll die if it turns out Friend sold it.
I dislike quilts, and quilts as unsolicited gifts.
I can understand wanting it back given the amount of time you spent on it. It this was $500 worth of pots and pans, I am sure you wouldn't care. But, this was a wedding gift and asking for it back is extremely tacky. I'd consider it a loss and a lesson learned.
I don't know. I mean, obviously, it's bad form. HOWEVER, if the friend doesn't value it, she might be relieved to have you take it back. She may not know what the heck to do with it. Depending on how close you are, I might try to ask in this case. Something like, "Hey, I heard that the quilt I made is at your mom's house. I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of making one for DD. If you can't use that one and aren't sure what to do with it, I'd be happy to have it. BUT, I totally made it for you and it's absolutely still yours if you can use it. I just know it might not fit your style."