Also on a different note, people should always skip handmade gifts like this unless you know that the recipient wants the item. I received crocheted outfits for DD, crocheted blankets, all stuff that I never used and its really awkward because I don't feel like I should donate them because I know someone worked hard on them, but I also didn't want them in the first place.
I agree. Stick to the registry or give cash. Only give a handmade gift if the recipient specifically asked for it. One of my SILs is very crafty and ALL her gifts are handmade. She crocheted scarves for H and I but we never use them because the yarn is super thick and they are very short. It barely goes around our neck. I don't know what to do with it.
Duh. Crochet several years' worth together to make a long blanket scarf.
Post by yourmother on Aug 23, 2018 15:43:56 GMT -5
Meh, I'd get really drunk with the girl and then casually ask about it using any of the above mentioned methods (need pics for your DD, or can I buy it back, etc.).
If this girl isn't really close and you don't care about the potential chatter behind your back, I'd say eff it. Just ask for it nicely.
Me and my friends at work are on a big “Spark Joy” kick and getting rid of lovely stuff that we don’t use or love or “gives us joy”. So, out from the basement and into the trash was a handmade needlepoint that was given as a wedding gift. Oh, the guilt!
OP it may already be gone.
It’s a really delicate conversation to say, “Hey, I think the expensive and handmade gift I gave you has never been used and is sitting in your mother’s basement, can I have it back?” The info you received from the ex-husband may be very wrong. It may have been tossed long ago. Could you say something like, “If you are downsizing and want to sell the quit, I would be a happy buyer”. Maybe. Many posters have said that they would happily give it to an interested person. But it is awkward as shit. And probably inappropriate. Or not. I don’t know. I’d hate to tell someone it is already gone. If it really was in storage in my mother’s basement, I guess I would want it out and be okay to sell it to you (although “sell” would just be a polite cover for giving it to you). But I am deeply invested in getting rid of stuff.
Ack. This is so very tacky. But hell. People are tacky all the time.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
If you really want it back so bad, why don’t you and DH just talk to the guy and get it through him. I’m sure he doesn’t care about a quilt and you said you guys are better friends with him than the wife anyway.
I am kind of surprised that someone who you consider not really close is also someone you will see when they are in town/have gift exchanges with at Christmas. Does she know that you guys aren't really friends? lol
I don't know. I mean, obviously, it's bad form. HOWEVER, if the friend doesn't value it, she might be relieved to have you take it back. She may not know what the heck to do with it. Depending on how close you are, I might try to ask in this case. Something like, "Hey, I heard that the quilt I made is at your mom's house. I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of making one for DD. If you can't use that one and aren't sure what to do with it, I'd be happy to have it. BUT, I totally made it for you and it's absolutely still yours if you can use it. I just know it might not fit your style."
I like this too!!!
Yes, we all agree it’s terrible etiquette. But you really having nothing to lose. I would love for someone to ask me to return the dozens of blankets we received. (And used but no longer have a use for them now that we no longer have babies. I’d be delighted to send them to a new home!)
Post by MixedBerryJam on Aug 23, 2018 16:45:36 GMT -5
This thread is bringing up a ton of reverse guilt for me. A friend (actually, an ex gf of my husband, lol) embroidered an absolutely gorgeous crib blanket/wall hanging after my first was born. It included name, date, weight, etc so we didn't get it until about a year after, when we already knew we were moving overseas so it went into storage and is still stored in my attic, 21 years later, still unused. If I could find another home for it the relief would be palpable. I hate that we never used it.
Post by dangkangaroo on Aug 23, 2018 17:03:37 GMT -5
I love this thread.
I’d be making regular trips to my local goodwill and hoping to get lucky. The ones near me have a certain color tag for $1 a couple days a week. Maybe you can get it for a steal!
Post by aprilsails on Aug 23, 2018 17:05:10 GMT -5
If I do get up the courage to ask I will 100% update the board. I think my best bet is to ask her when we are together what she plans to do with the stuff in her Mom’s basement. I will feel out the situation at that point. Maybe.
If I do get up the courage to ask I will 100% update the board. I think my best bet is to ask her when we are together what she plans to do with the stuff in her Mom’s basement. I will feel out the situation at that point. Maybe.
How do you explain that you know she has stuff in her mom's basement? That only is odd. It's none of your business what she does with her stuff.
This whole thing is so odd and tacky.
Make a new quilt if you want one.
She's getting g a divorce and you are worried about a gift you gave her 8 years ago. What a gal!
This thread is bringing up a ton of reverse guilt for me. A friend (actually, an ex gf of my husband, lol) embroidered an absolutely gorgeous crib blanket/wall hanging after my first was born. It included name, date, weight, etc so we didn't get it until about a year after, when we already knew we were moving overseas so it went into storage and is still stored in my attic, 21 years later, still unused. If I could find another home for it the relief would be palpable. I hate that we never used it.
My mom actually gave me all the things that other people had knitted for me as a baby when I was pregnant with DD. I cried getting those things (hormones, partly.) So maybe it’s not too late!
I think your friend would be upset that you want the quilt back, you can just make another quilt for your daughter
even if she’s not upset, she’s likely gonna be all “wtf is this shit? What kind of animal asks for PRESENTS BACK?!” she’s gonna be more speechless and dumbfounded is my guess. .
If Emily post wasn’t dead already, this would definitely have done it.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
Post by cabbagecabbage on Aug 23, 2018 18:40:06 GMT -5
So I’m imagining the bride’s post on another message board:
You guys, this is so weird. As you probably know, Clayton and I have filed for divorce and I’m still deciding if I want to stay here or look for a job in Omaha. It’s been really hard lately and I went home to see my parents for a weekend to try and get away from all the fighting and misery here. So I’m pretty raw and overwhelmed and I was really happy to hear from my old high school friend who wanted to catch up. So you will never ever believe what this bitch did...
God help me if people ever come looking for my wedding gifts I didn’t use.
Dude, divorce is fucking hard. Dont bother her with this—it was a gift.
I agree. I’m in the middle of a divorce that has been going on for a year and a half. I think I would cry if someone asked me for a gift back. It wouldn’t be like I would be sad to give it up (no feelings left for the STBX), but it would just be something else I had to do. She probably has a ton of other things to deal with.
If I do get up the courage to ask I will 100% update the board. I think my best bet is to ask her when we are together what she plans to do with the stuff in her Mom’s basement. I will feel out the situation at that point. Maybe.
Wait, what? No. This seems at least 18373% worse than just saying, "Hey, I would love to have back the quilt if you still have it and don't want it."
ETA: And I hope it's been clear that I think asking for it back is ridiculous, but this is even worse somehow. HOW.
If I do get up the courage to ask I will 100% update the board. I think my best bet is to ask her when we are together what she plans to do with the stuff in her Mom’s basement. I will feel out the situation at that point. Maybe.
Wait, what? No. This seems at least 18373% worse than just saying, "Hey, I would love to have back the quilt if you still have it and don't want it."
ETA: And I hope it's been clear that I think asking for it back is ridiculous, but this is even worse somehow. HOW.
This feels worse to me, too. Like, “So. Now that you’ll never live happily ever after in that big house like you wanted, what are you gonna do with all your stuff?”
I think the only way I would ask for it back is if I was going to offer to buy it back. Realistically, she may need the money more than the quilt but don't ask me how to tactfully broach that subject.
I am sort of stuck on the part where the OP didn't finish the other couple's quilt because SHE didn't like the colors the bride picked. But I also get how boring it is to work on something you feel "eh" about. So I am mainly just giving shit about that. Haha.
Meh, I'd get really drunk with the girl and then casually ask about it using any of the above mentioned methods (need pics for your DD, or can I buy it back, etc.).
If this girl isn't really close and you don't care about the potential chatter behind your back, I'd say eff it. Just ask for it nicely.
I like this, but just the getting drunk part. I cannot imagine asking for a gift back.
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I think the only way I would ask for it back is if I was going to offer to buy it back. Realistically, she may need the money more than the quilt but don't ask me how to tactfully broach that subject.
I am sort of stuck on the part where the OP didn't finish the other couple's quilt because SHE didn't like the colors the bride picked. But I also get how boring it is to work on something you feel "eh" about. So I am mainly just giving shit about that. Haha.
The groom wanted a Ghostbusters theme quilt and my friend went along with it. I did not feel inspired. (Nothing against the Ghostbusters, I just didn’t like him.)