You are better than me. For real. In my sort of similar situation, I came out with a leather belt blazing. Not my proudest moment but no regrets either.
It sucks but I’m glad you get to see his true colors.
I wish you all the strength you need to take him to the cleaners and be strong for your children.
ETA: And I’m sooo sorry you’re having to go through all of this.
I keep replaying that moment and I can't tell you how disappointed that I went to thoughts like, "WTF?! I am the only f*&&ing adult in the house and now I have to change my life while not even wearing a bra." So many stupid thoughts as I willed myself out of bed and out of my room to go there... wish I would have thought of the belt or at least to punch my H.
Holy hell, I am so sorry. You are incredibly strong to have deal with that how you did. I hope you can see that eventually. Much peace to you in the coming weeks and months.
Post by miniroller on Jan 15, 2019 13:06:36 GMT -5
Oh DTE- that’s despicable! Eff them both.
You’re awesome, & I promise you’ll come out so much better without having him to further drag you down. The season of spring will bring about a whole new world for you- I’m certain! Sending you so many peaceful vibes, especially when with your kids. Please use this board to wallow, vent, bitch, advice-seek, etc. Totally here for you!❤️
Holy fuck. I am so very sorry. My story has some similarities. I couldn't wrap my brain around that something like that happened much less happened to me. I found Surviving Infidelity very helpful since there were others there who had similarly insane stories about how they found out. I need to leave for a delivery. If you need anything, please let me know. I'm happy to listen. I found people who had been there the most helpful.
Be kind to yourself. Whatever you need to do to get through each moment, do it.
Big hugs. It's crushing pain. It does get better though.
downtoearth, all the best to you and your kids. I'm so glad you can move on to a life you deserve. Clearly, you are brave and strong (for not strangling them). Good vibes coming your way.
Who DOES that?!? I hope you get the custody arrangements you want (you clearly are the more competent adult in the picture!), and I hope that his judgment as a father is a whole lot better than his judgment as a spouse. Big hugs to you. You deserve so much better.
Post by NewOrleans on Jan 15, 2019 13:33:52 GMT -5
Also, I just want to point out how very much you have your shit together. Your presence of mind to change the marriage counseling to co-parenting counseling is extraordinary.
What pieces of trash. The stupidity has my jaw on the floor. You obviously have your shit together God bless you. It is clear to me that you and your kids will be just fine. Your H...damn. What an idiot. I can’t even.
And you are a good person to return that bitch home. I definitely would have shoved her ass out the door with no regard for the weather. I am so sorry. Here is to better days ahead for you.
Also, I just want to point out how very much you have your shit together. Your presence of mind to change the marriage counseling to co-parenting counseling is extraordinary.
I second this. This post has been running through my head for the last hour or so because obviously. And I just keep coming back to this: you are CLEARLY a person who has their internal files in working order. Your presence of mind to not only change the counseling session but to also look at that asshole woman and tell her "you're not my problem and I don't give two shits about you at the moment" is astounding. I have a feeling this is the beginning of a truly amazing chapter for you, even though right now I'm sure it feels like everything is terrible.
Post by downtoearth on Jan 15, 2019 14:01:03 GMT -5
You guys are too kind to think I have my shit together. Each moment is all I can deal with... I do have a therapist (who is kind and so far good, but smells like a cigarette) and a great group of friends/family. I haven't cooked for the kids in a week... my fridge is overflowing. And NewOrleans, yup, went to get testing at Planned Parenthood b/c of course I still had a sex life with the idiot during all this. Also have a lawyer friend who is helping while I wait for my attorney appt this week. I think this is when having ADD is good - I'm in hyper-focused-mode to get things done. Silver lining or just a huge crash to come?
I am so very sorry. I have a somewhat similar story in my background, but less awful and painful to relate than yours. I was able to come out all right in the end with the support of family, friends and others. Take advantage of those around you who are willing to lend support. You're amazingly strong (I would have left her out in the cold in her petticoat dress and heels until the darn Uber came. You are a saint for driving her home and especially for not shoving her out the door while the car was still moving with her "I'm a good listener" drivel.) but take the time to be "weak" when you need to. It's probably the best advice I can give, along with hugs and empathy. Without that weight on your shoulders of trying single-handedly to make your relationship work (and the distraction and worry that was involved), your life is going to go in a new and better direction.
ETA: As for the ADD, yes, it's a silver lining right now. But be prepared for the crash when there are the few unplanned moments that give you time to ponder. It's a double-edged sword and you'll likely feel both at one time or another. Just a heads-up warning. And you are doing AMAZING getting through this right now.
No one is being “too kind” about you having your act together. We can just see what you cannot right now. I promise someday, you’ll look back and see it, too. I’m sure you feel like a mess right now (and in some ways, I don’t doubt that in some places you are)...BUT you have shown incredible strength and brilliance (seriously! “You’re not my problem”...genius, ESPECIALLY in that moment). You’re also wise to let others help you with some of the day to day stuff.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m glad you have such supportive friends, and I hope you know that you can always come here for support, too.
One breath at a time. You WILL come out of this ahead. You and your kids will be in my thoughts.