I want to be clear about something - I have no intention of going to a parent now and saying I saw their kid on camera (that's just weird and was never a consideration), nor do I have any plans the next time I happen to run into any of the parents to say something about this one time that I know of. It could totally be a one-time thing.
But if it continues on the regular and I happen to be home when it happens, I would be more inclined to ask them to not play in our yard. I would not escalate going to a parent unless they completely ignored me and it continued even after I said something.
No people should be trespassing on my property, period. I really just don't understand how anyone can think this is ok. If you do think it is ok, you are the problem and have taught that kind of disrepect to your children.
This, exactly, x1000. I have kids. They play in our yard, or their friends’ yards. They do not play in our neighbors yards - and we are very close with our neighbors on both sides. It’s rude and disrespectful.
Post by bittybomb on Sept 21, 2021 11:00:07 GMT -5
I'm a mom to3 - 13, 10 and 9, and our neighborhood sounds like it has a very similar set up to yours, including property descriptions and amount of kids. I do not think you're overreacting at all.
When we have additional kids over, I constantly remind my children to be mindful of our neighbors' properties and that just because the kids want to play manhunt or capture the flag they must stay within the confines of the participants' properties.
I would get after my kids if they were in other people’s yard
Just mention it to the kids if it happens again. Since this is the first time in four months it tells me it probably an exception. They might have just got carried away and didn’t notice where they are.
Lord, if people are going to be butthurt about being asked to keep their kids off your property, they weren't going to be good neighbors anyway.
When we moved into our current house, one evening there were a couple of older neighbors chatting with another family with a couple of young elementary kids on the sidewalk near the end of our driveway. The kids were running up and down our driveway yelling (right under DD's window), and when I poked my head out the front door and asked if they would please keep it on the sidewalk so my preschooler could sleep, they responded like reasonable people and said of course. And we're still on good terms with them ten years later. What is this nonsense about just having to accept it to keep the peace?
No, not cool. I would be inclined to put up a fence.
I'm surprised they can run so freely. Our yard borders like 6 houses and they all have fences. The neighborhood where I grew up had larger yards like you are describing and if I ran to the left, I could run through 3 yards before hitting a fence at the 4th house but we never did that. If I ran to the right, that neighbor had a fence.
I mostly lurk but am following this with interest because my H and I have a similar situation of being childless and our neighbors' children ride scooters up and down our driveway a few times a week (our side of the street is on a incline, theirs is more flat so they come up to our garage and ride down). Other neighbors have mentioned similar situations on the neighborhood Facebook group and the response has generally been "then you shouldn't have moved into a neighborhood with kids, they can't be monitored 24 hours a day..."
We haven't said anything to the neighbors about it, but are concerned about one of the kids getting hurt in our driveway. My H often uses wax and other items for the cars that has gotten on the pavers occasionally and made them very slippery, I've almost slipped myself a few times if he didn't rinse well enough.
I have an anecdote from my childhood in the early 90s...I lived in a fairly spaced out neighborhood, single family houses each on about half an acre to an acre. A few friends and I cut through a neighbors side yard walking to my friends yard (through grass, not a bed or shrubbery) when we were about 10 or 12. We knew better than to cut through yards from our parents and we did it anyway because it was faster than walking around the block. Neighbor saw us and told us not to come back through that way. We did, so she called the police. They came to my other friends house in the neighborhood where we were a short time later and we got a huge lecture. I think I cried. Then I cannot remember exactly how it happened but I also remember one friend being put in the back of the police car "for trespassing" (I assume their parents were okay with doing that as a scare tactic, I don't know) and at that point I was definitely crying out of fear of seeing my friend in the back of a police car. We didn't go that way again though. I always remember that situation when people bring up kids being in other people's yards. We never thought anyone would call the police as kids.
I want to be clear about something - I have no intention of going to a parent now and saying I saw their kid on camera (that's just weird and was never a consideration), nor do I have any plans the next time I happen to run into any of the parents to say something about this one time that I know of. It could totally be a one-time thing.
But if it continues on the regular and I happen to be home when it happens, I would be more inclined to ask them to not play in our yard. I would not escalate going to a parent unless they completely ignored me and it continued even after I said something.
At their age you should be able to talk to them and that will be it IMO. I had an issue with kids that age tossing trash in my recycling bin on their way back from the corner bus stop. I asked them not to, they apologized and we moved on. I don’t even know who their parents are.
I want to be clear about something - I have no intention of going to a parent now and saying I saw their kid on camera (that's just weird and was never a consideration), nor do I have any plans the next time I happen to run into any of the parents to say something about this one time that I know of. It could totally be a one-time thing.
But if it continues on the regular and I happen to be home when it happens, I would be more inclined to ask them to not play in our yard. I would not escalate going to a parent unless they completely ignored me and it continued even after I said something.
This sounds completely and perfectly appropriate to me.
You have every right to not want them on your lawn. I have a kid and I cannot imagine being okay with her running around playing in other people’s yards. Get off their property! I also can’t imagine having someone ask me to keep her off their lawn and then alienating them over it. That’s ridiculous. If they do, good riddance!
I do have kids, and still sometimes get annoyed by kids 🤣. The noise of basketball drives me batty - sometimes they’re loudly playing when I wish it was quiet, etc.
Whenever I find myself annoyed by these things I remind myself that I really enjoy living in a neighborhood. I like having neighbors to say hi to. I like seeing different yards and how people do their gardens. I like it that if I needed help or had an emergency someone would be there to help.
These things go hand in hand. Living near people which I enjoy, means that they will do things that annoy me.
Idk if that would help you at all but I assume there are things you love about living in dense-ish area so hopefully they can help you look past the annoyances.
I think there is a huge difference between hearing neighborhood noise and having it in your yard when you don’t have kids, aren’t participating or are inviting them to play.
I hear noise all day long living in the city but it’s not coming from my yard. I enjoy seeing my neighbors too. In their own yards. I still go to community activities and am a part of our neighborhood association. Being a good neighbor doesn’t mean you can’t have literal boundaries.
My neighbor had several parties with a DJ in his backyard this summer. I could hear it. That doesn’t mean I wanted to have the DJ booth in my own yard. It wasn’t my party.
Post by penguingrrl on Sept 21, 2021 11:23:32 GMT -5
I definitely would address this, and if people are upset that you addressed it that tells you more about them than about yourself. I have kids and still don’t want kids hanging out in my yard unless it’s because they’re hanging out with my kids and H and/or I am home. My kids follow the rule I grew up with, that a yard is still someone’s private property and you don’t enter without being invited to. It’s cool that the parents are okay with kids in their yard without them if that works for them, but they don’t get to inflict that on the whole neighborhood.
This is a weirdly controversial topic in my town, though. Last winter there were snow on the ground and a woman posted on our town’s FB page to ask kids to please not climb her fence and play in her backyard because she has a pool and was terrified that since they didn’t know they would run over it (kid safe cover, but still nervous about the risk) and also because she has dogs who might not respond well. Someone else chimed in that kids went over her fence and it worried her because there’s a creek in back. All fair reasons and, as I said, yards are private property and I was taught not to even go on a front yard without express permission. These women were told they clearly just wanted kids inside playing video games and she should be happy that kids are outside playing and it turned into the weirdest fight when they were trying to point out safety/legal concerns It was bizarre.
I don’t see anyone saying she has to accept the kids being in her yard?
She described the situation, says she doesn’t want to be “that neighbor” and then asks how people would handle it.
Lots of people said they wouldn’t do anything right now, but would say something if it escalates.
If someone came up to me and said my kid was in their yard and they didn’t like it I would probably apologize, and then ask if there was damage or whatever. If the neighbor said there was no damage but they were reviewing their cameras and saw my kid walking through I would definitely have some thoughts about that. I would of course be polite, apologize and tell my kid to never go in their yard again - but they would become “that neighbor” in my mind.
That’s what the OP asked about. It doesn’t mean she’s wrong for not wanting kids in her yard. It’s her property! But if this is the incident she chooses to scold kids about then I do think she will become “that person” which she is trying to avoid.
She's obviously being reasonable and not over-reacting...she hasn't even said anything to anyone involved.
But to the bolded...why? Why is someone "that person" for not wanting random kids in their yard? Why would you look sideways at someone who, I don't know, wants to keep their property and things looking nice and not potentially get damaged? I'm not saying that the kids are going to vandalize things or intentionally break something, but it happens all the time. Why is it okay with you for your kids to be the one doing those things and the homeowner the one that's unreasonable in your mind? I'm not attacking anyone, I just don't understand the thought process.
And I'd let this time go, but if it happens again I'd ask the parents to tell their kids to please not play on our property. If it continued, I'd get motion activated sprinklers.
I picture the kids being like “wow!! She got sprinklers for us to play in!” and never leaving
Oh I don't mind alienating people so that would not be not a concern for me lol.
If I alienate someone because I told their children or them (respectfully) that I'd prefer if they didn't play on my lawn, then we weren't going to be friends anyways.
My neighbors practically have a zoo next door between kids and animals and never have any of them played on our property.
When I lived in a townhouse with a parking lot, my neighbor kid was playing softball in the lot. My neighbor got a bit butt hurt when I asked her to have the kids move away from the cars (kid never misses, they won’t damage the cars 🙄). But, she got over it and my car was never hit by a softball.
It’s weird, this makes me think back to the 80s, when I grew up in a neighborhood with SFH and large lots. We played all over, but we also stayed pretty much in the yards of kids families. Like, we wouldn’t be traipsing across the yards of people who didn’t have kids, even though I can still name everybody on that street. And I am certain my current neighborhood was like that - in the 70s and 80s. Now, the homeowners have kids my age or older. I’m the baby of the street at 47 😂
Post by bugandbibs on Sept 21, 2021 11:49:01 GMT -5
I want to preface this by saying that I have 3 kids who all play with the other kids on our deadend street running from house to house all day long. We have turned our front yard and extra street area (that leads to nowhere) into a courtyard with decking, fire pit, seating and tables that anyone can use. We stock a cabinet with yard toys, chalk/bubbles, etc that are free reign. Currently there are 2 bikes on my front lawn that don’t belong to us. So, I am obviously kid friendly.
That said, I would be super annoyed by a group of 10-12 year olds playing nerf war in my front yard without permission. These kids are old enough to respect boundaries and have no reason to suspect that they are welcome to play in your yard. I would talk to them directly each and every time you can catch them actively in your yard. A few times reminders directly from you and they should get it. It they are rude or disrespectful, then I would talk with their parents. I would want to know as a parent if my kid was behaving that way.
My own kids all have known from the time they were old enough to play outside alone that they stay off the lawn of certain neighbors and where they are allowed to be. And it’s free range, wild around here.
Last Edit: Sept 21, 2021 11:51:11 GMT -5 by bugandbibs
share.memebox.com/x/uKhKaZmemebox referal code for 20% off! DD1 "J" born 3/2003 DD2 "G" born 4/2011 DS is here! "H" born 2/2014 m/c#3 1-13-13 @ 9 weeks m/c#2 11-11-12 @ 5w2d I am an extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, pro marriage equality, birth control lovin', Catholic mama.
I’m a lurker but have been somewhat in this situation.
Since you said you were relatively new I am wondering if the previous hone owners allowed the neighborhood kids to play in the yard and they kind of forget that there were new owners?
And after 4 months of this is the first instance, I would think perhaps it’s not going to be much of an issue.
I don’t see anyone saying she has to accept the kids being in her yard?
She described the situation, says she doesn’t want to be “that neighbor” and then asks how people would handle it.
Lots of people said they wouldn’t do anything right now, but would say something if it escalates.
If someone came up to me and said my kid was in their yard and they didn’t like it I would probably apologize, and then ask if there was damage or whatever. If the neighbor said there was no damage but they were reviewing their cameras and saw my kid walking through I would definitely have some thoughts about that. I would of course be polite, apologize and tell my kid to never go in their yard again - but they would become “that neighbor” in my mind.
That’s what the OP asked about. It doesn’t mean she’s wrong for not wanting kids in her yard. It’s her property! But if this is the incident she chooses to scold kids about then I do think she will become “that person” which she is trying to avoid.
She's obviously being reasonable and not over-reacting...she hasn't even said anything to anyone involved.
But to the bolded...why? Why is someone "that person" for not wanting random kids in their yard? Why would you look sideways at someone who, I don't know, wants to keep their property and things looking nice and not potentially get damaged? I'm not saying that the kids are going to vandalize things or intentionally break something, but it happens all the time. Why is it okay with you for your kids to be the one doing those things and the homeowner the one that's unreasonable in your mind? I'm not attacking anyone, I just don't understand the thought process.
Entitlement! Self centeredness! Lack of empathy! Defensiveness! Obliviousness!
Their kids are happy and busy so it’s not a problem. I think the last couple years have really illustrated how little many people care about anyone else when it comes down to it. They don’t care about yards/your yard so it isn’t even their radar.
I will say it’s not always malicious self centeredness, I’ve had friends who have had to had this talk and the kids and parents are genuinely shocked anyone would not be okay with kids playing in the yard/garage when they don’t have kids/aren’t home. It just never occurred to them that maybe people don’t want to be responsible for strange children. They are just like “but the kids are just having fun! It’s just a ping pong table!”.
That’s why using the angle of your concern for the health and well-being of their kids is the most effective won’t dealing with these issues. Many people won’t care about you or your yard at all but they might care about their own children.
Post by jackie011 on Sept 21, 2021 12:00:47 GMT -5
I live in a kid-heavy neighborhood with a child, and still don’t understand why it’s just a given that random kids are going to be on your property, close up to the house. We have sidewalks and it’s no big deal if a kid steps off the sidewalk into our yard (though I always encourage DS to be mindful of other people’s yards when we’re out walking). It’s a completely different thing for the kids to tromp through the grass and be close to the landscaping/edge of the house, unnecessarily.
We have a flat driveway and park our cars in the garage. Most of our closest neighbors have vehicles that they leave out in their driveways. That’s not my problem. Their kids tend to congregate at the edge of our driveway and I’ve even found kids sitting in the middle of our driveway when I come home from work (these kids are not friends with DS, they’re much older). Why?? I’ll never forget the sound of a kid crashing in to our garage door when I had a newborn and was terribly sleep deprived. I thought we were under attack! I’ve tried to ask as politely as possible for them to please not ride bikes in our driveway, but it doesn’t seem to matter 🤦🏻♀️
Oh man, I remember growing up and playing block chase with my friends in our neighborhood- the games would last for hours and we’d hide in the “woods” behind people’s houses, cut through yards, sneak around their porches, etc. If there had been message boards in 1995 I wonder what they would have been saying about us. Lol.
Post by fivechickens on Sept 21, 2021 12:07:17 GMT -5
Yeah I would be that neighbor and post on the subdivision FB page to kindly keep your kids out of my yard.
Landscaping is expensive. Plus the liability if one of the kids hurt themselves. Nope, GTF off my grass.
My kids know not to run in the neighbors landscaping and only to be in their yard if it is allowed by the homeowners. It’s not hard to teach your kids the right way to behave.
Like someone said above, if this alienates some parents than those are people you don’t want to associate with anyway.
If a neighbor came to me and said my son was playing in their yard, whether it was nicely landscaped or not, I would be pissed at my kid, not the neighbor.
My kids know not to go in other people’s yards at 4 and 6. There is no reason for older kids not to respect property.
But, the reality is that kids are going to come there and if you make a big deal about it you'll alienate your neighbors, and the kids will play there more.
Huh. I guess this is yet another example of #regional. This is 100% not the norm in either neighborhood we've lived in. In my experience, you don't go on your neighbor's property unless invited. Period.
Personally, I'd want to know if my kid was involved so that I could reinforce that rule.
Is there a neighbor that you are closer with that you could maybe talk about this situation? Someone in your neighborhood may have a better idea of the norms than we do.
I live in the same state as Pixy and strongly disagree that this is in any way acceptable or should be taken as the norm.
Post by jennistarr1 on Sept 21, 2021 12:14:50 GMT -5
warning: my suggestions often take the passive aggressive route and you would need the exact same scenario to happen again with you being out for this to work
but...next time, could you text a neighbor saying "can you check on my house, I'm out to dinner and i keep getting notifications from my security camera and I can't tell what it is, should I come home".
Because maybe then neighbor (maybe a parent) can be like HEY, you're setting off the security cameras, that's not cool
warning: my suggestions often take the passive aggressive route and you would need the exact same scenario to happen again with you being out for this to work
but...next time, could you text a neighbor saying "can you check on my house, I'm out to dinner and i keep getting notifications from my security camera and I can't tell what it is, should I come home".
Because maybe then neighbor (maybe a parent) can be like HEY, you're setting off the security cameras, that's not cool
I would recommend being more direct than this, personally
Huh. I guess this is yet another example of #regional. This is 100% not the norm in either neighborhood we've lived in. In my experience, you don't go on your neighbor's property unless invited. Period.
Personally, I'd want to know if my kid was involved so that I could reinforce that rule.
Is there a neighbor that you are closer with that you could maybe talk about this situation? Someone in your neighborhood may have a better idea of the norms than we do.
I live in the same state as Pixy and strongly disagree that this is in any way acceptable or should be taken as the norm.
Neighborhood, not state. There's more of a communal sense to my street/culdesac area. Someone who was "this is my yard, the end" probably wouldn't like living here, even if we don't have a lot of kids.
Post by fumbalina on Sept 21, 2021 12:27:07 GMT -5
I would go for the wait and see approach. Speaking rationally will not make you "that neighbor."
In my childhood neighborhood there was one house with a very steep driveway that was very tempting. The owner of that house came out and threatened to shoot children. Originally if they were in the driveway but eventually even if we crossed the driveway on the sidewalk. She WAS that neighbor.
Of course, there is a huge difference in the two but stay closer to the first and you should be fine.
I don't think you're in the wrong at all. We moved last winter into a house that has a town park on the street behind it. Our backyard has a pool with a chainlink fence around it, then to the side of that is a small strip of grass that runs from the side of the house, past the pool, and into the street behind us. Next to the thin strip is a stream which is also my property, then some shrubs and the neighbors yard. So supposedly lots of privacy back there. But we learned that tons of kids use the grass between the stream and fence to cut through to the park. So it turns out we were getting no privacy and it's too many kids to keep track and find parents. Next year I am planting bushes there so they can't cut through.
Oh man, I remember growing up and playing block chase with my friends in our neighborhood- the games would last for hours and we’d hide in the “woods” behind people’s houses, cut through yards, sneak around their porches, etc. If there had been message boards in 1995 I wonder what they would have been saying about us. Lol.