I live in the same state as Pixy and strongly disagree that this is in any way acceptable or should be taken as the norm.
Neighborhood, not state. There's more of a communal sense to my street/culdesac area. Someone who was "this is my yard, the end" probably wouldn't like living here, even if we don't have a lot of kids.
I’m just disagreeing that it’s regional. I understand what you’re saying, I just don’t agree with it. That’s fine, it’s just not a regional thing.
I don't think you're in the wrong at all. We moved last winter into a house that has a town park on the street behind it. Our backyard has a pool with a chainlink fence around it, then to the side of that is a small strip of grass that runs from the side of the house, past the pool, and into the street behind us. Next to the thin strip is a stream which is also my property, then some shrubs and the neighbors yard. So supposedly lots of privacy back there. But we learned that tons of kids use the grass between the stream and fence to cut through to the park. So it turns out we were getting no privacy and it's too many kids to keep track and find parents. Next year I am planting bushes there so they can't cut through.
Speaking as someone who sees this a lot for my work, check and make sure you don't have any easements next to the stream/ditch. You might plant those bushes and have to rip them right back out. It's still technically your property, but with an access easement built in that can't be obstructed.
I want to be clear about something - I have no intention of going to a parent now and saying I saw their kid on camera (that's just weird and was never a consideration), nor do I have any plans the next time I happen to run into any of the parents to say something about this one time that I know of. It could totally be a one-time thing.
But if it continues on the regular and I happen to be home when it happens, I would be more inclined to ask them to not play in our yard. I would not escalate going to a parent unless they completely ignored me and it continued even after I said something.
That seems perfectly reasonable to me, and I’m someone who would not care a bit if kids run through my yard. I’m a bit confused by your dog analogy- are the kids shitting in your yard?
In any event, you are not being uptight or unreasonable in the least. And even if you were, it’s your home and you’re entitled to live in it the way you want. Any parent who’d get upset about your asking for your yard to be off limits is a jerk.
Post by redheadbaker on Sept 21, 2021 12:32:24 GMT -5
I would also take a "wait and see" approach. If this was a one-off, and you go over there complaining about kids in your yard when nothing was damaged ... yeah, I can see them thinking of you as "that neighbor" and leading to chilly future interactions.
If it does become a regular occurrence, then address it.
I want to be clear about something - I have no intention of going to a parent now and saying I saw their kid on camera (that's just weird and was never a consideration), nor do I have any plans the next time I happen to run into any of the parents to say something about this one time that I know of. It could totally be a one-time thing.
But if it continues on the regular and I happen to be home when it happens, I would be more inclined to ask them to not play in our yard. I would not escalate going to a parent unless they completely ignored me and it continued even after I said something.
That seems perfectly reasonable to me, and I’m someone who would not care a bit if kids run through my yard. I’m a bit confused by your dog analogy- are the kids shitting in your yard?
In any event, you are not being uptight or unreasonable in the least. And even if you were, it’s your home and you’re entitled to live in it the way you want. Any parent who’d get upset about your asking for your yard to be off limits is a jerk.
I admit that was probably not the best comparison. I was trying to bring up another situation re: a yard that people are often divided on. LOL, no one is shitting in my yard (that I know of!).
Post by arielroux on Sept 21, 2021 12:40:05 GMT -5
If you're an asshole, then I've lived in neighborhoods always filled with majority assholes, lol.
I don't have kids, and I don't want kids playing in my yard. Luckily I haven't had to deal with this, but I've seen plenty of complaints about this same issue on various FB pages of HOAs in which I've resided.
The complaints generally range from "if your kid is the one wearing the red pants and a black sweatshirt they're pulling my plants up and I don't want them in my yard...Talk to your kids or I will." all the way to "whose pink scooter is on my lawn? if it's not gone by trash day i'm throwing it out."
The ONLY time I've ever seen people get up in arms is when people have posted screenshots of security video with the actual kids in it. Sure, some people get on the "this is part of living in a neighborhood" train, but for the most part people seem to understand that it's not their kids' property so they need to be respectful. Just don't post pics of the kids on an HOA FB page and I think you'll be ok.
FWIW, I would also be super annoyed that kids were playing in my yard when I wasn't home. I am very much in the "get off my lawn" camp.
Post by macmars45 on Sept 21, 2021 12:47:04 GMT -5
I have a kid and have taught him since he was a toddler that we don't go on people's private property without permission from the property owner. As an adult I don't go on people's private property that I'm not invited onto. Why should kids get a free pass to do that?
That seems perfectly reasonable to me, and I’m someone who would not care a bit if kids run through my yard. I’m a bit confused by your dog analogy- are the kids shitting in your yard?
In any event, you are not being uptight or unreasonable in the least. And even if you were, it’s your home and you’re entitled to live in it the way you want. Any parent who’d get upset about your asking for your yard to be off limits is a jerk.
I admit that was probably not the best comparison. I was trying to bring up another situation re: a yard that people are often divided on. LOL, no one is shitting in my yard (that I know of!).
I think the point is that, as of now, the kids aren’t doing anything to your property. You can ask them to leave the next time you see them, but they haven’t done anything bad enough to warrant further action on your part.
I think you're going to have to adjust your expectations a bit. Yes, you have a reasonable right to not having kids play in your yard. But, the reality is that kids are going to come there and if you make a big deal about it you'll alienate your neighbors, and the kids will play there more. I'd reserve saying something to if the kids actually damage something.
I 100% agree with this. This may be the culture of the neighborhood (and sounds like it is and this is how my neighborhood was growing up). Can you put up a front fence, if you really want to keep kids out?
Oh i want to add. I don't think you have to accept it. I have just seen how this plays out and it doesn't play out well! lol. But maybe your neighborhood will be different.
Post by wanderlustmom on Sept 21, 2021 13:01:21 GMT -5
Like a lot of posters wrote, I have kids and still don't want kids playing in my yard. I don't think it's a parent non parent thing. I don't care if my kids are all over my yard, if you aren't playing with my kids--please don't come. We had a basketball hoop at our old house and I liked people coming to use it so I let people know they could come and use it and a lot of neighbors did--but I wanted to do that. I wouldn't want people running in my yard and flower beds.
If it doesn't bother other people, that's great, but I am with you and don't like it. Also, my kids ran all over the neighborhood as kids but were taught only to play in yards of kids they were currently playing with. I also grew up in the the 80s and the midwest and we played outside until the street lights came on unsupervised--but I still knew not to go in people's yards. I wouldn't care what any parent thought of me as I asked the kids to leave the next time politely. If they kept doing it, I would reach out to the parents.
I want to be clear about something - I have no intention of going to a parent now and saying I saw their kid on camera (that's just weird and was never a consideration), nor do I have any plans the next time I happen to run into any of the parents to say something about this one time that I know of. It could totally be a one-time thing.
But if it continues on the regular and I happen to be home when it happens, I would be more inclined to ask them to not play in our yard. I would not escalate going to a parent unless they completely ignored me and it continued even after I said something.
I think this is perfectly reasonable!
My only thought is that given it was a bigger group of kids & you didn't recognize all of them that maybe it was a party and the game got bigger than it might otherwise. NOT excusing it at all, just wondering.
My kid absolutely knows which yards she can play in and she is only there if she's playing with the kid that lives there. They do play kickball in the cul de sac and use mailboxes as bases but we have instructed very thoroughly which boxes they can touch and which ones they can just be "near" to be respectful.
My kid is not perfect by any means but has learned where it's ok to be and I don't think it's unreasonable for you to expect that from kids.
I think you're going to have to adjust your expectations a bit. Yes, you have a reasonable right to not having kids play in your yard. But, the reality is that kids are going to come there and if you make a big deal about it you'll alienate your neighbors, and the kids will play there more. I'd reserve saying something to if the kids actually damage something.
I 100% agree with this. This may be the culture of the neighborhood (and sounds like it is and this is how my neighborhood was growing up). Can you put up a front fence, if you really want to keep kids out?
Oh i want to add. I don't think you have to accept it. I have just seen how this plays out and it doesn't play out well! lol. But maybe your neighborhood will be different.
So... She has to spend more money because parents can't teach their kids to respect private property? LMAO. Fuck that. But I'm not one to care about being "alienated" by the neighbors.
Post by pixy0stix on Sept 21, 2021 13:07:04 GMT -5
I have a sincere question, she said she expects to live there for 15+ years. Do you really don't care that you could alienate someone you're going to be living next to for over a decade? I feel like that only happens when people don't care about the neighborhood, are going to live there for only a few years, or are posturing on the internet.
warning: my suggestions often take the passive aggressive route and you would need the exact same scenario to happen again with you being out for this to work
but...next time, could you text a neighbor saying "can you check on my house, I'm out to dinner and i keep getting notifications from my security camera and I can't tell what it is, should I come home".
Because maybe then neighbor (maybe a parent) can be like HEY, you're setting off the security cameras, that's not cool
I would recommend being more direct than this, personally
Can you be direct and tell us why you trolled HIH? I'm genuinely curious.
I have a sincere question, she said she expects to live there for 15+ years. Do you really don't care that you could alienate someone you're going to be living next to for over a decade? I feel like that only happens when people don't care about the neighborhood, are going to live there for only a few years, or are posturing on the internet.
I don't agree that the comment would alienate the neighbor. I think neighbors can talk about this stuff and it wouldn't hurt my feelings if someone told me to please not have my kids run or play in their yard. But I understand you or others might feel differently.
I have a sincere question, she said she expects to live there for 15+ years. Do you really don't care that you could alienate someone you're going to be living next to for over a decade? I feel like that only happens when people don't care about the neighborhood, are going to live there for only a few years, or are posturing on the internet.
Especially as the OP herself said she doesn't want to be "that person". If some people don't care about being "that person", more power to them. But the OP seems to want to approach this in a way that will keep goodwill between her and her neighbors.
I 100% agree with this. This may be the culture of the neighborhood (and sounds like it is and this is how my neighborhood was growing up). Can you put up a front fence, if you really want to keep kids out?
Oh i want to add. I don't think you have to accept it. I have just seen how this plays out and it doesn't play out well! lol. But maybe your neighborhood will be different.
So... She has to spend more money because parents can't teach their kids to respect private property? LMAO. Fuck that. But I'm not one to care about being "alienated" by the neighbors.
I was just saying that I think that is the only way to really prevent it (if it continues to be a problem). My neighbors had issues with kids in their yard. They complained nothing happened except they now became targets of vandalism and it escalated to multiple police calls and nothing ever changed because they were middle school kids who didn't give an F what their parents said and were out whenever and without supervision. So for me, with that background, If I had a recurring problem it would be best to install a fence because the only way to guarantee the result I want is to rely on myself.
I am not going to trust other parents to tell their kids anything nor am I going to trust kids to listen.
I have a sincere question, she said she expects to live there for 15+ years. Do you really don't care that you could alienate someone you're going to be living next to for over a decade? I feel like that only happens when people don't care about the neighborhood, are going to live there for only a few years, or are posturing on the internet.
As someone who has lived in their house (a townhouse at that) since 2006 and is childfree - I don't know my neighbors names and I wouldn't be able to point my neighbors out of a line up. Most of my neighbors have been my neighbors for 10+ years. We do the courtesy wave if we see each other (sometimes), but nothing more then that. So no, I wouldn't care about alienating my neighbors as we aren't really anything but two people who live in the same area.
I have four kids, including three very active boys. I wouldn't knowingly let them play in someone else's yard, but could see them doing it anyway at some point.
You're definitely not an asshole to not want kids playing in your yard. But I do think you risk getting an "unfriendly neighbor" reputation if you don't handle this a little delicately - which I assume you realize, and why you came here to ask.
So I'd let this instance go. If they do come back while you're there and it's bothering you/getting too close to your cars and landscaping, I would just try to be super duper nice in asking them if they wouldn't mind moving their game back to their yards. Not because you'd be wrong to ask, just because you want to maintain great neighbor relationships if you want to be there long-term.
I have a sincere question, she said she expects to live there for 15+ years. Do you really don't care that you could alienate someone you're going to be living next to for over a decade? I feel like that only happens when people don't care about the neighborhood, are going to live there for only a few years, or are posturing on the internet.
Especially as the OP herself said she doesn't want to be "that person". If some people don't care about being "that person", more power to them. But the OP seems to want to approach this in a way that will keep goodwill between her and her neighbors.
I think she's formulated a good plan despite all of us. LOL!
I have a sincere question, she said she expects to live there for 15+ years. Do you really don't care that you could alienate someone you're going to be living next to for over a decade? I feel like that only happens when people don't care about the neighborhood, are going to live there for only a few years, or are posturing on the internet.
I absolutely don't want to be all "burn it down" and unnecessarily alienate people that I would normally have a friendly relationship with. At the same time, I have a hard time accepting the notion that I have to reconsider what boundaries I want to impose on my own property because it might make me the outcast among others in the neighborhood. I would never do something disrespectful to a neighbor (like block their driveway or something equally rude), so have some common courtesy for me, too, is all I ask.
I would never be obnoxious or yell at the kids if it happened again and I went outside to ask them not to play in our yard.
Also, this is a brand new neighborhood, so I don't agree that this is a culture that has always been in place (at least here - maybe where they lived previously that was the norm). We've all moved into the neighborhood over the course of January through May of this year.
I have a sincere question, she said she expects to live there for 15+ years. Do you really don't care that you could alienate someone you're going to be living next to for over a decade? I feel like that only happens when people don't care about the neighborhood, are going to live there for only a few years, or are posturing on the internet.
But…. The neighbors that are allowing their kids to play in yards that are not theirs and potentially ruin expensive landscaping are possibly alienating her. Why does that not matter?
This is an example of where I feel like I'm expected to make concessions because I'm childfree. Because we don't have kids, too bad, we're just going to have to suck it up and deal with it.
For those that think I'm overreacting and I should accept it and move on... Would your opinion be the same if the situation instead was that a neighbor was letting their dog defecate in my yard and they didn't clean it up? I know that example is not exactly apples to apples, but more my point is why are certain intrusions OK, but others are not?
And for the record, I'm not butt-hurt by any of these opinions. I'm truly curious since I know I'm coming from a completely different mindset than others.
If one of the kids shits in your yard by all means burn it down.
I have a sincere question, she said she expects to live there for 15+ years. Do you really don't care that you could alienate someone you're going to be living next to for over a decade? I feel like that only happens when people don't care about the neighborhood, are going to live there for only a few years, or are posturing on the internet.
But…. The neighbors that are allowing their kids to play in yards that are not theirs and potentially ruin expensive landscaping are possibly alienating her. Why does that not matter?
Oooooor, they can work on a compromise that everyone can live with? Just an idea.
But…. The neighbors that are allowing their kids to play in yards that are not theirs and potentially ruin expensive landscaping are possibly alienating her. Why does that not matter?
Oooooor, they can work on a compromise that everyone can live with? Just an idea.
I keep going back to: Why do I have to be the one to compromise? They all have yards, and some of them are at least 2 homes in a row. What is wrong with playing in their own yards and the yards of their friends? It would be a win-win for everyone. They play in their own or in the yards of their friends (assuming they are all out and together) and I don't have kids running through my flower beds. By asking that, I'm not taking anything away from them.
Oooooor, they can work on a compromise that everyone can live with? Just an idea.
I keep going back to: Why do I have to be the one to compromise? They all have yards, and some of them are at least 2 homes in a row. What is wrong with playing in their own yards and the yards of their friends? It would be a win-win for everyone. They play in their own or in the yards of their friends (assuming they are all out and together) and I don't have kids running through my flower beds. By asking that, I'm not taking anything away from them.
I have kids. I have neighbors. Even when something goes over the fence, I text my neighbor before letting my kids head over to get the thing that went over the fence. I remind my kids to stay out of peoples’ yards that aren’t theirs. To me, it’s just being a respectful neighbor.
I also would be irritated about them running around my yard/driveway when they presumably have their own yards/driveways. But I’d probably grumble to my husband about it rather than say something after the fact. If I were home, and saw it, I’d say “hey guys, I’d rather you didn’t play in my yard.” You don’t even need to tell them why. It’s your yard, you can say they can’t be there. And leave it at that. Most kids will get what you are asking and be on their way.
Oooooor, they can work on a compromise that everyone can live with? Just an idea.
I keep going back to: Why do I have to be the one to compromise? They all have yards, and some of them are at least 2 homes in a row. What is wrong with playing in their own yards and the yards of their friends? It would be a win-win for everyone. They play in their own or in the yards of their friends (assuming they are all out and together) and I don't have kids running through my flower beds. By asking that, I'm not taking anything away from them.
You don’t. It’s your yard. Those kids do not belong in your yard.