I keep going back to: Why do I have to be the one to compromise? They all have yards, and some of them are at least 2 homes in a row. What is wrong with playing in their own yards and the yards of their friends? It would be a win-win for everyone. They play in their own or in the yards of their friends (assuming they are all out and together) and I don't have kids running through my flower beds. By asking that, I'm not taking anything away from them.
I said originally that was your right.
Yes, you did, but in other responses you were also saying (in not so many words) I would be better off not making an issue of it. I'm not following what the compromise would be that everyone could live with.
Yes, you did, but in other responses you were also saying (in not so many words) I would be better off not making an issue of it. I'm not following what the compromise would be that everyone could live with.
Because I wouldn't make an issue of it right away. I think this is making a big deal out of something that will probably not be a big deal. In summary, if you approach your neighbors for this right now the way that some people are acting like in here, you're going to have an antagonistic experience. Also, yes, some people are not going to be ok with you saying anything. It's up to you to weigh everything and the potential outcomes.
I have a sincere question, she said she expects to live there for 15+ years. Do you really don't care that you could alienate someone you're going to be living next to for over a decade? I feel like that only happens when people don't care about the neighborhood, are going to live there for only a few years, or are posturing on the internet.
I have lived in my house for 11 years- the second longest of anyone else on the street. I have never had any trouble being direct with neighbors about an ongoing issue and I would say that I get along with all of my neighbors that I interact with. **to me** it’s all about how you approach them about a problem and how you interact with them when things are fine.
share.memebox.com/x/uKhKaZmemebox referal code for 20% off! DD1 "J" born 3/2003 DD2 "G" born 4/2011 DS is here! "H" born 2/2014 m/c#3 1-13-13 @ 9 weeks m/c#2 11-11-12 @ 5w2d I am an extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, pro marriage equality, birth control lovin', Catholic mama.
I have a sincere question, she said she expects to live there for 15+ years. Do you really don't care that you could alienate someone you're going to be living next to for over a decade? I feel like that only happens when people don't care about the neighborhood, are going to live there for only a few years, or are posturing on the internet.
But…. The neighbors that are allowing their kids to play in yards that are not theirs and potentially ruin expensive landscaping are possibly alienating her. Why does that not matter?
How so? Unless the parents are telling their kids "Sure, go play in any yard!" - this isn't really an accurate or fair statement.
My son and his friends know not to play in random neighbors yards. But kids can get caught up in games, can be going around the neighborhood, and COULD conceivably end up in a random yard that they don't have permission to be in. They are still kids who don't have fully formed frontal lobes and will do stuff that they aren't supposed to/ are unaware they are doing.
The situation the OP described - I really think it could be one of these. The kids were playing w/ nerf games, got caught up, were running around, and came across a driveway with some cars that provided protection. Without her saying a word to any of the parents around her, this may never happen again.
I'm sorry, I have no answer because I'm not a troll.
Bringing up wrong information to harass someone is definitely trolling behavior.
So you’re not the same person that got banned at HIH?
I'll tell you how this is going to go. She'll say yes she had those accounts, but never said anything racist, she'll tell you to go check her posts (which is borderline impossible since she deactivated those old names and posted over a long period of time under various names AND those names are now banned), and also if she was ever mean it was because other people were mean to her first and picked on her. Arguing with her is going to go in circles and you will never have the last word.
Post by tamarindy on Sept 21, 2021 14:00:56 GMT -5
Overall it's really not that complicated. If there is a next time (you see OR camera sees kids in yard) tell the kids and parents nicely that you would rather they play elsewhere because of liability and your landscaping. That's it.
If they respond "antagonistically" to such a reasonable request, they are a bunch of entitled losers.
But…. The neighbors that are allowing their kids to play in yards that are not theirs and potentially ruin expensive landscaping are possibly alienating her. Why does that not matter?
How so? Unless the parents are telling their kids "Sure, go play in any yard!" - this isn't really an accurate or fair statement.
My point was, just like you (general) can suggest that by @psugrad mentioning to the parents to not let their kids play in her yard she could be alienating them. The parents of the kids are alienating her.
And I am aware that kids will do things they are not suppose to do when their parents are not around but ultimately my kids behavior is my responsibility.
I still stand by that this is going to be a non- issue. It happened once in four months. And those four months covered summer when kids are out all the time. And if happens again the OP can easily just say hey go play somewhere else. And it will continue to be a non-issue.
But like all "am I an asshole" threads we still have quite a bit of escalation in us. No one has suggested calling the cops yet, so we have some work to do. :-)
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Sept 21, 2021 14:13:13 GMT -5
I have kids and I've never let them play in someone's yard who doesn't have kids who are out actively playing with them. Like, we have next door neighbors with kids who my kids play with constantly, but if my kids were out playing hide and seek or tag or with nerf guns, if neither of the neighbor kids are out, their yard is off limits.
I don't even let them walk through someone's yard to get to someone else's yard unless they have permission from the homeowner to do so.
So yeah, I would have no problem telling kids not to play in my yard if I saw it happening.
But like all "am I an asshole" threads we still have quite a bit of escalation in us. No one has suggested calling the cops yet, so we have some work to do. :-)
Booby-traps and if that doesn't work, then I call the cops.
Post by goldengirlz on Sept 21, 2021 14:23:17 GMT -5
If the question is whether you’re an asshole for not wanting kids in your yard, the answer (IMHO) is unequivocally no.
If the question is whether you’d be perceived as an asshole, that really depends on the neighbors in question. I wouldn’t make a big deal about it now (in fact I refuse to get cameras for this reason — there are times when ignorance is bliss) but you’d be within your right to kick the kids off your lawn if it happens again. Just don’t be an asshole about HOW you say it, and more likely than not, everyone will be cool about it and move on.
I always say living in a dense neighborhood works both ways. Yes, people have to expect some minor inconveniences (noise, etc.) but you also have a responsibility to be considerate too. Want to have a party? Cool. Want to have a party with a DJ blasting music till 4am? Not cool, rent out a bar. Kids playing outside? Cool. Kids damaging expensive yard work nowhere near the sidewalk? Not cool, go play somewhere else.
Oooooor, they can work on a compromise that everyone can live with? Just an idea.
I keep going back to: Why do I have to be the one to compromise? They all have yards, and some of them are at least 2 homes in a row. What is wrong with playing in their own yards and the yards of their friends? It would be a win-win for everyone. They play in their own or in the yards of their friends (assuming they are all out and together) and I don't have kids running through my flower beds. By asking that, I'm not taking anything away from them.
You don’t. And any reasonable person isn’t going to be upset that the polite, friendly, non-children having people don’t want kids playing in their yard. If you “alienate” them for this, it was only a matter of time before they were “alienated” for some other non-issue.
I really think this is something that can be easily resolved with no issue.
But…. The neighbors that are allowing their kids to play in yards that are not theirs and potentially ruin expensive landscaping are possibly alienating her. Why does that not matter?
Oooooor, they can work on a compromise that everyone can live with? Just an idea.
This is really just a weird statement. Compromise on what? Let the kids have the run of her yard? Or they can go in her yard 5 feet and not any farther? Maybe they should just stay in their own damn yards and respect other peoples property. Then she wouldn't have to do or say anything!
Oooooor, they can work on a compromise that everyone can live with? Just an idea.
This is really just a weird statement. Compromise on what? Let the kids have the run of her yard? Or they can go in her yard 5 feet and not any farther? Maybe they should just stay in their own damn yards and respect other peoples property. Then she wouldn't have to do or say anything!
I’m not sure what a compromise would even look like here, but if it were something like 5 feet only wouldn’t that be MORE confusing for the kids? In my experience kids of all ages (and many adults frankly) do better with clear cut rules. Ambiguity muddies the water and makes it harder to remember the rule, especially in the moment.
Obviously, if any kid does end up messing with your landscaping, you should have a word with their parents about it.
But unless that happens, I think it depends on the culture of your neighborhood. Where I grew up, it was (and is) very common for kids to cut through other yards, play hide and seek, etc. If someone had moved in and said, "no kids on my yard, ever," it would have not been well-received. There was one neighbor who put up a fence, and that was talked about for years (basically saying, those people are snooty, and that's the reputation they had forever more).
But other neighborhoods are much more controlled in what they allow, and people expect much more privacy.
If it were me, I'd wait and see how the kids behave and if anything else pops up that bothers you. I'd get a feel for what expectations are, and use that to inform how I framed any requests. Maybe you just don't like kids in your yard, and if so, everyone should respect that, but it's always best to get to know people first, if possible, rather than jump to making demands.
I have a sincere question, she said she expects to live there for 15+ years. Do you really don't care that you could alienate someone you're going to be living next to for over a decade? I feel like that only happens when people don't care about the neighborhood, are going to live there for only a few years, or are posturing on the internet.
If they are going to be “alienated” because I’m politely asking their kids to play into their yard rather than mine because I don’t want them to get hurt and be liable or disrupt my day/yard then that’s really on them. That’s a perfectly reasonable request. So no, I’m not concerned with alienating irrational people. People like that will always find something to complain and be obnoxious about.
I’ve had problem neighbors over the years and I’m surface polite to them and keep my distance. If they escalated or became hostile then I’d deal with it from there but no I don’t really care if people like me. Not everyone has to be my friend.
I’m still active in my community association and go to community events. Having boundaries really has nothing to do with caring about my community at all.
This is so bizarre. My kids would never think to play in the yard of house that was not theirs or the house of one of their friends. It makes zero sense.
Can you save video footage that you get? If so, I would do that and maybe not say something this time, but if it happens again, you are within your rights to ask that they not use your yard and plant beds for their games.
And I hate to say this, but if they are on your property and get hurt could parents try to hold you responsible?
Oooooor, they can work on a compromise that everyone can live with? Just an idea.
This is really just a weird statement. Compromise on what? Let the kids have the run of her yard? Or they can go in her yard 5 feet and not any farther? Maybe they should just stay in their own damn yards and respect other peoples property. Then she wouldn't have to do or say anything!
Can you imagine having to police strangers’ children to that degree? This really isn’t a situation where you can “compromise”. They either have free reign or they don’t.
“Oh hi Timmy! Come play in my yard but don’t touch the flowers!”. “You can play in the driveway but make sure you don’t run between my cars”. Then they really will think you are the neighborhood loon.
Plus it gives you zero leverage if something happens because you have a history of letting them play in your yard unsupervised and for no reason.
I think you're going to have to adjust your expectations a bit. Yes, you have a reasonable right to not having kids play in your yard. But, the reality is that kids are going to come there and if you make a big deal about it you'll alienate your neighbors, and the kids will play there more. I'd reserve saying something to if the kids actually damage something.
And I hate to say this, but if they are on your property and get hurt could parents try to hold you responsible?
Yes you could! If you allow them on to your property you are supposed to make sure it is a safe place to be and legally assume a duty of care.
If she says they aren’t allowed to be on her property and they hurt themselves then they are trespassing and don’t have the same legal standing. They can try but it isn’t as likely to be successful because the homeowner didn’t have a reasonable expectation for anyone to be there.
Tangentially this is why you are supposed to have fences up around pools even if you don’t have kids in many areas because pools are “attractive nuisance” that may attract kids who don’t understand the danger and you can be liable if they get in your pool and drown. Same for koi ponds, swing sets etc.
I haven’t read the whole thread so sorry if I’m repeating - sounds like this is the first time this has happened and you have been there a few months? I’m guessing this Iis going to be a non issue and won’t happen again (speaking as the mom of two boys who went through a big nerf gun phase). If it does happen again and you are home, pop your head out the door and say “kids! Do you mind moving it off our yard? Thanks!” If they don’t listen or it keeps happening then you escalate to parents.
If it happens again and you aren’t home do you have a security system you can talk through? Lol I would totally put on a creepy voice and yell “GET OFF THE LAWN!” and laugh while watching them scatter.
I haven’t read the whole thread so sorry if I’m repeating - sounds like this is the first time this has happened and you have been there a few months? I’m guessing this Iis going to be a non issue and won’t happen again (speaking as the mom of two boys who went through a big nerf gun phase). If it does happen again and you are home, pop your head out the door and say “kids! Do you mind moving it off our yard? Thanks!” If they don’t listen or it keeps happening then you escalate to parents.
If it happens again and you aren’t home do you have a security system you can talk through? Lol I would totally put on a creepy voice and yell “GET OFF THE LAWN!” and laugh while watching them scatter.
This is actually the only acceptable answer here.
ETA I would actually have my husband do the voice while I hide as the witch a la PoneyBaloney's suggestion and pop out while they are running away.