Post by spinnaker5 on Jan 27, 2024 11:01:18 GMT -5
More internet stranger hugs coming to you. You might want to keep up the counselor search, but for individual for you as you navigate through things and help your DD. As others have said, that sounds like a jerk-y move (dropping that bomb in the middle of an argument especially). You did not and do not deserve to be treated that way.
(And sorry for the Debbie Downer thoughts, but probably not a bad idea to get screenshots of bank accounts and other financial information, copies of house papers, ensure you have a CC in your name only, all that stuff.)
Oh my god, things he could have mentioned BEFORE buying a new house. I'm so sorry.
Seriously. Why did he let us do this?? We will be so financially fucked. I could have afforded our old house on my own. There is nothing I could afford solo around here now.
I don't know if you would even want to give him another chance, I'm certainly not trying to put thoughts in your head, but I'm hoping/wondering if he's having some kind of midlife crisis maybe in part triggered by the big decision of moving and can get himself sorted out with professional help.
Oh my gosh - I am so sorry! This sounds like shocking information for him to suddenly share - that's so shitty. What the hell! I am angry at him for doing this to you.
I hope you are able to see your cousin tonight. I am thinking of you and here if you need any support!
I’m angry too. He kept saying “we haven’t been happy for 5 years” to which I said please don’t speak for me. While there are plenty of things that could have been better, I was not overall UNhappy. He has it pretty damn good, I do freaking EVERYTHING. I keep thinking about that and angry crying.
Also, anytime someone posts something this sudden I always think there is probably someone else, so nothing would surprise me.
I hate to agree but this does sound like classic behavior from someone who is seeing someone else - especially the part about being unhappy for a long time. Sounds like justification. Dammit! He sucks so much.
Post by plutosmoon on Jan 27, 2024 11:08:29 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. Space is good, talk to your cousin, get out of the house for a bit. If your cousin isn't available, there is nothing wrong with spending a night at a hotel to get some space. Many of us have been through difficult separations with shitty exs, we are here for you.
Seriously. Why did he let us do this?? We will be so financially fucked. I could have afforded our old house on my own. There is nothing I could afford solo around here now.
I don't know if you would even want to give him another chance, I'm certainly not trying to put thoughts in your head, but I'm hoping/wondering if he's having some kind of midlife crisis maybe in part triggered by the big decision of moving and can get himself sorted out with professional help.
The catalyst for the original argument was finances, which is always a tough and stressful conversation with us. But the cruel things he said this morning aren’t acceptable and it isn’t the first time he’s said them. It’s his “thing” he says anytime we have an argument and has been an undercurrent our entire marriage. If he hasn’t let them go yet, he’s not going to. A therapists would laugh in his face that he thinks he is justified in thinking these things. There’s no doubt he needs therapy and I’ve set it up for him before but he didn’t stick with it.
More internet stranger hugs coming to you. You might want to keep up the counselor search, but for individual for you as you navigate through things and help your DD. As others have said, that sounds like a jerk-y move (dropping that bomb in the middle of an argument especially). You did not and do not deserve to be treated that way.
(And sorry for the Debbie Downer thoughts, but probably not a bad idea to get screenshots of bank accounts and other financial information, copies of house papers, ensure you have a CC in your name only, all that stuff.)
I’m on charge of all the finances, he doesn’t even know how to log into the accounts. In a new twist, my SIL just texted me. Apparently he talked to her last night about this. I was hedging on telling my cousin but now that we are apparently sharing with family, I’m going to go ahead.
Post by sugarbear1 on Jan 27, 2024 11:34:27 GMT -5
Ugh. I'm so sorry he was so cruel to you. I think using the word, "we (have been so unhappy" is just a way for him to justify his actions. This sucks and we are here for you.
I'm so sorry. My XH said some similarly really cruel things when he wanted out (like that he had never loved me). I came to realize that he was saying them to justify his own shitty behavior and not take responsibility for his asshole actions, and it was not about me (or even his actual feelings about me) at all. But I know it's still awful to hear, and good for you for not tolerating that.
Well, that’s shitty. I am sorry. You can now feel free to tell who you need to, and get all the support you need. Yes, people can grow unhappy and struggle, and marriages end sometimes. But that does not justify disrespectful and cruel treatment of the other person.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
God, that's so shitty and I'm really sorry. Go ahead and tell your cousin if you want to -- you have every right to seek out support right now. Take care of yourself and your kiddo and let him deal with his own shit. <3
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”