My husband has already declared that if something happens to me he's not even going to date because it sounds exhausting. But I bet he would eventually. He likes being married too. I've told him I'll haunt him if anyone is uncool to my kids, but encourage him to find someone.
Post by fortnightlily on Feb 9, 2024 11:36:53 GMT -5
I'm honestly not sure. I was never much of a dater. DH has been my only serious relationship. I have no misgivings about marriage if it's the right person, but I certainly would feel no strong need to jump into another marriage just for the sake of being married, either. I do like the companionship and having someone to share household responsibilities.
I am happily single and not interested in dating right now. Do I want to be alone for the rest of my life? Nope. I can see myself in a long term relationship where we each maintain our own space. Kind of like marriage without having to wash his underwear lol
Funny about the underwear - my MIL is one of those people who cannot be alone. When her marriage to FIL was bad, she was already seeing someone when she left him. She married that guy immediately and he passed away a few years ago. She started dating their neighbor almost immediately and came out with it to H and his siblings a few months later. SIL was over her house and noticed men's underwear in MIL's laundry and said to me "You would think she'd be sick of washing someone else's underwear by now!!". But no, they now live together and she's very content.
I would not remarry but I would happily commit to a loving long term relationship. My DD is almost off to college, so I have no need of a stable family unit for her; I do not want more children, so same; I do not seek or want to legally bind my financial health with someone else; and I don’t have a religious imperative to not live in sin. I suppose he would have to overcome those obstacles to convince me otherwise. I can’t imagine how he could.
ETA: It might be worth mentioning that I was very happily single & living alone (occasionally dating) for a long time and met H in my 30’s. And even while dating/engaged, we were long distance. So, I think of returning to single living fondly. In my mind, even a committed relationship would not be co-habitation all the time (or a 2nd marriage, haha). I would be very happy as a Golden Girl, too. And sent you described being Blanche Devereaux (it was her house) !
I can't picture what my life will look like once I don't have to be legally tethered to my current spouse. It's part of my wanting to leave, I don't know who I am anymore. Younger me would think that was such a dumb answer - I'm a mom, a business owner, a licensed professional, a PTO officer. But I have been hearing "No, your idea is not good. No, your suggestion is bad. No, we will not be doing it your way," for most of my life from my parents and then my spouse. I'm not sure what I like since I've been told for years my choices are bad. I don't know how I would react if I came across someone who said to me "I love your idea. Let's pursue your idea! Let's do it your way!" My first instinct would probably be that I was about to be conned somehow. So I'm not sure if or when I will ever find myself comfortable with anyone to get to choice 1 or 2.
I don't even know how to have fun dating so I feel like I can't pick that answer either.
Of course I could live alone, but I remember not loving the feeling of going to sleep by myself when I lived alone. Half the time I'd sleep on my couch because somehow sleeping on my bed made me feel more alone at night. I remember one night when DD was around 18 months old. She was asleep in her mini-crib which was in our room, we were in our bed, the door was closed to keep the heat in. They were both asleep and I was in my spot in bed just basking in feeling cozy. But I don't know if I will still feel that urge to find another co-habitant in the house. I honestly sometimes think about renting out part of my house if I ever end up living in it alone.
Post by maudefindlay on Feb 9, 2024 11:46:46 GMT -5
Happily married, but if the worst happens I could see myself dating/in a long term relationship. I don't want to marry again as I don't want to muddy the financial waters/I want my finances and estate as mine and to give it all to my kids one day and for there to be no issues with that happening.
I wouldn't be completely against getting married again, if the circumstances were right. I would be perfectly fine never getting married but I think I'd like to find someone to be with. I definitely would enjoy being single for a long while. And if I entered a new relationship, I'd take things very slow/casual for quite some time.
I think I’d like to - I love being married and I am a good wife. However, I think at my age and older the pickings will be damn slim. A friend in her mid 60s observed that men her age are looking for a nurse and a purse. Or for much younger women.
I also think that if I spend many years caring for my H if he gets sick, that would probably turn me off signing up for that again.
So maybe a younger man? It’d be nice to marry into money for a change, too.
Post by penguingrrl on Feb 9, 2024 11:52:32 GMT -5
If something happened to H I could see myself marrying again if I found the right person. H and I have a great marriage and I really like being married. I’ve also never lived completely alone and have no desire to do so. In college and grad school I always had roommates for financial reasons and H and I married at the end of my grad school. I don’t love being home alone overnight because I get really anxious and also find it really lonely, but I wouldn’t rush into a relationship just to fill that hole, hopefully my dog would be enough for that.
I wouldn't go out of my way to find someone to marry, but I wouldn't be opposed to it either. DH and I are solid and I like being married to him overall, but he also travels a lot for work and now that the kids are older and their needs are less intense, I like having the time/space to myself. I doubt I would feel like I *needed* to remarry, but I honestly think I could be happy either way.
Post by wanderingback on Feb 9, 2024 11:52:50 GMT -5
I got divorced and now have been in a long term committed relationship with my partner for a little over 9 years. We now have a kid together so we are stuck together at least communicating through her!
If our relationship were to end yes I would be open to another long term committed relationship. My current partner is a 100% added benefit to my life, so I would be open and happy to find that again.
I don’t feel the need to get legally married again.
As a currently unhappily married person, I think about this A LOT.
No. Absolutely not getting married again. I'm not opposed to meeting someone and keeping things fun and casual at some point, but no thank you to this marriage shit. No living together.
Several of my girl friends are single, and we talk about Golden Girl'ing it at some point. Hopefully where we all have plenty of our own space, but can come together to maybe eat. Each of us taking a night to cook, so we're not all cooking for one every day. Hang out at night to have wine and watch a movie together, or not. No pressure.
ETA: I've never lived alone and absolutely want to at some point. It sounds glorious.
I think I’d like to - I love being married and I am a good wife. However, I think at my age and older the pickings will be damn slim. A friend in her mid 60s observed that men her age are looking for a nurse and a purse. Or for much younger women.
I also think that if I spend many years caring for my H if he gets sick, that would probably turn me off signing up for that again.
So maybe a younger man? It’d be nice to marry into money for a change, too.
My mom found love in her late 50s and he’s amazing. He’s a few years older than her and had been widowed for about a year before when they met and he was just ready to dip a toe into the dating pool. He was looking for neither a nurse nor a purse, just companionship and love. His daughter (his late wife’s step daughter) says she has never seen him as happy as he’s been with my mom even though she loved her stepmother (they had been married since she was like 3 or 4).
They’ve been together 12 years and have an amazing relationship. They live together but never married and don’t plan to.
You know the song Mambo Number 5? That list but longer and all genders represented 🤣
Monica in my life Erica by my side Rita's all I need Tina's what I see Sandra in the sun Mary all night long Jessica here I am Patsy Baloney makes me her man.
Sounds like Rita is going to give you a hard time.
This song was our jam junior year in college. I still remember all the names because half of our names were in the song.
Post by midwestmama on Feb 9, 2024 11:58:16 GMT -5
I am 41; DH and I have been together for almost 20 years and married for almost 18. He really is the love of my life and we have a happy and peaceful marriage. I just don't know if what I have now could be replicated, and if it is less than what I have now, I don't want it. Plus, the thought of dating nowadays frankly terrifies me.
ETA: We have two kids who are middle school age. With their school schedule and sports/extracurricular activities, I would be too busy to date anyway, lol.
Post by mrsslocombe on Feb 9, 2024 11:58:57 GMT -5
If something happens to H I plan on becoming an absolute slut.
But yes I'd probably remarry eventually, if I found a long term partner. As someone currently dealing with her MIL's estate let me tell you it's a hell of a lot easier and less expensive if you are married and your partner dies to transfer assets.
Oh yes, my bed is warmer now than when I was married.
I haven't really been on dates with new people, though (current bedwarmer is an old fling), and it seems weird. In my area, I am very young to be divorced with school-age kids. The age-appropriate men around me are still thinking about having babies or else haven't been married long enough to get divorced.
I’ve been divorced for 12 years and I have no interest in getting married again. I won’t ever share finances, mortgages or anything like that with another person and I have plans to move after my kids are out of the house. If there is someone with similar goals, we could have a relationship, but that’s it.
There would have to be a REALLY good reason beyond love, but honestly I can't even think of what that would be. I would be in a long term relationship and live together, but I wouldn't look for it. Only if it came to me.
ETA: If I died I told my H to find someone who he thinks I would like. And preferably someone my friends approve of. I would like them to marry if they want.