I swore I would never get married after I divorced 24 years ago.
I have been married to #2 for 18 years this year. He had never been married before and he really wanted the "marriage" thing. He also said he never wanted children and I had 3 young ones that came with me. Never say never!
I'm not opposed to getting married again, but I realistically don't see it happening.
Under no circumstances will I change my name ever, EVER again.
I feel the same about the name change. My first marriage ended seven-ish years ago under very bad circumstances (he was arrested for soliciting underage girls online), and changing my name back was one of the most obnoxious processes. I would like to marry again, and I don’t care if everyone calls me Mrs. New Guy’s Last Name, but I’m not legally changing it.
Post by Leeham Rimes on Feb 9, 2024 15:11:15 GMT -5
I lean toward no, but of course who knows what they would do when faced with that situation.
h and I have had so many ups and downs in our 24 year relationship and while I love him and our marriage and we’re in a great place— the thought of starting over with someone new doesn’t sound so appealing. And then add kids to that mix, even adult ones, meh.
Im so much more comfortable and knowledgeable of who I am and what shit I’m willing to deal with (hint: very little) vs me in my 20’s when I met H, I probably would have a very very limited pool of applicants. lol.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
I lean towards going the solo route, mostly because a) dating is a shitshow and b) I married H later in life, so I had many years of living by myself and I'm all about that life.
That's not to say that I wouldn't stumble across casual male companionship from time to time, but it would have to happen organically (like friend of a friend, met through work, etc.). To me that's not dating, that's just hanging out with folks. Most of my friends are guys anyway; I have a few close female friends, and that's enough for me.
There isn't an option for how I feel about it, which is yes, I'd definitely marry again but I don't want to date at all. Which is not realistic, lol. I'd have to marry someone I already know now who happens to be in my same situation. But I feel like there are just too many pluses to marriage, especially as we age.
I guess having to pick one, I'd date reluctantly, but only with minimal effort.
I like the idea of a long term companion that lives next door. I love my husband, but I have zero desire to live with someone ever again. I also wouldn't want to mix finances at this point in my life.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Feb 9, 2024 16:09:32 GMT -5
It’s impossible for me to answer this. I cannot fathom loving someone as much as I love H. But I’d like to think I could find love again if something happened to him. I would probably wait a long time and I think I would probably date women, but I really don’t know.
I divorced 12 years ago and did not want to remarry. I got married this past October so it took awhile. I did NOT change my name, we have not mixed finances yet, and I ensured we had a prenup.
Post by donutsmakemegonuts on Feb 9, 2024 16:31:54 GMT -5
I have always said that if I found myself no longer married for whatever reason, I would just be single with dogs lol. Relationships are hard and I don't know if I would have the strength to go through all the crap to find someone else. If they found me somehow, maybe. But I'm definitely ok with just my dog.
Post by fivechickens on Feb 9, 2024 16:38:37 GMT -5
No I would not re-marry and, probably, would not be interested in dating. I hated dating when I was young and, from what I hear, it’s worse now so no thank you.
I got my kids, my dogs and cat. That would be enough for me.
Post by wanderlustmom on Feb 9, 2024 16:59:55 GMT -5
I love being married. Found a great guy in DH and it keeps getting better. It's also a lot of work. So I think I would be okay with that work if I met a guy I was as crazy about as DH. And I weirdly liked dating, so that part sounds fun. You never know if you could meet a new friend even or if the date maybe would be better off with another of your friends? So maybe I don't want to see him again but he's a great kisser or he knows a lot about classical music? I like how dating is less emotional and more just fun.
I could see myself really enjoying being alone too. I'm the only one who makes a mess in this house? Yes! A night with total silence and nobody turning on loud televisions, yes! A solo vacation. I don't have to consult anyone if I want to change the kitchen? Okay! Even in my 20s, I loved concerts, movies and diners to myself. I backpacked in Europe on my own and was not lonely. The golden girls thing sounds good too with some of my old high school or college friends.
I would hope my two almost adult children would be fun to hang out with but no idea if they will live close and they will be doing their own thing.
So, essentially I could only be swayed to fall in love or again or get married again if I absolutely was crazy about the man. And I would take it very slowly and know that even a guy who's going to make my life really wonderful is going to come with a lot of work too. All people do.
I want my DH to fall in love again if I die. I am more worried about him. He's a big introvert so I know it would take a lot of effort to get him into dating but it would be healthy for him.
I love my husband and all, but I fantasize on the regular about living alone and eating, doing (etc.) what I want, when I want. I am extremely introverted, and living completely alone one day is my version of heaven.
Post by fancynewbeesly on Feb 9, 2024 17:44:13 GMT -5
No.
Dating sounds exhausting---and I never dated much when I was younger either. I also have never actually lived alone-went from college to living with my BF (now husband). Because I never actually lived alone, when I am by myself for a few days I am in heaven. Even if it is just me and the girls. I am also introverted and for the most part my girls are super calm and not chaotic. So I know I would never get remarried.
Post by lovelovelove on Feb 9, 2024 18:05:47 GMT -5
Nope. I imagine getting annoyed with someone else, working out a laundry schedule, all that stuff that it's taken us like 15 years to figure out and still feels like a struggle sometimes, not even imagining navigating any relationship issues. All the little things that have added up over a million years with H and I nope out of doing that again with someone else. Plus like everyone gets annoying at some point, like I think "oooh falling in love again- amazing!!" But then i think "and as soon as we're super comfortable I'll get annoyed at how he loads the dishwasher or have to navigate inlaws, no thanks".
I'd love to date and sleep with people though lol I love my H, but I think of how many conversations I have with friends about the same annoyances (and the mental load imbalances) and we just want to be together as friends supporting each other if we were ever all ever single. Like a sister wives set up- everyone in their own house but neighbors with a common space, but no life partners at all, everyone can date, we help raise each other's kids, etc. Sounds perfect to me.
I don’t even want to date but I’ll eventually hook up with people if I can figure out how to do that without them coming to my house or me being afraid of them killing me in theirs.
I'm really surprised by how few votes there are for dating - I expected a lot of us would say "no" to remarriage or other committed relationship, but I thought more would be open to keeping things casual. But maybe I have an unrealistic idea of what dating would look like.
I’ve been in dating hell since about 2020, and it is absolute hell.
Everybody is flaky and ghosting is the norm, and I mean, I’d like to find someone and I’m picky but I’m telling you. Apps have broken dating.
And sent you described being Blanche Devereaux (it was her house) !
Yes but they were all social with each other. They talked about their lives and the weather. I've been meaning to watch the entire series but dozed off still in season 1 somewhere.
I was thinking of renting to a grad student type of person. I'm not obligated to be friendly with them, but if they like cookies and I happen to make cookies because I do like to bake, I'd share some with them.
I don't think I'm ready to live Golden Girls style until my kids are someday settled out on their own.
Post by cricketwife on Feb 9, 2024 20:45:56 GMT -5
I would *want* to get married again, but I just can’t imagine a context where I would meet someone and date and all that again. I’d probably end up staying single.
Sometimes my husband drives me nuts. We’ve had periods where I’ve wondered if we are going to make it (I hope we always do), but I still love being married. I like having a partner in life and would want that again.
I've been so focused on health issues since 2020 I've hardly dated. I'm open to it, but it hasn't been a priority. I hope to start dating again once I feel human after this last surgery. I'm open to a long term/committed relationship. Not sure about marriage.
For me right now it's just me, myself, and I...and I am happy.
Post by basilosaurus on Feb 9, 2024 22:45:40 GMT -5
Only for citizenship or work permit. Most likely.
I hated dealing with wedding bs the first time, and I had an extremely low key wedding. And first time I was officially married in a courthouse that didn't require jop or witnesses. So how can you go less than that
Post by basilosaurus on Feb 9, 2024 22:57:14 GMT -5
Excuse my previous post because that's about me, and I'm such a loner and no children, don't care. I quite possibly wouldn't have done it without military pressure the first time
I have to think about my dad and bil. For my dad, mom's illness was long, from my about age 3-6, and she made him promise to find love again and give us a mom. He did that, found love for himself and a legal mom for us (nevermind I long ago rejected her, the adoption paperwork still exists). It was her first marriage, so they did the whole white dress church thing. And I think that was right. My dad has love, even if I haven't talked to his wife in over a decade, the woman on my birth certificate (they reissue a new one and seal the old in adoption situation even if you remember)
My bil had his wife, my sister, die nearly instantaneously. I hope he finds new love, too.
So, me, personally I'd not care about legalities unless necessary. Certainly not the stupid ridiculous waste of money that is a wedding. But there another partner to consider.
Tldr I don't care about it at all, but I'd do what's necessary. Given a choice, no fucking way. Hated planning and ceremony first time. No other time would be better.
I do love being married and I am happily married. But should something happen to my husband I would never marry again. In my state, spouse is entitled to half of your estate even if your will says otherwise. Everything my husband I have built is for our kids and I wouldn’t jeopardize that.